# Ann Sheybani

> ZERO NONSENSE CONTENT DEVELOPER WHO SPECIALIZES IN HIGH-IMPACT, PROFIT-GENERATING BOOKS


## Posts

- [The Underbelly of Expatriate Life](https://annsheybani.com/the-underbelly-of-expatriate-life/): When I was young, I fancied myself a global citizen. A Margaret Mead type, who gravitated towards exotic cultures. Impressed with my “intimate” knowledge of obscure peoples, of my ability to hang out in their communities like the team mascot, I turned my nose up at my suburban upbringing. The very people I spent the bulk of my time with— my family, my schoolmates, my neighbors— were, to my grandiose way of thinking, boring and provincial. After moving to Iran with my husband, however, I discovered that I wasn’t nearly as enamored of foreign cultures as I’d thought I was. All […]
- [James Dean in Drag](https://annsheybani.com/james-dean-in-drag/): “He’s hypnotized you,” Mom said when I told her I was going to marry the Iranian and move to his country. “Do you have any idea how they treat women in Islamic countries?” I regarded her through narrowed eyes because my mother, who considered Raman noodles foreign, had zero understanding of different cultures. She wasn’t as vocal as Dad with her prejudice, but she wasn’t far behind him on the redneck spectrum. The heels of her miniature pumps clicked angrily across the linoleum as she cleared away the last half-eaten plate of beans and franks left on the counter, then shoved […]
- [The Gift of a Stranger](https://annsheybani.com/the-gift-of-a-stranger/): This is a guest post from the author, Beth Jannery. During times of crisis, people often reach for the overused, and sometimes annoying, cliché that God will not give us more than we can handle. Then there is another popular comforting notion that what does not totally destroy us makes us stronger. But there comes a time in life when you want to scream, “Enough! I can’t handle anymore.” Then something else happens and adds to your burden and you are left with the proverbial consolation prize of an arm around your shoulder convincing you that this too shall pass, another […]
- [The Right Brand of Wrong](https://annsheybani.com/the-right-brand-of-wrong/): Over New Years we were sitting in a little wine bar up in New Hampshire having tapas when Walt and I spotted an attractive couple about our age.  Like us, they were unusual in that they appeared to be madly in love with one another. So different than the other wilted couples at the neighboring tables, representatives of the same old same old, of a few too many years of child rearing, mortgage payments, television watching, and infrequent vanilla sex. We watched as the man leaned in across the table, kissed his lady’s hand, caressed her check, and professed his love. […]
- [For the Birds](https://annsheybani.com/for-the-birds/): Being an introvert, I need a lot of time to my self.  I spend most mornings happily surrounded by a pack of dogs and the quiet. I read, think, and write. Even with Walt present, I can be alone.  He has similar rhythms. We can lose entire days to our books and projects without interrupting each other. I don’t need for him to disappear in order to be fed. A good thing because we tend to be attached at the hip.  All that being said, before I went off to Georgia for my writing retreat I became very anxious. Without the […]
- [Green Eyed Monster](https://annsheybani.com/green-eyed-monster/): In Iran, my girlfriend Susan and I were due to have babies at about the same time.  Her sexy husband—the one who, according to Susan, spent his nights thinking of inventive ways to drive her wild with passion, and his days selling stolen Kuwaiti cars on the black market— was planning on joining her in England for the delivery. He was having some trouble, however, because he had yet to satisfy his compulsory military service. If he showed up at the airport with his passport, which clearly showed, by the lack of a stamp, that he hadn’t satisfied his civil duty, he’d be picked […]
- [Whose Mountain is This Anyway?](https://annsheybani.com/whose-mountain-is-this-anyway/): I had lunch last week with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. Both oddballs in high school, we’d dreamed of baking bread together when we graduated, raising sheep, and starting a commune in rural Vermont. She’d do the wool spinning and the tapestry weaving. I’d make the soup and run the takeout restaurant.  Comparing myself to her now, I find myself a little embarrassed. She’s become the type of person we’d promised to be.  While I’ve become someone unrecognizable. I know that as people we’re designed to evolve and change. But, I’ve tried on personas like other people try on jeans. Here’s just […]
- [The Female Escape Route](https://annsheybani.com/the-female-escape-route/): “You know,” my boyfriend said one night over a lovely dinner. “Once my contract’s up at NIH, I should really start thinking about going home to Iran.” He said this casually, as if offering up a random observation, not dropping a ticking time bomb square in my lap. After a long day, I was fried from reading stacks of dry toxicological studies at the K-Street office where I worked, a task that, even during the best of times, left me wishing I were blind. I’d never really liked chemistry. I’d taken it up as my major only because I’d wanted to […]
- [Musty Old Laurels](https://annsheybani.com/musty-old-laurels/):  The other day, a fellow at the gym showed me a photo. Circa 1967, a young man in fatigues posed before a large, stone Buddha. “That’s me in Japan,” he said, pointing at his yellowed image. “R&R during the war. Man, that trip was something else.” He sighed wistfully, his eyes trailing off over the leg press and the bicep curl. “Tried to find the one with me shaking hands with Yogi Berra. Gotta be in a drawer. Tell you, they don’t make ‘em like that anymore. Half the ballplayers these days can’t even speak the language.” I looked at Walt, […]
- [OMG](https://annsheybani.com/omg/): Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated our house, my mother became a shark, a creature that required constant activity in order to breath. She moved frantically between bagging Avon orders to playing tennis to attending ceramic classes to sewing curtains. Slow down for an instant, she instinctively knew, and she’d be forced to face her fears. With two […]
- [Mr. Right](https://annsheybani.com/mr-right/): I’m disappearing to a writer’s conference for ten days. So here, because time is not my friend, is a segment from my book The Lost Girls of Shiraz. A draft, but a taste nonetheless. He’s so sure of himself, this man beside me. So comfortable in his own skin, so confidant in his opinions, so unapologetic for whom he is. So unlike me. “Hakim?” I say. “Mmmm.” He shifts on his back, his eyes closed. “Do you love me?” “Of course I do.” An inhale, then an exhale, and Hakim’s asleep.   I wonder if Hakim looked at me, really looked, […]
- [Sawing sawdust](https://annsheybani.com/sawing-sawdust/): I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley (Denali) in Alaska. Twenty days hauling an 80-lbs pack up steep traverses interspersed with hours on end languishing in a tent. Hard work mixed with sheer laziness. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept for fourteen hours straight.  Or stared off into space for an entire day while my mind roams the pampas. Not since Iran, when my only company was the baby. No one out of diapers to talk to until my husband came home. Nothing on TV until the stations turned on at 4PM. Back then I would remember, for […]
- [The End](https://annsheybani.com/the-end/): So much time has passed, but the two and a half years of illness are still fresh in my mind. I can still hear his voice calling me from the hospital after exploratory surgery.  From the tone, I know something is terribly wrong even before he tells me.  He’s supposed to be in Canada or New York or somewhere, on a dangerous job site—although, let’s face it, just how dangerous could an air-monitoring job be?  He tells me that a surgeon has opened up his gut to discover stage-4 colon cancer.  It’s in his spleen and in his lymph nodes and […]
- [The Other Half](https://annsheybani.com/the-other-half/):  I’m back at the small confectionary shop in Iran where Hannah, my husband’s niece, and I order frozen noodles. “One of the girls in my study group had a really hard time breaking her hymen on her wedding night, ” Hannah says, staring out the picture window at women in black chadors, girls in school uniforms, and a pack of teenaged boys who’ve congregated on the corner to swap stories and act macho.  “She made the wedding night sound really horrible.”    She looks at me for confirmation, but I shrug my shoulders.    “They kept trying and trying and finally […]
