Why writing a chapter could be better than writing a whole damn book

I was talking to a potential client yesterday about her dream of writing a book. She's got this amazing story about rebuilding her life after losing everything—and I mean everything—in 2008. The kind of story that makes you realize your own problems aren't quite as...

Or you could just write an essay

When I was in grad school, I took an essay writing course. We were assigned an anthology called The Best American Essays, which still sits, all marked up with black ink, on my bookshelf. (If I could find a link, I'd put it here, but I can't.)  In it, I discovered the...

The life changing magic of cleaning our house

Walt and I were finally cleaning out the basements (yes, that’s a plural); and the over-stuffed three-car garage; and the attics (again, the plural); and all of the closets; and each of the seven, count them, seven bedrooms. This in preparation for our move to...

What an epic

Walt got it into his head a couple of summers ago that he wanted to paint our deck. He figured, with a little scraping and a gallon of outdoor, weather-resistant paint, he could have the task done over a weekend. To this end, we ran to the local home and garden center...

What to read on vacation

It's the holiday week. Business has all but shut down. And I know precisely how I'm going to spend much of my time. I have a stack of books I've been dying to read, so, baby, here I come. Which got me thinking...which books might I recommend for your reading...

The Hidden Cost of Going It Alone

As a developmental editor working with experts and thought leaders, I've noticed a common belief that stops many potential authors from creating the powerful book they envision: "I've been creating content for years—I should be able to write this book on my own." If...

The Sane Food Solution

Tuesday, December 10, 2024; that's the day The Sane Food Solution:Transform Your Relationship with Food and Change Your Life hits the market. This book, Summit Press Publishers' latest release, captures Theresa Wright's nearly 40 years of experience treating food...

Momento Mori

I was doom scrolling on Instagram when I came across a Ryan Holiday post about his 2022 book, Discipline Is Destiny. In it he writes, “To procrastinate is to be entitled. It is arrogant. It assumes there will be a later. It assumes you’ll have the discipline to get to...

A six-week checklist to prepare for your book project

Here's a strategic six-week pre-writing roadmap that aligns with your goals for business growth and impact: Week 1: Vision Clarity & Market Research - Define your unique "book fingerprint" (what makes your perspective unique) - Research top 5 competing books in...

The typical death march

One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly...

One of my inspirations for writing

When I first started writing, and we’re talking twenty plus years ago, I wasn’t the least bit interested in establishing myself as any kind of expert or to attract ideal clients. I simply wanted to better understand a complicated chapter in my life. To figure out what...

Why now is the best time to write your book

Years ago, Walt and I hosted a three-day event in Ireland. We got a bunch of folks interested in building a solid coaching practice to cross the pond and listen to us expound upon the framework we use to do just that. We also introduced our audience members to some...

The Secret Ingredient That Makes or Breaks a Nonfiction Book

A lot of manuscripts slide across my desk each week, which shouldn't surprise anyone seeing as I run a publishing house. After all these years in the business, I can identify why a particular book draws me in and where another immediately goes off the rails. I mean, I...

How to lose a reader in 12 pages

Maybe you’ve heard it said that most readers never get beyond the first twelve pages of a book, particularly if it’s non-fiction. This supposed tendency is what drives the billion-dollar write-a-book-in-a-weekend industry. Become a published author. Have a book to...

Effort vs results

It's math. Simple math. Everybody knows that the more effort you put into something, the better the results you should see. Up to a point, this assumption holds true. Yet, for the kind of results you'd die for, a ton more effort than you'd think will be required. That...

The kind of feedback that can screw you up

Maybe I’ve told this story before, maybe not.   During grad school, I wrote a series of personal essays and short stories about my experience living in Iran and the demise of my marriage. After graduating, I built out this body of work and decided to pitch it as a...

A book that ought to be banned

Given my job, I pay attention to trends in the book industry. Currently, there’s a lot of talk about book banning and Trad wives, not to mention a bunch of new publications that address these two separate topics. A Trad wife, if you’ve been living under a rock, is a...

A music video with an embedded writing lesson

I broke my ankle a number of years ago. I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home, which is precisely what happens when I don’t run. I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video...

Game recognize game

We once had a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre was to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also had two cats: Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter was a cat-hater’s cat. He had all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart. Tail up,...

The cure for Imposter Syndrome

I write about the Imposter Syndrome all the time because it’s the single biggest issue many of my clients have. It’s what keeps them from starting their book, finishing it, then publishing it when it’s time to let it go. In fact, I’ve written about this issue HERE and...

The Curse of the Natural

If you want to write a book but hesitate because you don't consider yourself a gifted writer, you may be suffering under The Curse Of The Natural. You assume that if you're not great at something straight out of the gate, you should set it aside because you're just...

Turn Your Course Into a Book

It sounds so easy, right? Take the transcripts from your course–you know, the ones that accompany your video tutorials– organize them into chapters, throw in a few extra case studies, and call it a day. Done and dusted, as the Irish like to say. A book in a weekend,...

Nobody wants to read your sh*t

In 2016, Steven Pressfield published his book Nobody one Wants to Read Your Sh*t. It scared a lot of would-be authors who want to contribute to the world, not burden it with garbage. What must you do to create a book worth reading? Let me answer that from the...

Writing books I recommend

Given my profession, I'm often asked about my favorite books on writing. Before I answer, I tend to want to know WHY someone wants this information, mostly because I've noticed the tendency to read extensively on the topic, as opposed to doing the uncomfortable work,...

Pleasure Island

Our job as writers, particularly prescriptive nonfiction writers, is to take our readers on a journey. A very specific, personal journey that takes us from Pain Island to Pleasure Island, as Vrinda Norman puts it. Pain island represents failure, pain, and frustration....

Strong Titles Are Keyword-Rich

Remember when I said that your book title has two jobs and two jobs only: 1. To sell your book 2. To help your book get discovered through search engines Well, it’s time to talk about those search engines for a hot minute. You have hundreds and thousands of books to...

Strong Titles Are Memorable and Pack a Punch

Our titling saga continues... The title is what readers remember well enough to repeat to friends and search for on Amazon; the subtitle, less so. The most memorable titles are short, three words or less being ideal. Now, there are exceptions to this rule, of course....

Still Stripping After 25 Years

Yah, I bet that subject line grabbed your attention, made you want to learn more. And yet...you want to be careful of attention ploys when it comes to book titles. I know how easy it is to fall in love with a clever title that would be the perfect match for an...

Strong titles match the category

You've probably read plenty of prescriptive nonfiction books, particularly if you're writing one or just finishing it up. Look at your bookshelves, or head to Amazon and browse around. Pay attention to the language of the titles and subtitles in that category. Notice...

Trying to craft the right title for your book?

If the title is powerful enough, it doesn’t matter what’s in the book. Maybe you’ve heard this said. Everything Men Know About Women proves this theory because that book has sold more than 750,000 copies and its 120 pages are … blank. Coming up with a strong title for...

Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab

Years ago, and I mean yearssssss ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. That’s where we recognized that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our backends. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most...

We need to fix that dialogue

As much as we'd like them to, our readers don't tend to remember strings of concepts, statistics, or cold, hard facts. Especially page after page of them. The best way to make information sticky is to tell them a story, to deliver the necessary points, at least the...

Pity publishing doesn’t exist

I run into writers who do not understand the publishing world AT ALL. Take the nice person who commented on this video. If it's taking you two years to get published--and I'm not talking about the traditional production process, which feels like frozen molasses on a...

Revision steps for a prescriptive non-fiction book

Have you written a complete draft of a book, one with tons of bugs still in it? Are you wondering what comes next; what you’re supposed to do, specifically, during revision? If you’ve written a book that doesn’t require a narrative arc—motivational, self-help, or...

How delaying gratification can multiply satisfaction and success

In this Instagram video, the authors Ryan Holiday and Robert Greene discuss the true sense of fulfillment that comes from sinking your focus into a long-term book project instead of seeking a splashy insta win. Robert Greene is best known for The 48 Laws of Power a...

Success is a double-edged sword

I'm always interested in hearing about that moment a business owner decides that it's time to write a book. One minute they're juggling myriad responsibilities, the next, they're looking around trying to decide how one goes about getting a book writing job done...

So you want to create an audio book

Lately I’ve been listening to the book Braiding Sweetgrass on afternoon walks or whenever I putter in the kitchen. It’s narrated by the author, Robin Wall Kimmerer, which makes the experience all the more enjoyable. She sinks her essence into the material AND she...

Sweet, easy, and obstacle free

I love the excitement surrounding the release of a book. After months, if not years, all the associated work miraculously comes to life. Well, not miraculously, given the blood, sweat, and tears, but we can forget all that now. All is forgiven. This is a segment from...

Non-fiction formatting techniques

There’s something wonderful about writing a non-fiction book—how-to, self-help, or motivational, just to name a few of the business-building genres. You get to use all sorts of formatting tricks a memoirist or novelist would kill for. What do I mean by formatting...

30 minutes to literary success

I talk to writers about their desire to get a traditional publishing house deal at least once a week. I'm sure I've mentioned this numerous times before. It'll take me an hour to explain the lay of the land, when and if it makes sense, and I can't help thinking I...

Disregard that travel advisory!

It is said--by whom, I haven't bothered to track down--that we humans learn from shared stories of success, and from stories of failure. Me? I'm pretty obsessed with stories of failure because I've learned more from MY mistakes than from my successes. Most of my...

Competing with Henry Kissinger

How do you stand out in a crowded market? Good question. Especially when you are writing an expert-positioning book on a popular subject. If you plug in the keyword “leadership” on Amazon, up will pop 60,000+ titles on the subject. That’s right, 60,000 PLUS. On the...

What if your book is an epic failure?!

You’ve been talking about writing a book for years, a book that will attract right-fit clients, grow your business, impact lives, establish authority in your field. But you’re afraid to get started because….what if you fail. OK, maybe this isn't you, but let's just...

Why would you write a book about that?!

Once upon a time--OK, about a month ago--an expert wanted to write a book to buttress her credibility, attract right-fit clients, and help those who couldn’t afford her consulting fee. This is a more than reasonable desired outcome for an author working on...

So you want to tell your personal story

Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Here’s another way to turn your readers into clients and/or fans: Have a solid structure with a clear transformation path As opposed to  taking your reader on a wild goose chase over hill and...

Here’s why I think people end up writing Business Card books

Here’s why I think people end up writing Business Card books, you know, the 100-page (or less) skim across a topic that you can hand to potential clients, usually accompanied by an apology because you know it’s not very good. As an entrepreneur or business owner,...

The Lizard of Resistance

You’ve probably talked for years about writing your book, the one that will inspire people to take massive action AND build your business. The one that will save readers time and pain AND establish you as a true authority. The one that will spell out your framework...

Slinking back to my Crazy Creek chair…

Every  new year, I find myself crazy excited about the possibilities. This is the year that I'll climb some big mountain, or create an even bigger and better offer to help folks write their books. I'm going to lose 20 pounds (again). And finish my memoir... Once I get...

If you don’t know me, this will sum it up

Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background,...

Business card books

A Business card book is often written by a business owner who wishes to demonstrate their expertise in 100 pages or less. The design is to establish authority and demonstrate that the author has a framework to solve a particular problem. Now, I'm not a huge proponent...

Excuse #3: It’s not the right time in my business to write a book

Oh, this is an excellent excuse for not writing a book for your business in that, sometimes, it's true. Quite possibly, it's not the right time for you given the much bigger fish you need to fry first. (Think: "I don't have a website or a client yet" all the way to,...

Excuse #2: I don’t have time to write a book

I wanted to share with you a 10-minute Masterclass I ran sometime back for those who registered for one of my book-writing webinars. I got tons of comments about just how helpful it was, thus me finally getting around to presenting it to you here. I would have done it...

10 best books of 2023

I read a lot, probably more than most. As a ghostwriter, I need to read deeply on a given topic so I can ask better questions of my clients and support their arguments. As a content developer, I study book structure, the management of a narrow topic, and the...

Excuse #1: There’s too much work required to write a book

Oh, I'd say I hear this excuse for not writing a book once a day.  Mostly from people who actually WANT to have a book to their name at this point in their career. If I'm out in public and talking about what I do for a living, I'll hear it at least twice. Which is why...

How to turn your course into a book

It sounds so easy, right? Take the transcripts from your course--you know, the ones that accompany your video tutorials-- organize them into chapters, throw in a few extra case studies, and call it a day. Done and dusted, as the Irish like to say. A book in a weekend,...

When you can’t keep your sh*t together at work

🌟You know what happens. You've got that one knucklehead you have to interact with on a regular basis. Every single time they open their mouth, your hackles spring to attention. It takes everything you've got to suppress a growl, or refrain from saying something that...

Raised by wolves

Some time back, Walt and I conducted a mastermind call around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead.  She wasn't sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her...

How to choose the best book topic

Like a lot of my clients, my friend has way too many books he'd like to write. In fact, for the last ten years, the sheer volume of choices have kept him stuck. What if he chooses wrong? What if he invests all that time and effort into something he'll lose interest in...

Jack of all trades, master of none

If you have a bunch of interests, but don't consider yourself a master at any one... If you're afraid to choose one of these interests as a topic for an expert-positioning book because, you know, you're hardly the master.... If you're waiting for clarity, depth of...

Your book hook

A lot of manuscripts slide across my desk each week, which shouldn't surprise anyone seeing as I run a publishing house. After all these years in the business, I can identify why a particular book draws me in and where another immediately goes off the rails. I mean, I...

Driving Miss Daisy

I hate this quote only because I know it's true: The things you want most in life are located just outside of your comfort zone. (I'm paraphrasing, so please don't think you need to correct me.) At a certain stage of life and/or business, the last thing any of us...

How to write a non-fiction conclusion for your book

I took an essay writing course in grad school back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and discovered that it’s much harder to wrap up a piece than it is to start one. When it comes time to draw a conclusion, just watch yourself blank out. The same sort of WTF-now? comes...

How to write a (prescriptive) non-fiction book introduction

The introduction to your non-fiction book is your chance to make a good impression on potential readers and convince them to keep reading. We’re all busy people, so we need to know, straight out of the gate, that our precious time will not be wasted. These first few...

Three narrative-driven nonfiction genres

Many of us become coaches, speakers, or service professionals, if you will, because we’ve had to solve a particular problem for ourselves. Through trial and error, we figured out the process required to get the desired outcome. Somewhere along the road, we realized...

An agent’s advice for book writing entrepreneurs

This is a guest post by my friend Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda is a literary agent. That means she gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Trust me, she's no slouch. She's gotten some pretty amazing deals. Even if you don't...

There’s more to writing a memoir than meets the eye

I realize, after talking to a number of folks who want to write what they describe as a business memoir--what they really want to do is include a lot of personal narrative in a self-help book--that the average person has no idea what a memoir entails.  Years ago, I...

12 Horrific Things About the Publishing Industry You Need to Know

When I came out of grad school, writers had to bank on traditional publishing houses to choose them for a sense of worth and/or credibility. You could self-publish—it was called vanity publishing then—but that had all the panache of finding a spouse in the classified...

I’ve been avoiding this conversation

I have a problem. This problem has gotten big enough that I’ve decided I need a solution. Oh, sure, I’ve been aware of this issue for a good long while, but recently I recognized that it’s costing me big time, so it’s taken on some urgency. You see, I avoid conflict....

This book is about to blow up the marketplace

August 15, 2023. That's the official publication date of Calm the Chaos by parenting expert Dayna Abraham. Now, that might not mean much, particularly if you're not the target audience for this book. (Why buy a book on parenting if you've never had kids or the birds...

A Year of Yes

Each Friday, Simon and Schuster sends out a promo email advertising temporarily discounted books. You can snag great Kindle reads for a couple of dollars. If you’re not on their mailing list, you can right that travesty by going here. Trust me, you want to be on this...

More addictive than sugar

I bring this post back every few years, usually after a worry-filled conversation I've had with a friend or client. Sometimes one of these nice people need the reminder that worry is an utter waste of time, sometimes it's me. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley...

Your story of triumph

I view stories, particularly the personal kind, with three sets of eyes. First, the eyes of a human who is deeply moved by the capacity of the human soul to rise above astoundingly traumatic shit. Then, the eyes of a writer (and editor) whose job is to make the thing...

There’s more to this game than being good at what you do

I once had a conversation with an actor who wanted to write a book about public speaking. I'll call her Gloria, even though that's not her name. Gloria had figured out, thanks to years of professional training and experience, how to be comfortable on stage while...

Make friends with your motivation

Can I ask you a question? Why do you want to write a book? Seriously, do you even know? What's your purpose for doing so? •     To create a beautiful work of art? •     To tell your life story? •     To outline your message? •     To serve as an expert calling card?...

Do I look like I need help?!

I hate asking for help. I really do. And many of my clients have felt that way too. Until they recognized that writing a book on their own was harder than they thought or that they just didn't have the time, given their myriad responsibilities. As a culture, Americans...

Why risk it if you don’t have to?

A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for "manufacturing fear". The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in...

Lifting the skirts on the writing process

Have you ever watched a professional runner run? Looks so easy, doesn’t it? They’ve all got that half smile playing across their face, that healthy sheen, those long, fluid strides that make the act seem so fun. From the couch, you can practically feel the endorphins...

Just write an essay

When I was in grad school, I took an essay writing course. We were assigned an anthology called The Best American Essays, which still sits, all marked up with black ink, on my bookshelf. (If I could find a link, I'd put it here, but I can't.)  In it, I discovered the...

You get to be the hero

This week, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of awesome entrepreneurs about powerful stories, stories that sell. The nice folks in the audience are required to market their products and services to keep the lights on and the mortgage paid, etc. so they were...

I wish emotions weren’t necessary…but they are

Many of my clients want to include personal stories in their book, often because they've had to overcome certain challenges shared by their clients.  Their story, their journey, is relevant to their target audience. All successful stories have one thing in common:...

Healthy as F*ck

Oonagh Duncan, author of Healthy as F*ck, has a potty mouth. It's one of the reasons we hit it off straight away. It's one of the reasons her people are drawn to her like Spandex to a thigh. They've tried to get fit and loose weight before. They're not into cheery...

The gift of trauma?

Three years ago, I had a conversation with Dr. Edith Shiro. She wanted to write a book about post traumatic growth and she needed the book out, like, yesterday. The pandemic had just begun and she could see what was about to happen to the world. Trauma was going to...

When you have to go back and try again…

Mozella Ademiluyi understands failure, resilience, and hard-won success. Her inspirational book, Rise!: Lean Within Your Inner Power & Wisdom, documents her thwarted attempt to summit Kilimanjaro at the age of 50, which led to her standing atop Africa's highest...

Six pictures

Over the weekend, as I was perusing the New York Times, I came across an article about some actress I've never heard of who was willing to share six random pictures stored in her camera, pictures which would more or less sum up her past year. Like I said, I didn't...

Six feet under

I've been thinking a lot about the word legacy lately. The idea of leaving something of ourselves behind to future generations. Sure, you may have kids, but that's not what I'm talking about. The other day I was talking to a woman about legacy as it related to a book...

Seated at the soda fountain

In 2018, Vicki Suiter published  The Profit Bleed: How Managing Margin Can Save Your Contracting Business. Since then, she's consistently earned hundreds of dollars each quarter with her book, not counting the impressive income she brings in from her related products...

A symptom of the hustle culture?

Catherine Rolt, author of The Pain Paradox, has a huge mission, which was the driving force behind writing her book. She believes that pain is our friend and is trying to teach us something that we've likely been avoiding. Ignoring unpleasant events, relationships, or...

The minute you see just how random you are

I don't know about you but I think I'm pretty strategic. Like, I've got a clear-ish vision of where I want to go, a fairly good idea of what I have to accomplish now and in the next....oh, three or four minutes... Then I have a conversation with Jon Corteen. Jon...

When do you call it quits?

🌟What happens when the agent with whom you have a relationship turns down your first proposal AND tells you your credibility is in question? If you're Dayna Abraham, you keep going. You write a new proposal that gets you a 6-figure book deal AND you write the book in...

What I’m reading now: Barnflower

In Ireland, I would sit on the couch and watch my neighbor’s grazing cows through the living room window. Each morning John’s border collie would hit the pasture and drive the herd down the hill to the milking parlor. The dog would appear again in the evening when we...

Author Mary Barbera and her quest to turn autism around

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Your Achille’s heel is boring

My friend and I were seated together at a conference. I could practically feel the sparks coming off her, so consumed was she by the desire to be plucked from the crowd and brought onstage for an exercise. Leaning forward, she gripped the chair-back in front of her,...

