LIFE
Momento Mori
I was doom scrolling on Instagram when I came across a Ryan Holiday post about his 2022 book, Discipline Is Destiny. In it he writes, “To procrastinate is to be entitled. It is arrogant. It assumes there will be a later. It assumes you’ll have the discipline to get to...
The typical death march
One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly...
One of my inspirations for writing
When I first started writing, and we’re talking twenty plus years ago, I wasn’t the least bit interested in establishing myself as any kind of expert or to attract ideal clients. I simply wanted to better understand a complicated chapter in my life. To figure out what...
Game recognize game
We once had a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre was to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also had two cats: Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter was a cat-hater’s cat. He had all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart. Tail up,...
Disregard that travel advisory!
It is said--by whom, I haven't bothered to track down--that we humans learn from shared stories of success, and from stories of failure. Me? I'm pretty obsessed with stories of failure because I've learned more from MY mistakes than from my successes. Most of my...
Slinking back to my Crazy Creek chair…
Every new year, I find myself crazy excited about the possibilities. This is the year that I'll climb some big mountain, or create an even bigger and better offer to help folks write their books. I'm going to lose 20 pounds (again). And finish my memoir... Once I get...
If you don’t know me, this will sum it up
Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication. I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background,...
Raised by wolves
Some time back, Walt and I conducted a mastermind call around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead. She wasn't sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her...
Driving Miss Daisy
I hate this quote only because I know it's true: The things you want most in life are located just outside of your comfort zone. (I'm paraphrasing, so please don't think you need to correct me.) At a certain stage of life and/or business, the last thing any of us...
A Year of Yes
Each Friday, Simon and Schuster sends out a promo email advertising temporarily discounted books. You can snag great Kindle reads for a couple of dollars. If you’re not on their mailing list, you can right that travesty by going here. Trust me, you want to be on this...
More addictive than sugar
I bring this post back every few years, usually after a worry-filled conversation I've had with a friend or client. Sometimes one of these nice people need the reminder that worry is an utter waste of time, sometimes it's me. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley...
There’s more to this game than being good at what you do
I once had a conversation with an actor who wanted to write a book about public speaking. I'll call her Gloria, even though that's not her name. Gloria had figured out, thanks to years of professional training and experience, how to be comfortable on stage while...
Do I look like I need help?!
I hate asking for help. I really do. And many of my clients have felt that way too. Until they recognized that writing a book on their own was harder than they thought or that they just didn't have the time, given their myriad responsibilities. As a culture, Americans...
Why risk it if you don’t have to?
A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for "manufacturing fear". The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in...
Six pictures
Over the weekend, as I was perusing the New York Times, I came across an article about some actress I've never heard of who was willing to share six random pictures stored in her camera, pictures which would more or less sum up her past year. Like I said, I didn't...
Another habit I need to kill
I'm at a stage in life and in business that requires me to kill some old habits. Oh, being frugal and learning to do it all on my own has gotten me here, but it won't get me where I want to go. I know that. Maybe you do too. Which is where this story comes in.
Here’s who I’m jealous of
“Jealousy,” according to writer Anne Lamott, “ is such a direct attack on whatever measure of confidence you’ve been able to muster. But if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to...
If it were easy…
I grew up with ZERO understanding of process. I chalk this up to the alcoholic dynamic that played out in our household. One minute–OK, this would go on for hours, but who’s counting– my father would be drinking and raging, tearing into my mother, sending the family...
Start with What You’ve Got
Deb Feder is a business development coach and strategist who helps lawyers and professionals bring in consistent clients through curious, confident conversations and changing the way we view productivity for professionals. She's also a righteous bad ass. I LOVE...
Why does it matter, really?
I have this really wise friend who also happens to be a clinical psychologist specializing in the science of change. Sometime last year, she started sending out these short videos to her mailing list. I find myself watching them while I eat lunch because they calm me...
20 things I believe
I'm going to keep things short and sweet today. So I give you twenty things that I believe, particularly about business and writing: Burning bridges and boats is for fools Good things take time The shiny object syndrome will keep you small Don’t quit your day...
The evil eye
You stand out when you have a published book. This is something authors want....and don't want at the same time. This conflict plays out in a whole bunch of ways, which I won't take the time to get into here. Why would we resist standing out? Oh, the reasons goes so,...
Dropping the armor
Walt and I were talking about the performance artist, Marina Abramovic, this morning. I don't know if you've ever caught sight of this video clip of her sitting across the table from strangers at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. People stood in line...
This is not about luck
I was listening to a Ted Talk with Sheryl Sandberg some time back (see below). In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world. For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site. ...
The Ski Patrol isn’t coming
I break this post out every once in a while, not just when I'm in adventure mode, which I am, what with me being off in the Himalayas eating de-hi. (That's short for dehydrated meals, which, I've got to say, have improved vastly since I began climbing.) I do this...
Another one of Walt’s death marches
The adventure series continues. Let's call this Part III. One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top...
I’d like to talk to you about my feet
Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, one week not so many years ago, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to...
Those of us who tell the stories rule society
Over the upcoming holiday season, Walt and I will be trekking in Nepal. Oh, sure, some people choose the Bahamas when they want to unwind, us, not so much. We're all about yaks and tents and pooping in a bucket because, well, that's just how we roll. Nothing says...
Why risk it if you don’t have to?
A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for "manufacturing fear". The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in...
Finding my wood
I've been doctoring a terrific book on Integrated Chinese Medicine, which addresses health issues caused by an overabundance or deficit of certain "elements", including wood, fire, water, and air. It got me thinking about my wood, how much more of it I have at this...
Nothing good comes easy
I grew up with ZERO understanding of process. I chalk this up to the alcoholic dynamic that played out in our household. One minute--OK, this would go on for hours, but who's counting-- my father would be drinking and raging, tearing into my mother, sending the family...
The male version of getting bangs
Twin Lakes, Colorado, that’s where we were. A small frontier town surrounded by mountains and lakes. An old West feel with a tight-knit community serving tourists in order to keep food on the table. Trail runners, hikers, fishermen, outdoors people mostly, that’s who...
Good morning, slacker
Like a lot of overachievers, I hold myself to impossible standards. It’s bought me a lot in life: it’s also created gratuitous stress. If you've landed in my world, chances are good that you can totally relate. This morning, even before my eyes snapped open, I began...
I so loved wearing a headscarf
I have to admit it. I questioned whether or not I should bring this post back. I got some "rather unfriendly" comments the last time I presented it here. So let me say this before I get going. I'm talking about MY experience with hijab as a western woman. Period, full...
The ski patrol isn’t coming
The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow. My bindings were acting up. One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated. Down on his hands and knees for the...
3 things I learned climbing mountains
I climb high mountains. I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned in the mountains; climbing lessons if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Each is entirely relevant to...
We’ve tried everything!
Our gardener, Barry, warned us. We hadn’t paid much attention. After all, he was the one who’d encouraged us to kill the ivy that blanketed the house, spray weedkiller on it, along the walkway to eliminate the daisies while we were at it. We figured our ivy-covered...