- [A Long Way Gone](https://annsheybani.com/a-long-way-gone/): “I want you back and I want you back this instant,” my husband said over the phone. From the dangerously controlled tone of his voice, I knew I’d pushed my self over the precipice, past the point of no return. I’d just called to tell him that the kids and I wouldn’t be returning to Iran. Not after summer. Not after Halloween, the way we’d planned. Not ever. “I don’t care if you set foot in Mehrabad airport for ten minutes.  Come back here for ten minutes, to prove your loyalty, and I promise I’ll put you on the very next […]
- [On the Lighter Side](https://annsheybani.com/on-the-lighter-side/): When I was eleven, my mother signed me up for a weight loss class.  Having battled the bulge for years on end, she was alarmed when, at that awkward age, I, too, started piling on the pounds. So, every week, we drove out to the local University, where a pair of graduate students conducted behavior modification experiments on a dozen prepubescents. Thus began my war with food. My best friend at the time was something of a jock.  Taking my challenge upon herself, she ran me through her fat camp.  Some days I’d jog along while she nipped my heels with her bike. Other times she’d […]
- [The Cost of Selling Your Self](https://annsheybani.com/the-cost-of-selling-your-self/): A long time ago, before I had children, my husband took a second wife. We were living in Washington, D.C., not the Islamic Republic of Iran, and I had nothing of real value to lose if I packed up and left. The other woman— an old girlfriend who, last I’d heard, had been languishing in some Connecticut mental hospital— had blamed him for her troubles when she’d called him for help. “Listen to me,” he’d told me, calmly, firmly. “You know that as a Shiite, I have certain options available to me.  That as a Muslim man, I’m afforded certain rights.” He looked […]
- [Believe the Worst](https://annsheybani.com/believe-the-worst/): “You know,” my Iranian boyfriend said one evening as we lay squished together on his twin bed. “I don’t think I’m the kind of man who could ever marry an American.  I just wasn’t raised that way. I always believed that one day I would return home and marry one of my cousins from the village. A girl guaranteed a virgin. As much as I love you, that’s just not what you are.”     My jaw tightened. I pulled away just enough to examine his face. This wasn’t the first time he’d made such a comment, and it was beginning […]
- [Run For Your Life](https://annsheybani.com/run-for-your-life/): In grade school, I was one of those kids. The kind no one picked for their team.  Instead, I lurked on the sidelines with Arlene, a fragile girl who made osteoporosis look sturdy.  And Joanne, a chubby thing with an attitude problem. The trouble with me was that I refused to run. Instead, I galloped. Like a horse. In my teens, I sniffed at sports. I skied a little, skated some, rode a bike around town until I got my license. I swam during college to keep the weight off.  Took a few aerobics classes when Jane Fonda was all the rage.  I once went “running” with an inspiring girlfriend. But that […]
- [Finding My Wood](https://annsheybani.com/finding-my-wood/): When I turned thirty, I was angry and unhappy, but didn’t really know it.   I figured that niggling feeling, the one I couldn’t really identify, the one that wouldn’t go away, was the natural result of having two little kids, too much time with nothing to think about on my hands,  and, thanks to living in Iran, a really foreign country, a serious case of culture shock. I believed that the unexamined life was absolutely worth living. Probing too deeply into my psyche, to my way of thinking, wasn’t going to lead me anywhere good. I prided myself on being a survivor. Someone who didn’t waste her […]
- [Get Real](https://annsheybani.com/get-real/): When I first began writing and presenting my short stories about Iran, people in my workshop class looked nervous.  No doubt remembering the fatwa placed on Salmon Rushdie’s head for his Satanic Verses, they asked me, “Don’t you think Iranians might take offense at some of the things you’ve said here?  I mean, don’t you think you come off as a bit bigoted?” The question bothered me a lot.  What was I trying to accomplish with these stories:  Why did my stories usually involve horrible Iranian men and frustratingly stupid Western women?    It took me a few years of writing […]
- [Half a Woman](https://annsheybani.com/half-a-woman/): There are some books no twelve-year-old should read. When I was a kid, I liked to watch the Dinah Shore show on the portable TV while my Mom fixed dinner.  One day, Marabel Morgan was on defending her book, The Total Woman. This was the mid-70’s, the height of the Woman’s Movement, and Dinah was taking Marabel to task.  You greet your husband at the door wearing nothing but Saran Wrap? Dinah asked, aghast. Interested in the sexual, my ears perked up. A woman should allow her husband to make all the major decisions, right down to the color of the […]
- [Welcome](https://annsheybani.com/welcome/): Welcome to my blog. Please check back soon for new entries.
- [There Will Be Blood. And Obstacles](https://annsheybani.com/blood-obstacles/): Have you put your “totally unrealistic” dream on the back burner because you can think of 10 problems right out of the box? I was watching a fox and her two kits bound across the field this morning as Walt and I drank our first cup of coffee.  In the upper pasture, a herd of dairy cows had formed a battle line, like a division of black and white soldiers. They were waiting for Ben, our neighbor’s border collie, to march them toward their morning milking. Just beyond, a 5-minute walk down the gravel road, the North Atlantic crashed against the […]
- [Why I Need More Therapy](https://annsheybani.com/2843/): One 15-minute conversation with my mother, and I know how I got this crazy. She’s why I wake up in a cold sweat convinced that I have to organize my garage—right this second, at 2AM—even though it’s been an absolute shit show for the last six years. Why I need to clean my kitchen cabinets, and the upstairs office, and catch up on filing, and come up with great exercises for my coaching clients, and finish, not one, but three books, and get new tires for the Miata, and find the perfect T-shirt to wear with that sequined skirt now, NOW, […]
- [Good Mom Rules](https://annsheybani.com/good-mom-rules/): Do you have trouble saying no to your children? Do you ever feel that, no matter how much you give or do, it’s never going to be enough? Are you sacrificing your financial health, and/or peace of mind to rescue your kids from consequences? Do you take on their worries so they can float through life carefree and giddy? Being married to a criminal defense lawyer tends to give one a very unique perspective. Nary a day goes by when some poor, suburban parent isn’t on the line trying to extricate his or her kid from trouble.   It’s gotten so I […]
- [The Daddy Hole](https://annsheybani.com/the-daddy-hole/): My friend, L, is the most “normal” woman I have ever met.  She doesn’t cart around emotional baggage. Not even a change purse-full. Her decisions have always seemed so… sensible. I’m pretty sure L’s superpowers—stability and confidence—are a gift from her father. He’s this working class, Italian dude from New Jersey who’s been married to L’s mom for nearly half a century. Everything he does, and I mean everything, screams BANKABLE. After a dozen years, I can still picture him at the finish line of our first marathon. Cheering, face alight with pride, fists pumping in the air as his daughter […]
- [What You Might Find on the Other Side](https://annsheybani.com/find-side/): I’m always reluctant to crow about my good fortune.  But, you know what?  Screw it. All those years ago when I was squatting in that closet with my unhappiness, I could never have imagined what I’d find on the other side.  I could never have envisioned this big, amazing life I have today. I could never have imagined buying a little Irish cottage overlooking the Atlantic Ocean with a man that, 8 years later, still takes my breath away. I want to share with you this dream. And I share this with you, not to show off, but because I want […]
- [The Girl in the Plastic B-Bubble](https://annsheybani.com/girl-plastic-bubble/): This is a guest post by the world famous boundary expert, Bridget Cooper.  Well maybe not world famous. Yet.  But hold on. When you have boundary issues it’s a huge challenge to figure out what is your baggage and what belongs to someone else. You either blame others for all the problems in your life or you take on everybody’s troubles as if they were your own. You want more happiness and less stress? It comes down to the simplest task: creating boundaries. Letting other people own their “stuff” while you own yours. When you have firm boundaries you can sit […]