Sometimes it’s not about the money

I sell book-writing and publishing services. That means I have to market said services: highlight the potential benefits of sinking time, energy, and money into a book project as well as point out the typical stuff that gets in the way. Basically identify the gap...

Know thy audience

I think author Jon Corteen and his two books, The Profit Culture Formula and The Catfish Interview, offer a terrific lesson to those looking to write a book, particularly if they serve multiple avatars.  You can package your content in myriad ways, but you've got to...

Another habit I need to kill

I'm at a stage in life and in business that requires me to kill some old habits. Oh, being frugal and learning to do it all on my own has gotten me here, but it won't get me where I want to go. I know that. Maybe you do too. Which is where this story comes in.

Here’s who I’m jealous of

“Jealousy,” according to writer Anne Lamott, “ is such a direct attack on whatever measure of confidence you’ve been able to muster.  But if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to...

Speaking of soiling your family name…

Prince's Harry's memoir sold 1.43M copies on release day. That M stands for million, in case you're unfamiliar. Which is next to unheard of. Even before the shiny-covered tell-all hit the shelves, scuttlebutt abounded. And that ungrateful-over-sharing-Harry...

How to make book writing so much easier

For lots of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times...

No one wants to read your sh*t

In 2016, Steven Pressfield published his book No one Wants to Read Your Sh*t . It scared a lot of would-be authors who want to contribute to the world, not burden it with garbage. What must you do to create a book worth reading? Let me answer that from the perspective...

Burnt to a crisp

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I skidded into the holiday season on empty. I blame it on managing a full book of business with a lot of moving parts, a major move across the pond on relatively short notice, and my exhausting tendency to people-please. I know...

How do you know when your book is done?

That's the question all of us writers ask, not just my clients. In fact, I brought this post back because I've fielded this question twice this week, and it's only Monday. And there's a short and sweet answer--when you've done everything you can do, everything you can...

Dad was right about this

My mother loved to paint. I’m not talking art, I’m talking rooms. She’d head on over to the local Benjamin Moore store and buy three gallons of whatever shade of yellow was on special, and cart them home in our station wagon. Next, she’d set up the step stool, even...

So much for common knowledge

Barry, our caretaker, stopped by one day last summer. He’s a really lovely dude who cuts our grass and looks after our place in Ireland whenever we’re gone. Anyway, Barry was giving out about some Americans who were due to arrive at another property he looks after....

Permission to get it wrong

I think about my arch nemesis--efficiency--a lot when I'm on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an unpleasantly steep...

I’m going to make your holiday shopping easy

Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they'd mail a reading list--a compilation of each teacher's favorite books--to the house. Now, I'm sure the design was to encourage students to read...

How to write a book proposal

In my line of work, I talk to a lot of fascinating people who consider their stories worthy of Big House publishing. They've done the whole rags-to-riches thing, or overcome outrageous abuse, or performed the most amazing feats of courage. I mean, I'm awed by the...

The book first, or the course?

You know what stops people from doing what they say they want to do? A plethora of choice, that's what. You get how it goes.  Should I do this first, or that? What's the benefit for taking this course of action, followed by that course, or vice versa? These questions...

If it were easy…

I grew up with ZERO understanding of process. I chalk this up to the alcoholic dynamic that played out in our household. One minute–OK, this would go on for hours, but who’s counting– my father would be drinking and raging, tearing into my mother, sending the family...

Start with What You’ve Got

Deb Feder is a business development coach and strategist who helps lawyers and professionals bring in consistent clients through curious, confident conversations and changing the way we view productivity for professionals. She's also a righteous bad ass. I LOVE...

Why does it matter, really?

I have this really wise friend who also happens to be a clinical psychologist specializing in the science of change.  Sometime last year, she started sending out these short videos to her mailing list. I find myself watching them while I eat lunch because they calm me...

So you think you can avoid risk…

I spent my whole life afraid to make a mistake, to take a wrong turn.  I latched on to a man early on because I was convinced he had the map, that he’d get us both on the one right road. So sure I’d end up in the wrong place on my own, I followed him to Iran. Not...

One more way to spot a newbie

Lately, I’ve had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that’s so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is...

Last kid to get picked for the team

Do you remember when you were in grade school and you had to line up in the gym and wait to get picked for a team? There you'd stand for a dog's age as every other kid but you got chosen. Man, that feeling of not being quite good enough! Maybe you don't remember that...

The painful book-writing process

Dr. Serena Sterling wasn’t sure she’d ever finish her book project. There were times, as her content developer, I wasn’t sure she would either. Because Serena wasn’t just writing about her business–helping people overcome chronic physical and/or emotional pain–she was...

Your motivation matters

Can I ask you a question? Why do you want to write a book? Seriously, do you even know? What's your purpose for doing so? •     To create a beautiful work of art? •     To tell your life story? •     To outline your message? •     To serve as an expert calling card?...

Inventing Anna: the cure for Imposter Syndrome

I write about the Imposter Syndrome all the time because it's the single biggest issue many of my clients have. It's what keeps them from starting their book, finishing it, then publishing it when it's time to let it go. In fact, I've written about this issue HERE and...

You’d be surprised by what I see

Years ago, I pitched my memoir to an agent at a famous writers' retreat. Big time agents basically trawled the place looking for up and coming talent, which was one of the reasons I was there. There I sat, doing my level best to describe my work in progress,...

This thing called process

Have you ever watched a professional runner run? Looks so easy, doesn’t it? They’ve all got that half smile playing across their face, that healthy sheen, those long, fluid strides that make the act seem so fun. From the couch, you can practically feel the endorphins...

Should you include personal stories?

I got this note from one of my clients recently: I was reading some reviews on Amazon associated with books on my topic and some of the reviews were awful. People complained that they didn't care to read about her (the author's) life events, they just wanted to focus...

See if you can spot your favorite excuse

Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what needs to happen before starting a book project–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up and motivated, when...

A cruel sociopath out to destroy your soul

If you've ever received editorial feedback before, then you know it can be "challenging". I mean, it's not easy to accept that what you've got down on the page isn't letter perfect, especially when you're pretty good at what you do. All that red ink on your document...

20 things I believe

I'm going to keep things short and sweet today. So I give you twenty things that I believe, particularly about business and writing:   Burning bridges and boats is for fools Good things take time The shiny object syndrome will keep you small Don’t quit your day...

Discrimination?

I got an email the other day in response to my post on author platforms. Anything out there on how to build a platform?  email lists, followings? I have no idea of how to get them or how to measure them. We have to be doing something for these to happen. So what if we...

It’s not about the advance

I speak at seminars about getting non-fiction books published. I'm often asked about the average advances authors get from major publishing houses and the average time it takes to write a polished book....the kind that interests said houses. And invariably, folks...

Mean literary agents

I've been having the same conversation a lot lately. It goes something like this: A nice professional has gone to the trouble of crafting a book proposal, honing a query letter, even landing a call with an agent or two, only to be told one thing. "Your book will never...

This is the kind of argument you want

A lot of manuscripts slide across my desk each week, which shouldn't surprise anyone seeing as I run a publishing house. After all these years in the business, I can identify why a particular book draws me in and where another immediately goes off the rails. I mean, I...

The girl in the puffy red coat

You know how, at the start of a big endeavor, you worry that you’ll never drive it to completion? That you're about to bite off more than you can chew and delude yourself in general? How embarrassing the very thought of failing to finish what you started feels?...

This fly-by-night actor who knows bupkiss

I once had a conversation with an actor who wanted to write a book about public speaking. I'll call her Gloria, even though that's not her name. Gloria had figured out, thanks to years of professional training and experience, how to be comfortable on stage while...

Who knew this would be such an epic?

Walt got it into his head that he wanted to paint our deck. He figured, with a little scraping and a gallon of outdoor, weather-resistant paint, he could have the task done over a weekend. To this end, we ran to the local home and garden center with a paint chip to...

The evil eye

You stand out when you have a published book. This is something authors want....and don't want at the same time. This conflict plays out in a whole bunch of ways, which I won't take the time to get into here. Why would we resist standing out? Oh, the reasons goes so,...

Dropping the armor

Walt and I were talking about the performance artist, Marina Abramovic, this morning. I don't know if you've ever caught sight of this video clip of her sitting across the table from strangers at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. People stood in line...

What a music video can teach you about writing

I broke my ankle a number of years ago. I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home, which is precisely what happens when I don't run.  I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video...

Advice from a literary agent

This is a guest post by my friend Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda is a literary agent. That means she gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Trust me, she's no slouch. She's gotten some pretty amazing deals for some of my book...

Blowing hot and cold…again

Each time I work on a book project, I not only learn about the topic, but also about myself. Catherine Rolt's, The Pain Paradox, which is about to be released by Summit Press Publishers, is a perfect example. I knew next to nothing about Integrated Chinese...

A smack upside the head

Here’s the thing. Your readers (a.k.a. potential clients) want to know that you’ve overcome the same challenges that they’re currently facing. They want to know that you’ve had your own on-your-knees moment—that horrible moment when you recognized that something had...

How to turn your speech into a book

Once upon a time (actually, in 2014), Naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave the University of Texas Austin commencement address. It was a twenty-minute speech that outlined ten principles he’d learned during Naval SEAL training. These principles helped him overcome...

Get others to paint your fence

For a lot of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times...

I’m going to help you with your dialogue

As much as we'd like them to, our readers don't tend to remember strings of concepts, statistics, or cold, hard facts. Especially page after page of them. The best way to make information sticky is to tell them a story, to deliver the necessary points, at least the...

Help? Who, me?

Being a pretty decent writer, you may think you should go it alone when tackling a book project. Or that a big publishing house should supply you with all sorts of writing help as part of the deal....I mean, if they insist. But I'd like to tell you about Maxwell...

This is not about luck

I was listening to a Ted Talk  with  Sheryl Sandberg some time back (see below). In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site. ...

Effort vs. Results

It's math. Simple math. Everybody knows that the more effort you put into something, the better the results you should see. Up to a point, this assumption holds true. Yet, for the kind of results you'd die for, a ton more effort than you'd think will be required. That...

Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab

Years ago, and I mean yearssssss ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. That's where we recognized that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our backends. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most...

So you think you can help everybody

I'm going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. In fact, just the other day, I had this conversation nearly word for word. If you're an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be...

I’m a coward

I have a problem. This problem has gotten big enough that I’ve decided I need a solution. Oh, sure, I’ve been aware of this issue for a good long while, but recently I recognized that it’s costing me big time, so it’s taken on some urgency. You see, I avoid conflict....

When the bloom comes off the rose

Each week, I have conversations with people who claim to want to write a book. I listen carefully, not just to establish if I like an individual, which is necessary if I’m to take them on as a client; if I think the project would be interesting and teach me a thing or...

The Ski Patrol isn’t coming

I break this post out every once in a while, not just when I'm in adventure mode, which I am, what with me being off in the Himalayas eating de-hi. (That's short for dehydrated meals, which, I've got to say, have improved vastly since I began climbing.) I do this...

Another one of Walt’s death marches

The adventure series continues. Let's call this Part III. One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top...

I’d like to talk to you about my feet

Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, one week not so many years ago, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to...

Those of us who tell the stories rule society

Over the upcoming holiday season, Walt and I will be trekking in Nepal. Oh, sure, some people choose the Bahamas when they want to unwind, us, not so much. We're all about yaks and tents and pooping in a bucket because, well, that's just how we roll. Nothing says...

Picture The Kite Runner without the Taliban

Not long ago, I had a conversation with a lovely woman about her book, the one that sold all of three copies in as many years. Now, this woman is no slouch in the writing department. In fact, she makes a good living as a copyeditor. BUT, there's one thing she really...

The pluses and minuses of being hazy AF

I've got lots of unpopular opinions, many of them formed the hard way. As a writer, then a writing workshop leader, then a book coach, then a book doctor, then a publisher......oh the journey....I can tell you EXACTLY where the trains tend to come off the track during...

With truth comes peace

I received this beautiful note a while back in response to one of my newsletters. I'd like to share it and my response with you.  It's relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously. Each...

Why risk it if you don’t have to?

A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for "manufacturing fear". The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in...

Sexy formatting tricks to stir envy

There’s something wonderful about writing a non-fiction book—how-to, self-help, or motivational, just to name a few of the business-building genres. You get to use all sorts of formatting tricks a memoirist or novelist would kill for. What do I mean by formatting...

How to write a book when you’re nutty

I wanted to share with you a 10-minute Masterclass I ran a month or two back for those who registered for one of my book-writing webinars. I got tons of comments about just how helpful it was, thus me finally getting around to presenting it to you here. I would have...

A pernicious myth that needs to be killt

OK. It's time to dispel with a myth, one that's going to cause you a number of problems if you persist in buying into it. Book promotion, as much as we'd all like to believe otherwise, is the job of the author. You heard me right. Now let me explain.

Can I charge more if I have a book?

The other day, I was talking to a student enrolled in the Influential Author Formula. She asked, “Can I charge more money if I have a book?” God, I love this question, which is why I’m going to share my answer right here. Let’s come at this from two angles. If you’re...

When you just don’t feel like it…

I thought I'd bring this post back because it's even more relevant than ever, thanks to pandemic fatigue. You know what I'm talking about, that sense that doing ANYTHING seems so...utterly pointless. And yet, we need to keep forging ahead because the alternative is...

My favorite fives

Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful tradition. At the beginning of summer, they'd mail a reading list--a compilation of each teacher's favorite books--to the house. Now, I'm sure the design was to encourage students to read quality...

Some Books I’m Horribly Excited About

I love it when my clients, after months of writing and revising and doubting themselves and the whole value of their projects, break through to the other side and begin the process of publishing their books. So, I just wanted to pause long enough to celebrate some...

Finding my wood

I've been doctoring a terrific book on Integrated Chinese Medicine, which addresses health issues caused by an overabundance or deficit of certain "elements", including wood, fire, water, and air. It got me thinking about my wood, how much more of it I have at this...

The brilliance of Jeff Walker and his book, Launch

I'm a huge fan of internet marketing expert, Jeff Walker. So much so, that I'm part of his inner-circle community. Guy opens his mouth, and I learn something new. Every time. If you've ever enrolled in my super digestible course, Turn Your Book Into a Money Machine,...

That time Oprah called about your book

I want to write a book so good, so meaningful, that it lands me on Oprah. I want to sit beneath her shade tree in that lovely wicker chair and talk about, not just my book, but our shared philosophy of life. Tell me, do you think I have a shot? That's a question I...

That ugly thing they’re going to find out

I’m always fascinated by people who have a love/hate relationship with attention. Maybe because I do, too. Turn a video camera on me when I haven’t spent hours primping and preparing, and I choke. Like I've got a 6-oz ribeye lodged in my throat. Take my friend, who...

Nothing good comes easy

I grew up with ZERO understanding of process. I chalk this up to the alcoholic dynamic that played out in our household. One minute--OK, this would go on for hours, but who's counting-- my father would be drinking and raging, tearing into my mother, sending the family...

What are the steps in publishing a book?

You’ve finished your manuscript, now what? You’ve done all that hard work, all that revision, and now it’s time to publish your book. What comes next? Where do you go? Who do you call? I mean, beyond Ghostbusters? The fewer questions you have, the easier it will be to...

Give your narrative some structure

Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Here’s another way to turn your readers into clients and/or fans: Have a solid structure with a clear transformation path As opposed to  taking your reader on a wild goose chase over hill and...

Narrow your scope

Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Want to know what to include in a book? Want to turn your readers into clients and/or fans? Well then, spell out a CLEAR SOLUTION to AN urgent problem. Don't try to solve every problem known to...

Give your readers stories, not more facts and figures

Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Here’s the the best way to turn your readers into clients and/or fans: Give them stories, lots of stories As opposed to saddling them with a dry textbook chuck full of concepts, facts, figures,...

Small minded and petty

When I came out of Harvard, I had visions of becoming the next literary superstar. That's what we all talked about in grad school. I wanted to sit along the Grand Canal like Hemmingway and work on my writing all day. (You know, wine, seagulls, and interesting friends...

How to lose friends

Writers worry a lot. Worry is what feeds our procrastination; why we’d rather clean that disgusting barbecue grill than sit in front of our nice, clean computers. We worry that we’re hacks; that we have nothing new to say on a subject, that we’re frittering away our...

It all starts with your clever title…

Writing a book to attract ideal clients and expand your reach? Well, you're going to want to consider the big promise you make to your reader, the first indication of which is your title. That's how we ALL decide if a book is worth our time. Will the eight+ hours we...

The male version of getting bangs

Twin Lakes, Colorado, that’s where we were. A small frontier town surrounded by mountains and lakes. An old West feel with a tight-knit community serving tourists in order to keep food on the table. Trail runners, hikers, fishermen, outdoors people mostly, that’s who...

I’ll admit it…

Walt and I have a bunch of decorative pots sitting on either side of our front door. After over 8 years here in Ireland, we've decided it's high time we pull the weeds out of them and plant something attractive. You know, just to make it look as though we care....

I hesitate to tell you this…

Basically because everyone who wants a good content developer for free—OK, a barter arrangement isn’t free, but close enough for government work— will come pouring out of the woodwork into my already clogged inbox. Edit my writing, help me develop my book’s concept,...

Don’t call me lima bean!

I get the occasional irate email from those who don't appreciate the way I greet them in my newsletters. I mean, some folks get incensed. Case in point: Ann, I am not a Lima Bean. Please don't insult your readers. Just say, Hi, or Greeting...But don't call me...

Death and other motivators

Over the weekend, while I calculated author royalties for Summit Press, the publishing house I run, I came across an anomaly. A.J. Wasserstein’s book, written and published 4 years ago, had sold over 100 copies. This is eyebrow raising for one big reason: A.J. does...

Good morning, slacker

Like a lot of overachievers, I hold myself to impossible standards.  It’s bought me a lot in life: it’s also created gratuitous stress. If you've landed in my world, chances are good that you can totally relate. This morning, even before my eyes snapped open, I began...

I so loved wearing a headscarf

I have to admit it. I questioned whether or not I should bring this post back. I got some "rather unfriendly" comments the last time I presented it here. So let me say this before I get going. I'm talking about MY experience with hijab as a western woman. Period, full...

5 things every expert-positioning book should include

This week, I've had my nose in a couple of manuscripts that have landed on my desk for doctoring. There are gems within each of these manuscripts, but the overall thing doesn't work because in each, there's a lack of a few key elements. My job is to slip these in,...

How do you know when your book is done?

That's the question all of us writers ask, not just my clients. In fact, I brought this post back because I've fielded this question twice this week, and it's only Monday. And there's a short and sweet answer--when you've done everything you can do, everything you can...

Your readers want to feel

Many of my clients want to include personal stories in their book, often because they've had to overcome certain challenges shared by their clients.  Their story, their journey is relevant to their target audience. All successful stories have one thing in common:...

The ski patrol isn’t coming

The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated.  Down on his hands and knees for the...

The very definition of a mission-driven book

I talk to a lot of folks looking to write and publish expert positioning books. Sometimes they're driven by the desire to tell their personal story; sometimes, to share their unique process for fixing a particular problem, or to carve out a place in an overcrowded...

3 things I learned climbing mountains

I climb high mountains. I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned in the mountains; climbing lessons if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Each is entirely relevant to...

Year of Yes

Each Friday, Simon and Schuster sends out a promo email advertising temporarily discounted books. You can snag great Kindle reads for a couple of dollars. If you’re not on their mailing list, you can right that travesty by going here. Trust me, you want to be on this...

We’ve tried everything!

Our gardener, Barry, warned us. We hadn’t paid much attention. After all, he was the one who’d encouraged us to kill the ivy that blanketed the house, spray weedkiller on it, along the walkway to eliminate the daisies while we were at it. We figured our ivy-covered...

Built like a brick sh*t house

Writing a book involves the creation of one small chunk of material at a time, because to contemplate the project in its entirety is a set up for insanity and failure. Thus the elephant-eating metaphor I like to use: How do you eat an elephant? Yes, one bite at a...

Resting on your laurels

Every day, I talk to people who are looking to up their game by writing a book. They've done amazing things in their life and in their business and they want to share the wisdom they've gained. For many, writing a book is a brand new circus trick. It requires them to...

An open letter to J, after divorcing

I wrote this piece nearly 8 years ago. I thought about it the other day while I was talking to a potential client about writing a book. This client was sitting on the fence, not sure if the investment of time and money was worth it, or if being content with the...

Pain: A Love Story

Dr. Serena Sterling wasn't sure she'd ever finish her book project. There were times, as her content developer, I wasn't sure she would either. Because Serena wasn't just writing about her business--helping people overcome chronic physical and/or emotional pain--she...