Resting on your laurels
Every day, I talk to people who are looking to up their game by writing a book. They've done amazing things in their life and in their business and they want to share the wisdom they've gained. For many, writing a book is a brand new circus trick. It requires them to...
An open letter to J, after divorcing
I wrote this piece nearly 8 years ago. I thought about it the other day while I was talking to a potential client about writing a book. This client was sitting on the fence, not sure if the investment of time and money was worth it, or if being content with the...
On running, writing, and getting over my bad self
Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication. I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background,...
20 things I believe
Here are twenty things that I believe, particularly about business and writing: Burning bridges and boats is for fools Good things take time The shiny object syndrome will keep you small Don’t quit your day job until you’ve got money rolling in You don’t get to...
You’re here for a reason
I have this really wise friend who also happens to be a clinical psychologist specializing in the science of change. Sometime last year, she started sending out these short videos to her mailing list. I find myself watching them while I eat lunch because they calm me...
Own it, for the love of all that is holy
I was listening to a Ted Talk with Sheryl Sandberg some time back (see below). In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world. For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site....
The first sign of trouble…
Over the weekend, I watched as Walt attempted to cut down an overhanging branch along the driveway. It wasn't going well for a number of reasons. First, it was hard to get any sort of leverage while balancing on an extended ladder 15 feet or so above the ground. Then,...
A pep talk for creatives
This video--complete with uplifting message, particularly if you're the sort who generally likes to get shit done--was created by Cathy Hay, who teaches people how to make corsets and other period costumery (Is that a word? Well, if it isn't, it is now). She's got a...
I was 45-years-old the first time I voted
The first time I voted for an American president, I was 45-years old. It was 2008-- McCain vs. Obama-- and I can’t remember whom I chose. I’d registered and cast my vote only because my writing group had marveled at my willingness to dismiss a right others had given...
How to deal with trolls
I finished off a big Masterclass promotion at the beginning of the month. ( I probably don't have to tell you this because you no doubt received 250 emails from me and wanted very much for me to cut the shit.) I'm amazed at all of the emotions that come up for me...
You’ve got to be bad to be good
I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?) Here’s the thing. I usually...
Squirrel attacks, elk mauling, and sunstroke
One Saturday a few years back, Walt and I hiked the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles...
I found this email to be totally bizarre
I received this email in response to last week's newsletter. I thought I'd share it with you because, if you put stuff out there on a regular basis, you're going to receive interesting responses. Sometimes people will thank you for your message, other times, you'll be...
10 books you need to read if you were raised by alcoholics
If I were to teach a course about overcoming the emotional damage and the misconceptions picked up from alcoholic parents, this would be the semester's assigned reading. You'll see me quote from these books from time to time because some of these issues refuse to die...
Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab
Years ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. It didn’t take us long to recognize that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our asses. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most outlandish...
Us vs.Them
When I was young, I fancied myself a global citizen. A Margaret Mead type, who gravitated towards exotic cultures. Impressed with my “intimate” knowledge of obscure peoples, of my ability to hang out in their communities like the team mascot, I turned my nose up at my...
How to work when you seriously don’t feel like it
As a content developer; I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear here: writers need structure. This was a hard...
When you were raised by wolves
Some time back, Walt and I conducted a mastermind call around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead. She wasn't sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her...
Those of us who tell the stories rule society
There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt and I waited for a helicopter ride to base camp with our team members. Each of us had arrived to climb Carstensz Pyramid, the tallest mountain on the Austro-New Zealand continent,...
Another one of Walt’s death marches
One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly...
The benefits of owning a rabid Rottweiler
There are benefits to owning a rabid Rottweiler. There’s a reason a recovering people pleaser like me chooses a mate who couldn’t give a tinker's damn about displeasing others, who fears confrontation not one whit. Walt and I went to Mallorca one weekend to visit our...
How to land yourself in jail
A young Frenchman wants to switch places with me so he can sit next to one of the five cohorts who accompanied him on our transatlantic flight. He’s asked me several times if I’ll move, and he won’t take no for an answer. “This is my wife,” he says in broken English...
The mystery of the six-minute hard-boiled eggs
“I’d like two six-minute hard-boiled eggs,” I said, enunciating each word carefully. The young man who had assisted me with the very same order the day before nodded, then darted off to the hotel kitchen. Weaving in and out of the crowded breakfast area, I took my...
Giving away the farm
Right now, a lot of my clients and colleagues are confused about the current business environment. Times are hard, what with the quarantine situation, what with lots of people losing their jobs, so should they be trying to sell things right now? Shouldn't they just...
Just be bothered
I got to thinking about this bike rack I refused to buy because it looked like way too much bother. Anything that requires me to read a user's manual, well, I I just don't need it badly enough. Yet, if I hadn't been nagged to death to buy the damn thing; if I hadn't...
Oh, I could SO do that
Not long ago, I overheard a group of young women discussing Gal Gadot of Wonder Woman fame. One of the women read aloud from an article on her I-phone, a basic summary of how the actress had turned herself into a jaw-dropping, sword-wielding Amazon over the course of...
Like I’ve got time for this shizel
This is a guest post from time-management expert, Walt Hampton. Who also happens to be my husband, which is a problem because he's highly judgmental of how I spend my time. I suppose he has a right to play all morally superior because he does, essentially, everything...
10 random things you may not know about me
1. I love Jack Russell Terriers. I mean; I love them so bad that it’s almost creepy. Walt points them out to me whenever he spots one in a car or in the market or trotting along the road because he knows how happy they make me. He’ll say, “Just try to appear normal.”...
The arrogance of belonging
I caught sight of myself on video last week during a group coaching session. There were about 10 other entrepreneurs on the call as well, their faces appearing whenever they spoke or made noise. Of course, I didn’t really pay attention to them, so fixated was I on my...
A covert glimpse into my medicine cabinet
Years ago, having read Jack Canfield’s Success Principles, Walt and I sat in Ireland and composed our list of goals. We were on our honeymoon and, well, this is just the sort of thing one does on a honeymoon. Anyway, the assignment, as Jack put it, was to create a...
God forbid you envy me this…
When I lived in Iran, the Evil Eye was a force to be reckoned with. To deflect the covetous attention of others, Esfand seeds were burned on a special metal grate after guests left a home. Turquoise jewelry was worn to protect oneself. Salt was placed in children’s...
Now, now, now
When I was a kid, we’d sit as a family at the dining room table for Thanksgiving and my heart would sink at the sight of the kitchen I’d be expected to clean. Potatoes dripping from the mixer blades onto the floor; the cast iron skillet on the stove top, both of them...
Never trust a Christian who isn’t trying to convert you
The problem with us co-dependent types--and I'm speaking from experience--is that we need to hook into someone or something else because we're not sure who we are. We lack an identity and the ability to trust ourselves, which, as you can imagine, creates a lot of...
See if you recognize your sorry excuse
Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what you’ve got to do if you want to have something you don’t have now–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up...
To see and to be seen
Walt and I were talking about the performance artist, Marina Abramovic, this morning. I don't know if you've ever caught sight of this video clip of her sitting across the table from strangers at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. People stood in line...