- [The Day of Reckoning](https://annsheybani.com/the-day-of-reckoning/): Know that problem you just can’t seem to face? Mmmm-hmmm, that’s the one. That dead end job, or limping marriage, or troubled kid, or that fill in-the-blank. What do you think it’s costing you to keep it under wraps, to ignore it in the hopes that it will magically solve itself? What might life be like if you dealt with it, so you could make it through to the other side? I once worked for a chemical manufacturer in Waterbury, CT.  The president of the company—a hyperactive trust fund Tommy who’d inherited the role from his stodgy father—was on a self-help […]
- [An Open Letter to J, Who Just Got Divorced](https://annsheybani.com/open-letter-divorced/): Dear J, Happy 50th Birthday!!! I must say, turning fifty is distressing enough without being divorced by your husband of 26 years a few days prior.  One could equate that sequence of events to being slammed by a speeding tractor-trailer. Nevertheless. Welcome to this, your brand new chapter. This is the turning point. Will your second act put the first one to shame? Or will you simply close up shop? Will you perceive the unknown that now unfolds before you as an enormous white canvas on which to paint an exciting new life, or a black abyss into which you might […]
- [Shit! David Foster Wallace is Dead](https://annsheybani.com/interpret-reality-adult-world/): I knew there was a reason I love the author David Foster Wallace. What are you choosing? This guy died long before he should have.   http://youtu.be/xmpYnxlEh0c
- [68 Things You Should Never Do](https://annsheybani.com/68-things-you-should-never-do/): My sister-in-law once told me that I should write a book entitled What Not to Do.  She’d heard the slew of “Ann Stories” my brother liked to tell, and was horrified by my mistakes, and lack of common sense. Frankly, I think the woman was jealous of me and my big, adventurous, messed-up life.  But, as my daughter used to say, Whateverrrrr. That being said, I have to admit that I learned most of what I know today the hard way.   I’m pretty sure I’ve screwed up way more than the average bear. Bad for me; potentially useful for you. Because […]
- [I'm Famous.  God, the pressure!](https://annsheybani.com/im-famous-god-pressure/):  So, Kriste, one of my coaching clients, wrote this totally badass blog post about working with me. It felt pretty good to read about myself in some place other than the police blotter. (No, I’ve never shown up on the police blotter, I think. This is a joke. A JOKE!) Because this is my blog–It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to–I’m going to share it with you. I think you should consider yourself lucky that I keep this in 12-point font and I don’t bold the shit out of the piece.  A Coaching Story or A Real Kick in the […]
- [Dissing Loyalty](https://annsheybani.com/dissing-loyalty/): Do you give your undying loyalty to those who don’t deserve it; who do not value it? Do you think sticking with that unethical boss, the deadbeat boyfriend, the pal who consistently makes you question your worth, makes you somehow noble? Are you terrified of being perceived—by absolutely anybody, including the mailman— as being unreliable, or whimsical? Well, maybe it’s time to stop acting like a Golden Retriever. Before she moved back to North Dakota, my mother bought her cars from the same man every single time.  It’s not that she particularly liked this dude, or that she thought she was getting […]
- [Steve Carell is the Man](https://annsheybani.com/steve-carell-is-the-man/): People often ask me how I choose my post topics each week.  Most of the time I’ll be going about my business and something someone says or does will make me think, WTF? This week I’ve been bumping into an inordinate amount of people who can’t say “no”, even when it’s obvious that their lives are going to get screwed to a fair thee well. A trained people-pleaser, I know saying no can feel uncomfortable. If you want to read what I have to say about the topic you can click here and here. But right now I want to lighten […]
- [You + Imagination = Possible](https://annsheybani.com/imagination-north-dakota-style/): I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me.  Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot, the dude that turned to salt:  I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on today. A loving husband A beautiful home Two adult children (non-incarcerated) who support themselves World travel and outrageous adventure A circle of friends comprised of thought leaders, writers, and artists Time and resources to read and write, my two most favoritist pastimes A job that I ADORE I think […]
- [Why Vulnerability is the Antidote to Shame](https://annsheybani.com/vulnerability-antidote-shame/): I was just listening to a Brene Brown interview in which she described herself as a child. An introverted 13-year-old, she saw Grease 25 times– a movie I paid to see 4 weeks in a row at the very same age. See, like me, Brene wanted desperately to shed her skin and become Olivia Newton John. We–Brene and me, and probably 95% of our eighth grade contemporaries– wanted to look that good in a skin-tight leather catsuit, take up cigarette smoking, and win the love of rebellious John Travolta. We wanted to drop the Nice Girl routine and become the coolest […]
- [I See Beautiful People](https://annsheybani.com/i-see-beautiful-people/): I want to give you a beauty secret I’ve recently discovered.  The single element that will make heads turn, regardless of your weight, age, or ability to pull together a decent outfit.  The secret is Joy. Walt and I were at The Sunken Garden Poetry Festival last summer. Held in a little flower garden behind a small art museum, the event is a lovely excuse for folks to break out their picnic baskets, spread moth-eaten blankets, light Yankee candles, and sit out under the stars while listening to poetry and music. That’s when I saw her. She was sitting on a […]
- [Cheap, Cheap, Cheapskate](https://annsheybani.com/cheap-cheap-cheapskate/): Want to hear something freaking fascinating?  The more you invest in yourself, the more others are willing to invest in you.  When you take yourself seriously, others do the same. Cheaping out on yourself isn’t noble; it’s flimsy camouflage for low self-esteem. My mother is the queen of cheap. Sifting through her kitchen cabinets a few years back, I found a box of Pizza Spins, a snack cracker General Mills stopped producing in the early 1970’s, that she’d dragged along with her on four separate moves. When I held the box up with a questioning brow, she shrugged and noted that, […]
- [Why, You Little Ingrate](https://annsheybani.com/why-you-little-ingrate/): We all have deals, you know.  Some of the provisions are on the table and mutually agreed upon.  Many go unspoken, particularly when it comes to getting what we want from those closest to us. By the time I was out of pigtails, I understood the expression Buyer Beware. My parents taught me that nothing was for free. There were no such things as random acts of kindness; everything had a hidden, associated price tag. If they were going to do something nice for either me or my brother, there’d be a pound of flesh abstracted somewhere down the road. Sometimes […]
- [Loose, Lax, Limp, Irresolute](https://annsheybani.com/loose-lax-limp-irresolute/): Do you give up at the first sign of trouble?  Are you thrown by even the tiniest bump in the road? So, I was ice climbing in New Hampshire this past weekend.  If you’ve never ice climbed before, picture a group of 10 or so men and women in puffy jackets, plastic helmets, and funny looking harnesses standing around in the cold making fun of one another. It’s a terrific time, if you don’t mind being heckled. Climbing ice is an interesting way to get to know yourself and other people.  You can spot tenacity, patience, problem-solving capabilities, physical strength, deliberateness, […]
- [When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple](https://annsheybani.com/woman-wear-purple/): I got invited to a funeral last month, if you can call that sort of thing an invitation. My friend’s elderly mother died after six months of sliding down hill. Like a lot of us, my friend had a complicated relationship with her mother.  Apparently, Mom was a real show stopper:  an actress with a flare for drama.  Great on stage, I suppose, not so great if you craved June Cleaver at the supper table. Seriously, if anyone else dies in this family I’m going to the funeral.  Because there was terrific singing, and a knockout eulogy, and all sorts of […]
- [Be the Buffalo](https://annsheybani.com/be-the-buffalo/): I was thinking about my relationship with discomfort this morning on my long run.  Walt and I set out to do 12 miles, and sure enough, at about mile 6, this twingy thing I’ve got going on with my left hamstring reared its ugly head. Of course Walt is of the opinion that I should keep running,  even if my leg were broken.  Times like these, he spouts this mind over matter shit that makes me want to punch him in the neck. He claims he developed a totally different relationship with pain when he crossed the finish line of the […]
