Coaching is designed to get you where you want to go a whole bunch faster than doing it on your own. The idea being that by working with someone who has figured out how to do what it is that you want to do, you save a crap load of time, money, grief, and energy.
Want to create an online business? Hire a coach for six months and skip the six-year learning curve rife with rabbit holes and costly mistakes.
Want to drop the nice girl crap and still be loved? Hire a coach for six months and learn how to say no, create healthy boundaries, and speak your mind without throwing in the towel the second you hit resistance. Cause resistance there will be.
The thing is, coaching costs money. You’re paying for knowledge, expert advice, seriously good tips and strategies, and accountability. More importantly, when you invest in yourself, in your desires, you end up taking yourself and your goals one helluvalot more seriously.
All that being said, I read somewhere that you could skip the whole coaching thing by reading 100 or so books on a relevant topic.
Want to lose weight? Read 100 books on nutrition and exercise.
Want to write and publish a book? Read 100 books on creative writing and the publishing industry.
These are the books that inspired me to step up, speak up, and own my worth. They’ve been incredibly valuable in my growth.
1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
I’ve written about this book before. There’s a lot of God talk, which has never been my cup of tea, but if you want to understand what your responsibilities are, and what belongs to others; when to say no, and when to say yes; what to do when someone you need crosses the boundary line, then this is your handbook. Buy it NOW.
2. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself by Melodie Beattie.
If you’re the product of a dysfunctional family–be it alcoholic or rife with mental illness or whatever brand of shit you were party to–you’ve probably got some serious control issues. You probably have no idea where you begin and others end. Or who you are separate and apart from your major relationships. This chick wrote three books on the topic. You can go a long way by reading this alone.
3. Fearless Living: Live Without Excuses and Love Without Regret by Rhonda Britten.
I get fear. And I know you do too. Fear of rejection, of looking stupid, of being imperfect, of not being good enough. Britten defines fear as a self-esteem problem that results in a range of unpleasant or harmful behavior from addictions to people pleasing to negativity. Not that you would know anything about that. She offers a collection of terrific exercises for gaining assertiveness, taking positive action, determining what triggers fear, etc. We’re all afraid. And we do weird shit to try to cover up our own brand of wrong. Maybe it’s time you figured out the camouflage behaviors that are holding you back.
4. The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
Self esteem is behind a lot of this people-pleasing shit we do. If we’re not cute and perky and lovable all the freaking time, who out there is going to put up with us? Who? So, our job is to get to the root of the problem: how we feel about ourselves. What we believe we deserve. And the good news is, that we can actually work on the self esteem stuff. On our awareness and effectiveness in the world. And this Branden dude gives some terrific exercises. I use them all the time in my own life. Because it’s easy to slip back to my cowardly ways, particularly under stress. When I need to experience a sense of control over my existence. The annoying thing is that, like a coach, he demands that we take responsibility for our actions and attainment of our goals. That we take responsibility for our lives and well-being. God! Will these demands never end?!
5. 10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives, by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
When I first started considering my options for an online business, I thought I would create a six-week course around this book. As if Laura wouldn’t mind. Seriously, it’s that good. The first time I picked the thing up in the bookstore and read the back cover, I recognized myself. And believe me, that wasn’t a happy moment. You don’t want to see your biggest life mistakes spelled out in print in the self-help section of Barnes and Nobel. If you’ve ever looked to the context of a man to find and define yourself, or become a total beggar in the dating arena; or used marriage as a quick fix for low self-esteem, or had a baby to hold your man hostage, or turned into a wimp instead of dealing with your rage, well, we know which book needs to be on your nightstand, don’t we.
6. Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope And Healing For Struggling Parents by Allison Bottke
This is one of my new faves. I haven’t written NEARLY enough about it. If you have boundary issues, guess what, despite your loving intentions, you’ve created some sticky issues with your kids. If you’ve got an adult child or two living in your basement, siphoning off gobs of money, failing to launch and blaming you (or society), guess what, y’all need help. And this is the woman who is going to give you the tools to switch things up. For everybody’s sake, particularly yours, stop suffering silently and do something about it.
Let’s assume you like paperbacks. You can have all of this wisdom, all of this insight, all of these exercises, tips, and strategies for a total of $69.01.
I know. I’m wonderful. Because I’ve just saved you an awful lot of money.