The Awakening
I've got this message hanging over my desk. I’m not sure who wrote it. I keep it there because there are days that I really need the reminder. The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share again. Think of it as my little gift to you. Print...
I’m the last person who should be talking about this…
Years ago, I ran into a surgical nurse at a party in Ireland. We were chatting about life, as one is prone to do at gatherings. And when I told this nurse about a talk I was giving when I got back to the States, about what I’d really noticed during our time in...
The best piece of advice I ever got
A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I'll never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything. You can’t do it all at...
My husband, the narcissist
After one too many conversations about the fear of being labeled a narcissist if one dares to write and publish a book, I thought I'd wheel this post back out. (It's also especially relevant if you're worried about pissing off those closest to you with your stories.)...
On running, writing, and getting over my bad self
Several years back, I had the huge privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a northern New Hampshire publication. I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It'll give you some of my...
Genocide, romance, and other irrelevant topics
Over the weekend, I attended a copywriting workshop in Florence, Italy. If you don’t know Laura Belgray, the woman who conducted the workshop, you really should. Her emails and sales content are the bomb. Her subject lines are so sexy I click on them each and...
The Daddy Hole
My friend, L, is the most “normal” woman I've ever met. She doesn’t cart around emotional baggage, not even a change purse-full. Her decisions have always seemed so… sensible. I’m pretty sure L’s superpowers—stability and confidence—are a gift from her father....
Even Mother Teresa cared about this
I'm guilty of binary thinking: you can either have this or that, but you can't have both. Except when it comes to writing a book for your business. Do the job right, and you can have both income and impact. The two can go hand in hand. Contrary to popular belief, most...
Cat shit in the litter box
Everybody fears that they're not enough. Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt. This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my guts....
You are worth the risk
While I sat on a patio overlooking Phoenix surrounded by a swarm of buzzing people, I spotted a fellow introvert. In case you didn't know, we're the folks lining the perimeters with a cocktail glass in hand, doing our damndest to blend in with the wood work. Sure...
The Anxiety Series: Part II
If you remember, I had my nose in a number of client manuscripts, all of which deal with anxiety. I thought these three different authors and their three different approaches will demonstrate that you can take a common topic and come at it with a (valuable) unique...
The Anxiety Series: Part 1
I've had my nose in a number of client manuscripts lately, all of which deal with anxiety. One is the work of a doctor who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, who views the subject from the perspective of a trained psychologist. Another is that of a doctor who...
More addictive than sugar
I bring this post back every few years, usually after a worry-filled conversation I've had with a friend or client. Sometimes one of these nice people need the reminder that worry is an utter waste of time, sometimes it's me. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley...
Track the things that matter
Here's the the thing about elite warriors like Jeff Orr, one of my most favoritest clients: They know how to handle stress, manage lots of vital data coming at them fast, and pick out high-yield targets from the blur. One of the keys to their success is the ability...
Newsflash: The Ski Patrol Is Not Coming
The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow. My bindings were acting up. One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated. Down on his hands and knees for the...
R.I.P.
This is a guest post from my friend, Patrick Combs. Patrick Combs. He was one of those chance encounters that changed the course of our lives. Walt had crossed paths with him on Facebook, bought an extra conference ticket from him, and off the relationship went, down...
Be. Here. Now.
When I was a kid, we’d sit as a family at the dining room table for Thanksgiving and my heart would sink at the sight of the kitchen I’d be expected to clean. Potatoes dripping from the mixer blades onto the floor; the cast iron skillet on the stove top, both of them...
What happens when your work is read by total strangers
This is precisely what will happen to you once you have a polished book out in the world. I'm telling you, it'll blow your mind. I received an email from one of my writing clients the other day. I adore Alex because her mind is so expansive, so fascinating, so...
The One Person You Can’t Play That Game With
I get to work with some pretty amazing people, not just on their books, but also on their speeches and blogs. What I find is that no matter what pond my clients swim in, the feelings and thoughts they express are infinitely human and universal. Emily Scott, my guest...
The best revenge, EVER!
Several months ago, I was presented with the opportunity to doctor a book manuscript. Michelle Cully, the author, is this high-powered chick who owns a courier company in the metro-Boston area. If you saw her, you'd laugh, because she looks more like a pint-sized...
When you’ve been hit by a bus
Not long ago I ran a post in which I listed the wonderful things my husband does for me, and what I had needed to change in my life to be ready for such a loving relationship. I got this thought-provoking comment: What about the kind of addict/narcissist that treats...
Resistance And The Universal Law of Sacrifice
Resistance. Getting yourself to do the shit you claim you want to do. We all struggle with it. Which is why I asked Kyrsten Barrett if I could share this piece as a guest post. It's not only beautiful and clear but also relevant to anyone who wants to write a book but...
57 Things I Love About My Irish Hood
The crazy Border Collies laying in wait to chase our car just beyond the barn. The farmer on the hill who tells us jokes we can barely understand, what with his brogue being so thick. I'm pretty sure they all involve traveling salesmen and farmers' daughters, though....
Why I loved wearing a headscarf
Whenever I tell someone I used to live in Iran, he or she asks me a few standard questions, the most common one being, "Did you have to wear a burqa?" In short, no, but I did have to wear hijab, in my case, a trench coat and a headscarf, which I loved. And here's...
3 Climbing Lessons
I climb high mountains. I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned in the mountains; climbing lessons if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Lesson 1: There are many paths that...
The benefits of owning a rabid Rottweiler
There are benefits to owning a rabid Rottweiler. There’s a reason a recovering people pleaser like me chooses a mate who couldn’t give two fucks about displeasing others, who fears confrontation not one whit. Walt and I went to Mallorca over the weekend to visit our...
What if I get this wrong?
My girlfriend is planning her first trip to Ireland. She’s bringing her teenaged kids along with her. She’s purchased the plane tickets, reserved the rental car, now it’s dawning on her that she’s going to have to shell out a lot more money than she’d planned on....
Forced To Eat Cat Food When You’re Old
David Treece, who wrote the following piece, is a financial advisor down in Miami, the kind that has a fiduciary responsibility to clients, who doesn't get paid on commission, which allows him to give sound advice. This is from a draft of his upcoming book, which is...
Haters Are Going To Hate
I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them, then with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me up; unfortunately it didn't. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything. ...
You’ve Got To Be Bad To Be Good
I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?) Here’s the thing. I usually catch...
Go Wear The World Like A Loose Garment
Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated...
What Happened When I Stopped Drinking
All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.--Blaise Pascal I was sitting in a mindfulness breakout session in Dublin last week when the leader wrote this quotation on his whiteboard. It was one of those sentences that grabbed...
An Object Is Worth A Thousand Words
I was driving along the highway in Connecticut when I fell behind a mini Cooper with one of those vanity plates that made me want to hit the brakes. It had two words on it: Xin Loi. It’s a long story how I know this, and neither of us has time to get into it, but Xin...
Me Too?
I was twelve when I recognized my power to attract grown men. That's when Mr. M, a science teacher in my junior high school, smelled the vulnerability on me, and groomed me for his sexual conquest. He trusted, for some reason I didn’t understand at the time, that I...