- [You're Awesome; Start F*cking Acting Like It!](https://annsheybani.com/awesome-start-fcking-acting/): Lately I’ve started noticing this nasty habit we women have of downplaying our magnificence.  It seems that after years of living with ourselves, of taking our talents, gifts, and accomplishments for granted, we have no idea what separates us from the herd. My friend Steve called me on this ridiculousness just the other day.  Steve’s a big, strong dude I guided up Mt. Rainier last summer.  We climbed this rather godawful mountain tied together by a rope. Which meant that if Steve—all 6’6”, 240-pounds of him— tripped and fell into a gaping crevasse, it was my job to drop to my […]
- [Peak Performance Summit](https://annsheybani.com/peak-performance-summit/): So, I’ve been talking up Walt’s and my one-day workshop. (Is that actually correct grammar?  I don’t know. And I can’t be bothered to crack open The Chicago Manual of Style.) Anyway, you’d think I’ve been keeping this a State secret.  “Why haven’t you mentioned this before,” several people have had the audacity to ask me. I happen to know that these aforementioned people do not have hearing problems, nor do they have short term memory loss.   So, I’m going to be extra polite here and NOT mention the fact that I’ve advertised this in my newsletter before, which, clearly they NEVER opened.  Not that that HURTS MY FEELINGS, or anything. […]
- [Brought to You By The Axis of Evil](https://annsheybani.com/brought-axis-evil/): We make commitments to others in order to appear nice, and then we kick ourselves when they are inconsiderate enough to take us at our word. When I lived in Iran I often found myself irritated by tarof, traditional Iranian etiquette. Stopping by someone’s home unexpectedly, as is the custom there, my husband and I would be invited in for tea when our would-be hosts were half way out the door. Or we’d be offered food when there clearly wasn’t enough to go around.  The silly shows of hospitality would go one step further. At gatherings I would be bombarded with creme cakes and […]
- [WWWD](https://annsheybani.com/wwwd-2/): The other day I got a very nice note from a woman living in Rome named Sile.  This is what she said: I’d love to read some articles on how you would set boundaries with older generation. I have an aunt who has a particular talent: in her presence I turn into a silent, a little fearful and sullen teenager – she demands ‘respect’ and 90% of the time, feels slighted by everyone, can be quite snide. When she turns her attention to me, I act as if I don’t hear them but truth is that I have no answer … […]
- [WWWD](https://annsheybani.com/wwwd/): When I come up against an uncomfortable situation, one that requires some backbone, an ability to set good boundaries, I often ask myself, “What would Walt do?” Because, honest to God, this man has taught me a lot. He’s pretty unflappable when it comes to handling major confrontation, defining his boundaries in no uncertain terms with some tough customers (like his 82-year-old, crippled mother).  It’s fascinating, when the smoke finally clears, to understand how his mind works. One of these days I’m going to start an interview series called WWWD. You got boundary issues now; you won’t by the time Walt’s through with you. In the mean time, there’s always his book:  Journey’s on the […]
- [Boundaries 101](https://annsheybani.com/boundaries-101/): Walt sat behind the steering wheel talking on the phone with a client. He was getting frustrated with this young woman, who’d hired him so she could get sole custody of her baby, because he couldn’t figure out why she kept ignoring his legal advice. Why she continued to confuse the situation by sleeping with the father. Why she felt guilty about her decision, even though the guy was reputedly a crackpot. Why she wanted to smooth the ruffled feathers of a man she was dragging into court. Why she kept second guessing herself, and calling her lawyer back, while he […]
- [Good Morning, Slacker](https://annsheybani.com/good-morning-slacker/): Like a lot of overachievers, I hold myself to impossible standards.  It’s bought me a lot in life: it’s also created gratuitous stress. This morning, even before my eyes snapped open, I began rehashing all the things I’d done wrong the day before, what I should have done differently, and how, thanks to my complete lack of discipline, I’ll never, ever, ever get any traction.  I’ll weigh 400 pounds.  And spend my days farting around on the couch.  And I’ll start 56 more projects and leave them all undone. You know. Really positive, congratulatory words of self-encouragement. I heard Jane Fonda […]
- [Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?](https://annsheybani.com/hell/): Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the grants, or the prizes, or the big gigs, or the publications are far more gifted, or privileged, or connected than you? Do you think you need to have all your ducks in a row, or work for years to develop a reputation, or follow all the rules before someone out there will toss you a […]
- [Hush, My Pretty, Hush](https://annsheybani.com/hush-my-pretty-hush/): At some point in your life you need to accept that your feelings are as credible and important, more so, than those of your loved ones.  When you ignore your feelings, your desires, they turn into secret rage. Rage turned inward begets all sorts of nasty things.  Eating disorders, addictive behaviors, passive aggressive outbursts.  When anger turns inward, it poisons everything in its path. Anger turned outward, on the other hand….That’s what shows like Law and Order are all about. The truth is, it’s scary to face your feelings. It’s scary to admit you’re disappointed. It’s scary to listen to your […]
- [This Week in Review](https://annsheybani.com/this-week-in-review/): Walt and I went to see the movie Silver Linings Playbook about a guy who moves back in with his parents after 8 months in the loony bin.  I know.  It sounds totally depressing.  (The moving back in with your parents part, which I’ve done, not the loony bin stuff.) And of course Walt tells me the romantic interest– a troubled young woman recently widowed– reminds him of me because she says whatever crosses her mind, no matter how crazy it sounds, no matter how inappropriate, and totally pisses people off. So now I’m wondering if my inability to conduct socially acceptable […]
- [Let's Pretend This Never Happened](https://annsheybani.com/lets-pretend-happened/): I’ve been reading Jenny Lawson’s Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Seriously, you’ve got to buy this book, or check it out from the library, because it’s so freaking funny. Here’s what it looks like. I saw it on the best seller list awhile back and remembered who she was because I’d tripped over her blog post. Go on, read it.  The funniest blog post ever  Now tell me you didn’t laugh your ass off. And one more thing.  I’m an Amazon whore.  Walt got this Amazon prime membership which I thought would be a total waste of $79.  But you get free […]
- [Men Don't Want You To Kick Their Ass](https://annsheybani.com/underused-super-power/): One of our greatest strength as women is our softness, our femininity. All that muscle-flexing we engage in, particuarly in the work world, doesn’t buy us respect, or love, or security; it drives men away. Insisting that you can kick his ass will not get a man all hot and bothered. Years ago I worked at a chemical company in Waterbury, Connecticut.  As with most companies of any size there was an it girl who every male employee seemed to love.  A delicate blond who could pass for Faith Hill, a popular country singer at the time. I was mesmerized by this woman because […]
- [Sit, Release, Repeat](https://annsheybani.com/sit-release-repeat/): This is a guest post from Lenora Toscano, my former marathon running buddy, which makes her a friend for life. Honest to God, she’s probably the most normal, stable human being I have ever met.  I’m going to interview her one day so you’ll see what I mean.  Recently she completed her yoga teaching certification, and walked away with some new tools and a completely different mindset.  If you’re someone who is prepetually stressed out AND detatched from your feelings, you just might want to take her advice and ….    A friend of mine has been encouraging me to write […]
- [Tiny Beautiful Things](https://annsheybani.com/tiny-beautiful-things/):   My friend, who is a librarian in Connecticut, told me I had to read this book. She said that it reminded her of me, of the kind of stuff I say to her when her life is a shit show.  