Why I need a seeing eye dog

I wouldn’t last a minute in battle if I had to depend on my powers of observation, mostly because I walk the planet with my head up my ass. I mean, it’s a wonder I’ve not been hit by a bus while crossing the street. Get into an interesting conversation and forget...

An assortment of testimonials

       Michelle Cully-- I’ve always felt the need to tell my story, but fear, insecurity and the daunting process held me back for years. Then I met Ann. Her ability to find and project my voice, help me organize my stories and handle sensitive content...

On running, writing, and getting over my bad self

Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background,...

20 things I believe

Here are twenty things that I believe, particularly about business and writing:   Burning bridges and boats is for fools Good things take time The shiny object syndrome will keep you small Don’t quit your day job until you’ve got money rolling in You don’t get to...

You’re here for a reason

I have this really wise friend who also happens to be a clinical psychologist specializing in the science of change.  Sometime last year, she started sending out these short videos to her mailing list. I find myself watching them while I eat lunch because they calm me...

Why, you CAN tell a book by its cover

I don't care what my mother said. You CAN tell a book by its cover, particularly if it's been designed well. Years ago, I tripped over this video (below) about cover design. I don't know what got me thinking about it again, maybe an unveiling snapshot of Summit Press...

Own it, for the love of all that is holy

I was listening to a Ted Talk  with  Sheryl Sandberg some time back (see below). In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site....

The first sign of trouble…

Over the weekend, I watched as Walt attempted to cut down an overhanging branch along the driveway. It wasn't going well for a number of reasons. First, it was hard to get any sort of leverage while balancing on an extended ladder 15 feet or so above the ground. Then,...

A pep talk for creatives

This video--complete with uplifting message, particularly if you're the sort who generally likes to get shit done--was created by Cathy Hay, who teaches people how to make corsets and other period costumery (Is that a word? Well, if it isn't, it is now). She's got a...

How to know if you’ve written a memoir or something else…

A good memoir: Has a razor-sharp focus on one element of life. Does not have filler. Every detail has to connect to the focus/theme. Is not a record, a report, or a list. It is a combination of active scenes. Has a vivid concrete setting. A Where. Every scene must...

The devil is in the details

Years ago, I used to run multi-day memoir-writing workshops. I'm telling you, I totally miss those experiences. I often find myself sharing bits of those lessons with my private clients as they build out their manuscripts. Particularly when they've got a...

Which comes first: the blog content or the book?

I talk to a lot of strategic entrepreneurs. They already produce written content--mainly blog posts or newsletters--and they're wondering if they should be focused on writing posts with the sole intention of  creating book content. I love people who are into...

I was 45-years-old the first time I voted

The first time I voted for an American president, I was 45-years old. It was 2008-- McCain vs. Obama-- and I can’t remember whom I chose. I’d registered and cast my vote only because my writing group had marveled at my willingness to dismiss a right others had given...

How to deal with trolls

I finished off a big Masterclass promotion at the beginning of the month. ( I probably don't have to tell you this because you no doubt received 250 emails from me and wanted very much for me to cut the shit.) I'm amazed at all of the emotions that come up for me...

30+ books to make you laugh

The other day I decided that I was totally sick of myself. I was tired of constantly working and holing myself off from the world and reading nothing but business related stuff. It dawned on me that what I needed was a good laugh, more precisely, a book that would...

Why we need your story more than ever

One of the biggest fears my clients have is that by telling their personal stories they will appear grandiose, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. “Who am I to tell this story,” they ask. “Really, who cares?” Or, “It’s all been written about before, so why bother?” “There...

Think Random House might be interested in your story?

In my line of work, I talk to a lot of fascinating people who consider their stories worthy of Big House publishing. They've done the whole rags-to-riches thing, or overcome outrageous abuse, or performed the most amazing feats of courage. I mean, I'm awed by the...

You’ve got to be bad to be good

I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?)   Here’s the thing. I usually...

How to go about writing a business parable

In the last few years, I've had a number of clients who chose to write a  parable instead of the usual business-in-a-box tome. (For instance, check out Josh Patrick's Sustainable--his second parable is due out soon--and Vicki Suiter's The Profit Bleed.) The parable is...

Squirrel attacks, elk mauling, and sunstroke

One Saturday a few years back, Walt and I hiked the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles...

A literary agent’s advice for book-writing entrepreneurs

This is a guest post by my friend Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda is a literary agent. That means she gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Trust me, she's no slouch. She's gotten some pretty amazing deals for some friends of...

This should be considered a cardinal sin !!!

If you write sales copy, you're particularly susceptible to this crime. If you're a sixteen-year-old female or highly emotive male, you're probably guilty as well. If you were raised in the valley during the late 80's,  you're probably making this mistake way more...

Mean people on Amazon

I got this note from one of my clients recently: I was reading some reviews on Amazon associated with books on my topic and I would have to look at my browsing history to see which ones they were but some reviews were awful. People complained that just because some...

I found this email to be totally bizarre

I received this email in response to last week's newsletter. I thought I'd share it with you because, if you put stuff out there on a regular basis, you're going to receive interesting responses. Sometimes people will thank you for your message, other times, you'll be...

10 books you need to read if you were raised by alcoholics

If I were to teach a course about overcoming the emotional damage and the misconceptions picked up from alcoholic parents, this would be the semester's  assigned reading. You'll see me quote from these books from time to time because some of these issues refuse to die...

How To Use Personal Story To Sell Your Mission, Ideas, Products, or Services

Whenever we create content—be it a book, or a sales page, a blog post, or a speech—we need to consider the outcome we’re after.  For coaches, speakers, and other service professionals, that outcome is usually one, or a combination of several things. We’re looking to...

How to turn bits of content into a book

Turtle Bunbury was fixated on 1847. In fact, he wrote over 40 stories about people and events that made the news in that fascinating year. But when it came time to turn his collection of stories into a book, he had a conundrum: How on earth was he going to organize...

The problem, as I saw it

I'm going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. In fact, just the other day, I had this conversation nearly word for word. If you're an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be...

Our man, Barry

Barry, our caretaker, stopped by one day last summer. He’s a really lovely dude who cuts our grass and looks after the place whenever we’re gone. Anyway, Barry was giving out about some Americans who were due to arrive at another property he looks after. They’d paid...

Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab

Years ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. It didn’t take us long to recognize that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our asses. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most outlandish...

Us vs.Them

When I was young, I fancied myself a global citizen. A Margaret Mead type, who gravitated towards exotic cultures. Impressed with my “intimate” knowledge of obscure peoples, of my ability to hang out in their communities like the team mascot, I turned my nose up at my...

Five things your expert-positioning book should include

You may be really excited about the prospect of writing a book for your business, but let's take some time to strategize before you go sinking all that time and effort into such a project. First, you'll need to pause long enough to consider the outcome you’re after....

How to work when you seriously don’t feel like it

As a content developer; I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear here: writers need structure. This was a hard...

When you were raised by wolves

Some time back, Walt and I conducted a mastermind call around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead.  She wasn't sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her...

Those of us who tell the stories rule society

There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt and I waited for a helicopter ride to base camp with our team members. Each of us had arrived to climb Carstensz Pyramid, the tallest mountain on the Austro-New Zealand continent,...

How do you know if your writing is any good?

It’s helpful to know that obstacles are part of the writing process, but how are you supposed to deal with them when they raise their ugly heads? What can you do if you’re confused, say, about setting, or plot, or the relevance of that stuff for your chosen genre? And...

Another one of Walt’s death marches

One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly...

The benefits of owning a rabid Rottweiler

There are benefits to owning a rabid Rottweiler. There’s a reason a recovering people pleaser like me chooses a mate who couldn’t give a tinker's damn about displeasing others, who fears confrontation not one whit. Walt and I went to Mallorca one weekend to visit our...

How to land yourself in jail

A young Frenchman wants to switch places with me so he can sit next to one of the five cohorts who accompanied him on our transatlantic flight.  He’s asked me several times if I’ll move, and he won’t take no for an answer. “This is my wife,” he says in broken English...

The mystery of the six-minute hard-boiled eggs

“I’d like two six-minute hard-boiled eggs,” I said, enunciating each word carefully. The young man who had assisted me with the very same order the day before nodded, then darted off to the hotel kitchen. Weaving in and out of the crowded breakfast area, I took my...

Giving away the farm

Right now, a lot of my clients and colleagues are confused about the current business environment. Times are hard, what with the quarantine situation, what with lots of people losing their jobs, so should they be trying to sell things right now? Shouldn't they just...

Just be bothered

I got to thinking about this bike rack I refused to buy because it looked like way too much bother. Anything that requires me to read a user's manual, well, I I just don't need it badly enough.  Yet, if I hadn't been nagged to death to buy the damn thing; if I hadn't...

Beautiful language that says jack shit

Lately, I’ve had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that’s so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is...

Talent will get you only so far

While I was in the States a few years back, I had dinner with my buddy Tim Vandehey, another ghostwriter who lives in Kansas City. Tim knows the publishing industry inside and out. He writes for celebrities and industry leaders and has had a number of his projects hit...

Oh, I could SO do that

Not long ago, I overheard a group of young women discussing Gal Gadot of Wonder Woman fame. One of the women read aloud from an article on her I-phone, a basic summary of how the actress had turned herself into a jaw-dropping, sword-wielding Amazon over the course of...

Brick by Brick

Writing a book involves the creation of one small chunk of material at a time, because to contemplate the project in its entirety is a set up for insanity and failure. Thus the elephant-eating metaphor I like to use: How do you eat an elephant? Yes, one bite at a...

Like I’ve got time for this shizel

This is a guest post from time-management expert, Walt Hampton. Who also happens to be my husband, which is a problem because he's highly judgmental of how I spend my time. I suppose he has a right to play all morally superior because he does, essentially, everything...

10 random things you may not know about me

1. I love Jack Russell Terriers. I mean; I love them so bad that it’s almost creepy. Walt points them out to me whenever he spots one in a car or in the market or trotting along the road because he knows how happy they make me. He’ll say, “Just try to appear normal.”...

The arrogance of belonging

I caught sight of myself on video last week during a group coaching session. There were about 10 other entrepreneurs on the call as well, their faces appearing whenever they spoke or made noise. Of course, I didn’t really pay attention to them, so fixated was I on my...

What’s the problemo?

I'm going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. If you're an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be super useful even if you aren't looking to write a client-attracting book,...

Books: the only gift worth giving or receiving

Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they'd mail a reading list--a compilation of each teacher's favorite books--to the house. Now, I'm sure the design was to encourage students to read...

A covert glimpse into my medicine cabinet

Years ago, having read Jack Canfield’s Success Principles, Walt and I sat in Ireland and composed our list of goals. We were on our honeymoon and, well, this is just the sort of thing one does on a honeymoon. Anyway, the assignment, as Jack put it, was to create a...

God forbid you envy me this…

When I lived in Iran, the Evil Eye was a force to be reckoned with. To deflect the covetous attention of others, Esfand seeds were burned on a special metal grate after guests left a home. Turquoise jewelry was worn to protect oneself. Salt was placed in children’s...

Now, now, now

When I was a kid, we’d sit as a family at the dining room table for Thanksgiving and my heart would sink at the sight of the kitchen I’d be expected to clean. Potatoes dripping from the mixer blades onto the floor; the cast iron skillet on the stove top, both of them...

Please don’t ask me this ridiculous question

Imagonna throw out a list of questions beginning writers ask all the time, particularly if they’re writing a book that involves stories about their own life. See if you have any of these yourself: • Who the hell cares about my story? I’m no Snookie. • How can I write...

Never trust a Christian who isn’t trying to convert you

The problem with us co-dependent types--and I'm speaking from experience--is that we need to hook into someone or something else because we're not sure who we are. We lack an identity and the ability to trust ourselves, which, as you can imagine, creates a lot of...

See if you recognize your sorry excuse

Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what you’ve got to do if you want to have something you don’t have now–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up...

To see and to be seen

Walt and I were talking about the performance artist, Marina Abramovic, this morning. I don't know if you've ever caught sight of this video clip of her sitting across the table from strangers at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. People stood in line...

This little thing called process

Have you ever watched a professional runner run? Looks so easy, doesn’t it? They’ve all got that half smile playing across their face, that healthy sheen, those long, fluid strides that make the act seem so fun. From the couch, you can practically feel the endorphins...

The Awakening

I've got this message hanging over my desk.  I’m not sure who wrote it.  I keep it there because there are days that I really need the reminder.  The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share again. Think of it as my little gift to you. Print...

I’m the last person who should be talking about this…

Years ago, I ran into a surgical nurse at a party in Ireland. We were chatting about life, as one is prone to do at gatherings. And when I told this nurse about a talk I was giving when I got back to the States, about what I’d really noticed during our time in...

The best piece of advice I ever got

A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I'll never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything. You can’t do it all at...

What you’re buying isn’t the cheese

Humans crave story, with faces they can attach to, and sensory details. According to scientific studies, our brains light up like the fourth of July when we read about smells, sounds, tastes, touch, and sights. It’s what our minds want. It’s these details that keep us...

That time Walt got totally chest-puffy

Walt and I were chatting over dinner at a fancy restaurant in VT. This was shortly after he’d published his first book, Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters, so much of our conversation revolved around getting the book placed in local stores. (We’re sexy...

Show me

If you’ve ever read a book on the craft of writing, or taken a writing class or workshop, you’ve likely heard the expression, "Show, don’t tell." Well, what, precisely, does this show, don’t tell stuff actually mean? In the interest of slipping in a little craft...

How do you know when your book is done?

That's the question all of us writers ask, not just my clients. And there's a short and sweet answer--when you've done everything you can do, everything you can think of to improve the piece. And there's a longer answer, which is what this video is all about. If you...

My husband, the narcissist

After one too many conversations about the fear of being labeled a narcissist if one dares to write and publish a book, I thought I'd wheel this post back out. (It's also especially relevant if you're worried about pissing off those closest to you with your stories.)...

I hesitate to tell you this story…

Basically because everyone who wants a good content developer for free—OK, a barter arrangement isn’t free, but close enough for government work— will come pouring out of the woodwork into my already clogged inbox. Edit my writing, help me develop my book’s concept,...

Greeting your husband in Saran Wrap

This here is my very first blog post. November of 2009.  Lordie, how time flies. I started blogging with the sole intent of building an audience for my memoir about Iran, creating a platform. I figured I'd write about the books that had influenced me, about my...

Why we need your story so desperately

One of the biggest fears my clients have is that by telling their personal stories they will appear grandiose, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. “Who am I to tell this story,” they ask. “Really, who cares?” Or, “It’s all been written about before, so why bother?” “There...

My love of vegetable-peel cookbooks

On Saturday, I caught sight of a book about cooking with food scraps at my friends’ vegan café in town. Surrounded by The China Study, How Not To Die, and Rich Roll’s Finding Ultra, all fascinating reads, that’s the one I latched onto as I tucked into my stew. Before...

On running, writing, and getting over my bad self

Several years back, I had the huge privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a northern New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It'll give you some of my...

Genocide, romance, and other irrelevant topics

Over the weekend, I attended a copywriting workshop in Florence, Italy. If you don’t know Laura Belgray, the woman who conducted the workshop, you really should. Her emails and sales content are the bomb.  Her subject lines are so sexy I click on them each and...

False summits and flipping your shit

Walt and I were climbing in the Rockies when we decided to stop and shoot this video. We'd just spent a few hours battling despair because we'd come across yet another one of those false summits that makes you want to kill yourself. There's just nothing worse than...

The Daddy Hole

My friend, L, is the most “normal” woman I've ever met.  She doesn’t cart around emotional baggage, not even a change purse-full. Her decisions have always seemed so… sensible. I’m pretty sure L’s superpowers—stability and confidence—are a gift from her father....

Make Your Bed

Once upon a time (actually, in 2014), Naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave the University of Texas Austin commencement address. It was a twenty-minute speech that outlined ten principles he’d learned during Naval SEAL training. These principles helped him overcome...

What memoir is and what it is NOT

Years ago, I had the privilege of working with the author Anne Batterson at East Hill Writers' Workshop. She and I were part of a trio of writers (no one's forgetting Sherry Horton) who taught craft, and boy, did we have fun. And boy, did I learn a lot from my...

Life Lessons From A Cat

A blast from the past. Someone I was talking to this past week reminded me of this story, so I thought I'd bring it back. We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d' etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats: Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut...

Even Mother Teresa cared about this

I'm guilty of binary thinking: you can either have this or that, but you can't have both. Except when it comes to writing a book for your business. Do the job right, and you can have both income and impact. The two can go hand in hand. Contrary to popular belief, most...

Get others to paint your fence

For a lot of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten...

Favorite Fives

Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they'd mail a reading list--a compilation of each teacher's favorite books--to the house. Now, I'm sure the design was to encourage students to read...

Cat shit in the litter box

Everybody fears that they're not enough.  Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt.  This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my guts....

You are worth the risk

While I sat on a patio overlooking Phoenix surrounded by a swarm of buzzing people, I spotted a fellow introvert. In case you didn't know, we're the folks lining the perimeters with a cocktail glass in hand, doing our damndest to blend in with the wood work. Sure...

Killing birds with one stone

I think about my arch nemesis--efficiency--a lot when I'm on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an...

The silliest thing that changed my life

I got to thinking about this bike rack I refused to buy because it looked like way too much bother. Anything that requires me to read a user's manual, well, I I just don't need it badly enough.  Yet, if I hadn't been nagged to death to buy the damn thing; if I...

The Anxiety Series: Part III

Last we met, I was telling you about the client manuscripts I was reading, all of which deal with anxiety. I thought these three different authors and their three different approaches will demonstrate that you can take a common topic and come at it with a (valuable)...

The Anxiety Series: Part II

If you remember, I had my nose in a number of client manuscripts, all of which deal with anxiety. I thought these three different authors and their three different approaches will demonstrate that you can take a common topic and come at it with a (valuable) unique...

The Anxiety Series: Part 1

I've had my nose in a number of client manuscripts lately, all of which deal with anxiety. One is the work of a doctor who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, who views the subject from the perspective of a trained psychologist. Another is that of a doctor who...

What I think of book templates

Here’s a question I got in response to a short survey I issued in preparation for my free masterclass.  (You want to know what your audience wants? Ask them.) Now, there’s only so much you can pack into a masterclass and not drive everyone to drink, so I thought...

The trolls WILL come

I'm smack dab in the middle of a big Masterclass promotion. ( I probably don't have to tell you this because, at this writing, you've no doubt received 250 emails from me and would very much like for me to cut the shit.) And I'm amazed at all of the emotions that are...

You can always spot the newbies

Walt and I flew to the highlands of Scotland for a long weekend.  (Not a big deal if you live in Ireland, by the way, so don’t be too impressed.) Our goal was to climb Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in the British Isles. Being experienced mountain climbers, we...

Dad was right about this

My mother loved to paint. I’m not talking art, I’m talking rooms. She’d head on over to the local Benjamin Moore store and buy three gallons of whatever shade of yellow was on special, and cart them home in our station wagon. Next, she’d set up the step stool, even...

Oh, I could SO do that

Not long ago, I overheard a group of young women discussing Gal Gadot of Wonder Woman fame. One of the women read aloud from an article on her I-phone, a basic summary of how the actress had turned herself into a jaw-dropping, sword-wielding Amazon over the course of...

More addictive than sugar

I bring this post back every few years, usually after a worry-filled conversation I've had with a friend or client. Sometimes one of these nice people need the reminder that worry is an utter waste of time, sometimes it's me. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley...

With Truth Comes Peace

I received this beautiful note a while back in response to one of my newsletters. I'd like to share it and my response with you.  It's relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously....

Track the things that matter

Here's the the thing about elite warriors like Jeff Orr, one of my most favoritest clients: They know how to handle stress, manage lots of vital data coming at them fast, and pick out high-yield targets from the blur. One of the keys to their success is the ability...

Why court trouble if you don’t have to?

A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for "manufacturing fear". The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in...

How to lose friends and alienate people

I had a number of conversations this past week about fear. Write about people you know and love, and, no matter how stalwart you are, fear is bound to come up. Should I send my manuscript to the people I've written about to get their approval? Can I be sued? Should I...

Slogging up Mt. Everest with yaks

Walt and I have been looking into climbing Mt. Everest. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a thing. Studying the itinerary of the guiding company Walt favors, I found myself relaxing into the idea of climbing one of the most dangerous mountains in the world. Really, it...

Why the Irish romanticize snow

Because it's like this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj3yAVhilBE

How To Work When You Don’t Want To

As a content developer; I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear here: writers need structure. This was a hard...

When You Were Raised By Wolves

Walt and I were conducting a mastermind call this past week around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead.  She wasn't sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her...