Why I Need More Therapy
Thought I'd dust this post off and bring it back. I needed the reminder, perhaps you do, too. One 15-minute conversation with my mother, and I know how I got this crazy. She’s why I wake up in a cold sweat convinced that I have to organize my garage—right this second,...
Elect Yourself: No One Else Will
Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the...
Own It, Baby
I was listening to a Ted Talk some time back with Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world. For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site....
What I Learned In The Alps
Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, last week, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to mountain climbing....
The Mt. Everest of Personal Development & Self Acceptance
When I was young, I had no idea what I thought, felt, or wanted. Pressed for my opinion, I’d make an evasive or sarcastic comment instead of deciding what it was that I thought. I didn’t want to say anything that could be construed the wrong way, or held against me...
My Friends Are Going To Ditch Me
On Friday, we sold our home in Connecticut. At least I’m hoping that’s how things pan out. As I write, I’m on a Norwegian Air flight somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean imagining all of the nasty surprises that could prevent us from closing—the sudden death of the...
That Ever-Present Tension
What if uncertainty and tension and confrontation were good things? How might your life improve if you used them as tools? If you stopped running away from them and recognized them as fantabulous forces for change? I was giving a creative writing lecture last month...
I’m Highly Suspect Of Myself
I had lunch sometime back with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. Both oddballs in high school, we'd dreamed of baking bread together when we graduated, raising sheep, and starting a commune in rural Vermont. She'd do the wool spinning and the tapestry weaving. I'd...
Resting On Your Laurels Is Lame
Walt and I are up in New Hampshire getting certified in Wilderness First Responder Medicine, WFR, for short. That way if one of us breaks a leg or develops a pneumothorax (note: this is me showing off) when we're off the grid, we'll have a reasonable chance of...
That Tendency To Ignore Blatantly Unpleasant Facts
Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated...
The Problem With Trying To Kill Two Birds With One Stone
I think about my arch nemesis--efficiency--a lot when I'm on a mountain. Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another. Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night. Going up an unpleasantly steep...
Driving Miss Daisy
I’m learning to drive all over again in Ireland. This doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but it feels death defying. Most of the time, I pretty much want to scream and cry, or blame my misery on horrible Walt. Smug Walt. Gasp-y Walt. The Irish, for whatever...
What I Learned In France
I'm in France right now as I write. Nearly 12 years to the day I took the bike trip described herein. I thought I'd share this with you again, mostly because it feels so relevant to me at the moment. About ten years ago, I took my first vacation alone, a week-long...
The Multitasking Monster
I've said this before--so often in fact that I cringe when I hear these words come out of my yap yet again-- but I love my job. I learn so much from my clients. I suppose it can't be helped, what with me being up to my eyebrows in multiple versions of their...
Awkward!
On occasion, I'll take on a complete manuscript and work with the author to identify what ails it, suggest a better structure (or even genre), pinpoint what's missing, what generic tidbits need to be cut. Often, I have to sit with it a bit before the center of the...
The Mystery Of The Six-Minute Hard-Boiled Eggs
“I’d like two six-minute hard-boiled eggs,” I said, enunciating each word carefully. The young man who had assisted me with the very same order the day before nodded, then darted off to the hotel kitchen. Weaving in and out of the crowded breakfast area, I took my...
Railing Against The Man
I was browsing LinkedIn this morning when I came across a Steve Chandler quote. (If you don't know Steve, you really should.) It went something like this: Discipline has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with practice. In other words self-discipline is...
On The Lighter Side
A post I wrote 7 years ago. When I was eleven, my mother signed me up for a weight loss class. Having battled the bulge for years on end, she was alarmed when, at that awkward age, I, too, started piling on the pounds. So, every week we drove out to the local...
Relentless Pursuit Of A Dream
This is a guest post by Walt Hampton. A beautiful example of how one book can alter the course of a life. It had been a warm summer day in August of 1972. My father had purchased the book for me that morning in a Nantucket bookshop, the book that would change and...
Be. Here. Now, Now, Now.
I don't know. I'm bringing this back out of mothballs simply because I need the reminder. BTW, for those who have expressed disgust because I choose to write about my mother from time to time, we've discussed this very post, Ma and I. It makes her laugh because it's...
As If I Were Some 350-lb. Linebacker
This is a post from way back when. I read it a couple of times to see if I still felt the same way. I hesitated to re-post this in light of the fact that Trump (don't get me started) has put many a woman in defense mode by virtue of his being a complete alleged...
When You Sell Yourself For Cheap
A long time ago, before I had children, my husband took a second wife. We were living in Washington, D.C., not the Islamic Republic of Iran, and I had nothing of real value to lose if I packed up and left. The other woman— an old girlfriend who, last I’d heard, had...
You + Imagination = Possible
I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me. Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot's wife, the chick who turned to salt: I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on...
Speaking of Grit
Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future day in, day out, not just for the week, or the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. https://youtu.be/H14bBuluwB8
It’s Time To Develop Bearish Tenacity
Do you give up at the first sign of trouble? Are you thrown by even the tiniest bump in the road? So, I was ice climbing in New Hampshire a while back. If you’ve never ice climbed before, picture a group of 10 or so men and women in puffy jackets, plastic helmets,...
The Chicken Back Syndrome
When did we decide that everyone else should come first? Who proclaimed it our job to guarantee the pleasure of others and settle for whatever crumbs fell off their plates? I like to call this the Chicken Back Syndrome. Preparing a chicken dinner, encouraging our...
Chucking It All And Moving To A Foreign Country
I received this question, one that both Walt and I get more and more frequently, so I thought I’d put my answer to it out here again. I'm so intrigued with how you and Walt move back and forth between the U.S. and Ireland. I'm just totally curious. How do you two...
The Window To Our Soul
I have problems with eye contact. I don't want to show people my soul, what I'm really thinking, how I really feel. I suppose this is a habit from childhood. I learned to keep this stuff hidden, under tight wrap, to avoid instigating trouble. It's so easy for me to do...
You Have Finally Made Peace With Food. Now What?
This is guest post by Tara Whitney. I'm really honored to have her as a writing client. I think this piece is beautiful, and vulnerable, and allows you, her reader, to instantly see why you might want her help to free yourself from emotional eating. She has many...
While In Vermont
So, Walt and I caught a flight to Boston on Friday from Cork, Ireland. We were on a quick mission: to witness one of our sons get married. The wedding was the perfect anti-wedding, sans fancy attire, rented ballroom, DJ, team of photographers, and towering cake. ...
117 Life Hacks For That College-Bound Son
Say what you will about social media, it's a wonderful way to crowd source ideas. I've gotten some of the best book recommendations, tips, and advice after someone has posed a question on Facebook and elicited responses. I posted the following statement/question on...
The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem
When I was younger, I used to look to others, mostly men, to rescue me. I was convinced that, if left to my own devices, I would make some horrible mistake and screw up my life permanently. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or needed, or how I felt about much of...