I seriously WISH I wrote like this. Or that I was as clear, and funny, and compassionate, and ON TARGET with advice as this woman is. And frankly, I wish it had been around when I was being such a dumbass. Maybe it would have slapped me awake.You may recognize Cheryl Strayed.  She’s the “overnight success” who wrote Wild, the […]
- [Rules To Live By](https://annsheybani.com/rules-to-live-by/): The following is a guest post by one of my workshop students at East Hill Writers. Phyllis Satter is a very accomplished woman–writer and human being– and I wanted to share her piece because I think the message jives so well with what we talk about here. You might want to ask yourself about your own set of rules.   When I was 15, I sometimes babysat for the Smiths, a young couple from our church, with at least two kids. It felt like more. Whenever I arrived to look after them, their house was a mess! One evening after I […]
- [Be a Better Bear](https://annsheybani.com/be-a-better-bear/): One day, when my daughter was seventeen, I asked her to vacuum the living room carpet.  She looked up from the magazine she was flipping through, thought about my request for a moment, and said, I shit you not, “I don’t feel like it.” Now, like you, I spend a good deal of my day doing things that I just don’t feel like doing. Most mornings, for instance, my husband wakes me up at 5:30 with a steaming hot cup of tea. He’s a terrific guy, and all, but his sole motivation is to lure my ass out of bed and […]
- [The Year I Let Myself Go (Again)](https://annsheybani.com/year/): Sometimes we get tired and don’t want to have to try anymore. We want to be loved and appreciated, just for being the decent human being we are.   Which is exactly how I felt the year of the salmon-colored capris. It had been one hell of a “season.”  I’d spent two and a half years sitting shiva as my ex-husband battled terminal colon cancer. (You’d be surprised how quickly the resentment surrounding a divorce clears up when one of you is handed a death sentence.) There were the fluorescent- lit hospital visits.  And carting kids back and forth each weekend so […]
- [Do You Know What You Deserve?](https://annsheybani.com/do-you-know-what-you-deserve/): This is a guest post from an up and coming writer named Peggy Hill.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.   A bright young woman sits across from me over dinner expressing disbelief.  Her annual raise was less than expected “once again”. I ask, “What exactly did you expect?” “That my boss would give me what I deserve.” “What do you deserve?” She sits and stares at me…down at her plate…back at me.   After managing and leading people for over twenty years, one of the lessons I’ve learned is this:  we can’t get what we think […]
- [Nice Mrs. General Petraeus](https://annsheybani.com/case-study-general-frumpy-wife/): Before we begin I would like to you to take a look at three pictures.    1. General Petraeus  2.  Mrs. Petraeus 3. The Girlfriend Need I say more? OK, maybe just a little. We fool ourselves by believing that our spouses should love us no matter what.  That they should remain loyal to us– despite the additional 60 pounds and the sensible purple leisure suits–as a matter of good character. That we bear no responsibility for failing to invest in ourselves, by letting ourselves go. But we do. We fool ourselves by believing ourselves indispensible because we sacrifice ourselves for our kids, and […]
- [Ten Books That Will Make You Laugh Your Ass Off](https://annsheybani.com/ten-books-laugh-ass/): Well, the holidays are upon us.  I just realized this as Walt and I made our way through the grocery store this weekend.  I couldn’t figure out what the deal was with all the turkeys, and the raw cranberries, and the bottles of  gravy clogging up the aisles. My obliviousness never fails to amaze Walt.  He’s convinced that people ought to see a holiday coming down the pike, particularly if it shows up on the calendar in the same place year after year. Whatever. So, in honor of the upcoming season, a season bedazzled with extra chores. Like dragging the tinsle-entwined […]
- [Wake Up And Smell the Coffee](https://annsheybani.com/wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee/): I have this message hanging over my desk.  I’m not sure who wrote it.  I keep it there because there are those days that I really need the reminder.  The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share.  Think of it as my little gift to you. Print it out.  Leave it somewhere you can see it when you want to suck your thumb. The Awakening A time comes in your life when you finally get….when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice […]
- [Keeping Up With The Kardashians](https://annsheybani.com/keeping-kardashians/): If you could rub the lamp and have a genie offer you ANYTHING that you want, what would you ask for? A genie. A genie that gives you ANYTHING.  ANYTHING that you want. My friend Mia loves watching shows about people with lots of money.  She watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and Platinum Weddings.  She likes the exposure to all the cool things that money can buy. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I’m fascinated by the idea that there are people on this planet with a shit load of money, people who aren’t the least bit shy […]
- [Just. Let. Go.](https://annsheybani.com/just-let-go/): What if everything you’ve been through thus far was just leading up to this very moment? What if all you had to do to reach the other side, to get what you really want, was to take a leap of faith? I finally figured out what I never could when I was young: to be an adult, a whole integral person, you have to make mistakes, get off course, endure discomfort, and doubt yourself. You have to endure. And you have to take action, even when you’re scared. Every year I try something daring, because facing down fear is how great […]
- [Our Special Sad Tale of Woe](https://annsheybani.com/our-special-sad-tale-of-woe/): Ever notice we all have these stories?  That thing we tell people fifteen minutes after meeting them.  Walt’s story begins, “I was a single dad for a dozen years….”  Mine, which is a little harder to slip in to a random conversation, goes something like this, “Yah, I lived in Iran for five years during the early 90’s…” Here’s the thing.  We seem to want people to know we’ve suffered hardships.  That it hasn’t always been easy.  That the world has handed us a crap sandwich and we’ve sommeeehooowww, only through strength of character, survived to tell the awful story. Problem is, this story becomes our […]
- [The Nice Girl Complex](https://annsheybani.com/the-nice-girl-complex/): A few years back, Walt gave me a sailing course for my birthday. So, I’m on this 40-foot boat with five strange women for an entire weekend when I meet the Guiness Book of World Record’s champion nice girl. You would have recognized her, too. She was the one who IMMEDIATELY volunteered to sleep on top of the washer and dryer in a makeshift berth because there weren’t enough bunks to go around. She was the one who got underfoot at every meal trying to help the captain cook in a 3X3 galley. She was the one who jumped to clear […]
- [I Give You, the Honey Badger](https://annsheybani.com/i-give-you-the-honey-badger-2/): Now, I’m about as spiritual as an Egg McMuffin.  But, I’m going to dip my toe in the water here anyway.  Today, I’m going to assign you a new totem animal.  Yes I am. The next time somebody calls you up and asks you to bake 12 batches of cookies for a PTO meeting.  The next time one of your kids starts a sentence with “If you were any kind of real Mom you’d…..” The next time your girlfriend wants to drop her kid off for the weekend because her babysitter has the mumps. I want you to place your hand […]
- [Cat Shit in the Litter Box](https://annsheybani.com/cat-shit-in-the-litter-box/): Everybody fears that they are not enough.  Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt.  This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my guts. I worried that if they dug an inch too deep beneath my cheery surface, they would discover the ugly truth: that, somehow, I didn’t measure up. When you worry about people accepting you, you spend an awful lot of time and energy covering up your character flaws like cat shit in a litter […]
- [Pretty](https://annsheybani.com/pretty/): It’s not about being pretty.  It’s about being so much more.  It’s about demanding so much more from ourselves and our lives. Pretty is good.  It buys you a lot of things in our society.  But it is not enough. This is my favorite poem on earth.  I hope you enjoy it as well.  