Newsflash: The Ski Patrol Is Not Coming

The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated.  Down on his hands and knees for the...

R.I.P.

This is a guest post from my friend, Patrick Combs. Patrick Combs. He was one of those chance encounters that changed the course of our lives. Walt had crossed paths with him on Facebook, bought an extra conference ticket from him, and off the relationship went, down...

Be. Here. Now.

When I was a kid, we’d sit as a family at the dining room table for Thanksgiving and my heart would sink at the sight of the kitchen I’d be expected to clean. Potatoes dripping from the mixer blades onto the floor; the cast iron skillet on the stove top, both of them...

Writing talent will only get you so far

While I was in the States last fall, I had dinner with my buddy Tim Vandehey, a ghostwriter who lives in Kansas City. I often refer to Tim those folks who'd like to have a book, but aren’t the least bit interested in doing the associated work. Tim knows the publishing...

I’m a disaster at cocktail parties

Here’s the question I get all the time, the minute I identify myself as a book coach. (Not that there aren't, like, 1,634 definitions of that job title alone. Me, I'm what you'd call a developmental editor.) Can a person write a book in a weekend? The person asking...

A Title That Promises The One Big Thing Your Readers Want

Writing a client-attracting book? Well, you're going to want to consider the big promise you're making to your reader, the first indication of which is your title. Eben Pagan and other online marketing gurus claim that people will only give you their hard earned money...

Present Tense vs. Past Tense

Lately, I've been having the same conversation with my coaching clients, which makes me think I should share this lesson with you nice people, too. (If you're not a writer, start paying attention to this stuff I'm going to share as a reader.  It will really open up...

So, you’d like to move to a foreign country

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about our choice to move to Ireland. Here’s an example: I am researching where to live and what we can afford for the past month. It will be two or three years before we are ready to retire. I can’t convince my hubby to move...

Oh, the lure of research

It was Dennis Lehane, author of  Mystic River who admonished us fledgling writers to knock off all the research when working on our books. He'd just gotten a huge movie deal, Clint Eastwood was directing, so there he was at Harvard telling us all how he got to that...

What happens when your work is read by total strangers

This is precisely what will happen to you once you have a polished book out in the world. I'm telling you, it'll blow your mind. I received an email from one of my writing clients the other day. I adore Alex because her mind is so expansive, so fascinating, so...

Beautiful Language That Says Jack Shit

Lately, I've had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that's so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is...

It’s been one of those weeks

It's been one of those weeks. And by one of those weeks, I mean, the kind of week that makes you want to dance like a fool, throw back a few green smoothies, crow from the rooftop, whatever one does to celebrate. Because a number of wonderful projects have seemingly...

The One Person You Can’t Play That Game With

I get to work with some pretty amazing people, not just on their books, but also on their speeches and blogs. What I find is that no matter what pond my clients swim in, the feelings and thoughts they express are infinitely human and universal. Emily Scott, my guest...

What I Read While Waiting For A Helicopter In Papua New Guinea

Let’s just say I had an awful lot of time on my hands while on vacation. That’s what happens when you deliberately leave your computer at home; AND you’ve got nowhere to go, save the local airstrip or the hotel compound; AND your helicopter can’t ever seem to find a...

Those Who Tell The Stories Rule Society

There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt and I waited for a helicopter ride to base camp with our team members. Each of us had arrived to climb Carstensz Pyramid, the tallest mountain on the Austro-New Zealand continent,...

The best revenge, EVER!

Several months ago, I was presented with the opportunity to doctor a book manuscript. Michelle Cully, the author, is this high-powered chick who owns a courier company in the metro-Boston area. If you saw her, you'd laugh, because she looks more like a pint-sized...

When you’ve been hit by a bus

Not long ago I ran a post in which I listed the wonderful things my husband does for me, and what I had needed to change in my life to be ready for such a loving relationship. I got this thought-provoking comment: What about the kind of addict/narcissist that treats...

5 Things Your Client-Attracting Book Should Include For Maximum Impact

You may be really excited about the prospect of writing a book for your business, but let's take some time to strategize before you go sinking all that time and effort into such a project. First, you'll need to pause long enough to consider the outcome you’re after....

Resistance And The Universal Law of Sacrifice

Resistance. Getting yourself to do the shit you claim you want to do. We all struggle with it. Which is why I asked Kyrsten Barrett if I could share this piece as a guest post. It's not only beautiful and clear but also relevant to anyone who wants to write a book but...

Finding The Perfect Love Later In Life

I found this question amongst the various birthday greetings on my Facebook page. ( I adore how you get to feel like a superstar on your birthday.) Totally throwing it out there into the universe but.... any chance you and Walt would run a piece/class/talk about...

Should You Insert Personal Story Into The Mix?

I got this note from one of my clients this week: I was reading some reviews on Amazon associated with books on my topic and I would have to look at my browsing history to see which ones they were but some reviews were awful. People complained that just because some...

5 Expectations Every Reader Has

Note: Much of this has been taken from a Writer Unboxed post written by Lisa Cron. Though the article is addressed to novelists, the information she shares is relevant to writers of all genres, particularly the client-attracting kind. Here is a reader’s manifesto –...

Write a book in 30 minutes or less

Bet that got your attention. And why wouldn't it? We all want what we want now, now, now, sans effort. We're a culture of instant gratification. The media plays off that fact, as do the snake-oil salesmen out there on the internet. There's nothing that gets my goat...

This Is Why We Need Your Story So Desperately

I’ve been thinking about what I might add to this piece that I share with you below. I think it speaks so powerfully for itself that I hesitate to insert anything that will reduce its impact. I will say this, though. One of the biggest fears my clients have is that by...

What A Music Video Can Teach You About Writing

I broke my ankle a number of years ago. I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home, which is precisely what happens when I don't run.  I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video...

57 Things I Love About My Irish Hood

The crazy Border Collies laying in wait to chase our car just beyond the barn. The farmer on the hill who tells us jokes we can barely understand, what with his brogue being so thick. I'm pretty sure they all involve traveling salesmen and farmers' daughters, though....

Your Story, A Chocolate Mess

So, here’s the thing. Most of us become coaches, speakers, or service professionals if you will, because we’ve had to solve a particular problem for ourselves. Through trial and error, we figured out the process required to get the desired outcome. Somewhere along the...

Why I loved wearing a headscarf

Whenever I tell someone I used to live in Iran, he or she asks me a few standard questions, the most common one being, "Did you have to wear a burqa?" In short, no, but I did have to wear hijab, in my case, a trench coat and a headscarf, which I loved. And here's...

3 Climbing Lessons

I climb high mountains. I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned in the mountains; climbing lessons if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Lesson 1: There are many paths that...

You Will Die A Horrible And Painful Death

On Saturday, Walt and I hiked the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles total distance,...

24 Questions You’ll Need To Answer Before Writing That Book

Before I take on a new project with someone who wants to write a client-attracting book, I ask him or her a series of clarifying questions. Often, I’ll ask the same question in different ways, not unlike a psychological test, allowing me to get to the heart of the...

The benefits of owning a rabid Rottweiler

There are benefits to owning a rabid Rottweiler. There’s a reason a recovering people pleaser like me chooses a mate who couldn’t give two fucks about displeasing others, who fears confrontation not one whit. Walt and I went to Mallorca over the weekend to visit our...

What if I get this wrong?

My girlfriend is planning her first trip to Ireland.  She’s bringing her teenaged kids along with her. She’s purchased the plane tickets, reserved the rental car, now it’s dawning on her that she’s going to have to shell out a lot more money than she’d planned on....

What The New York Times Book Review Can Teach You

I've got two points I'd like to make. Think of this as the CliffsNotes version of this post. 1. Read The New York Times Book Review to educate yourself on the craft of writing. 2. Don't try to be everything to everyone because you'll lose every time. Here's the longer...

How to turn random bits of content into a book

Turtle Bunbury was fixated on 1847. In fact, he wrote over 40 stories about people and events that made the news in that fascinating year. But when it came time to turn his collection of stories into a book, he had a conundrum: How on earth was he going to organize...

The Arrogance of Belonging

I caught sight of myself on video last week during a group coaching session. There were about 10 other entrepreneurs on the call as well, their faces appearing whenever they spoke or made noise. Of course, I didn’t really pay attention to them, so fixated was I on my...

This is what happens when you show up at Toastmasters

Walt was invited to speak at a Toastmasters meeting last week. I was up to my eyeballs in manuscripts, so I wasn't interested in going along, particularly when it was advertised to start at 8 p.m., which in Ireland means decidedly not 8 p.m. But Walt's a major...

The Trouble With Beavers

Bear with me for a moment. I'm going to begin with a sidebar simply because I must. As I was browsing for pictures of beavers on Google, something you probably shouldn't do if you don't want to get whacked for copyright infringement, I ran into this adorable photo,...

How To Write A Parable

If you’d like to outline your message and be seen as an expert in your field, you’d be silly to write a novel. If you’re not keen to write a non-fiction business book, then perhaps you’d like to pen a parable. The parable is a particularly appealing genre for business...

Forced To Eat Cat Food When You’re Old

David Treece, who wrote the following piece, is a financial advisor down in Miami, the kind that has a fiduciary responsibility to clients, who doesn't get paid on commission, which allows him to give sound advice. This is from a draft of his upcoming book, which is...

Don’t Make These Book Writing Mistakes

There's nothing that excites me more than seeing a client project come to fruition. It takes a major investment of time and focus to write a good book, the sort that's not only going to attract clients, but also read beautifully. Next week, February 6th to be exact,...

Haters Are Going To Hate

I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them, then with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me up; unfortunately it didn't. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything. ...

You’ve Got To Be Bad To Be Good

I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?) Here’s the thing. I usually catch...

5 Ways To Sharpen That Dialogue

As much as we'd like them to, our readers don't tend to remember strings of concepts, statistics, or cold, hard facts. Especially page after page of them. The best way to make information sticky is to tell them a story, to deliver the necessary points, at least the...

What’s Your Problem?!

I'm going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. If you're an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be super useful even if you aren't looking to write a client-attracting book,...

Go Wear The World Like A Loose Garment

Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated...

What I’m Reading Now

I need to write about this book, and I need to write about it now. For a couple of reasons. First, if I don’t get to it PDQ, Walt is going to beat me to the punch. The last time the two of us were smitten with an idea or a book, he went and wrote this. Even though I’d...

What Happened When I Stopped Drinking

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.--Blaise Pascal I was sitting in a mindfulness breakout session in Dublin last week when the leader wrote this quotation on his whiteboard.  It was one of those sentences that grabbed...

What Book Lovers With Issues Really Want

It's December, which means the holidays are upon us. It's time to head to the mall to buy a million perfect gifts. I've got to confess that this whole gift giving thing confuses me. Walt would affirm me here because ONCE I gave him compression socks for Valentine's...

Clean Up On Aisle Nine: Revision For Simple Genres

Have you written a complete draft of a book, one with tons of bugs still in it? Are you wondering what comes next; what you’re supposed to do, specifically, during revision? If you’ve written a book that doesn’t require a narrative arc—motivational, self-help, or...

An Object Is Worth A Thousand Words

I was driving along the highway in Connecticut when I fell behind a mini Cooper with one of those vanity plates that made me want to hit the brakes. It had two words on it: Xin Loi. It’s a long story how I know this, and neither of us has time to get into it, but Xin...

Another Reason to Nix the Egocentric Bullshit

A few weeks back I sat at a conference in Dallas and listened to a young man speak on stage. He was raising money for a charity. I was blown away, as was everyone in that room, not just by his mission--bringing clean water to third world villages to prevent...

Do NOT Write A Book Until You Hear This!

Look, writing a book requires a big investment from you, not just in money, but also in time and focus. If you're flirting with the idea of writing a book for your business, you'll want to be able to answer the following questions, otherwise you'll wind up chasing...

Do You Need New Friends?

I’m sitting in Dallas as I type this. I’m at a conference for online marketers. I’ve got to say, I love conferences like this, even though I’m an introvert, even though I always wind up back in my room at the end of the day in a fetal position, what with all the...

Me Too?

I was twelve when I recognized my power to attract grown men. That's when Mr. M, a science teacher in my junior high school, smelled the vulnerability on me, and groomed me for his sexual conquest. He trusted, for some reason I didn’t understand at the time, that I...

Run, Fat Bitch, Run

I’m going to break out my Book Yourself Solid coaching hat and introduce you to some associated philosophy: There are people we are meant to serve, and others not so much. And our job is to do everything in our power to reach those we are meant to serve. This...

Why I Need More Therapy

Thought I'd dust this post off and bring it back. I needed the reminder, perhaps you do, too. One 15-minute conversation with my mother, and I know how I got this crazy. She’s why I wake up in a cold sweat convinced that I have to organize my garage—right this second,...

Elect Yourself: No One Else Will

Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the...

Own It, Baby

I was listening to a Ted Talk some time back with  Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site....

What I Learned In The Alps

Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, last week, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to mountain climbing....

Ryan Holiday’s Ego

Ever since I read Ego is the Enemy, I've been a huge fan of Ryan Holiday. He's this it boy who made it big early on, only to land on his ass once his mentors turned on him, and/or imploded their own careers. He writes: With success comes the temptation to tell oneself...

The Mt. Everest of Personal Development & Self Acceptance

When I was young, I had no idea what I thought, felt, or wanted.  Pressed for my opinion, I’d make an evasive or sarcastic comment instead of deciding what it was that I thought. I didn’t want to say anything that could be construed the wrong way, or held against me...

Where To Go When You’re Blind

At last, your book manuscript is done. Or so you think. And hope. Please, God, let it be so, you whisper to no one in particular. Unfortunately, you’ve been looking at the same arrangement of words for so long, you don’t know if you’ve created a best seller, or a...

Essential, The Book

I'm often aghast at some of the thumbnail images that come up in Youtube. I know you can change these things, but I like to think it takes real strength of character to put these things up the way they come. All that being said, you want to pull books off of your self...

My Friends Are Going To Ditch Me

On Friday, we sold our home in Connecticut. At least I’m hoping that’s how things pan out. As I write, I’m on a Norwegian Air flight somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean imagining all of the nasty surprises that could prevent us from closing—the sudden death of the...

That Ever-Present Tension

What if uncertainty and tension and confrontation were good things?  How might your life improve if you used them as tools?  If you stopped running away from them and recognized them as fantabulous forces for change? I was giving a creative writing lecture last month...

Marie Forleo And Her Trojan Horse Title

If you're writing a client-attracting book, you're going to want to consider the big promise you're making to your reader, the first indication of which is your title. According to Eben Pagan and other online marketing gurus, people will only give you their hard...

Make Your Bed

In 2014, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave the University of Texas Austin commencement address. It was a twenty-minute speech that outlined ten principles he’d learned during Naval SEAL training. These principles helped him overcome challenges, not only in his...

I’m Highly Suspect Of Myself

I had lunch sometime back with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. Both oddballs in high school, we'd dreamed of baking bread together when we graduated, raising sheep, and starting a commune in rural Vermont. She'd do the wool spinning and the tapestry weaving. I'd...

The Masses Are Not Your Audience

Walt and I were tooling around in New Hampshire this weekend when we came upon a group of millennials expounding upon this three-year-old Cadillac commercial. Basically, they were disgusted by the mindset, by the whole way of life it seemed to promote, and they...

Resting On Your Laurels Is Lame

Walt and I are up in New Hampshire getting certified in Wilderness First Responder Medicine, WFR, for short. That way if one of us breaks a leg or develops a pneumothorax (note: this is me showing off) when we're off the grid, we'll have a reasonable chance of...

The Best Recommended Reading List EVER

Here's a note I sent to several of my book writing clients, past and present. I'm putting together a unique reading list: book recommendations from folks who know what a good book looks like, what beautiful/effective writing is, what inspires and impacts.   1. What...

Mystery Vs. Clarity

My new BFF. Love the thought process behind this man's book designs. How he sees the world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nI65jgHG9o

One Brick At A Time

Writing a book involves the creation of one small chunk of material at a time, because to contemplate the project in its entirety is a set up for insanity and failure. Thus the elephant-eating metaphor I like to use—How do you eat an elephant? Yes, one bite at a time....

You CAN Tell A Book By Its Cover

I don't care what my mother said. You CAN tell a book by its cover, particularly if it's been designed well. I tripped over this video this morning. Not only is it entertaining, it gives such terrific insight into what actually goes into the whole book cover thought...

That Tendency To Ignore Blatantly Unpleasant Facts

Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated...

Gorillas, But Not In The Mist

As my clients finish up their manuscripts, we often have a conversation about what comes next. "Do I self-publish?" they ask. "Do I enter into a contract with a partnership press?" "Do I pursue an agent so I can get a contract with a traditional house?" "Regardless of...

For The Birds

A blast from the past. Being an introvert, I need a lot of time to myself.  I spend most mornings happily surrounded by a pack of dogs and the quiet. I read, think, and write. Even with Walt present, I can be alone.  He has similar rhythms. We can lose entire days to...

The Problem With Trying To Kill Two Birds With One Stone

I think about my arch nemesis--efficiency--a lot when I'm on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an unpleasantly steep...

Driving Miss Daisy

I’m learning to drive all over again in Ireland.  This doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but it feels death defying.  Most of the time, I pretty much want to scream and cry, or blame my misery on horrible Walt. Smug Walt. Gasp-y Walt. The Irish, for whatever...

What I Learned In France

I'm in France right now as I write. Nearly 12 years to the day I took the bike trip described herein. I thought I'd share this with you again, mostly because it feels so relevant to me at the moment. About ten years ago, I took my first vacation alone, a week-long...

The Multitasking Monster

I've said this before--so often in fact that I cringe when I hear these words come out of my yap yet again-- but I love my job. I learn so much from my clients. I suppose it can't be helped, what with me being up to my eyebrows in multiple versions of their...

Top Ten Reasons You Should Rewrite That Scene

When I was conducting writing workshops at East Hill, each year I would share this craft lesson with the students working on not just novels, but memoirs and short stories. I found this post on line years ago, written by a young woman known then as The Intern, and I...

Awkward!

On occasion, I'll take on a complete manuscript and work with the author to identify what ails it, suggest a better structure (or even genre), pinpoint what's missing, what generic tidbits need to be cut. Often, I have to sit with it a bit before the center of the...

The Mystery Of The Six-Minute Hard-Boiled Eggs

“I’d like two six-minute hard-boiled eggs,” I said, enunciating each word carefully. The young man who had assisted me with the very same order the day before nodded, then darted off to the hotel kitchen. Weaving in and out of the crowded breakfast area, I took my...

Railing Against The Man

I was browsing LinkedIn this morning when I came across a Steve Chandler quote. (If you don't know Steve, you really should.) It went something like this: Discipline has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with practice. In other words self-discipline is...

Beautiful Language That Says Jack Shit

Lately, I've had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that's so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is...

Advice To Writers

ADVICE TO WRITERS by Billy Collins from Sailing Alone Around the Room  (Random House) Even if it keeps you up all night, wash down the walls and scrub the floor of your study before composing a syllable. Clean the place as if the Pope were on his way. Spotlessness is...

On The Lighter Side

A post I wrote 7 years ago. When I was eleven, my mother signed me up for a weight loss class.  Having battled the bulge for years on end, she was alarmed when, at that awkward age, I, too, started piling on the pounds. So, every week we drove out to the local...

Relentless Pursuit Of A Dream

This is a guest post by Walt Hampton. A beautiful example of how one book can alter the course of a life. It had been a warm summer day in August of 1972. My father had purchased the book for me that morning in a Nantucket bookshop, the book that would change and...

A Vicious, Ridiculous Habit

An older post I thought to bring out of mothballs. Too many clients obsessively worrying about the path ahead. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley (Denali) in Alaska. Twenty days hauling an 80-lbs pack up steep traverses interspersed with hours on end...

What I’m Reading Now: Tools Of Titans

I’m a huge fan of re-purposing. The question I always ask, lazy git that I am? How can I turn something I’ve spent eons creating into ten other things with next to no additional work? If you’re a podcaster or someone who otherwise interviews folks on a regular basis,...

Oh, The Lure Of Research

It was Dennis Lehane, author of  Mystic River who admonished us fledgling writers to knock off all the research when working on our books. He'd just gotten a huge movie deal, Clint Eastwood was directing, so there he was at Harvard telling us all how he got to that...

Not The Mailroom, I Beg You

As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I'd like to introduce you to Janice Dean, ‎who teaches folks how to bypass fear and create a powerful  speaking presence in six seconds. (Seriously, I would have taken...

John Aardvark Has A Problem

As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I'd like to introduce you to Josh Patrick, ‎who helps successful businesses become sustainable. This is an excerpt from his upcoming book, a parable that speaks to the...