Something You Need To Be Aware Of When Picking Blackberries
Spining Gold From Shit
Here's the thing. The more you put yourself out there--on the stage or on the page--the more criticism you will draw. It's just the way the world works. As Dale Carnegie used to say, "No one kicks a dead dog." I had to learn how to tolerate the stuff, otherwise I'd...
Why Vulnerability Is The Antidote To Shame
Sometime back, I listened to a Brene Brown interview in which she described herself as a child. An introverted 13-year-old, she saw Grease 25 times, a movie I paid to see four weeks in a row at the very same age. See, like me, Brene wanted desperately to shed her...
I See Beautiful People
I want to share with you a beauty secret I recently discovered. The single element that will make heads turn, regardless of your weight, age, or ability to pull together a decent outfit. The secret is Joy. Walt and I were at The Sunken Garden Poetry Festival a few...
Sad, Italian Water Buffalo
Humans crave story, with faces they can attach to, and sensory details. According to scientific studies, our brains light up like the fourth of July when we read about smells, sounds, tastes, touch, and sights. It’s what our minds want. It’s these details that keep us...
Manufactured Fear
The Choices That We Make
How much of your life do you consider blind luck, and how much do you attribute to the choices that you’ve made? Muslims are by their very nature fatalists. They believe that what is ordained is ordained; and no one but God can alter anything. Each event, small or...
I’m Back In Ireland Just In The Nick Of Time
Pull myself out of the U.S, drop myself in a totally different environment, and I've created for myself a clean slate. A chance to slip into a different routine, and commit to some much better rituals. Question is, where can you go to interrupt your bad habits or rut?...
When You’re Upset And You Don’t Know Why
The last time I came back to the States for vacation while living in Iran, I got together with some old friends and regaled them with my latest in-law stories. I recounted the one about my mother-in-law, who, when staying with us in our tiny dorm room for months on...
What’s Your Biggest Regret?
Walt and I have been spent the last week lying around poolside. (BTW, I have to look up laying vs lying every goddamn time. Here's a link that explains the difference, for your convenience.) On the surface, this sounds pretty dreamy, but after a few days of this, I'm...
Be The Flawed Hero Of Your Own Tale
When I first began writing and presenting my short stories about Iran, people in my workshop class looked nervous. No doubt remembering the fatwa placed on Salmon Rushdie's head for his Satanic Verses, they asked me, "Don't you think Iranians might take offense at...
Why Yes, That IS A Bus In My Back Yard
Walt and I are finally cleaning out the basements (yes, that's a plural); and the over-stuffed three-car garage; and the attics (again, the plural); and all of the closets; and each of the seven, count them, seven bedrooms. I'm not following Marie Kondo's famous...
Danger, Will Robinson
I came across the perfect statement this morning in an old journal: Stop trying to control everybody and everything. I've spent my life trying to control my surroundings and the people in it. Like a lot of other unhealthy compulsions, I chalk this one up to my...
Tea With God
I learn so much from my writing clients. Sometimes I think I should be paying them. After reading this segment from Kyrsten Barrett's soon to be published book, well, I realized she was speaking to me. That's why I pulled my memoir out of the drawer after four years,...
A Very Bing Christmas To You All
Worry Not
Walt and I went out the other night to listen to some music. We sat on a couple of stools in a cozy nook among all kinds of people and let the music flow over us, through us. I'm talking total peace. Here in rural Ireland, among the dairy farms and great tracts of...
Honesty
One of Those Photos That Slaps You Awake
Life is cyclical. Seems I need to keep relearning the same damn lesson. That's why I've decided to bring this post back. A few weeks back, Walt and I attended a TedX talk in Clonakilty, Ireland. As with any Ted talk, I learned so much from the speakers. I...
Railing Against The Man
I was browsing LinkedIn this morning when I came across a Steve Chandler quote. (If you don't know Steve, you really should.) It went something like this: Discipline has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with practice. In other words self-discipline is...
Stripping Off The Bulletproof Vest
Here’s what I learned TOTALLY by accident. Personal story sells. When I came out of Harvard, I began to compile some of the personal essays I’d produced in grad workshops. These essays eventually turned into a memoir about my years living in Iran with a staunch...
Misunderstanding Sex
It was the 70’s. Playboy and Penthouse were ubiquitous on suburban coffee tables, at least in the households where I babysat. My parents, in keeping with the make-love-not-war attitude of the era, kept a stash of porn star tell-all's, Penthouse Forum volumes, and...
Cat Shit In The Litter Box
Everybody fears that they are not enough. Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt. This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my...
10 Things The Adult Child Of An Addict Wants You To Know
My friend Whitney send me a link to this post. This piece is by Joni Edelman and first appeared in ravishly.com. Needless to say, I think it's beautifully written, and pretty freaking relevant. I hope you get as much out of it as I did. There are many adults among us...
Can’t Win Me Love
For a very long time, I believed that in order for someone to love me, I had to prove my worth. The trick was figuring out what a man wanted in me, and then playing that role. Love didn’t happen naturally, it had to be squeezed into place. I started dating...
My New Best Friend
Being a people-pleaser is exhausting, and demoralizing. For us, and everyone around us. Believe me, I know. That's why I fell hard for Erika Napoletano and her TedX video. She doesn't know it yet, but we're BFF's. Have you ever been afraid of what people might think...
Time Management For Losers
A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I will never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything. You can’t do it all at...
What An Orange Can Teach You
Dyer was known for teaching his ideas through metaphors. The last lesson he posted on Facebook on the eve of his death used an orange as an example: I was preparing to speak at an I Can Do It conference and I decided to bring an orange on stage with me as a prop for...
Elect Yourself: No One Else Will
Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the...
A Life Lesson, Brought To You By My Cats
We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats. Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter is a cat-hater’s cat. He’s got all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart. Tail up,...
Finding My Wood
When I turned thirty, I was angry and unhappy, but didn't really know it. I figured that niggling feeling, the one I couldn't really identify, the one that wouldn't go away, was the natural result of having two little kids, too much time with nothing to think...
The Cure For Resting Bitch Face
Most of the time I look pretty grim. Like I'm about to be caught doing something really bad. From what I understand, I suffer from Resting Bitch Face. It doesn't matter that I feel perfectly fine, it's just that, as an introvert, I live inside my head. The intensity...
The Kind of Girl You’d Warn Your Sons Off
One of the benefits of writing a book is the visibility it buys you. Know that saying, build it and they will come? Well, that's bullshit. After all that hard work, you've actually got to get out there and promote the thing if you want readers, and/or any kind...
Ten Years In The Making
Ten years ago (yesterday), I met Walt in a coffee shop, a Starbucks, to be specific. We'd found each other on Match.com and, thanks to our VERY accurate, buyer-beware profiles, had immediately recognized the synergies. He hadn't bothered to put a picture up, which...
Which Dog Will You Feed?
I just got back from Mallorca, an island off the coast of Spain where my daughter and her husband celebrated their marriage for the second time. Needless to say, surrounded by a LOT of highly dramatic members of the Sheybani clan I haven't seen in a very long time,...