- [Dr. No](https://annsheybani.com/they-call-me-dr-no/): I’m going to tell you something you probably already know. Just bear with me, if you will. Learning to say no is vital to your mental health as well as to your success. Of course, if you’re a people pleaser, like somebody I know (me, me, me!), saying no isn’t exactly easy because we’re more concerned with pleasing other people than we are ourselves. We say yes far more often than is healthy because we don’t want others to think badly of us.  (As if it’s somehow not a problem to feel bad about yourself. Hello!) As Jennifer White, author of Work […]
- [I Give You, The Honey Badger](https://annsheybani.com/i-give-you-the-honey-badger/): Now, I’m about as spiritual as an Egg McMuffin sandwich.  But, I’m going to dip my toe in the water here anyway.  Today, I’m going to assign you a new totem animal.  Yes I am. The next time somebody calls you up and asks you to bake 12 batches of cookies for a PTO meeting.  The next time one of your kids starts a sentence with “If you were any kind of real Mom you’d…..” The next time your girlfriend wants to drop her kid off for the weekend because her babysitter has the mumps. I want you to place your […]
- [Good Fences Make Good Neighbors](https://annsheybani.com/good-fences-good-neighbors/): This is a guest post from my husband, Walt Hampton.  I believe he came out of the womb with the ability to set healthy boundaries.  He really does astound me.  So here’s what he has to say on the topic.  Something there is that doesn’t love a wall… .– Robert Frost, Mending Wall “Did you know that Max escaped again?” Marcia asked. WTF, I thought. This dog has two acres to roam in.  Why isn’t that good enough? I can’t count the number of times he’s jumped over the fence. Or dug under it. Or snuck through it.  I can’t count the […]
- [Fear of France](https://annsheybani.com/fear-of-france/): I get to interview some pretty terrific women for my series, Starting Over.  Thought you might like a little taste.  This is Sarah Levitt, and she’s pretty damn terrific.  Here’s to you walking away with something you can use to recharge your own life. (you can access the interview in the “post” below.) After simultaneously becoming unmoored from her business, marriage, and home, Sarah Levitt decided she needed to take matters into her own hand. She turned over every stone looking for what she needed. Finding it didn’t exist, she created her support group. A powerful group who helped her cope […]
- [Interview with Sarah Levitt](https://annsheybani.com/interview-with-sarah-levitt/): Interview with Sarah Levitt (Right click on the link and select “Save link as”)
- [You Selfish, Selfish Bitch](https://annsheybani.com/you-selfish-selfish-bitch/): Here’s an eye opener.  When we women don’t dare to dream or recognize our purpose, we end up placing too much emphasis on a man or our babies. When we don’t know what we want, we end up “wanting” what they want. See, if you don’t have a desires of your own, you end up living someone elses’. That’s why you spend your summers fly-fishing instead of hitting the Louvre.  That’s why you have football jerseys for a dozen teams , or ticket stubs from Def Leppard concerts. That’s why you have a lounge chair with a beverage holder, and a deer […]
- [No One Wants to Be Your Agony Aunt](https://annsheybani.com/accountability-agony-aunt/): I hate to admit that I’m not the world expert on EVERYTHING.  Particularly when it comes to weight and fitness.  See, I think I’ve got it going on.  I run ultra-marathons, I climb high mountains.  I’ve been on every freaking diet known to man.  I’ve done the raw food thing, and the alkalizing schtick, and the protein/fat/carbohydrate separating gig. But about a year ago I started putting on some weight.  At first it was a couple of pounds.  But that turned into 5.  Then 7.  And it was only when I packed on 12 pounds that I started getting hysterical. Here’s […]
- [What if We Stopped Running Away?](https://annsheybani.com/stopped-running/): I read this today on Facebook.  It was written by a thought-leader named Suzanne Falter-Barns.  For someone like me, who has spent a lifetime running away from her feelings, who has judged herself and others so harshly, this took my breath away.   I am here to report that I have been changed by the death of my 22-year-old daughter Teal. And I have gratitude for this change, for I believe I will emerge a better person.Teal died recently of an unexplainable cardiac arrest after six days of being kept alive by life support. What such a radical experience of the quickness […]
- [Feelings, woe, woe, woe, Feelings](https://annsheybani.com/feelings-woe-woe-woe-feelings/): I once had a wonderful brother-in-law—a neurosurgeon in Tehran– who liked to point out interesting articles in his medical journals.  Like the case study of an Iranian boy who’d bitten his tongue off, broken his bones, burned off 80% of his skin, all because he couldn’t perceive pain.  I became obsessed with that case.  I thought about it all the time.  All those years ago, long before I had much insight into my self, I realized that, like that child, I tended to walk the planet totally insensate. Not physically, but emotionally. As a rule, I had a hard time identifying […]
- [The Ski Patrol Ain't Coming](https://annsheybani.com/the-ski-patrol-aint-coming/): The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated.  Down on his hands and knees for the fifteenth time, he’d attack the problem with his portable screwdriver.    “How about you calm down,” I told Walt, who was frothing at the mouth, “You go on.  I’ll wait here for the ski patrol to show up.” See, I’ve always been a firm believer that when I’m in trouble, nice people in red jackets will show […]
- [The Bullshit Emotion of Guilt](https://annsheybani.com/the-bullshit-emotion-of-guilt/): Yesterday I received a letter from myself.  I wrote it a year ago while I was at a seminar called Date with Destiny.  I forgot that I had ever written it.  It made me happy because I realize how far I’ve come on the emotional front. Do you waste your precious time, energy, and focus on guilt, or worry?  Do you hold onto the past, thinking it could have been anything different? Maybe my letter will mean something to you, too.   Dear Ann, You are so beloved and valuable.  You forgot a long time ago that you were always loved, […]
- [The Ugly Girl in the Mirror](https://annsheybani.com/the-ugly-girl-in-the-mirror/): Kimberly Riggins was date raped at the age of 16.  That’s when she started seeing the ugly, disturbed, heavy woman in the mirror. “It was my way of punishing myself for not being able to get out of a situation that I shouldn’t have been in in the first place.”  As you might expect, eating disorders followed, and problems with intimacy.  But Kimberly eventually got tired of playing the victim card.  She learned to take her experience and turn it into something good.  A coach, author, and blogg-ess, she inspires other women with body image issues to love their naked ass. […]
- [Hairy, Audacious Goals](https://annsheybani.com/1532/): Walt and I just got back from guiding the first ever Special Olympian, up Mt. Rainier in Washington State.  Believe me. This was an incredible challenge.  We’re talking serious altitude, dangerous crevasses, steep slopes, and the need for technical skills. Hauling 70-pound packs, this was no walk in the park.  Or hike to Machu Picchu. Before I show you the fun video we made, I’d like to remind you of the takeaway.  If Patrick can take on this kind of challenge, what’s stopping you?  Need to get in shape?  Well, do what Patrick did, join a gym.  Can’t do it alone?  Put your “rope team” […]
- [A Stroke of Good Luck](https://annsheybani.com/a-stroke-of-good-luck/): This is a guest post by Bridget Cooper of piecesinplace.com Like with most journeys, I believe that I was on the path before I recognized the stones that lay before and behind me. Six years ago, I found myself unexpectedly but excitedly pregnant with my second child. I was working from home raising my first born – a little girl – and finding it challenging to balance earning an income and making a life as a wife and mother. I had a lot of stress in my life, and I was very sick for the first five months of the pregnancy. […]
