This is a guest post by Veronica Mollica. Veronica is a Wellness Coach who helps people remember how to be kind to their mind, body, and spirit.

 

If you find yourself wondering what happened to that kind, generous part of yourself, take a look at how you are treating yourself first.

We tend to think of kindness as something we extend outward toward others. A genuine compliment, a handwritten note, contributing to a family or organization in need.  The truth is, if we have no frame of reference for being kind to ourselves, we don’t have the attention span or energy to be kind and generous to our family and friends, much less our community and beyond.

We hear the word “self-care” thrown around a lot these days, but what does it mean to be truly kind to your self?

1.  It’s kind to love and appreciate yourself. Do you value your good qualities and truly appreciate who you are, or are you constantly focusing on the negative and feeling like you’re not enough? Do you give yourself some leeway when you make a mistake, or are you relentlessly hard on yourself? Having high expectations of yourself and wanting to live an exceptional life is one thing, continually berating yourself is another thing entirely.

Start paying close attention to your thoughts.  Stop the negativity in its tracks.

2.  It’s kind to give yourself TIME. With the ludicrous pace of this culture and our enslavement to technology that keeps us continually engaged, true rest and play elude us.  We know in theory that we need down time, that we need to slow down long enough to tune into ourselves, that our bodies are begging us to give them a break, but, alas, we keep plugging ahead. Between the parenting, and the meal preparation, and the multitude of kid activities that require our taxi servicing, and the demanding careers, we allow ourselves no room. We get squeezed out of the equation, wondering how we fit into our own lives.

This week, give yourself the gift of time. Allow yourself the time to relax or partake in a pleasurable pursuit. Sit down with your calendar right now and decide when you will take 1 hour (gulp!) for yourself.  I know, I know. Just do it! And no, working out doesn’t count!

3.  It’s kind to ask yourself better quality questions.  Instead of asking yourself “What do I have to do?”, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” “What do I want to experience?”

When you ask yourself what you really need, you will, miraculously, give yourself the answers!  Provided you sit still long enough to you hear them.  When you ask yourself better questions, and do the things that give you pleasure, that matter to you, as opposed to focusing on ”doing” every minute of every day, your kindness gene gets turned on.  When you live in alignment with who you are and what makes you happy, you’ll organically want to give to others.

4.  It’s kind to put your spouse on your calender.  Neglecting your relationship with the person you love most and taking him/her for granted is not kind.  Putting kids and work first 100% of the time eventually catches up and your relationship will inevitably suffer.

When you plan your week, schedule “us” time before you schedule anything else. Physically put your partner on your calendar.  When I started doing this, we were able to reconnect with each other and remember ourselves as a couple.

 

5.  It’s kind to schedule one-on-one kid time and family time.  It’s easy to spend one-on-one time with your first-born.  It takes much more planning and awareness to make sure you are getting quality time with each child after the second is born.

Once again, focused quality time needs to be planned and scheduled first to ensure meaningful connection and fun as a family at home truly happens.

6.  It’s kind to move your body.  Sitting at your computer for 8-12 hours a day, barely moving, is not kind.  I’m big on momentum, and have always prided myself on getting shit done, but our bodies need to move and stretch – not sit for hours on end hunched over a desk. I have finally learned the value of taking small stretch breaks, jumping on my rebounder for 5 minutes, or walking around the block.  It clears your mind too, and ultimately helps you be even more productive – and happy instead of resentful of being chained to your desk!  I’ve let go of the fear of “breaking my momentum”.  I fully trust that I will be able to get back into my work without skipping a beat. You can too.

7.  It’s kind to give your body the nutrition it needs.  I grew up on Fruity Pebbles and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  At the age of 39, I found myself exhausted; plagued by body aches and GI issues.  I appeared to be in shape, but I felt like crap. Until that point, I had never considered that what I ate could affect my health, mood and energy levels. It sounds crazy and dramatic to say that focusing on eating more of a plant-based diet and drinking lots of water (most of us are chronically dehydrated) changed my life, but it did.

Become a detective when it comes to your own body. Look for clues about how different foods make you feel. I don’t advocate for any one way of eating, be it Vegan or Paleo or any of the other 100’s of diets out there.  I recommend tuning in and asking your body for what it really needs. It will tell you. Because what we put into our body is the foundation for everything you want to be and do in the world.

Kindness truly does start at home with you.  When we create a space to nurture and be kind to ourselves and the people we love most, then our heart can open wider and we can connect with the part of us that wants to make a difference, that wants to help others in need, that wants to show genuine love and appreciation for every person we come into contact with.

If you’d like to learn more about Veronica, visit her at http://www.thekindnesssolution.com