Truth Heals
I received this beautiful note last week in response to my newsletter, and I'd like to share it and my response with you. It's relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously. Each time I...
Before You Buy That FitBit
I've been searching and searching for this video, which I saw a year or two back. Lo and behold, there it was in my Youtube feed this morning. There's a couple of reasons I was taken by Zoe Chance's TedX talk, why I wanted to share it with you: 1. As a...
The Crow Knows
When I was twenty-one I found myself in an awful predicament. With a semester and a half to go before graduating from college, I got pregnant. I decided that snowy January that the only logical way to handle the unexpected turn of events was to marry my boyfriend, a...
Shots of Awe
My friend Katerina introduced me to a Youtube series called Shots of Awe. Get me started watching them, and I can pretty much forget about getting anything productive done. Each day I talk to people who can't remember what they enjoy. They feel like they have no...
Chucking It All And Moving To A Foreign Country
I received this question last week, one that both Walt and I get more frequently, so I thought I’d answer it here. I'm so intrigued with how you and Walt move back and forth between the U.S. and Ireland. I'm just totally curious. How do you two decide when to be...
Be. Here. Now, Now, Now.
I'm down to the final countdown. The last day or two before I disappear to Ireland for a good long while. Lots of stuff to get done. Lots of people I need to see so I'm not labeled the shittiest friend in the world. And I feel all of that familiar anxiety welling up...
Quirky Sells
I was lazing around on the couch this morning flipping through The New York Times Magazine when I ran into an article about the latest Youtube sensation. Tyler Oakley is a young, gay man who posts videos about the stuff he thinks about on a day-to-day basis. And he...
What Will It Take To Let Go?
I received a note the other day from a woman who has flirted with the idea of coaching for nearly two years. She's sent me several letters during this time and in each and every one she recounts the same sad story about living with her deadbeat boyfriend, how she...
You + Imagination = Possible
I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me. Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot, the dude that turned to salt: I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on today....
Be The Buffalo
I was thinking about my relationship with discomfort this morning on my long run. Walt and I set out to do 12 miles, and sure enough, at about mile 6, this twingy thing I've got going on with my left hamstring reared its ugly head. Of course Walt is of the opinion...
What Happened When I Stopped Drinking
All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.--Blaise Pascal I was sitting in a mindfulness breakout session in Dublin last week when the leader wrote this quotation on his whiteboard. It was one of those sentences that grabbed...
Let People Say What They Want To Say (On Mother’s Day Or Any Other)
This is a guest post by Karen C.L. Anderson. I met her at a networking event and what grabbed my attention was what other people had to say about her and her programs. Raving fans, I tell you. She's all about drawing healthy boundaries, particularly with one's...
Haters Are Gonna Hate
I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them, then with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me up; unfortunately it didn't. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything. ...
What I Learned In France
About ten years ago, I took my first vacation alone, a week-long bike tour in southern France. Despite my years as a traveling salesperson, I’d never liked going to the movies by myself, or eating dinner alone at a restaurant, because I didn’t want to look like a...
30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself
I found this list a while back and tucked it away in a folder. Lo and behold I rediscovered it and decided it needed to be shared. It's a bit long, but don't let that stop you. An excellent reminder that your happiness and success are in your own hands. No one else...
Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
So, I'm browsing around Youtube, as I'm prone to do when I'm putting together my weekly newsletter, and out pops Jeanna Maples, a young blogger with a major potty mouth who is getting a hell of a lot of play. Her topic? Nice guys, and their assertion that they always...
The Leader Within
I've never met my guest poster, Nnenna Kalu Makanjuola, but that won't stop me from sharing her words. Her message is really powerful, particularly if you've spent a big chunk of your life waiting for someone out there to rescue you, to build your boat. And don't get...
When You’re Married to One of Us
You talk about “people like us” who hide their true selves to be loved and accepted. What about the “what you see is what you get” types who assume others play by those same rules only to be stunned when the resentful manipulator shows his true colors. Same problem...
When You’ve Been Hit By A Bus
Last week I ran a post in which I listed the wonderful things my husband does for me, and what I had needed to change in my life to be ready for such a loving relationship. I got this thought-provoking comment: What about the kind of addict/narcissist that treats you...
A Man Who Will Bring You Coffee In Bed
From an e-mail I received: I just went through a breakup again on Saturday. My 34th birthday. There were many things wrong. Mostly, yet again, I was giving it 100 percent and not getting enough back. He proceeded to ruin my birthday and tell me how I felt & that I...
57 Things I Love About My Irish Hood
The crazy Border Collies laying in wait to chase our car just beyond the barn. The farmer on the hill who tells us jokes we can barely understand, what with his brogue being so thick. I'm pretty sure they all involve traveling salesmen and farmers' daughters, though....
Remind Me
This is a guest post by the author Beth Jannery, a woman I'm grateful to call my friend. I’ve posted it today because, being an accomplishment whore who wants nothing more than to control ALL of the chess pieces, I needed these reminders. Life is not to be endured. It...
Are You A Beggar?
I've been talking to some women lately--women freshly divorced, or unhappy in a job-- who feel like they're all washed up. Done. Because they're too old. See, they've got settle for crumbs, slum a little, because who in their right mind would want them?! I'm talking...
From a Young Slam Poet on Voice
This is my reminder that I have a voice. That sounds silly, huh? Considering I am a poet and I have a daily habit of peeling back layers of skin, exposing the rawest parts of myself on the internet. A place notorious for how it responds to vulnerability and honesty,...
Why There’s Cheese On Your Pillow
Walt and I have been conducting our 6-week Master Class, Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet. It’s all about getting clear on and committed to your goals, setting defined limits, establishing proven practices, taking consistent action, and continually reviewing what works,...
Parenting Advice From a Shitty Mother
As a generation, we’ve done our children a grave disservice by continually rescuing them from discomfort, self-created or otherwise. We’ve meant well, but rather than ensuring their success by smoothing the way for them, we’ve created a herd of frustrated, young...
How You Ended Up Trapped
This fall, my friend Bridget Cooper invited me to write the forward for her book Feed The Need, which got me really excited. I mean, I love this saucy minx's message. If you're a people-pleaser, this book will have you at hello. Do you know how to get wild mustangs to...
Oh The Shit Show We Create When We Settle
Walt and I spent this weekend mountain climbing in Lake Placid, New York. Winter climbing involves dressing in thousands of layers and tromping up and down a mountain on snow shoes for a good eight hours. I realize that most folks don't consider such an activity...
Cruel To Be Kind
This is a guest post from Walt Hampton. I think it's a pretty important message for us people-pleasers, especially during the holidays. Even on a good day, we're reluctant to cut ourselves a break, to take care of ourselves, because we're way too caught up with...
And Then What Happens?
The holiday season is upon us, and I've been thinking about my very best survival tools, the ones I need to break out when faced with disgruntled relatives. Not that you'd know what I mean, I'm sure. Here's one from my arsenal, which I posted a while back. Want...
In Which I Quote Rumi And The Cookie Monster
I ran into a surgical nurse at a party last week in Ireland. We were chatting about life, as one is prone to do at gatherings. And when I told this nurse about a talk I was giving when I got back to the States, about what I’d really noticed during our time in...