- [Hi, My Name is Beth, And I’m an Achiever](https://annsheybani.com/beth-im-achiever/):   Beth Jannery was groomed for success.  Taught to always dress for the position above her, and to look good on the outside in order to feel good on the inside, she learned never to be content with where she was or what she had. No matter what she accomplished, nothing made her happy. None of the usual distractions–alcohol, sex, shopping–made her feel better. Her book, Simple Grace, describes her journey from manic-depressive journalist covering the Pentagon to spiritual mom blooming where planted. “I found Grace and a sense of peace and a sense of serenity in the very simple, basic […]
- [Zero Shades of Grey](https://annsheybani.com/zero-shades-of-grey/): I suppose I’d always admired my former husband’s unshakable confidence, his ability to see the world in straight black and white, right and wrong. For someone like me— a bit of a floater, unsure of her own opinions or goals— he was like the North Star.  It didn’t take long for me to see, however, that he’d never really lost any of the misconceptions he’d grown up with when it came to Americans: We were all immoral, selfish, reckless, and disloyal—there were no shades of grey. I once considered myself the polar opposite of the man I’d married, but I now […]
- [How to Kill a Wallflower](https://annsheybani.com/wallflowers-houseplants/): I love a book that tells me I’m ok. I used to wonder what was wrong with me.  I despise conflict.  I feel drained after being out and about, even if I’ve enjoyed myself.  I do my best work on my own, and I recoil at the very idea of group projects.  I hate small talk, but enjoy talking in depth about topics that matter to me. Just the thought of going to a cocktail party with 50 neighbors obsessed with Mad Men makes me want to slice my wrist open with a cheese grater.  But all my perceived personality flaws, […]
- [Sorry, That’s Not Going to Work For Me](https://annsheybani.com/thats-work/): Several years ago I opted to work with a Jack Canfield coach.  I wasn’t sure what the arrangement was going to be like, I just knew I needed a kick in the ass so I could get out of my own way and accomplish some really big goals. I was required, as part of the process, to fill out a questionairre–the Winslow Dynamics Profile— that would highlight some of my “issues”, and what came up–a startling lack of assertiveness— surprised the living shit out of me. It’s not that I didn’t recognize my inability to say no to those I love, […]
- [And I Am A Material Girl](https://annsheybani.com/and-i-am-a-material-girl/):  Dr. Gayle Hall is a cute chick in sassy heels and perfect makeup.  She’s also a life coach, author, mentor, and professor.  But she wasn’t always someone who had it all together.  Skinny, scrawny, red-headed, and freckle-faced as a little girl, Gayle spent grade school as an outcast, the perfect punching bag for the playground bully.  Fear controlled much of Gayle’s life.  Unsure of what she wanted or who she was, she did what so many of us did at that stage, she married young.  “I wanted to be married like my mother, be taken care of, and have the June […]
- [The Problem with Nice Guys](https://annsheybani.com/the-problem-with-nice-guys/): Lately I’ve been running into really nice guys who have no idea why their marriage ended.  Attractive in sort of a Steve Carell way, I usually spot them standing against the wall, tapping their toes to the beat of some 70’s tune, holding a plastic cup, looking like deer in the headlights. At first glance, I note the daddy jeans and the white sneakers. Then, of course, the dyed hair; which looks wrong, just wrong, like a Q-tip dipped in shoe polish.  Then, because I pay attention, I pick up on the droopy posture, and the strained attempt at being suave […]
- [Turning Lead to Gold](https://annsheybani.com/turning-lead-to-gold/): Siddiqi Ray is so much more than a gifted photographer, life coach, yoga teacher, and recovery expert. Siddiqi is, by her own admission, on a serious mission. Her goal? To dispel the lie we’ve all bought into, that we are somehow not enough. “We numb that lie out with addiction, or relationships, or shopping, or overachieving, or perfection, or whatever it is….All we want is to dull out the pain of that lie that is embedded in ourselves.” In our interview, Siddiqi describes: • How one small postcard changed the trajectory of her life. • Her journey from NYU film school […]
- [Own it, Baby](https://annsheybani.com/own-it-baby/): I was listening to a Ted Talk last month with  Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  She’s a pretty big deal. “Women,” she claimed, “are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world.”   And one of the reasons, she postulated, is that women need to change their mindset when it comes to success.  Women do not acknowledge their achievements, not the way men […]
- [The Ease In Which Your Ex can be Replaced by a Stray Cat](https://annsheybani.com/ease-replaced-stray-cat/): Rhoda Berman is 85 years old.  She’s a vibrant, active, no-nonsense sort of woman who isn’t afraid to express her opinion.  She knows her strengths and her weaknesses.  She knows how to represent herself. “In order to get the best of me, I have to tell (people) the truth.” Born in New York City, Rhoda was raised by a divorced mother who fell short in the nurturing department.  Against her mother’s wishes, Rhoda attended NYU and got a degree in retailing.  She was 35, an old maid in that era, when she first married. Her husband, a replica of her mother, […]
- [Chicken Backs](https://annsheybani.com/chicken-backs/): When did we women decide that everyone else should come first? Who proclaimed it our job to guarantee the pleasure of others and settle for whatever crumbs fell off their plates? I like to call this the Chicken Back Syndrome. Preparing a chicken dinner, encouraging our husbands and children to take the best pieces—the breast, thighs and legs—and insisting that we actually like the chicken back best. And somehow, without question, everyone believes we’re just loopy enough to crave bone and gristle. After awhile, we even convince ourselves that those tiny scraps of meat buried between the ribs are worth the […]
- [How to Train for a Marathon](https://annsheybani.com/choose-train-marathon/):   Let’s start with the assumption that you’ve already learned how to run. If you haven’t, check out my video How To Start a Running Program. We’ll also assume that on a regular basis, say 4 or more times a week, you run anywhere from 3 to 6 miles.  You can do this without a lot of angst.  This is a really good fitness baseline.  It will allow you to push out with some confidence. You will need 18 weeks to train.   Four and a half months.  (If you are starting from zero, you will need 6-9 months.) There are 3 secrets to […]
- [An Emancipation Proclamation](https://annsheybani.com/an-emancipation-proclamation/): Some people are late bloomers. Take Flo Stahl, for instance.  She didn’t begin to value herself until the ripe old age of 65.  Now a vibrant, sexy 80-year-old, Flo is grateful for the opportunity to have evolved. Twice married, twice divorced, Flo gives herself a D+ in the relationship department.  Lacking the necessary foundation—a positive self-image—she continued, well into her 60’s, to throw herself away on men. “With that self image, what are you?  You’re a beggar.  Like me! Want me to do this?  I’ll do it.  Want me to do that?  I’ll do it.  Just, like me!  It’s so tragic.” […]
- [Remind Me: Life is Made Up of Moments of Grace](https://annsheybani.com/remind-life-moments-grace/): This is a guest post from Beth Jannery, author of Simple Grace. Life is not to be endured. It is an opportunity to be of service, to enjoy, to grow and change and challenge ourselves. In life we have a choice: fill it with grace or stay in the negative. Recently, I went through a big change, divorce. It felt comfortable to stew in the negative. This wasn’t how I pictured my life at 40! And, like so many other women who have to start over, I felt overwhelmed, over-scheduled and less than. With two daughters in 6th and 1st grade, […]
- [What it's Really Like Climbing a Mountain](https://annsheybani.com/climbing-mountain/): The good, the bad, and the ugly. And clearly the smelly.    
