This is a guest post by the author Beth Jannery, a woman I’m grateful to call my friend. I’ve posted it today because, being an accomplishment whore who wants nothing more than to control ALL of the chess pieces, I needed these reminders.
Life is not to be endured. It is an opportunity to be of service, to enjoy, to grow and change and challenge ourselves. In life we have a choice: fill it with grace or stay in the negative. Recently, I went through a big change, divorce. It felt comfortable to stew in the negative. This wasn’t how I pictured my life at 40! And, like so many other women who have to start over, I felt overwhelmed, over-scheduled and less than.
With two daughters in 6th and 1st grade, it seemed the daily tasks of making lunches, doing loads of laundry, getting the kids off to school and paying the bills were about all I could do. But where was the grace in that?
I’m an over-achiever in recovery. A perfectionist who needed to hand in her to-do-list for a slap in the face with reality. Sure, I was told I could do what I love and the money would come, but I wanted instant gratification. I wanted it now! Where was my payoff? Where was my gold-star at the end of the day?
Sometimes, being an adult, being a real grown up, is shutting the hell up, setting my needs aside and digging in and doing what needs to be done. Right now I need to keep it simple; all I need to do is suit up and show up. That’s it. Like so many other women going through meaningful life changes, all I need to do is do the next right thing and have faith that the outcome isn’t up to me.
When bitching to a friend (Ann, the creator of the blog Starting Over) she “reminded me” that things take time. Change is gradual. Pain is optional. Growth is a must. I was reminded that there are many, many chapters to life and my book (literally) is still being written. There will be time for it all – and room for breathing space too. All I have to do is what’s in front of me. Nothing more, nothing less. And the gold-star at the end of the day? Well, I can’t look for one, or expect one. Moments of grace come when they come. We have to remind each other that if we keep doing the next right thing we’ll get a life filled with grace.
After sharing with Ann (another Mom who had been through a painful divorce with two children) the truth about feeling overwhelmed she suggested I set my “to do” list aside and simply write. So I did. And here is what came. I hope it will serve as a reminder to us all that small moments of grace are ours for the taking, if we keep on giving.
- Remind me that a life caring for others is sometimes exhausting.
- Remind me I’m doing just fine if I’m honestly doing the very best I can.
- Remind me that I must do what I love.
- Remind me no apologies are necessary for being exuberant, passionate and just a little bit selfish, as long as I’m following an authentic path.
- Remind me that if I go to bed exhausted having fed the kids, got them to and from school, made ends meet, just for today, that is good enough.
- Remind me that it is OK – in fact it is better than OK – to take a break from relationships and nurture my soul, craft, being, inner life, and passions.
- Remind me that one day I’ll have the time and the energy and the inspiration (maybe even at the same time) to sit myself down to focus on the other stuff.
- Remind me that I’m capable of doing what needs to be done.
- Remind me that I’ve got a home run in me.
- Remind me that the right here, the right now, is all that matters.
- Remind me of one of my favorite expressions: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is the day.
- Remind me to stay in today. And that I was a child once, just like you.
- Remind me to strive for hope, love and joy, and I’ll be on the right track.
- Remind me that wanderlust isn’t always a bad thing.
- Remind me to ask you what you love to do rather than what you do. Remind me to ask who you are rather than what you do. Remind me to question what stirs your soul rather than your job title.
- Remind me to inhale deeply and breathe when all I want to do is scream.
- Remind me to do something for someone else, and then never tell anyone about it.
- Remind me to pay for the toll for the car behind me only to speed up and get away without needing a thank you. Remind me to hold the door and have no expectations.
- Remind me to wake up each day and be OK doing the simple things.
- Remind me to look at you in your eyes when we say good morning. And when I meet a stranger on the street, remind me to answer truthfully when asked: How are you?
- Remind me to ask friends: How are you today? How are you really doing? And remind me to then listen.
- Remind me to think about what you are saying rather than what I’m going to say next.
