Here’s a fear-based obstacle I want to take a whip and a chair to. It’s a nasty critter. In fact, this might be the biggest challenge you’ll face when writing your book, regardless of genre. It’s at the very core of why I encourage you to write the shittiest first draft possible, to make that your goal. This obstacle is perfectionism.
Perfectionism is what stops you from putting the first words you think of down on paper for fear of making a mistake. It’s what stops you from choosing the next bit to work on because it may take you down a rabbit hole. It’s what makes you doubt the worthiness of your whole project, and, worse, yourself.
With perfectionism at the helm, you can’t see around your own inadequacy. Instead of typing away, you wring your hands and sob.
Brené Brown wrote a beautiful book on this very topic called The Gifts of Imperfection. I encourage you to run, not walk, to the nearest bookstore to buy it. Better yet, order it from Amazon. Until you’ve got it in hand, I’d like to offer you some of her liberating words.
• “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. “
• “Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.”
• “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is NOT about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a heavy shield. We think it will protect us, but it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”
• “Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance.”
• “Listen: When failure is not an option, we can forget about learning, creativity, and innovation.”
The truth is, we all share the shame-based fear of being ordinary. We’re all worried that once people read our book, they’re going to see us for the sham we are. If the proof is in the pudding, we don’t want to hand folks a spoon.
But I’m not even asking you to be ordinary here. I’m asking you to dare to be shitty. As shitty as shitty can be. I’m asking you to write a draft you’d be ashamed to show your dog. You’ll fix what needs to be fixed later, my love. There’s plenty of time. Dare to be shitty so you can grow into this writing thing unburdened by perfectionism. To free yourself from its shackles, you need only remember what readers are looking for from you in the first place: connection. In order to connect, you need to let yourself be seen. You need to be imperfect and real; because to be otherwise is so last year.