One of Those Photos That Slaps You Awake
A few weeks back, Walt and I attended a TedX talk in Clonakilty, Ireland. As with any Ted talk, I learned so much from the speakers. I learned what it looks like to be totally swept away by passion, to stand on a stage before hundreds of people with a zero...
Just Screw It!
This is a little guest post from Walt Hampton. The days have gotten pretty short up here on the 52nd parallel. The sun rises in the southeast and scoots along the southern horizon; darkness comes way too soon. Today, the wind is blowing a cold rain across the...
It’s Time For Another Adventure
I've been down for the count with a broken ankle these past three months. But I'm back on the road again. Running. And I can feel my soul opening up. I can feel the land and the sky and the rain as if they were part of me. I'm alive. This season, I've learned a lot...
One Way to Free Yourself From Rage
Here's a guest post I'm dying to share with you because, if you're anything like me, you've got a big problem expressing negative emotions. Unfortunately, rage, which is what builds up when you can't connect with bad feelings, let alone offload them, is toxic to your...
The Cost of Postponing The Inevitable
Once upon a time I was an aimless girl who twisted herself into a little pretzel to win over a man. He was a decent man, with his own complexes and flaws, who led me down the primrose path into the Islamic Republic of Iran. This did not go well. As with any episode in...
My Husband, The Narcissist
Dear Mimi, Thank you for your comment on this Youtube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhKUB1IU_WE You claim that Walt is a 100% narcissist. The thing I've noticed about defensiveness, which is what your criticism stirred, is that it always kicks in when I...
10 Random Things I Totally Recommend
I know this is out of the ordinary, me recommending anything other than books, but every once in a while I get all excited about new stuff I've discovered. I can't believe my good luck, and I want to shout the news from the rooftops, even if no one else on the planet...
How You Learn To Trust
Post by BuzzFeed Video.
Be. Here. Now.
I watch my mother get ready for work while I’m visiting her in Medora, North Dakota. At 76, she spends the summer months selling expensive trinkets in some tourist trap at Teddy Roosevelt National Park. Always an early bird, she’s out of the sack by 6 a.m. She...
There Will Be Blood, And Obstacles
I started working on a blog this morning while overlooking the pasture. Halfway in, I realized I'd written the very same piece a year ago. Which reminded me of something I once read: photographers have only one picture, writers have only one story. Have you put your...
The Ski Patrol Is Not Coming
It's been one of those weeks. Who are we kidding, it's been one of those months. What with this broken ankle and not being able to run, I've become seriously sulky. I've found myself irritated that others can't seem to give me what I need. No one can make me feel...
55 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Crazy Busy
I ran into this post a while back. It's written by another writer and life coach named Marthe. You can read her stuff and learn all about her right here. Frankly, being something of an anxious accomplishment whore, I pretty much suck at relaxation. It's something...
The State I Got Myself Into On the Way to Medora
I just flew out to visit my Mom in Medora, North Dakota. Every summer for the last, I don't know, decade?, she's worked at Teddy Roosevelt National Park. She's got a crew of girlios to hang around with, a bunch of grannies who travel the country in Winnebago...
The Meek Might Inherit the Earth, But Not the Promotion
I have a coaching client named Bill. No surprises here, Bill’s a people-pleaser, a real nice guy. You’d love him. (He’s single now, so if anybody out there is looking for a nice guy, let me know.) Once upon a time, Bill was working as an accountant at a mid-sized...
One Touch And He Stiffens
I have a pug that turns to stone the minute I try to pick him up. He absolutely despises being man handled and will squeal like a pig. The thing is, I can totally relate to Max. There were years, and I mean DECADES, where I couldn’t stand to be touched, even though...
50 Things, You, My Friend, Get to Do.
You get to change your mind You get to make mistakes You get to vacillate You get to take your own sweet time You get to be angry, or hurt, or sad You get to say no You get to take care of your needs You get to disagree You get to speak your mind You get to be direct...
Which Dog Are You Going to Feed?
On Sunday, Walt and I got the brilliant idea that we’d kayak over to Horse Island and have ourselves a little picnic to celebrate our anniversary. Horse Island is this little deserted hunk of cliff and bush with an old stone tower on one end that lies ten minutes off...
Fix What Needs to Be Fixed
No surprises here, I'm a huge fan of accountability. Want to get something done? Get someone looking over your shoulder to make sure you're doing what you said you would do! If you need to drop the lard, check out this opportunity. I'm serious. When Linda played...
When Will I Ever Learn
Walt and I went to Dublin the other day. I don't know what it's going to take to FINALLY learn this lesson: I just don't like big cities. We rode up with some friends who had business to attend to, and while they were off doing their thang, they set us up with a...
I Can Not Belive I Have to Define This!
Somebody asked me the other day what I mean when I say, "I teach women how to cut the nice girl crap." It dawns on me, now, that I need to be more specific because ignorant certain people don't understand the expression "nice girl," or recognize their associated...
Some Dead Guy’s Formula For Self-Esteem
Chemists like equations. Chemist that I am, I’m going to give you an equation I learned very late in life. Listen up, because this one affects every aspect of your life. Self-esteem= Success/pretensions William James, the father of psychology, came up with this...
66 Rules You Adopt When You’re Raised By Wolves
As I've mentioned about a thousand times before, I grew up in an alcoholic household. My dad was a former farm boy from rural North Dakota who hated his job as an engineer at Pratt & Whitney, or, as we used to call it at home, Pratt & Whiskey. Now, I’ve got...
Cut The Nice Girl Crap!
Nice girls believe that if they’re super sweet, and agreeable, and helpful, and they never argue or complain, and they take one for the team, and they go the extra mile, and they volunteer to do the job no one else wants to do, and they keep quiet, and they don’t make...
Why We Put Up With Outrageous Shit
Walt and I are giving a talk one evening when I meet a woman who is interested in exploring a coaching relationship. She’s impressed by the way Walt and I interact as a couple, our obvious love and respect for one another, and she wants “a look under the hood” so she...
The Words I Wish I’d Heard Upon Graduating From College
I love this time of year. All those motivating commencement speeches cropping up on the Internet. I can't remember a single word that was said when I graduated with my B.S. in 1985. I do, however, remember the commencement speech at Harvard when I received my...
Are You Hiding in Your Closet?
So, imagine my surprise when I came across this TedX Talk by Ash Beckman, a lovely woman I met at the Breadloaf Writers' Conference a few years back. At the time, she was working on composing this very story. At the time, I didn't understand her militancy, why she'd...
Own It, Baby
I was listening to a Ted Talk last month with Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world. For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site. She’s...
What Will It Take to Let Go?
I received a note the other day from a woman who has flirted with the idea of coaching for nearly two years. She's sent me several letters during this time and in each and every one she recounts the same sad story about living with her deadbeat boyfriend, how she...
Someone I’m So Impressed With
Here's what I do. I help clients see their world differently. Because when you help someone see their world differently, their world changes. When someone sees the world differently they show up differently, and they create results that looked impossible a moment...