- Remind me to pray for those I resent and to allow forgiveness to enter.
- Remind me that bathing my children and filling their bellies and getting them to practices on time is all about showing up.
- Remind me that I don’t need a gold star for doing what’s expected.
- Remind me that when I humble myself to ask for help it is always there.
- Remind me that when I forget about myself I am free and available to be there for others.
- Remind me that today I have choices.
- Remind me that relationships, real relationships with give and take and total honesty, are the crux of life. And remind me I can only learn and grow and change by letting another human being get close to my soul.
- Remind me that in life everything comes down to either fear or love.
- Remind me to choose love every single time.
- Remind me that when I ache and tremble it will pass and give way to serenity and sunshine.
- Remind me that I get out of life what I put into it. Remind me if I’m willing to do the work then I’ll get results.
- Remind me that letting go is the only way. Remind me when I hold on too tightly I’m guaranteed to fail.
- Remind me that if I cry now and then it is not a weakness. Remind me if you cry on my shoulder you are teaching me about the beauty of being vulnerable.
- Remind me being vulnerable is being human. Remind me to be.
- Remind me that I need to laugh more, because every time the wave of laughter washes over me I feel so damn good.
- Remind me that there are simple miracles all around me. I need to open my eyes to witness them.
- Remind me that I’m not in charge of other people. Remind me that with total acceptance I can shed a heavy load. Remind me that acceptance in all situations is the solution.
- Remind me I need to live in the solution rather than contribute to the problem.
- Remind me that forgiveness does not happen by me simply wanting it. I need to take action and decide to forgive.
- Remind me that letting others off the hook is a gift.
- Remind me that if I win someone else has to lose. Remind me it doesn’t feel very good to lose. Remind me that I’d rather be happy than right.
- Remind me to be grateful for all of my teachers. And remind me part of contributing to life is passing it on.
- Remind me that I live life in a way that is being true to myself without having to explain or justify my choices to anyone.
- Remind me to appreciate the wonder of it all.
- Remind me that my story is simple and I can have courage in all things.
- Remind me to live life in the middle, neither wanting to rise to the top or sink to the bottom.
- Remind me that someone must drive the bus, mow the lawn and dig the garden.
- Remind me to take responsibility for my thoughts because they become words and then actions.
- Remind me that the truth is good enough.
- Remind me that I have brokenness but I am not fragile or broken.
- Remind me that I need to pray, everyday, and believe in something greater than myself.
- Remind me to ask how you are doing, instead of expecting you to ask how I am.
- Remind me if I leave my ego at the door I will be open to new experiences.
- Remind me to update my old way of thinking.
- Remind me to look for the hidden gems and to unearth my authentic self.
- Remind me that helping others helps myself.
- Remind me to do what scares me.
- Remind me that grace will find me if I open myself to her coming.
- Remind me that I should stop gripping so tightly trying to create life and I can instead allow life to create me.
- Remind me to bloom where I’m planted. And that sometimes we have to lose to win.
- Remind me to honor the fine lines and embrace the lessons and ask for sage suggestions. And then I must listen.
- Remind me that I don’t know is a brave statement.
- And, yes, is a complete sentence.
- Remind me that what I am writing or reading at this moment is exactly what I should be doing.
- Remind me that everything, absolutely everything, is OK in this moment and just as it should be.
- Remind me to observe my daughters climbing trees, scraping knees and building fairy houses. Remind me I’ll miss the fingerprints.
- Remind me to get outside and breathe in nature, at least once a day. And that a simple walk can change my outlook. Remind me that it is OK to nap more and accomplish less.
- Remind me to be gentle on myself and on others.
- Remind me to let myself off the hook and to allow others to fail.
- Remind me that I need to do it all over again tomorrow and turn to the quiet wind and whisper a thank you from deep within my heart.
If you’d like to read more about Beth, check out her selection of books from Amazon. Here’s my favorite:
And here’s her latest (because homegirl doesn’t just sit around drinking cocoa, she still accomplishes big time!)