Heads Or Tails

As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I'd like to introduce you to Christine Khetarpal, ‎who helps women contemplating divorce make clear choices with confidence. This is an excerpt from her upcoming book, a...

Who You Are, Not What You Do

As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I'd like to introduce you to A.J. Wasserstein. This is an excerpt from his upcoming book, one that he's chosen to write for his son, a gift of life advice on the eve of ...

Africa Bound

I'm really proud of the work my clients do. It takes grit to muscle through the shitty first draft, the revisions, and the doubt. These people, they don't quit. As part of an upcoming series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of these...

Readers Want Faces

I often get questions from folks participating in my  Build A Book Bootcamp, a take-it-at-your-own-pace online course I developed quite some time ago. I thought I'd share this question, couched in the very reason for writing a book in the first place, and my response...

Be. Here. Now, Now, Now.

I don't know. I'm bringing this back out of mothballs simply because I need the reminder. BTW, for those who have expressed disgust because I choose to write about my mother from time to time, we've discussed this very post, Ma and I. It makes her laugh because it's...

As If I Were Some 350-lb. Linebacker

This is a post from way back when. I read it a couple of times to see if I still felt the same way. I hesitated to re-post this in light of the fact that Trump (don't get me started) has put many a woman in defense mode by virtue of his being a complete alleged...

How To Sell A Crapload Of Books

While I was in the States this last go round, I had dinner with my friend Tim Vandehey, a ghostwriter who lives in Kansas City. I refer to Tim those folks who'd like to have a book, but aren’t the least bit interested in doing the associated work. Tim knows the...

When You Sell Yourself For Cheap

A long time ago, before I had children, my husband took a second wife. We were living in Washington, D.C., not the Islamic Republic of Iran, and I had nothing of real value to lose if I packed up and left. The other woman— an old girlfriend who, last I’d heard, had...

You + Imagination = Possible

I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me.  Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot's wife, the chick who turned to salt: I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on...

Promise Me You Won’t Be Lazy

With the popularity of podcasts and YouTube channels, many tech-savvy entrepreneurs have created a series of interviews to promote their business. Now, if you want a book to further establish yourself as the go to expert, a collection of your transcribed interviews...

Speaking of Grit

Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future day in, day out, not just for the week, or the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. https://youtu.be/H14bBuluwB8

It’s Time To Develop Bearish Tenacity

Do you give up at the first sign of trouble?  Are you thrown by even the tiniest bump in the road? So, I was ice climbing in New Hampshire a while back.  If you’ve never ice climbed before, picture a group of 10 or so men and women in puffy jackets, plastic helmets,...

This Just Had Me In Stitches

Wrong, on so very many levels.   https://youtu.be/varlFj0W6UA

Secret Agent Man

If, after writing your no-doubt best-selling book, you want to go the traditional publishing route, you’ll need to hire an agent to represent you. Manuscripts sent directly to a publisher are called unsolicited submissions. They’re usually thrown away; unceremoniously...

What I’m Reading Now

I'm loving this book right now. (Just between you and me, if I were editing the thing, I'd start off with a much more powerful story--the guy, Chris Voss, has so damn many of them--than the one chosen to launch the reader into the world of high-stakes negotiation....

The Chicken Back Syndrome

When did we decide that everyone else should come first? Who proclaimed it our job to guarantee the pleasure of others and settle for whatever crumbs fell off their plates? I like to call this the Chicken Back Syndrome. Preparing a chicken dinner, encouraging our...

How To Avoid Embarrassment And Shame

If you’d like to avoid the embarrassment and shame associated with publishing ca-ca, I can’t recommend the editing process highly enough. Editing professionals get paid to study your manuscript, point out problems, and, sometimes, offer corrective suggestions. Unlike...

Chucking It All And Moving To A Foreign Country

I received this question, one that both Walt and I get more and more frequently, so I thought I’d put my answer to it out here again. I'm so intrigued with how you and Walt move back and forth between the U.S. and Ireland.  I'm just totally curious.  How do you two...

Get Others To Paint Your Fence

For lots of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times...

The Window To Our Soul

I have problems with eye contact. I don't want to show people my soul, what I'm really thinking, how I really feel. I suppose this is a habit from childhood. I learned to keep this stuff hidden, under tight wrap, to avoid instigating trouble. It's so easy for me to do...

How To Write A Parable

If you’d like to outline your message and be seen as an expert in your field, you’d be silly to write a novel. If you’re not keen to write a non-fiction business book, then perhaps you’d like to pen a parable. The parable is a particularly appealing genre for business...

You Have Finally Made Peace With Food. Now What?

This is  guest post by Tara Whitney. I'm really honored to have her as a writing client. I think this piece is beautiful, and vulnerable, and allows you, her reader, to instantly see why you might want her help to free yourself from emotional eating. She has many...

A Little Writing Lesson

If you’ve ever read a book on the craft of writing, or taken a writing class or workshop, you’ve likely heard the expression, "Show, don’t tell." Well, what, precisely, does this show, don’t tell stuff actually mean? In the interest of slipping in a little craft...

While In Vermont

So, Walt and I caught a flight to Boston on Friday from Cork, Ireland. We were on a quick mission: to witness one of our sons get married. The wedding was the perfect anti-wedding, sans fancy attire, rented ballroom, DJ, team of photographers, and towering cake. ...

The Next Time You Complain About The Dating Market

Picking up the pieces after financial and emotional bankruptcy, Ann Peck, host of Straight Talk for a Curvy World, revisits the secrets that shaped her self-concept and self-doubt.  Sex, failed relationships, codependency, parenting mistakes, they’re all there in her...

Clean Up On Aisle Nine: Revision For Simple Genres

Have you written a complete draft of a book, one with tons of bugs still in it? Are you wondering what comes next; what you’re supposed to do, specifically, during revision? If you’ve written a book that doesn’t require a narrative arc—motivational, self-help, or...

Just Another Book About Cancer, NOT

For years I was part of a writers' group that met each Tuesday evening in the author Anne Batterson's living room. Two or three of the members (we were never more than four at any given time) would read what they'd been working on, and the rest of us would listen...

117 Life Hacks For That College-Bound Son

 Say what you will about social media, it's a wonderful way to crowd source ideas.  I've gotten some of the best book recommendations, tips, and advice after someone has posed a question on Facebook and elicited responses. I posted the following statement/question on...

A Few Things You Should Know About Jane Austen

For some strange reason, whenever I conduct a beginners’ writing workshop, one of my students invariably raises her hand and gushes on about her desire to write novels just like Jane Austen’s. Jane Austen, I insist on mentioning, did not roll out of bed one morning at...

The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem

When I was younger, I used to look to others, mostly men, to rescue me. I was convinced that, if left to my own devices, I would make some horrible mistake and screw up my life permanently.  I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or needed, or how I felt about much of...

Look Who’s Contributing To The HuffPost

Sniff.  I'm so proud.  One of my gorgeous writing clients, who is working on the final edits of her SOON-TO-BE-PUBLISHED book, is now a contributor to the Huffington Post.  Look, that's a pretty big deal.  You have to know how to string more than a few words together...

Adult Pacifiers

I can't tell you how proud I am of Alexandra Desbrow, the author of this piece.  This is a chapter from her book in progress.  It's so terrific, I just have to share it with you, with her permission of course. This is how you stay in a very unpleasant moment, make it...

What I’m Reading Now

OMG, OMG, OMG, I so love this book. I mean, I love it so much, I tried to make the image really, really big so you wouldn't forget what it looks like. Listen.  Here's the other reason we read.  We want to feel stuff.  We want to experience joy and sadness and loss and...

What Happens When Your Work Is Read By Those You Don’t Know

I received an email from one of my writing clients the other day. She's one of the people I most adore because her mind is so expansive, so fascinating, so different from mine, and yet so familiar at the same time. The whole book writing process has allowed me to know...

Something You Need To Be Aware Of When Picking Blackberries

Spining Gold From Shit

Here's the thing.  The more you put yourself out there--on the stage or on the page--the more criticism you will draw.  It's just the way the world works. As Dale Carnegie used to say, "No one kicks a dead dog." I had to learn how to tolerate the stuff, otherwise I'd...

What I’m Reading Now

So, Walt and I were out and about last night when we passed by Brown Thomas, an upscale shop, Ireland's answer to Bergdoff Goodman. In the window were some of the most ludicrous outfits I've ever seen. Straight out of the circus. Bright orange clown outfits that...

Why Vulnerability Is The Antidote To Shame

Sometime back, I listened to a Brene Brown interview in which she described herself as a child. An introverted 13-year-old, she saw Grease 25 times,  a movie I paid to see four weeks in a row at the very same age. See, like me, Brene wanted desperately to shed her...

I See Beautiful People

I want to share with you a beauty secret I recently discovered.  The single element that will make heads turn, regardless of your weight, age, or ability to pull together a decent outfit.  The secret is Joy. Walt and I were at The Sunken Garden Poetry Festival  a few...

Help Me, Rhonda

It’s helpful to know that obstacles are part of the writing process, but how are you supposed to deal with them when they raise their ugly heads? What can you do if you’re confused, say, about setting, or plot, or the relevance of that stuff for your chosen genre? And...

Sad, Italian Water Buffalo

Humans crave story, with faces they can attach to, and sensory details. According to scientific studies, our brains light up like the fourth of July when we read about smells, sounds, tastes, touch, and sights. It’s what our minds want. It’s these details that keep us...

Run, Fat B!tch, Run

I’m going to break out my Book Yourself Solid coaching hat and introduce you to some associated philosophy: There are people we are meant to serve, and others not so much. And our job is to do everything in our power to reach those we are meant to serve. This...

Why You Need To Grab Your Readers By The Short Hairs

Are you a thought leader or an expert? Have you decided to write a book to showcase your unique process for fixing a specific problem? Do you want to inspire people, to offer them your perspective, your hard-won experience, so they can live a better life? Might the...

Manufactured Fear

Now vs.Then

I've had the same conversation with a number of my coaching clients this week, so I think it's high time I  share this lesson with you nice people. (If you're not a writer, start paying attention to this stuff as a reader.  It will really open up your appreciation for...

Tiny, Beautiful Things

My friend Janet, who’s a librarian in Connecticut, told me I had to read this book. She said that it reminded her of me, of the kind of stuff I say to her when her life is a shit show.  

I seriously WISH I wrote like this. Or that I was as clear, and funny, and...

The 411 On Writing Dialogue

I was digging through my East Hill Writing Workshop materials the other day when I chanced up this little lesson on dialogue. I'm pretty sure that one of my partners wrote this up, but I can't remember which.  I thought I'd break it out for you today because I think...

An Object Is Worth A Thousand Words

I was driving along the highway in Connecticut when I fell behind a mini Cooper with one of those vanity plates that made me want to hit the brakes. It had two words on it: Xin Loi. It’s a long story how I know this, and neither of us has time to get into it, but Xin...

Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think

I just discovered THE BEST Post on why we're hard-wired to be sniveling approval whores, thanks to my girlfriend, Janet.  It's written by a fellow named Tim Urban and hosted on his site Wait But Why. Here's just a snippet. Trust me, you'll want to read the whole...

Your Brain On Change

I've been spending a lot of time with my nose in this book. It's something that Walt bought and left on the shelf. ( I know!  Nothing better than having two readers in the family who think nothing of spending thousands of dollars on good books.) I picked it up because...

Big, Fat Book-Writing Obstacles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhMlFyjzFm4 Go to any cocktail party and you’ll overhear someone yammering on about their desire to write a book. From all appearances, writing a book is on more bucket lists than running a marathon, or wearing size 2 jeans, or visiting...

To Be, Or Not To Be

I bet you thought this post was going to be about Hamlet, or my existential malaise, but it's not. It's a tiny little writing lesson about the use of the verb to be and its many variations--is, are, am, was, were, be, being, been. So, I've just spent the last five...

How To Avoid Soiling Your Family Name

Self-publishing, also known as indie (short for independent) publishing, is currently the most common way for new authors to bring their books to market. Because this is the “easiest” method of publication, I’d like to offer you a word of warning: Without publishing...

A Few Of My All Time Favorite Essays

When I was in grad school, I took an essay writing course. We were assigned an anthology called The Best American Essays, which still sits, all marked up with black ink, on my bookshelf. (If I could find a link, I'd put it here, but I can't.)  In it, I discovered the...

4 Cold, Hard Facts

I had the opportunity to interview Ryan Sprenger last week about his publishing company, Book Rally.  If you missed it, you can listen to it by clicking here. Book Rally--a one-stop shop for book design, printing, publishing, and promotion using a crowd sourcing...

The Choices That We Make

How much of your life do you consider blind luck, and how much do you attribute to the choices that you’ve made? Muslims are by their very nature fatalists. They believe that what is ordained is ordained; and no one but God can alter anything. Each event, small or...

I’m Back In Ireland Just In The Nick Of Time

Pull myself out of the U.S, drop myself in a totally different environment, and I've created for myself a clean slate. A chance to slip into a different routine, and commit to some much better rituals. Question is, where can you go to interrupt your bad habits or rut?...

I Refuse To Eat Cat Food

I just got back from Los Angeles, LA for those of you in the know.  I was attending AWP, a monster of a conference for writers, teachers, editors, and publishers. It's sort of a big deal because there are over 12,000 people who attend, and you get to rub elbows with...

Where To Go When You’re Blind

After months and months of working on a book, it’s easy to go blind to what you’ve got in hand. Especially if you've been going it alone without the guidance of a book coach like me. (Blatant PLUG!) You’ve been looking at the same arrangement of words for so long, you...

A Puritan In Iran

I'm just back from a big writer's conference in LA, where I spoke on a panel.  Let me tell you, there's nothing more fun than hanging around 5,000 other people who love to talk about writing and words and books and tricks of the trade. That being said, I thought I'd...

A Devious, Cruel App For Writers

A writing prompt is a sentence designed to open the creative floodgates. Sometimes an image, or a picture, can serve to get the juices flowing, too. Get something down on the page, anything, and more words are guaranteed to follow. That’s the purpose of the thing. The...

Track The Things That Matter

Have I mentioned how much I love my job? Seriously, there are days where I feel like I should be paying my clients, not the other way around. So, I'm working with an F-16 fighter pilot I just adore. He's writing a book about goal achievement, about putting systems and...

A Simple Story About My Dad

I’m going to walk you through my story writing process, and model it for you. I’ll explain how I come up with an idea for a story, then how I construct the thing. I’ll be composing a scene for my memoir, but you’ll want to follow along even if you’re writing a case...

When You’re Upset And You Don’t Know Why

The last time I came back to the States for vacation while living in Iran, I got together with some old friends and regaled them with my latest in-law stories. I recounted the one about my mother-in-law, who, when staying with us in our tiny dorm room for months on...

Stevie

The first time his owner spotted him, a gang of young kids was tossing him back and forth like a football. She’d shouted at them to stop abusing the puppy, but they’d ignored the tiny, white-haired American lady. A week went by. She saw the puppy again. This time, one...

What’s Your Biggest Regret?

Walt and I have been spent the last week lying around poolside. (BTW, I have to look up laying vs lying every goddamn time. Here's a link that explains the difference, for your convenience.) On the surface, this sounds pretty dreamy, but after a few days of this, I'm...

The Trouble With Beavers

Once upon a time, Walt and I were out for a morning run. It so happens that our running route takes us past a river. Because it was springtime, we began to spot signs of heightened animal activity. The beavers in particular had been very busy. We trotted past a very...

Today Is A Perfect Unfolding, And We’re Not Talking Laundry

I love my job. I'm sure I've mentioned this fact before. I love the opportunity to get to know people deeply, to know how they think, what they believe, the message they mean to impart. I love that moment when my clients discover their unique writing voice, when it...

Constructive Criticism, My Ass

Listen, I dole out constructive criticism all the live long day.  It's part of my job as a content developer. I'm SUPPOSED to read what's on the page and point out all the pesky problems: what's missing, unclear, and totally irrelevant. Sometimes I forget to mention...

Perfectionism: The Kiss Of Death

Here’s a fear-based obstacle I want to take a whip and a chair to. It’s a nasty critter. In fact, this might be the biggest challenge you’ll face when writing your book, regardless of genre. It’s at the very core of why I encourage you to write the shittiest first...

The One Draft Mentality

I want to tell you a little story about my daughter, Iman, and her One Draft Mentality in order to anchor in a point. I’m going to paint a scene, because, as we’ll discuss at some point in time, scenes are what readers remember. A few years back, Iman came home for...

Be The Flawed Hero Of Your Own Tale

When I first began writing and presenting my short stories about Iran, people in my workshop class looked nervous.  No doubt remembering the fatwa placed on Salmon Rushdie's head for his Satanic Verses, they asked me, "Don't you think Iranians might take offense at...

Welcome To Pain Island

Here's the thing.  If you're a coach or a speaker looking to write a book, your readers (a.k.a. potential clients) want to know that you’ve overcome the same challenges that they’re currently facing. They want to know that you’ve had your own on-your-knees moment—that...

My New Best Friend, Marie Kondo

Just for fun, we’re going to pretend you’d like to write a client-attracting book. I’m going to lead you through an exercise to get you started thinking about that one big result you give your clients, and the associated benefits. Here are some questions I’d like you...

Why Yes, That IS A Bus In My Back Yard

Walt and I are finally cleaning out the basements (yes, that's a plural); and the over-stuffed three-car garage; and the attics (again, the plural); and all of the closets; and each of the seven, count them, seven bedrooms. I'm not following Marie Kondo's famous...

Why Waiting For Motivation Is Futile

Do you need to be motivated to take action? Nope. In fact, there are lots of times you’ll absolutely NOT feel like taking action when you promised yourself you would sit down and write. These very moments, I’m here to tell you, are the moments you’ll need to take...

What A Music Video Can Teach You About Writing

I broke my ankle a year or so ago, so I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home. I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video caught my eye. Now music videos are directed like movies,...

Danger, Will Robinson

I came across the perfect statement this morning in an old journal: Stop trying to control everybody and everything. I've spent my life trying to control my surroundings and the people in it.  Like a lot of other unhealthy compulsions, I chalk this one up to my...

This Is How I Grow My Business

I get a lot of business through referrals. My current clients are my biggest source of referrals because they know precisely what I do for them, and they recognize immediately the sort of person who could benefit from the work I do. They know who and what to look...

More On Blogging

I got a few great questions after my  last post on blogging. Looks like it's time to do another webinar on the process, but for now, I thought I'd share my answers here. How did you attract people to your blog when you were in the early stages? Each time I posted a...

Tea With God

I learn so much from my writing clients. Sometimes I think I should be paying them.  After reading this segment from Kyrsten Barrett's soon to be published book, well, I realized she was speaking to me. That's why I pulled my memoir out of the drawer after four years,...

A Very Bing Christmas To You All

Worry Not

Walt and I went out the other night to listen to some music.  We sat on a couple of stools in a cozy nook among all kinds of people and let the music flow over us, through us. I'm talking total peace. Here in rural Ireland, among the dairy farms and great tracts of...

You’ve Got To Be Bad To Be Good

I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?) Here’s the thing. I usually catch...

Some Books You’ll Want To Read If You’re Flirting With Downsizing

The idea of downsizing totally appeals to me. The seven-bedroom house in Connecticut made sense (not really, but hey) when we had kids at home, but now that they're grown, not so much.  Now that the dogs are dead, too (the kids are still alive, thank God, so no need...

I’m Going To Save You $30,000

All writers learn and do at the same time. Don’t think for a minute that you need to put your book-writing dreams on hold until you’ve earned an MFA. To save you the $30,000, I’d like to share with you what I learned at Harvard; the very thing each writing teacher...

Honesty

Eat Like You Give A Fuck

The more bold and authentic your voice, the more easily you'll attract those you're meant to work with. Because readers need to know what you fucking stand for. Thug Kitchen: Eat Like You Give A Fuck is just a perfect example of how to accomplish this in writing....

The Courage To Downsize

This is a guest post by Veronica Sommer Mollica.  It's an example of honest and powerful writing.  See if you don't appreciate the message as well. What do your things represent to you? Who are you without them?   I guess it was inevitable that I’d buy the...

The Life-Altering Magic Of Making One’s Bed

I'd like to share an excerpt from a manuscript I'm currently working on. It's written by a soulful young man whose journey through addiction has had me thinking about my own life, my own habits and vices.  For an all or nothing girl like me, the notion of one small,...

One of Those Photos That Slaps You Awake

Life is cyclical. Seems I need to keep relearning the same damn lesson. That's why I've decided to bring this post back.   A few weeks back, Walt and I attended a TedX talk in Clonakilty, Ireland. As with any Ted talk, I learned so much from the speakers. I...