Act Out
This is a guest post by none other than Walt Hampton. One of my fondest memories from my early years as a young single dad is of watching my boy, clad in his yellow slicker and red rubber boots, stomping in the puddles, standing in the rain. He always liked...
A Quick Tip On How To Nurture Resentment
My mom was the queen of expectations. Despite being very helpful to me, particularly when my kids were young, her acts of service always came with an unspoken price tag. Our relationship suffered because she expected me to do whatever she 'expected' of me without...
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things
I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't enjoy what "normal" people did. I could never get into Broadway shows, or cruises, or bus tours, or weekends in a big city, or marathon shopping trips, or the ballet, or watching sporting events, or...
The Year I Let Myself Go (Again)
I ran this post a year or two back. What with the cheese, Guinness, and chocolate cake I've been facing day after day here in Ireland--serious temptations, particularly when presented by hospitable friends and neighbors--I thought I could use a little reminder. ...
How To Land Yourself In Jail
A young Frenchman wants to switch places with me so he can sit next to one of the five cohorts who accompanied him on our transatlantic flight. He’s asked me several times if I’ll move, and he won’t take no for an answer. “This is my wife,” he says in broken English...
Roommate vs. Lover
This is a guest post by Dr. Bridget Cooper, author of Feed the Need (To Reduce Conflict and Multiply Joy) Focus, the limited amount or lack of it entirely, is the number one complaint that clients approach me with as they enter coaching. Usually, though, they...
7 Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself
This is a guest post by Veronica Mollica. Veronica is a Wellness Coach who helps people remember how to be kind to their mind, body, and spirit. If you find yourself wondering what happened to that kind, generous part of yourself, take a look at how you are...
What Might Happen If You Asked?
We're all afraid of stepping up and asking for what we want. We're afraid to ask our boss, or our parents, or our spouse, or our friend, or the gatekeeper to a wonderful new opportunity. We're even afraid to ask our kids. Why? What do we stand to lose? What is the...
100 Reasons I Love Myself
This week, I found myself talking to some amazing women who had no clue that they're amazing. When I asked them what they liked about themselves, or what they're good at, they had a helluva time coming up with an answer. Pretty normal for folks who have come...
Your Awakening
I have this message hanging over my desk. I’m not sure who wrote it. I keep it there because there are those days that I really need the reminder. The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share again. Think of it as my little gift to you....
LOL? WTF!
I received a comment from a lovely woman last week, which inspired this blog. ...I am plodding on, getting out there, striving! LOL. Still with the same negative, self pitying man, who I live with like brother and sis now! Unfortunately I share a bed with him, but can...
Is Your Life a Slot Machine?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo6QNU8kHxI How much of your life do you consider blind luck, and how much do you attribute to the choices you have made? Muslims are fatalists. They believe what’s ordained is ordained; and no one but God can alter anything. Each event,...
Not Just About Getting Laid
It was the 70’s. Playboy and Penthouse were ubiquitous on suburban coffee tables, at least in the households where I babysat. My parents, in keeping with the make-love-not-war attitude of the era, kept a stash of porn star tell-all's, Penthouse Forum volumes, and...
Why Would You Ever Date This Guy?
This is a guest post by Jaimy Blazynski, The Date Doctor. Most of my life I dated emotionally weak men and never realized it. They would feel sorry for themselves, blame me for their misfortunes, resent my happiness, dwell endlessly on the past and be rude, angry and...
How To Crash And Burn By Year’s End
This is a guest post by the famous Walt Hampton. December can be a crazy month. It can feel like an energy vortex sucking us forward at warp speed only to dump us out breathless and exhausted sometime around the end of January. It’s pretty easy to wear yourself out so...
What I Learned In Ireland
Do you remember coming home for break while you were in college? You’d have a pile of heavy textbooks in your backpack, along with the intention to catch up, or get a jump-start, on various assignments. And do you remember how, invariably, just as day follows night,...
When You Hit The Bottom Hard, The Only Way Is Up
As you may know, I love a good Starting Over story. You know the kind: one minute you're riding high, the next, you're flat on your back wondering what hit you. What fears prevent you from letting go of your old life? What if they actually happened? Sahar Irwin...
50 Things You, My Friend, Get To Do
You get to change your mind You get to make mistakes You get to vacillate You get to take your own sweet time You get to be angry, or hurt, or sad You get to say no You get to take care of your needs You get to disagree You get to speak your mind You get to be direct...
When You’re This Intense, You Need to Laugh
Most of the time I look pretty grim. Like I'm about to be caught doing something really bad. It doesn't matter that I feel perfectly fine, it's just that, as an introvert, I live inside my head. The intensity thing sometimes gets in the way of having fun. I'm so busy...
Oh, The Sh*t Show We Create When We Settle
Have I ever mentioned how much I love questions and comments? I do. Thanks again to Jessie for the inspiration for this post. Here's what Jessie says: My [dating] challenge will be to find the right balance between ‘must-haves’ and ‘realistic.’ For example, these two...
My Date With a Serial Killer
I received a wonderful comment a few weeks back, and now I’d love to take the time to respond properly. You’ve shared that you met Walt on Match. So, please also share how you maintained the endurance to keep going and not lose hope from one stereotypical online...
Steady Through the Storm
The summer I came back to the States, the fall I chose never to go back to Iran, I told myself that if I could just get away from my husband’s family, just gain a little control, then all my troubles would magically disappear. I understood that if I refused to go...
The Cost of Postponing the Inevitable
Once upon a time I was an aimless girl who twisted herself into a little pretzel to win over a man. He was a decent man, with his own complexes and flaws, who led me down the primrose path into the Islamic Republic of Iran. This did not go well. As with any episode in...
Run For Your Life!
In grade school, I was one of those kids, the kind no one picked for their team. Instead, I lurked on the sidelines with Arlene, a fragile girl with Bambi eyes, and Joanne, a chubby thing with an attitude problem. The trouble with me was that I refused to...
And Then What Happens?
Want to know the secret to personal power? I’m talking Wonder Woman red-cape-wearing power. The ability to stay steady when other people—people that you love and/or need—become angry, sad, or disappointed. Particularly when you’ve (supposedly) done or said something...
Fun With Passive Aggression
Want an Hour or Two of Giggles? Head on over to YouTube and plug in the keyword "Passive Aggressive." Why would I do this, you ask? Because people who are afraid to express anger, sadness, or disappointment in relationships usually end up expressing themselves through...
The Crow Knows
When I was twenty-one I found myself in an awful predicament. With a semester and a half to go before graduating from college, I got pregnant. I decided that snowy January that the only logical way to handle the unexpected turn of events was to marry my boyfriend, a...
How a Good Girl Learns to Get Untamed
As many of you know, I'm a big fan of coaching, of forming a professional relationship with someone whom you respect, someone who has already walked the path you're about to set off on. Someone who can point out the shortcuts and the hidden pitfalls to save you a...
Check out my book
Straight-talking, funny and brutally honest, How To Eat The Elephant will give you–yes, you–the push you need to haul your ass off the sofa and position it in front of your computer long enough to produce a real, live book.
