Deb Feder is a business development coach and strategist who helps lawyers and professionals bring in consistent clients through curious, confident conversations and changing the way we view productivity for professionals. She’s also a righteous bad ass. I LOVE working with her. And learning from her.

This is a segment from her working manuscript, something I chose because, if you’re a service professional, which many of you are, your job is to not just serve clients, but keep more coming in your door. Not just anybody, but ideal clients. And you have to understand a little something about ideal clients before you go out there looking for them.

 

Here’s the question I just know you’re asking. Am I telling you that there’s no such thing as an Ideal? That your job is to accept your current client base and their messy humanity? That you just need to stop complaining and suck it up?

Absolutely not. I’m going to tell you where to find your Ideals. But, before I do, we’ve got to get you ready first. You may not be ready to have the kind of curious, confident conversations that build the right book of business quite yet.

At its core, the Ideal—I’m talking about the client and the ensuing relationship– is an adult relationship founded upon high levels of trust. Until you learn how to develop that, you’re probably going to fail. Your bright shiny clients are going to disappoint you, and probably vice versa.

While I could write an entire book on this (I know, another one!), we’re going to distill down the problem with trust-building so you can enjoy your client relationship and not lose your gourd: that big fantasy of yours—what your Ideal will say and do, the flowers they will send you when you’re ill– jumps past the getting to know you, messy middle, and trust building phases. You’re just imagining some “end point” that never exists. Because when things start to get cozy, the deal or team blows up and you are needing to have a solid foundation from which to pivot and respond (rather than react in chaos).

You must be present in all moments to open the possibility of a solid relationship. Particularly those messy, annoying moments. I know it’s a big ask. Just hang with me.

Most clients, ideal or otherwise, do not walk in with high levels of trust; they walk in hoping someone is going to handle their problems. They show up stressed, worried, and frazzled. As lawyers, we’re skeptical to begin with, so the client relationship is likely to start rocky because we’re not exuding come-rest-on-me charm. Which always serves as a good reminder that you aren’t going to have a high level of trust from Day 1. It’s something that will need to build over time.

We build that trust from many angles, particularly at the beginning. Answering the phone, smiling in a meeting, and saying “Hello”; are just the basics. As the relationship deepens and expands over time, the trust becomes more engrained, and the grip of control (on both sides) loosens. The conversation progression starts here, at that first “Hello.”

We build further trust quickly by getting the work done, at the quality, speed, and tone required by the client. Of course, trust is a two-way street. You trust that the client will give you all the information, understand the work involved, and know how and when to pull the emergency chord. Nothing that I’ve said here should raise an eyebrow.

While the trust is building, you’ll be able to spot “idealness” in the client. If we start getting judgey on Day 1, you will never pick up the phone for that so-called second date with the client.

If you’d like to learn more about Deb Feder and her work–she’s good, I’ve seen her in action–go here.