Railing Against The Man

I was browsing LinkedIn this morning when I came across a Steve Chandler quote. (If you don't know Steve, you really should.) It went something like this: Discipline has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with practice. In other words self-discipline is...

Stripping Off The Bulletproof Vest

Here’s what I learned TOTALLY by accident.  Personal story sells. When I came out of Harvard, I began to compile some of the personal essays I’d produced in grad workshops. These essays eventually turned into a memoir about my years living in Iran with a staunch...

My Very First Blog Post

This is my very first blog post from November of 2009.  Lord Almighty, time flies. Six years, nearly to the day I started this blog with the sole intent of building an audience for my memoir about Iran, creating a platform. I wrote about books that influenced me,...

Misunderstanding Sex

It was the 70’s. Playboy and Penthouse were ubiquitous on suburban coffee tables, at least in the households where I babysat. My parents, in keeping with the make-love-not-war attitude of the era, kept a stash of porn star tell-all's, Penthouse Forum volumes, and...

Cat Shit In The Litter Box

Everybody fears that they are not enough.  Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt.  This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my...

10 Things The Adult Child Of An Addict Wants You To Know

My friend Whitney send me a link to this post. This piece is by Joni Edelman and first appeared in ravishly.com.  Needless to say, I think it's beautifully written, and pretty freaking relevant. I hope you get as much out of it as I did. There are many adults among us...

Can’t Win Me Love

For a very long time,  I believed that in order for someone to love me, I had to prove my worth. The trick was figuring out what a man wanted in me, and then playing that role. Love didn’t happen naturally, it had to be squeezed into place. I started dating...

My New Best Friend

Being a people-pleaser is exhausting, and demoralizing. For us, and everyone around us. Believe me, I know.  That's why I fell hard for Erika Napoletano and her TedX video.  She doesn't know it yet, but we're BFF's. Have you ever been afraid of what people might think...

Time Management For Losers

A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I will never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything.  You can’t do it all at...

What An Orange Can Teach You

Dyer was known for teaching his ideas through metaphors. The last lesson he posted on Facebook on the eve of his death used an orange as an example: I was preparing to speak at an I Can Do It conference and I decided to bring an orange on stage with me as a prop for...

Elect Yourself: No One Else Will

Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the...

A Life Lesson, Brought To You By My Cats

We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats.  Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter is a cat-hater’s cat. He’s got all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart.  Tail up,...

Finding My Wood

When I turned thirty, I was angry and unhappy, but didn't really know it.  I figured that niggling feeling, the one I couldn't really identify, the one that wouldn't go away, was the natural result of having two little kids, too much time with nothing to think...

The Cure For Resting Bitch Face

Most of the time I look pretty grim. Like I'm about to be caught doing something really bad. From what I understand, I suffer from Resting Bitch Face. It doesn't matter that I feel perfectly fine, it's just that, as an introvert, I live inside my head. The intensity...

The Cure For Dissociation

I talk about this stuff all the time.  Two things changed my life: running and writing. From these two activities, man, did I learn to get in touch with myself. And that's the key: connecting with who you really are and what you think and feel. Not easy for...

The Kind of Girl You’d Warn Your Sons Off

One of the benefits of writing a book is the visibility it buys you.  Know that saying, build it and they will come?  Well, that's bullshit. After all that hard work, you've actually got to get out there and promote the thing if you want readers, and/or any kind...

Ten Years In The Making

Ten years ago (yesterday), I met Walt in a coffee shop, a Starbucks, to be specific.  We'd found each other on Match.com and, thanks to our VERY accurate, buyer-beware profiles, had immediately recognized the synergies.  He hadn't bothered to put a picture up, which...

Which Dog Will You Feed?

I just got back from Mallorca, an island off the coast of Spain where my daughter and her husband celebrated their marriage for the second time.  Needless to say, surrounded by a LOT of highly dramatic members of the Sheybani clan I haven't seen in a very long time,...

Truth Heals

I received this beautiful note last week in response to my newsletter, and I'd like to share it and my response with you.  It's relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously. Each time I...

Before You Buy That FitBit

  I've been searching and searching for this video, which I saw a year or two back.  Lo and behold, there it was in my Youtube feed this morning. There's a couple of reasons I was taken by Zoe Chance's TedX talk, why I wanted to share it with you: 1.  As a...

The Crow Knows

When I was twenty-one I found myself in an awful predicament. With a semester and a half to go before graduating from college, I got pregnant. I decided that snowy January that the only logical way to handle the unexpected turn of events was to marry my boyfriend, a...

Shots of Awe

My friend Katerina introduced me to a Youtube series called Shots of Awe. Get me started watching them, and I can pretty much forget about getting anything productive done. Each day I talk to people who can't remember what they enjoy.  They feel like they have no...

Chucking It All And Moving To A Foreign Country

I received this question last week, one that both Walt and I get more frequently, so I thought I’d answer it here. I'm so intrigued with how you and Walt move back and forth between the U.S. and Ireland.  I'm just totally curious.  How do you two decide when to be...

Be. Here. Now, Now, Now.

I'm down to the final countdown. The last day or two before I disappear to Ireland for a good long while.  Lots of stuff to get done.  Lots of people I need to see so I'm not labeled the shittiest friend in the world. And I feel all of that familiar anxiety welling up...

What I’m Reading Now

I’ve been gobbling up Annita P. Sawyer's new book: Smoking Cigarettes, Eating Glass. This was the memoir she was working on when we studied together at Bread Loaf, a prestigious writing conference in Middlebury, Vermont.  Like me, Annita was sitting in class...

Quirky Sells

I was lazing around on the couch this morning flipping through The New York Times Magazine when I ran into an article about the latest Youtube sensation. Tyler Oakley is a young, gay man who posts videos about the stuff he thinks about on a day-to-day basis.  And he...

It’s Not The Critic Who Counts

It takes guts to have an opinion.  It takes guts to share them with others. To open yourself up to criticism.  I don’t care what you say, how innocuous it may seem to you; someone will decide that your opinion makes you a member of Al Qaeda. That’s just how it goes....

What Will It Take To Let Go?

I received a note the other day from a woman who has flirted with the idea of coaching for nearly two years.  She's sent me several letters during this time and in each and every one she recounts the same sad story about living with her deadbeat boyfriend, how she...

You + Imagination = Possible

I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me.  Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot, the dude that turned to salt:  I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on today....

Be The Buffalo

I was thinking about my relationship with discomfort this morning on my long run.  Walt and I set out to do 12 miles, and sure enough, at about mile 6, this twingy thing I've got going on with my left hamstring reared its ugly head. Of course Walt is of the opinion...

What Happened When I Stopped Drinking

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.--Blaise Pascal I was sitting in a mindfulness breakout session in Dublin last week when the leader wrote this quotation on his whiteboard.  It was one of those sentences that grabbed...

Let People Say What They Want To Say (On Mother’s Day Or Any Other)

This is a guest post by Karen C.L. Anderson. I met her at a networking event and what grabbed my attention was what other people had to say about her and her programs. Raving fans, I tell you. She's all about drawing healthy boundaries, particularly with one's...

Some Light Reading About Death And Sex

Years and years ago, I decided that the best way to keep myself writing was to hang out with other writers. So I set out to find other writers in the area and eventually joined a tight-knit writers' group who met once a week in the author Anne Batterson's living room....

Haters Are Gonna Hate

I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them, then with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me up; unfortunately it didn't. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything. ...

Climbing Mt. Everest With a Pen

When I was young, I had no idea what I thought, felt, or wanted.  Pressed for my opinion, I’d make an evasive or sarcastic comment instead of deciding what it was that I thought. I didn’t want to say anything that could be construed the wrong way, or held against me...

What I Learned In France

About ten years ago, I took my first vacation alone, a week-long bike tour in southern France. Despite my years as a traveling salesperson, I’d never liked going to the movies by myself, or eating dinner alone at a restaurant, because I didn’t want to look like a...

Coaching Is A Total Waste of Money

Coaching is designed to get you where you want to go a whole bunch faster than doing it on your own. The idea being that by working with someone who has figured out how to do what it is that you want to do, you save a crap load of time, money, grief, and energy. Want...

30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself

I found this list a while back and tucked it away in a folder. Lo and behold I rediscovered it and decided it needed to be shared.  It's a bit long, but don't let that stop you. An excellent reminder that your happiness and success are in your own hands.  No one else...

Make Your Mess Your Message

I'm a big proponent of turning your mess into your message.  And I think Monica Lewinsky's recent Ted Talk is a wonderful example of turning one's most shameful moment into a powerful call to action. Think about it.  What are you hiding?  What story could you tell...

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

So, I'm browsing around Youtube, as I'm prone to do when I'm putting together my weekly newsletter, and out pops Jeanna Maples, a young blogger with a major potty mouth who is getting a hell of a lot of play. Her topic?  Nice guys, and their assertion that they always...

I’ve Got Some Nerve Publishing This Book

The thing about being a writer is that I tend to associate with a lot of other writers. Writers who publish books as often as they change their underwear. Besides my writing buddies, and my students, and my coaching clients, people who talk about books and writing and...

The Leader Within

I've never met my guest poster, Nnenna Kalu Makanjuola, but that won't stop me from sharing her words.  Her message is really powerful, particularly if you've spent a big chunk of your life waiting for someone out there to rescue you, to build your boat. And don't get...

When You’re Married to One of Us

You talk about “people like us” who hide their true selves to be loved and accepted. What about the “what you see is what you get” types who assume others play by those same rules only to be stunned when the resentful manipulator shows his true colors. Same problem...

When You’ve Been Hit By A Bus

Last week I ran a post in which I listed the wonderful things my husband does for me, and what I had needed to change in my life to be ready for such a loving relationship. I got this thought-provoking comment: What about the kind of addict/narcissist that treats you...

A Man Who Will Bring You Coffee In Bed

From an e-mail I received: I just went through a breakup again on Saturday. My 34th birthday. There were many things wrong. Mostly, yet again, I was giving it 100 percent and not getting enough back. He proceeded to ruin my birthday and tell me how I felt & that I...

57 Things I Love About My Irish Hood

The crazy Border Collies laying in wait to chase our car just beyond the barn. The farmer on the hill who tells us jokes we can barely understand, what with his brogue being so thick. I'm pretty sure they all involve traveling salesmen and farmers' daughters, though....

Remind Me

This is a guest post by the author Beth Jannery, a woman I'm grateful to call my friend. I’ve posted it today because, being an accomplishment whore who wants nothing more than to control ALL of the chess pieces, I needed these reminders. Life is not to be endured. It...

Are You A Beggar?

I've been talking to some women lately--women freshly divorced, or unhappy in a job-- who feel like they're all washed up.  Done. Because they're too old. See, they've got settle for crumbs, slum a little, because who in their right mind would want them?! I'm talking...

From a Young Slam Poet on Voice

This is my reminder that I have a voice. That sounds silly, huh? Considering I am a poet and I have a daily habit of peeling back layers of skin, exposing the rawest parts of myself on the internet. A place notorious for how it responds to vulnerability and honesty,...

Why There’s Cheese On Your Pillow

Walt and I have been conducting our 6-week Master Class, Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet. It’s all about getting clear on and committed to your goals, setting defined limits, establishing proven practices, taking consistent action, and continually reviewing what works,...

Remember That Kid’s Game Red Light, Green Light?

This is a guest post by Krista MacGregor, a health coach with a wonderful message. If you suspect you're stuck in a relationship or situation that no longer serves, listen up. If you're wondering what you want to be when you grow up, well, this is for you too.  ...

Parenting Advice From a Shitty Mother

As a generation, we’ve done our children a grave disservice by continually rescuing them from discomfort, self-created or otherwise. We’ve meant well, but rather than ensuring their success by smoothing the way for them, we’ve created a herd of frustrated, young...

How You Ended Up Trapped

This fall, my friend Bridget Cooper invited me to write the forward for her book Feed The Need, which got me really excited. I mean, I love this saucy minx's message. If you're a people-pleaser, this book will have you at hello. Do you know how to get wild mustangs to...

Lose Friends And Alienate People

You know what writers and people-pleasers have in common? They're both terrified of telling the truth.  They worry that if they reveal what they truly think and feel, they're going to be abandoned, roundly criticized, or worse.  One of my goals this year was to...

Oh The Shit Show We Create When We Settle

Walt and I spent this weekend mountain climbing in Lake Placid, New York. Winter climbing involves dressing in thousands of layers and tromping up and down a mountain on snow shoes for a good eight hours.  I realize that most folks don't consider such an activity...

Cruel To Be Kind

This is a guest post from Walt Hampton.  I think it's a pretty important message for us people-pleasers, especially during the holidays.  Even on a good day, we're reluctant to cut ourselves a break, to take care of ourselves, because we're way too caught up with...

And Then What Happens?

The holiday season is upon us, and I've been thinking about my very best survival tools, the ones I need to break out when faced with disgruntled relatives. Not that you'd know what I mean, I'm sure. Here's one from my arsenal, which I posted a while back.   Want...

In Which I Quote Rumi And The Cookie Monster

I ran into a surgical nurse at a party last week in Ireland.  We were chatting about life, as one is prone to do at gatherings. And when I told this nurse about a talk I was giving when I got back to the States, about what I’d really noticed during our time in...

One of Those Photos That Slaps You Awake

A few weeks back, Walt and I attended a TedX talk in Clonakilty, Ireland. As with any Ted talk, I learned so much from the speakers. I learned what it looks like to be totally swept away by passion, to stand on a stage before hundreds of people with a zero...

Just Screw It!

This is a little guest post from Walt Hampton. The days have gotten pretty short up here on the 52nd parallel. The sun rises in the southeast and scoots along the southern horizon; darkness comes way too soon. Today, the wind is blowing a cold rain across the...

It’s Time For Another Adventure

I've been down for the count with a broken ankle these past three months. But I'm back on the road again.  Running. And I can feel my soul opening up. I can feel the land and the sky and the rain as if they were part of me. I'm alive. This season, I've learned a lot...

One Way to Free Yourself From Rage

Here's a guest post I'm dying to share with you because, if you're anything like me, you've got a big problem expressing negative emotions.  Unfortunately, rage, which is what builds up when you can't connect with bad feelings, let alone offload them, is toxic to your...

It’s Braver to be Clark Kent Than Superman

As many of you may know, I teach writing workshops—locally and online—and coach those who want to write and publish a book. I also coach nice girls (and guys) who are sick of feeling trapped by their inability to tell the truth. Who want to learn how to draw healthy...

The Cost of Postponing The Inevitable

Once upon a time I was an aimless girl who twisted herself into a little pretzel to win over a man. He was a decent man, with his own complexes and flaws, who led me down the primrose path into the Islamic Republic of Iran. This did not go well. As with any episode in...

My Husband, The Narcissist

Dear Mimi, Thank you for your comment on this Youtube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhKUB1IU_WE You claim that Walt is a 100% narcissist. The thing I've noticed about defensiveness, which is what your criticism stirred, is that it always kicks in when I...

10 Random Things I Totally Recommend

I know this is out of the ordinary, me recommending anything other than books, but every once in a while I get all excited about new stuff I've discovered.  I can't believe my good luck, and I want to shout the news from the rooftops, even if no one else on the planet...

How You Learn To Trust

Post by BuzzFeed Video.

Be. Here. Now.

I watch my mother get ready for work while I’m visiting her in Medora, North Dakota.  At 76, she spends the summer months selling expensive trinkets in some tourist trap at Teddy Roosevelt National Park.  Always an early bird, she’s out of the sack by 6 a.m. She...

There Will Be Blood, And Obstacles

I started working on a blog this morning while overlooking the pasture.  Halfway in, I realized I'd written the very same piece a year ago. Which reminded me of something I once read:  photographers have only one picture, writers have only one story. Have you put your...

The Ski Patrol Is Not Coming

It's been one of those weeks. Who are we kidding, it's been one of those months. What with this broken ankle and not being able to run, I've become seriously sulky.  I've found myself irritated that others can't seem to give me what I need.  No one can make me feel...

55 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Crazy Busy

I ran into this post a while back.  It's written by another writer and life coach named Marthe.  You can read her stuff and learn all about her right here.  Frankly, being something of an anxious accomplishment whore, I pretty much suck at relaxation. It's something...

The State I Got Myself Into On the Way to Medora

I just flew out to visit my Mom in Medora, North Dakota.  Every summer for the last, I don't know, decade?, she's worked at Teddy Roosevelt National Park. She's got a crew of girlios to hang around with, a bunch of grannies who travel the country in Winnebago...

The Meek Might Inherit the Earth, But Not the Promotion

I have a coaching client named Bill.  No surprises here, Bill’s a people-pleaser, a real nice guy.  You’d love him. (He’s single now, so if anybody out there is looking for a nice guy, let me know.) Once upon a time, Bill was working as an accountant at a mid-sized...

One Touch And He Stiffens

I have a pug that turns to stone the minute I try to pick him up.  He absolutely despises being man handled and will squeal like a pig. The thing is, I can totally relate to Max.  There were years, and I mean DECADES, where I couldn’t stand to be touched, even though...

50 Things, You, My Friend, Get to Do.

You get to change your mind You get to make mistakes You get to vacillate You get to take your own sweet time You get to be angry, or hurt, or sad You get to say no You get to take care of your needs You get to disagree You get to speak your mind You get to be direct...

Which Dog Are You Going to Feed?

On Sunday, Walt and I got the brilliant idea that we’d kayak over to Horse Island and have ourselves a little picnic to celebrate our anniversary. Horse Island is this little deserted hunk of cliff and bush with an old stone tower on one end that lies ten minutes off...

Fix What Needs to Be Fixed

No surprises here, I'm a huge fan of accountability.  Want to get something done?  Get someone looking over your shoulder to make sure you're doing what you said you would do! If you need to drop the lard, check out this opportunity.  I'm serious.  When Linda played...

When Will I Ever Learn

Walt and I went to Dublin the other day.  I don't know what it's going to take to FINALLY learn this lesson:  I just don't like big cities. We rode up with some friends who had business to attend to, and while they were off doing their thang, they set us up with a...

I Can Not Belive I Have to Define This!

Somebody asked me the other day what I mean when I say, "I teach women how to cut the nice girl crap."   It dawns on me, now, that I need to be more specific because ignorant certain people don't understand the expression "nice girl," or recognize their associated...

Some Dead Guy’s Formula For Self-Esteem

Chemists like equations. Chemist that I am, I’m going to give you an equation I learned very late in life. Listen up, because this one affects every aspect of your life. Self-esteem= Success/pretensions William James, the father of psychology, came up with this...

66 Rules You Adopt When You’re Raised By Wolves

As I've mentioned about a thousand times before, I grew up in an alcoholic household.  My dad was a former farm boy from rural North Dakota who hated his job as an engineer at Pratt & Whitney, or, as we used to call it at home, Pratt & Whiskey. Now, I’ve got...

Cut The Nice Girl Crap!

Nice girls believe that if they’re super sweet, and agreeable, and helpful, and they never argue or complain, and they take one for the team, and they go the extra mile, and they volunteer to do the job no one else wants to do, and they keep quiet, and they don’t make...

Paparazzi Can Be SOOOO Annoying

I had the huge privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a northern New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share it with you here. I think I sound horribly impressive.Unfortunately, the paparazzi just...

Why We Put Up With Outrageous Shit

Walt and I are giving a talk one evening when I meet a woman who is interested in exploring a coaching relationship.  She’s impressed by the way Walt and I interact as a couple, our obvious love and respect for one another, and she wants “a look under the hood” so she...

The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem

When I was younger, I used to look to others, mostly men, to rescue me. I was convinced that, if left to my own devices, I would make some horrible mistake and screw up my life permanently.  I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or needed, or how I felt about much of...

The Words I Wish I’d Heard Upon Graduating From College

I love this time of year.  All those motivating commencement speeches cropping up on the Internet.  I can't remember a single word that was said when I graduated with my B.S. in 1985.  I do, however, remember the commencement speech at Harvard when I received my...

You Came To The Wrong Neighborhood, Homedog!

My girlfriend is planning her first trip to Ireland.  She’s bringing her teenaged kids along with her. She’s purchased the plane tickets, reserved the rental car, now it’s dawning on her that she’s going to have to shell out a lot more money than she’d planned on....

Are You Hiding in Your Closet?

So, imagine my surprise when I came across this TedX Talk by Ash Beckman, a lovely woman I met at the Breadloaf Writers' Conference a few years back.  At the time, she was working on composing this very story. At the time, I didn't understand her militancy, why she'd...

Shock and Awe

This week I was asked an interview question that really got me thinking: “Much of your writing is deeply personal and provocative; some of it seems almost intended to shock. Is there a cost for being so forthright?” A lot of us who choose to write memoir or personal...

Own It, Baby

I was listening to a Ted Talk last month with  Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  She’s...

What Will It Take to Let Go?

I received a note the other day from a woman who has flirted with the idea of coaching for nearly two years.  She's sent me several letters during this time and in each and every one she recounts the same sad story about living with her deadbeat boyfriend, how she...

Someone I’m So Impressed With

Here's what I do. I help clients see their world differently.  Because when you help someone see their world differently, their world changes. When someone sees the world differently they show up differently, and they create results that looked impossible a moment...

Act Out

This is a guest post by none other than Walt Hampton.   One of my fondest memories from my early years as a young single dad is of watching my boy, clad in his yellow slicker and red rubber boots, stomping in the puddles, standing in the rain. He always liked...

A Quick Tip On How To Nurture Resentment

My mom was the queen of expectations. Despite being very helpful to me, particularly when my kids were young, her acts of service always came with an unspoken price tag. Our relationship suffered because she expected me to do whatever she 'expected' of me without...

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't enjoy what "normal" people did. I could never get into Broadway shows, or cruises, or bus tours, or weekends in a big city, or marathon shopping trips, or the ballet, or watching sporting events, or...

What I’m Reading Now

Here in Ireland I read incessantly.  No sooner than I finish one book, I scan the bookshelves and grab another.  For the last ten days I've been in total bliss, until I ran into this little number, which really pulled me up short. Walt must have bought Money, A Love...

The Year I Let Myself Go (Again)

I ran this post a year or two back.  What with the cheese, Guinness, and chocolate cake I've been facing day after day here in Ireland--serious temptations, particularly when presented by hospitable friends and neighbors--I thought I could use a little reminder. ...

How To Land Yourself In Jail

A young Frenchman wants to switch places with me so he can sit next to one of the five cohorts who accompanied him on our transatlantic flight.  He’s asked me several times if I’ll move, and he won’t take no for an answer.  “This is my wife,” he says in broken English...

Let’s Stop Lying, Shall We?

As many of you may know, I ran two businesses before I took up coaching writers. I taught/teach writing workshops—locally and online—and I also coached nice girls (and guys) who were sick of feeling trapped by their inability to tell the truth. Who wanted to learn how...

Waiting For Motivation Is Like Waiting For Godot

Do you need to be motivated to take action? Hell No. In fact, there are lots of times you’ll absolutely NOT feel like taking action when you promised yourself you would.  These very moments, I’m here to tell you, are the moments you’ll need to take action anyway....

10 Loopholes We Use to Stay Stuck

Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits--which is pretty much what you’ve got to do if you want to have something you don’t have now--you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up...

Roommate vs. Lover

This is a guest post by Dr. Bridget Cooper, author of Feed the Need (To Reduce Conflict and Multiply Joy)   Focus, the limited amount or lack of it entirely, is the number one complaint that clients approach me with as they enter coaching. Usually, though, they...

7 Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself

This is a guest post by Veronica Mollica. Veronica is a Wellness Coach who helps people remember how to be kind to their mind, body, and spirit.   If you find yourself wondering what happened to that kind, generous part of yourself, take a look at how you are...

What Might Happen If You Asked?

We're all afraid of stepping up and asking for what we want.  We're afraid to ask our boss, or our parents, or our spouse, or our friend, or the gatekeeper to a wonderful new opportunity. We're even afraid to ask our kids. Why? What do we stand to lose? What is the...

Elect Yourself; No One Else Is Going To

I ran this post a year or two back.  I decided it was time to bring it back after seeing this "issue" come up in a number of coaching sessions.  Listen, people, you will never feel ready.  There will always be more work to do.  Preparation is great, it's absolutely...

Stop Screwing Yourself Over

Walt and I are busy preparing for our weekly webinar:  How to Make 2014 Your Best Year Ever.  This week's topic? Taking Action.  It promises to be a rather short class because the whole secret to getting what you want can be summed up in two words:  Do it.  I know...

It’s Not The Critic Who Counts

It takes guts to have an opinion.  It takes guts to share them with others. To open yourself up to criticism.  I don’t care what you say, how innocuous it may seem to you; someone will decide that your opinion makes you a member of Al Qaeda. That’s just how it goes....

100 Reasons I Love Myself

This week, I found myself talking to some amazing women who had no clue that they're amazing.  When I asked them what they liked about themselves, or what they're good at, they had a helluva time coming up with an answer.  Pretty normal for folks who have come...

Your Awakening

I have this message hanging over my desk.  I’m not sure who wrote it.  I keep it there because there are those days that I really need the reminder.  The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share again. Think of it as my little gift to you....

LOL? WTF!

I received a comment from a lovely woman last week, which inspired this blog. ...I am plodding on, getting out there, striving! LOL. Still with the same negative, self pitying man, who I live with like brother and sis now! Unfortunately I share a bed with him, but can...

Is Your Life a Slot Machine?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo6QNU8kHxI How much of your life do you consider blind luck, and how much do you attribute to the choices you have made? Muslims are fatalists. They believe what’s ordained is ordained; and no one but God can alter anything. Each event,...

Not Just About Getting Laid

It was the 70’s. Playboy and Penthouse were ubiquitous on suburban coffee tables, at least in the households where I babysat. My parents, in keeping with the make-love-not-war attitude of the era, kept a stash of porn star tell-all's, Penthouse Forum volumes, and...

Why Would You Ever Date This Guy?

This is a guest post by Jaimy Blazynski, The Date Doctor. Most of my life I dated emotionally weak men and never realized it. They would feel sorry for themselves, blame me for their misfortunes, resent my happiness, dwell endlessly on the past and be rude, angry and...

How To Crash And Burn By Year’s End

This is a guest post by the famous Walt Hampton. December can be a crazy month. It can feel like an energy vortex sucking us forward at warp speed only to dump us out breathless and exhausted sometime around the end of January. It’s pretty easy to wear yourself out so...

What I Learned In Ireland

Do you remember coming home for break while you were in college?  You’d have a pile of heavy textbooks in your backpack, along with the intention to catch up, or get a jump-start, on various assignments. And do you remember how, invariably, just as day follows night,...

When You Hit The Bottom Hard, The Only Way Is Up

As you may know, I love a good Starting Over story.  You know the kind: one minute you're riding high, the next, you're flat on your back wondering what hit you. What fears prevent you from letting go of your old life? What if they actually happened?  Sahar Irwin...

50 Things You, My Friend, Get To Do

You get to change your mind You get to make mistakes You get to vacillate You get to take your own sweet time You get to be angry, or hurt, or sad You get to say no You get to take care of your needs You get to disagree You get to speak your mind You get to be direct...

When You’re This Intense, You Need to Laugh

Most of the time I look pretty grim. Like I'm about to be caught doing something really bad. It doesn't matter that I feel perfectly fine, it's just that, as an introvert, I live inside my head. The intensity thing sometimes gets in the way of having fun. I'm so busy...

Oh, The Sh*t Show We Create When We Settle

Have I ever mentioned how much I love questions and comments?  I do. Thanks again to Jessie for the inspiration for this post. Here's what Jessie says: My [dating] challenge will be to find the right balance between ‘must-haves’ and ‘realistic.’ For example, these two...

My Date With a Serial Killer

I received a wonderful comment a few weeks back, and now I’d love to take the time to respond properly. You’ve shared that you met Walt on Match. So, please also share how you maintained the endurance to keep going and not lose hope from one stereotypical online...

Steady Through the Storm

The summer I came back to the States, the fall I chose never to go back to Iran, I told myself that if I could just get away from my husband’s family, just gain a little control, then all my troubles would magically disappear. I understood that if I refused to go...

The Cost of Postponing the Inevitable

Once upon a time I was an aimless girl who twisted herself into a little pretzel to win over a man. He was a decent man, with his own complexes and flaws, who led me down the primrose path into the Islamic Republic of Iran. This did not go well. As with any episode in...

Driving Miss Daisy

I’m learning to drive all over again in Ireland.  This doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but it feels death defying.  Most of the time, I pretty much want to scream and cry, or blame my misery on horrible Walt. Smug Walt. Gasp-y Walt. The Irish, for whatever...

Pop, Pop, Pop, Bark, Bark, Bark

The farmer two hills over is harvesting his potatoes. To keep the crows from puncturing his spuds, which, from what I'm told, renders them useless, he's operating a mechanical popper.  Every--let me time this so I can be accurate--37 seconds, we hear the sound of his...

Run For Your Life!

In grade school, I was one of those kids, the kind no one picked for their team.  Instead, I lurked on the sidelines with Arlene, a fragile girl with Bambi eyes, and Joanne, a chubby thing with an attitude problem. The trouble with me was that I refused to...

Why I’m an Incredibly Poor Role Model

Walt and I are getting ready to go to Ireland for three whole months, which has me feeling vaguely hysterical.  You want to see my all-or-nothing mindset kick in, my NOW, NOW, NOW or the world explodes mode switch on?  Come on over and sit on my couch.  You may even...

And Then What Happens?

Want to know the secret to personal power?  I’m talking Wonder Woman red-cape-wearing power. The ability to stay steady when other people—people that you love and/or need—become angry, sad, or disappointed.  Particularly when you’ve (supposedly) done or said something...

An Interview with Dr. Bridget Cooper: Writing a Book

If you are an expert looking to create a book for back of the room sales and/or as a way to buttress your credibility, you may want to listen in to my interview with Dr. Bridget Cooper, Author of Feed the Need.  She'll tell you all about the creation process, the time...

Fun With Passive Aggression

Want an Hour or Two of Giggles? Head on over to YouTube and plug in the keyword "Passive Aggressive." Why would I do this, you ask? Because people who are afraid to express anger, sadness, or disappointment in relationships usually end up expressing themselves through...

Do You Know Your 5 Deal Breakers?

Do you know who you are, and what you want from a life partner? Are you afraid that by voicing your needs you will drive him (or her) off? This from my friend Bridget’s new book, Feed the Need: Years ago, as I was getting back into the dating scene, I read a book that...

The Crow Knows

When I was twenty-one I found myself in an awful predicament. With a semester and a half to go before graduating from college, I got pregnant. I decided that snowy January that the only logical way to handle the unexpected turn of events was to marry my boyfriend, a...

How a Good Girl Learns to Get Untamed

As many of you know, I'm a big fan of coaching, of forming a professional relationship with someone whom you respect, someone who has already walked the path you're about to set off on.  Someone who can point out the shortcuts and the hidden pitfalls to save you a...

10 Books You Need to Read If You Were Raised by Alcoholics

If I were to teach a course about overcoming the emotional damage and the misconceptions picked up from alcoholic parents, this would be the semester's  assigned reading. You'll see me quote from these books from time to time, and I often send them to my coaching...

A Man Who Will Bring You Coffee In Bed

I received an e-mail this week that speaks to so many of us raised in alcoholic households. I just went through a breakup again on Saturday. My 34th birthday. There were many things wrong. Mostly, yet again, I was giving it 100 percent and not getting enough back. He...

Are You Ignoring the Ugly Truth?

I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and I was reminded of a painful lesson I had to learn, like, 2,347 times.  Her lover had informed her that, if he had to choose between her and another, he would not choose her. She, of course, had gotten her feelings hurt....

Danger, Will Robbinson, Danger

I came across the perfect statement this morning in an old journal: Stop trying to control everybody and everything. I have spent my life trying to control my surroundings and the people in it.  Like a lot of other unhealthy compulsions, I chalk this one up to my...

Why You Want Your Butt to Hurt

I attended an exercise boot camp at a local gym this past Friday.  Three days later, I can barely walk.  Walt keeps making fun of me because every time I bend over, I make these awful sounds. Compassion, as you can see, is not his strong suit. I’m coaching a group of...

Why You May Be Driving Men Off

  Starting Over with Richard Schuh   Richard Schuh is the first male I have chosen to interview.  I think he’s pretty special, and I know you will too.  I sat next to this heart-centered man at a Tony Robbins conference and I was struck by his honesty,...

Time Management For Losers

A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I will never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything.  You can’t do it all at...

So Much For Horse Sense

Do you know how to get wild mustangs to accept being penned in? You build one side of the fence and let them get used to it. Then another. And another. And, before they realize it, they’re surrounded on all four sides with no way out. I think people pleasers are a lot...

Why You Want Me To Be Your Coach

Because we learn best from people who understand our demons. An alcoholic is best helped by a former drunk. The mother of an autistic child needs someone who has run the gauntlet themselves. You kinda want your divorce lawyer to understand your impulse to burn your...

Why You Should Do Dan Brown

What if uncertainty and tension and confrontation were good things?  How might your life improve if you used them as tools?  If you stopped running away from them and recognized them as a fantabulous forces for change? I was giving a creative writing lecture last...

There Will Be Blood. And Obstacles

Have you put your “totally unrealistic” dream on the back burner because you can think of 10 problems right out of the box? I was watching a fox and her two kits bound across the field this morning as Walt and I drank our first cup of coffee.  In the upper pasture, a...

Why I Need More Therapy

One 15-minute conversation with my mother, and I know how I got this crazy. She’s why I wake up in a cold sweat convinced that I have to organize my garage—right this second, at 2AM—even though it’s been an absolute shit show for the last six years. Why I need to...

Good Mom Rules

Do you have trouble saying no to your children? Do you ever feel that, no matter how much you give or do, it’s never going to be enough? Are you sacrificing your financial health, and/or peace of mind to rescue your kids from consequences? Do you take on their worries...

The Daddy Hole

My friend, L, is the most “normal” woman I have ever met.  She doesn’t cart around emotional baggage. Not even a change purse-full. Her decisions have always seemed so… sensible. I’m pretty sure L’s superpowers—stability and confidence—are a gift from her father. He’s...

What You Might Find on the Other Side

I'm always reluctant to crow about my good fortune.  But, you know what?  Screw it. All those years ago when I was squatting in that closet with my unhappiness, I could never have imagined what I'd find on the other side.  I could never have envisioned this big,...

The Girl in the Plastic B-Bubble

This is a guest post by the world famous boundary expert, Bridget Cooper.  Well maybe not world famous. Yet.  But hold on. When you have boundary issues it’s a huge challenge to figure out what is your baggage and what belongs to someone else. You either blame others...

The Day of Reckoning

Know that problem you just can’t seem to face? Mmmm-hmmm, that's the one. That dead end job, or limping marriage, or troubled kid, or that fill in-the-blank. What do you think it’s costing you to keep it under wraps, to ignore it in the hopes that it will magically...

An Open Letter to J, Who Just Got Divorced

Dear J, Happy 50th Birthday!!! I must say, turning fifty is distressing enough without being divorced by your husband of 26 years a few days prior.  One could equate that sequence of events to being slammed by a speeding tractor-trailer. Nevertheless. Welcome to this,...

Shit! David Foster Wallace is Dead

I knew there was a reason I love the author David Foster Wallace. What are you choosing? This guy died long before he should have.   http://youtu.be/xmpYnxlEh0c

68 Things You Should Never Do

My sister-in-law once told me that I should write a book entitled What Not to Do.  She’d heard the slew of “Ann Stories” my brother liked to tell, and was horrified by my mistakes, and lack of common sense. Frankly, I think the woman was jealous of me and my big,...

I’m Famous. God, the pressure!

 So, Kriste, one of my coaching clients, wrote this totally badass blog post about working with me. It felt pretty good to read about myself in some place other than the police blotter. (No, I've never shown up on the police blotter, I think. This is a joke. A...

Dissing Loyalty

Do you give your undying loyalty to those who don't deserve it; who do not value it? Do you think sticking with that unethical boss, the deadbeat boyfriend, the pal who consistently makes you question your worth, makes you somehow noble? Are you terrified of being...

Steve Carell is the Man

People often ask me how I choose my post topics each week.  Most of the time I'll be going about my business and something someone says or does will make me think, WTF? This week I've been bumping into an inordinate amount of people who can't say "no", even when it's...

You + Imagination = Possible

I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me.  Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot, the dude that turned to salt:  I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on today....

Why Vulnerability is the Antidote to Shame

I was just listening to a Brene Brown interview in which she described herself as a child. An introverted 13-year-old, she saw Grease 25 times-- a movie I paid to see 4 weeks in a row at the very same age. See, like me, Brene wanted desperately to shed her skin and...

I See Beautiful People

I want to give you a beauty secret I’ve recently discovered.  The single element that will make heads turn, regardless of your weight, age, or ability to pull together a decent outfit.  The secret is Joy. Walt and I were at The Sunken Garden Poetry Festival last...

Cheap, Cheap, Cheapskate

Want to hear something freaking fascinating?  The more you invest in yourself, the more others are willing to invest in you.  When you take yourself seriously, others do the same. Cheaping out on yourself isn’t noble; it’s flimsy camouflage for low self-esteem. My...

Why, You Little Ingrate

We all have deals, you know.  Some of the provisions are on the table and mutually agreed upon.  Many go unspoken, particularly when it comes to getting what we want from those closest to us. By the time I was out of pigtails, I understood the expression Buyer Beware....

Loose, Lax, Limp, Irresolute

Do you give up at the first sign of trouble?  Are you thrown by even the tiniest bump in the road? So, I was ice climbing in New Hampshire this past weekend.  If you’ve never ice climbed before, picture a group of 10 or so men and women in puffy jackets, plastic...

When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

I got invited to a funeral last month, if you can call that sort of thing an invitation. My friend's elderly mother died after six months of sliding down hill. Like a lot of us, my friend had a complicated relationship with her mother.  Apparently, Mom was a real show...

Be the Buffalo

I was thinking about my relationship with discomfort this morning on my long run.  Walt and I set out to do 12 miles, and sure enough, at about mile 6, this twingy thing I've got going on with my left hamstring reared its ugly head. Of course Walt is of the opinion...

You’re Awesome; Start F*cking Acting Like It!

Lately I’ve started noticing this nasty habit we women have of downplaying our magnificence.  It seems that after years of living with ourselves, of taking our talents, gifts, and accomplishments for granted, we have no idea what separates us from the herd. My friend...

Peak Performance Summit

So, I've been talking up Walt's and my one-day workshop. (Is that actually correct grammar?  I don't know. And I can't be bothered to crack open The Chicago Manual of Style.) Anyway, you'd think I've been keeping this a State secret.  "Why haven't you mentioned this...

Brought to You By The Axis of Evil

We make commitments to others in order to appear nice, and then we kick ourselves when they are inconsiderate enough to take us at our word. When I lived in Iran I often found myself irritated by tarof, traditional Iranian etiquette. Stopping by someone’s home...

WWWD

The other day I got a very nice note from a woman living in Rome named Sile.  This is what she said: I'd love to read some articles on how you would set boundaries with older generation. I have an aunt who has a particular talent: in her presence I turn into a silent,...

WWWD

When I come up against an uncomfortable situation, one that requires some backbone, an ability to set good boundaries, I often ask myself, "What would Walt do?" Because, honest to God, this man has taught me a lot. He's pretty unflappable when it comes to handling...

Boundaries 101

Walt sat behind the steering wheel talking on the phone with a client. He was getting frustrated with this young woman, who’d hired him so she could get sole custody of her baby, because he couldn’t figure out why she kept ignoring his legal advice. Why she continued...

Good Morning, Slacker

Like a lot of overachievers, I hold myself to impossible standards.  It's bought me a lot in life: it's also created gratuitous stress. This morning, even before my eyes snapped open, I began rehashing all the things I'd done wrong the day before, what I should have...

Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?

Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the...

Hush, My Pretty, Hush

At some point in your life you need to accept that your feelings are as credible and important, more so, than those of your loved ones.  When you ignore your feelings, your desires, they turn into secret rage. Rage turned inward begets all sorts of nasty things. ...

This Week in Review

Walt and I went to see the movie Silver Linings Playbook about a guy who moves back in with his parents after 8 months in the loony bin.  I know.  It sounds totally depressing.  (The moving back in with your parents part, which I've done, not the loony bin stuff.) And...

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

I've been reading Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened. Seriously, you've got to buy this book, or check it out from the library, because it's so freaking funny. Here's what it looks like. I saw it on the best seller list awhile back and remembered who she...

Men Don’t Want You To Kick Their Ass

One of our greatest strength as women is our softness, our femininity. All that muscle-flexing we engage in, particuarly in the work world, doesn’t buy us respect, or love, or security; it drives men away. Insisting that you can kick his ass will not get a man all hot...

Sit, Release, Repeat

This is a guest post from Lenora Toscano, my former marathon running buddy, which makes her a friend for life. Honest to God, she’s probably the most normal, stable human being I have ever met.  I’m going to interview her one day so you’ll see what I mean.  Recently...

Tiny Beautiful Things

  My friend, who is a librarian in Connecticut, told me I had to read this book. She said that it reminded her of me, of the kind of stuff I say to her when her life is a shit show.  

I seriously WISH I wrote like this. Or that I was as clear, and funny, and...

Rules To Live By

The following is a guest post by one of my workshop students at East Hill Writers. Phyllis Satter is a very accomplished woman--writer and human being-- and I wanted to share her piece because I think the message jives so well with what we talk about here. You might...

Be a Better Bear

One day, when my daughter was seventeen, I asked her to vacuum the living room carpet.  She looked up from the magazine she was flipping through, thought about my request for a moment, and said, I shit you not, “I don’t feel like it.” Now, like you, I spend a good...

The Year I Let Myself Go (Again)

Sometimes we get tired and don’t want to have to try anymore. We want to be loved and appreciated, just for being the decent human being we are.   Which is exactly how I felt the year of the salmon-colored capris. It had been one hell of a “season.”  I’d spent two and...

Do You Know What You Deserve?

This is a guest post from an up and coming writer named Peggy Hill.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.   A bright young woman sits across from me over dinner expressing disbelief.  Her annual raise was less than expected “once again”. I ask, “What exactly did...

Nice Mrs. General Petraeus

Before we begin I would like to you to take a look at three pictures.    1. General Petraeus  2.  Mrs. Petraeus 3. The Girlfriend Need I say more? OK, maybe just a little. We fool ourselves by believing that our spouses should love us no matter what.  That they should...

Ten Books That Will Make You Laugh Your Ass Off

Well, the holidays are upon us.  I just realized this as Walt and I made our way through the grocery store this weekend.  I couldn’t figure out what the deal was with all the turkeys, and the raw cranberries, and the bottles of  gravy clogging up the aisles. My...

Wake Up And Smell the Coffee

I have this message hanging over my desk.  I’m not sure who wrote it.  I keep it there because there are those days that I really need the reminder.  The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share.  Think of it as my little gift to you. Print it...

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

If you could rub the lamp and have a genie offer you ANYTHING that you want, what would you ask for? A genie. A genie that gives you ANYTHING.  ANYTHING that you want. My friend Mia loves watching shows about people with lots of money.  She watches Keeping Up With the...

Just. Let. Go.

What if everything you’ve been through thus far was just leading up to this very moment? What if all you had to do to reach the other side, to get what you really want, was to take a leap of faith? I finally figured out what I never could when I was young: to be an...

Our Special Sad Tale of Woe

Ever notice we all have these stories?  That thing we tell people fifteen minutes after meeting them.  Walt's story begins, "I was a single dad for a dozen years...."  Mine, which is a little harder to slip in to a random conversation, goes something like this, "Yah,...

The Nice Girl Complex

A few years back, Walt gave me a sailing course for my birthday. So, I’m on this 40-foot boat with five strange women for an entire weekend when I meet the Guiness Book of World Record’s champion nice girl. You would have recognized her, too. She was the one who...

I Give You, the Honey Badger

Now, I'm about as spiritual as an Egg McMuffin.  But, I'm going to dip my toe in the water here anyway.  Today, I'm going to assign you a new totem animal.  Yes I am. The next time somebody calls you up and asks you to bake 12 batches of cookies for a PTO meeting....

Cat Shit in the Litter Box

Everybody fears that they are not enough.  Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt.  This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my...

Pretty

It’s not about being pretty.  It’s about being so much more.  It’s about demanding so much more from ourselves and our lives. Pretty is good.  It buys you a lot of things in our society.  But it is not enough. This is my favorite poem on earth.  I hope you enjoy it as...

Dr. No

I’m going to tell you something you probably already know. Just bear with me, if you will. Learning to say no is vital to your mental health as well as to your success. Of course, if you’re a people pleaser, like somebody I know (me, me, me!), saying no isn’t exactly...

I Give You, The Honey Badger

Now, I'm about as spiritual as an Egg McMuffin sandwich.  But, I'm going to dip my toe in the water here anyway.  Today, I'm going to assign you a new totem animal.  Yes I am. The next time somebody calls you up and asks you to bake 12 batches of cookies for a PTO...

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

This is a guest post from my husband, Walt Hampton.  I believe he came out of the womb with the ability to set healthy boundaries.  He really does astound me.  So here’s what he has to say on the topic.  Something there is that doesn’t love a wall… .– Robert...

Fear of France

I get to interview some pretty terrific women for my series, Starting Over.  Thought you might like a little taste.  This is Sarah Levitt, and she’s pretty damn terrific.  Here’s to you walking away with something you can use to recharge your own life. (you can access...

Interview with Sarah Levitt

Interview with Sarah Levitt (Right click on the link and select "Save link as")

You Selfish, Selfish Bitch

Here’s an eye opener.  When we women don’t dare to dream or recognize our purpose, we end up placing too much emphasis on a man or our babies. When we don’t know what we want, we end up “wanting” what they want. See, if you don’t have a desires of your own, you end up...

No One Wants to Be Your Agony Aunt

I hate to admit that I'm not the world expert on EVERYTHING.  Particularly when it comes to weight and fitness.  See, I think I've got it going on.  I run ultra-marathons, I climb high mountains.  I've been on every freaking diet known to man.  I've done the raw food...

What if We Stopped Running Away?

I read this today on Facebook.  It was written by a thought-leader named Suzanne Falter-Barns.  For someone like me, who has spent a lifetime running away from her feelings, who has judged herself and others so harshly, this took my breath away.   I am here to report...

Feelings, woe, woe, woe, Feelings

I once had a wonderful brother-in-law—a neurosurgeon in Tehran-- who liked to point out interesting articles in his medical journals.  Like the case study of an Iranian boy who’d bitten his tongue off, broken his bones, burned off 80% of his skin, all because he...

The Ski Patrol Ain’t Coming

The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated.  Down on his hands and knees for the...

The Bullshit Emotion of Guilt

Yesterday I received a letter from myself.  I wrote it a year ago while I was at a seminar called Date with Destiny.  I forgot that I had ever written it.  It made me happy because I realize how far I’ve come on the emotional front. Do you waste your precious time,...

The Ugly Girl in the Mirror

Kimberly Riggins was date raped at the age of 16.  That’s when she started seeing the ugly, disturbed, heavy woman in the mirror. “It was my way of punishing myself for not being able to get out of a situation that I shouldn’t have been in in the first place.”  As you...

Hairy, Audacious Goals

Walt and I just got back from guiding the first ever Special Olympian, up Mt. Rainier in Washington State.  Believe me. This was an incredible challenge.  We're talking serious altitude, dangerous crevasses, steep slopes, and the need for technical skills. Hauling...

A Stroke of Good Luck

This is a guest post by Bridget Cooper of piecesinplace.com Like with most journeys, I believe that I was on the path before I recognized the stones that lay before and behind me. Six years ago, I found myself unexpectedly but excitedly pregnant with my second child....

Hi, My Name is Beth, And I’m an Achiever

  Beth Jannery was groomed for success.  Taught to always dress for the position above her, and to look good on the outside in order to feel good on the inside, she learned never to be content with where she was or what she had. No matter what she accomplished,...

Zero Shades of Grey

I suppose I’d always admired my former husband's unshakable confidence, his ability to see the world in straight black and white, right and wrong. For someone like me— a bit of a floater, unsure of her own opinions or goals— he was like the North Star.  It didn’t take...

How to Kill a Wallflower

I love a book that tells me I’m ok. I used to wonder what was wrong with me.  I despise conflict.  I feel drained after being out and about, even if I've enjoyed myself.  I do my best work on my own, and I recoil at the very idea of group projects.  I hate small talk,...

Sorry, That’s Not Going to Work For Me

Several years ago I opted to work with a Jack Canfield coach.  I wasn’t sure what the arrangement was going to be like, I just knew I needed a kick in the ass so I could get out of my own way and accomplish some really big goals. I was required, as part of the...

And I Am A Material Girl

 Dr. Gayle Hall is a cute chick in sassy heels and perfect makeup.  She’s also a life coach, author, mentor, and professor.  But she wasn’t always someone who had it all together.  Skinny, scrawny, red-headed, and freckle-faced as a little girl, Gayle spent grade...

The Problem with Nice Guys

Lately I’ve been running into really nice guys who have no idea why their marriage ended.  Attractive in sort of a Steve Carell way, I usually spot them standing against the wall, tapping their toes to the beat of some 70’s tune, holding a plastic cup, looking like...

Turning Lead to Gold

Siddiqi Ray is so much more than a gifted photographer, life coach, yoga teacher, and recovery expert. Siddiqi is, by her own admission, on a serious mission. Her goal? To dispel the lie we’ve all bought into, that we are somehow not enough. “We numb that lie out with...

Own it, Baby

I was listening to a Ted Talk last month with  Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  She’s...

The Ease In Which Your Ex can be Replaced by a Stray Cat

Rhoda Berman is 85 years old.  She’s a vibrant, active, no-nonsense sort of woman who isn’t afraid to express her opinion.  She knows her strengths and her weaknesses.  She knows how to represent herself. “In order to get the best of me, I have to tell (people) the...

Chicken Backs

When did we women decide that everyone else should come first? Who proclaimed it our job to guarantee the pleasure of others and settle for whatever crumbs fell off their plates? I like to call this the Chicken Back Syndrome. Preparing a chicken dinner, encouraging...

How to Train for a Marathon

  Let's start with the assumption that you’ve already learned how to run. If you haven’t, check out my video How To Start a Running Program. We'll also assume that on a regular basis, say 4 or more times a week, you run anywhere from 3 to 6 miles.  You can do...

An Emancipation Proclamation

Some people are late bloomers. Take Flo Stahl, for instance.  She didn’t begin to value herself until the ripe old age of 65.  Now a vibrant, sexy 80-year-old, Flo is grateful for the opportunity to have evolved. Twice married, twice divorced, Flo gives herself a D+...

Remind Me: Life is Made Up of Moments of Grace

This is a guest post from Beth Jannery, author of Simple Grace. Life is not to be endured. It is an opportunity to be of service, to enjoy, to grow and change and challenge ourselves. In life we have a choice: fill it with grace or stay in the negative. Recently, I...

What it’s Really Like Climbing a Mountain

The good, the bad, and the ugly. And clearly the smelly.    

Six Qualities to Consider When Choosing a Mate

I used to think that women, like me, were guilty of being non-selective when it came to choosing a mate.  That any warm body that paid us a little attention could end up walking us down the aisle.  But lately I've been noticing that men--particularly young men, and...

Kicking Ass With a Little Help from Jesus

  Yvonne Rousseau considers herself a warrior.  Sexually abused as a child, she turned a trauma that would have flattened the strongest of us into a one-woman mission to help other victims.  Her recently released book, Beyond Myself: Reclaiming Your Life After...

The Problem With Killing Two Birds With One Stone

My mother used to complain whenever I trotted up to my bedroom without taking the items she'd left for me on the stairs.  She'd complain again if I came back down without bringing the trash can she'd asked for, or the jacket I needed for school. Two trips were a...

100 Reasons I Love Myself

I love , love, love  Gala Darling.  Her site is all about radical self love.  My favorite among her posts: 100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now.   In it she says: Make lists of reasons why you love yourself… & write down (or keep mental lists) of the...

The Brass Knuckle Hospitality of a Southern Belle

  To get your password for Bri's interview, fill in your name and email in the box provided on the right.   Bri Clark is a real example of redemption and renewal.  Growing up penniless in the South, Bri became a master at street smarts.   Rebelliousness, she...

How to Run in Shitty Weather

Let’s face it.  There are approximately 7 perfect running days per year.  The rest of the time, it sucks to some degree. To be a runner, y ou have to learn how to run in all kinds of weather. You must know how to dress if you are going to run outside.  Remember: it’s...

How to Start a Running Program

I often talk about the fact that running helped me regain my identity. It was the first thing I did, that I mastered, that depended solely on my will and tenacity. Running gave me a sense of accomplishment. At the start of the new year, you, too, may be looking to...

You Don’t Have to be Four to Run Away From Home

Anne Batterson is a woman whose life has been filled with adventure. We’re talking commercial pilot, international skydiving champion, and a trekking guide in Nepal. But she hasn’t always been so sure of herself. At the age of 56, her children grown, her husband...

On Risk

This is a guest post by Mindie Kniss   There are risks you must be willing to take when traveling in Africa.  For me, the greatest of these was not malaria, typhoid or dengue fever.  It was love. He was a handsome, young Kenyan with eyes that twinkled in the Nairobi...

What a Bad Meg Ryan Movie Can Teach You About Remorse

Confidence expert Jules Wyman wasn’t always confident. In fact, the woman recently dubbed as Britain’s Next Top Coach once hid her insecurities behind booze, drugs, and junk food. “I reached out for all of them to do the same thing, which was to cover up the pain.” At...

The Heart and Soul of Starting Over

My Happy Place

Once a year, Walt and I go to County Cork in Ireland. This tradition started when our dear friends, Tom and Don, loaned us the use of their home for our honeymoon. So taken by the place--the house, the surroundings, the people, the village--we ingratiate ourselves in...

Life Lessons from a Cat

We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d' etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats.  Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter is a cat-hater's cat. He's got all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart.  Tail up,...

Burn The Nest

Attending my high school reunion, I was reminded, once again, that very few people, like Walt and I, seem to want to celebrate the start of the upcoming era. The era of Absolute Freedom. The Glorious Advent of Second Adulthood. We have to remind ourselves, Walt and I,...

Climbing Lessons

I climb high mountains.  I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned: climbing lessons, if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Lesson 1:  There are many paths that lead to the...

Can’t Win Me Love

He kissed me on the lips and told me the sorts of things an insecure girl longs to hear. “I would bring you to Iran with me. I would love it if you joined me,” the man I wanted to marry said, his warm breath grazing my ear. “ I just don’t know how I could ever justify...

Bucket List

About two years ago, having read Jack Canfield's Success Principles, Walt and I sat in Ireland and composed our list of goals.  The assignment, as Jack put it, was to create a list of the 101 things you want to do, be, or have before you die. I dug the list out the...

The Evil Eye

Envy killed the chickens. Or so my Bedouin mother-in-law believed. There once was a jealous neighbor who came for a visit. Commenting on the large flock of hens pecking away in the courtyard, forgetting to invoke God’s blessing on such wealth, she drew the Evil Eye’s...

Fear of Flying

I've been running into a number of women lately who can't seem to remember who they were before they married and had kids. About to enter the empty nest stage, they are anxious as to what to do next. For the first time in a very long time, they have time to focus on...

The Mating Game

Hakim's niece was about to marry a Persian boy she’d met at school. She’d done things right, however, unlike some of her cousins. She hadn’t fallen in love beforehand. She’d accepted the offer of marriage, after considering a number of formal suitors, based on the...

Relentless Pursuit of a Dream

This is a guest post by Walt Hampton. A beautiful example of how one book can alter the course of a life.   It had been a warm summer day in August of 1972. My father had purchased the book for me that morning in a Nantucket bookshop, the book that would change...

Spring Cleaning My Head

Spring is upon us. The lilac tree is budding, the daffodils are up, and it’s been raining non-stop for nearly a week. I figure it’s time to shake things up a little. Do a little spring cleaning. I ran into a lovely lady by the name of Kit Furey while Walt and I were...

Cinderella Was a Codependent

When I was in first grade, I wanted more than anything to be Cinderella. I found the picture book character, one I’d come across in the school library, the embodiment of glamour. From her sparkling full-length yellow dress, to her pair of smashing, see-through pumps;...

The Underbelly of Expatriate Life

When I was young, I fancied myself a global citizen. A Margaret Mead type, who gravitated towards exotic cultures. Impressed with my “intimate” knowledge of obscure peoples, of my ability to hang out in their communities like the team mascot, I turned my nose up at my...

James Dean in Drag

“He’s hypnotized you,” Mom said when I told her I was going to marry the Iranian and move to his country. “Do you have any idea how they treat women in Islamic countries?” I regarded her through narrowed eyes because my mother, who considered Raman noodles foreign,...

The Gift of a Stranger

This is a guest post from the author, Beth Jannery. During times of crisis, people often reach for the overused, and sometimes annoying, cliché that God will not give us more than we can handle. Then there is another popular comforting notion that what does not...

The Right Brand of Wrong

Over New Years we were sitting in a little wine bar up in New Hampshire having tapas when Walt and I spotted an attractive couple about our age.  Like us, they were unusual in that they appeared to be madly in love with one another. So different than the other wilted...

For the Birds

Being an introvert, I need a lot of time to my self.  I spend most mornings happily surrounded by a pack of dogs and the quiet. I read, think, and write. Even with Walt present, I can be alone.  He has similar rhythms. We can lose entire days to our books...

Green Eyed Monster

In Iran, my girlfriend Susan and I were due to have babies at about the same time.  Her sexy husband—the one who, according to Susan, spent his nights thinking of inventive ways to drive her wild with passion, and his days selling stolen Kuwaiti cars on the black...

Whose Mountain is This Anyway?

I had lunch last week with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. Both oddballs in high school, we'd dreamed of baking bread together when we graduated, raising sheep, and starting a commune in rural Vermont. She'd do the wool spinning and the tapestry weaving. I'd...

The Female Escape Route

“You know,” my boyfriend said one night over a lovely dinner. “Once my contract’s up at NIH, I should really start thinking about going home to Iran.” He said this casually, as if offering up a random observation, not dropping a ticking time bomb square in my lap....

Musty Old Laurels

 The other day, a fellow at the gym showed me a photo. Circa 1967, a young man in fatigues posed before a large, stone Buddha. “That’s me in Japan,” he said, pointing at his yellowed image. “R&R during the war. Man, that trip was something else.” He sighed...

OMG

Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated...

Mr. Right

I'm disappearing to a writer's conference for ten days. So here, because time is not my friend, is a segment from my book The Lost Girls of Shiraz. A draft, but a taste nonetheless. He’s so sure of himself, this man beside me. So comfortable in his own skin, so...

Sawing sawdust

I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley (Denali) in Alaska. Twenty days hauling an 80-lbs pack up steep traverses interspersed with hours on end languishing in a tent. Hard work mixed with sheer laziness. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept for fourteen hours...

The End

So much time has passed, but the two and a half years of illness are still fresh in my mind. I can still hear his voice calling me from the hospital after exploratory surgery.  From the tone, I know something is terribly wrong even before he tells me.  He’s supposed...

The Other Half

 I’m back at the small confectionary shop in Iran where Hannah, my husband’s niece, and I order frozen noodles. “One of the girls in my study group had a really hard time breaking her hymen on her wedding night, ” Hannah says, staring out the picture window at women...

A Long Way Gone

“I want you back and I want you back this instant,” my husband said over the phone. From the dangerously controlled tone of his voice, I knew I’d pushed my self over the precipice, past the point of no return. I’d just called to tell him that the kids and I wouldn’t...

On the Lighter Side

When I was eleven, my mother signed me up for a weight loss class.  Having battled the bulge for years on end, she was alarmed when, at that awkward age, I, too, started piling on the pounds. So, every week, we drove out to the local University, where a pair of...

The Cost of Selling Your Self

A long time ago, before I had children, my husband took a second wife. We were living in Washington, D.C., not the Islamic Republic of Iran, and I had nothing of real value to lose if I packed up and left. The other woman— an old girlfriend who, last I’d heard, had...

Believe the Worst

“You know,” my Iranian boyfriend said one evening as we lay squished together on his twin bed. “I don’t think I’m the kind of man who could ever marry an American.  I just wasn’t raised that way. I always believed that one day I would return home and marry one of my...

Run For Your Life

In grade school, I was one of those kids. The kind no one picked for their team.  Instead, I lurked on the sidelines with Arlene, a fragile girl who made osteoporosis look sturdy.  And Joanne, a chubby thing with an attitude problem. The trouble with me was that I...

Finding My Wood

When I turned thirty, I was angry and unhappy, but didn't really know it.   I figured that niggling feeling, the one I couldn't really identify, the one that wouldn't go away, was the natural result of having two little kids, too much time with nothing to think...

Get Real

When I first began writing and presenting my short stories about Iran, people in my workshop class looked nervous.  No doubt remembering the fatwa placed on Salmon Rushdie's head for his Satanic Verses, they asked me, "Don't you think Iranians might take offense at...

Half a Woman

There are some books no twelve-year-old should read. When I was a kid, I liked to watch the Dinah Shore show on the portable TV while my Mom fixed dinner.  One day, Marabel Morgan was on defending her book, The Total Woman. This was the mid-70's, the height of the...

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