- [Six Qualities to Consider When Choosing a Mate](https://annsheybani.com/qualities-choosing-mate/): I used to think that women, like me, were guilty of being non-selective when it came to choosing a mate.  That any warm body that paid us a little attention could end up walking us down the aisle.  But lately I’ve been noticing that men–particularly young men, and the recently divorced –are just as susceptible to glomming on to the first semi-reasonable candidate that comes along. I  have always believed that for young, inexperienced men, given a woman with a nice ass and a healthy cleavage, the rest of the package deal becomes ABSOLUTELY irrelevant.  I would like to believe that, […]
- [Kicking Ass With a Little Help from Jesus](https://annsheybani.com/kicking-ass-jesus/):   Yvonne Rousseau considers herself a warrior.  Sexually abused as a child, she turned a trauma that would have flattened the strongest of us into a one-woman mission to help other victims.  Her recently released book, Beyond Myself: Reclaiming Your Life After Sexual Abuse, helps readers understand what a victim experiences, what the aftermath may look like, and what they can do to support and assist in a victim’s recovery process.  “We all have things we go through that hopefully we’re going to be warriors for later in life.” In our video interview, Yvonne describes: The one man in her life […]
- [The Problem With Killing Two Birds With One Stone](https://annsheybani.com/efficiency-10-letter-word/): My mother used to complain whenever I trotted up to my bedroom without taking the items she’d left for me on the stairs.  She’d complain again if I came back down without bringing the trash can she’d asked for, or the jacket I needed for school. Two trips were a waste.  Why not combine tasks to minimize the effort?  Inefficiency, in her mind,was a sin on par with smearing chocolate sauce on the new white couch, or punching the family dog. So, I grew up believing that a well-lived life, the kind my mother would approve of, hinged on my ability […]
- [100 Reasons I Love Myself](https://annsheybani.com/100-reasons-i-love-myself/): I love , love, love  Gala Darling.  Her site is all about radical self love.  My favorite among her posts: 100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now.   In it she says: Make lists of reasons why you love yourself… & write down (or keep mental lists) of the compliments other people give you. We’re so quick to believe people when they say nasty, unkind or “brutally honest” (ahem, cruel) things to or about us, & we discard all the times we’re told how amazing, beautiful or intelligent we are. Usually this is because our sense of self-doubt is […]
- [The Brass Knuckle Hospitality of a Southern Belle](https://annsheybani.com/brass-knuckle-hospitality-southern/):   To get your password for Bri’s interview, fill in your name and email in the box provided on the right.   Bri Clark is a real example of redemption and renewal.  Growing up penniless in the South, Bri became a master at street smarts.   Rebelliousness, she claims, was a strong understatement to describe those formative years.  As a teenager, her wakeup call came after a fight with brass knuckles and a judge that gave her the choice of shaping up or spending time in jail.  She took that opportunity and found a way to move up from the streets.  She […]
- [How to Run in Shitty Weather](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-run-in-shitty-weather/): Let’s face it.  There are approximately 7 perfect running days per year.  The rest of the time, it sucks to some degree. To be a runner, y ou have to learn how to run in all kinds of weather. You must know how to dress if you are going to run outside.  Remember: it’s always coldest in the parking lot.  The idea is that you start off a little chilly.  Because you won’t hit your running temperature until you’re a mile in.  Then you start regretting all the stuff you’re wearing.  It’s OK to be a little cold at first.  You […]
- [How to Start a Running Program](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-start-a-running-program-2/): I often talk about the fact that running helped me regain my identity. It was the first thing I did, that I mastered, that depended solely on my will and tenacity. Running gave me a sense of accomplishment. At the start of the new year, you, too, may be looking to become the person you’ve always longed to be. Perhaps running will do for you what it did for me. *Begin running very slowly. *Set the treadmill speed at 4.0 (or lower). *Run for 10 minutes the first day, then bring it up 5 minutes each day. *Run three times a […]
- [You Don’t Have to be Four to Run Away From Home](https://annsheybani.com/dont-run-home/): Anne Batterson is a woman whose life has been filled with adventure. We’re talking commercial pilot, international skydiving champion, and a trekking guide in Nepal. But she hasn’t always been so sure of herself. At the age of 56, her children grown, her husband contemplating retirement, Anne was suddenly, inexplicably at a loss. Packing up her VW camper and hitting the road with maps, bird guides, and little else except the desire to follow the fall migration and the bone-deep hunch that birds had something important to teach her, Anne went in search of a new sense of purpose. The Black […]
- [On Risk](https://annsheybani.com/on-risk/): This is a guest post by Mindie Kniss   There are risks you must be willing to take when traveling in Africa.  For me, the greatest of these was not malaria, typhoid or dengue fever.  It was love. He was a handsome, young Kenyan with eyes that twinkled in the Nairobi sun.  We met while working at orphanages in the slums, cleaning classrooms and playing with babies abandoned in the streets.  He held my hand a moment longer than necessary to pass me a jump rope, and I opened my heart to him as if we’d known each other for lifetimes. Years […]
- [What a Bad Meg Ryan Movie Can Teach You About Remorse](https://annsheybani.com/bad-meg-ryan-movie-teach-remorse/): Confidence expert Jules Wyman wasn’t always confident. In fact, the woman recently dubbed as Britain’s Next Top Coach once hid her insecurities behind booze, drugs, and junk food. “I reached out for all of them to do the same thing, which was to cover up the pain.” At the lowest point in her life, addicted to alcohol, entrenched in an abusive relationship, unclear as to which direction she wanted her life to go she realized that something had to give. “I didn’t really have one thunderbolt moment. I refer to it as having lots of little storms. Sometimes I didn’t realize […]
- [The Heart and Soul of Starting Over](https://annsheybani.com/heart-soul-starting/)
- [My Happy Place](https://annsheybani.com/my-happy-place/): Once a year, Walt and I go to County Cork in Ireland. This tradition started when our dear friends, Tom and Don, loaned us the use of their home for our honeymoon. So taken by the place–the house, the surroundings, the people, the village–we ingratiate ourselves in a most unbecoming fashion so we can go back every year. Derrylea– this is the name of the house because in Ireland every home is named–has become the bar by which we measure every vacation experience. It represents peace and quiet, the coziest place to read, and the start and end point from which […]
- [Life Lessons from a Cat](https://annsheybani.com/life-lessons-from-a-cat/): We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats.  Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter is a cat-hater’s cat. He’s got all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart.  Tail up, shoulders back, when he saunters into the kitchen, he owns the joint. What I love about Peanut Butter is the way he manages the dog. From the get go, he refused to take his guff. All that lunging, gnawing, growling, humping, sniffing ridiculousness was met with a stifled yawn. Peanut Butter is so unconcerned, […]
- [Burn The Nest](https://annsheybani.com/burn-the-nest/): Attending my high school reunion, I was reminded, once again, that very few people, like Walt and I, seem to want to celebrate the start of the upcoming era. The era of Absolute Freedom. The Glorious Advent of Second Adulthood. We have to remind ourselves, Walt and I, to ixnay on the oyjay when we talk to sentimental parents.  Confiding that we have only one left, but that we’re doing our best to lure him into the car so we can drive him to Vermont and lose him at some rest stop. We’ve given up trying to justify our attitude by […]
- [Climbing Lessons](https://annsheybani.com/climbing-lessons/): I climb high mountains.  I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned: climbing lessons, if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Lesson 1:  There are many paths that lead to the top As you set off up any of these mountain of life, you’ll discover that there are thousands of possible footpaths: That twisty little trail over scree; up along the boulders just past the ravine; the well-marked fire road littered with empties. There’s no one “right” way. Don’t let the fear of the unknown, the […]
- [Can't Win Me Love](https://annsheybani.com/cant-win-me-love/): He kissed me on the lips and told me the sorts of things an insecure girl longs to hear. “I would bring you to Iran with me. I would love it if you joined me,” the man I wanted to marry said, his warm breath grazing my ear. “ I just don’t know how I could ever justify it.” “I want to go with you,” I said, after listening to the long list of reservations he held about me. “Take me with you. We’ll be great together. You’ll see.” From that very moment, I decided that I would win him over, […]
- [Bucket List](https://annsheybani.com/bucket-list/): About two years ago, having read Jack Canfield’s Success Principles, Walt and I sat in Ireland and composed our list of goals.  The assignment, as Jack put it, was to create a list of the 101 things you want to do, be, or have before you die. I dug the list out the other day after one of my friends questioned the ability to come up with 101 items. Believe me, this task isn’t as easy as it sounds. Now, looking at the thing, I’m astounded by what I read.  Like snooping through a medicine cabinet, or rifling through bookshelves, you […]
- [The Evil Eye](https://annsheybani.com/the-evil-eye/): Envy killed the chickens. Or so my Bedouin mother-in-law believed. There once was a jealous neighbor who came for a visit. Commenting on the large flock of hens pecking away in the courtyard, forgetting to invoke God’s blessing on such wealth, she drew the Evil Eye’s focus, likely unintentionally. The very next day, all forty birds lay talons up, leaving my mother-in-law crying her eyes out. When I lived in Iran, the Evil Eye was a force to be reckoned with. Esfand seeds were burned on a special metal grate after guests left a home. Turquoise jewelry was worn to protect […]
- [Fear of Flying](https://annsheybani.com/fear-of-flying/): I’ve been running into a number of women lately who can’t seem to remember who they were before they married and had kids. About to enter the empty nest stage, they are anxious as to what to do next. For the first time in a very long time, they have time to focus on themselves. They’re no longer sure what their function is. This can be very scary, for sure. So what do you do when you have time, but no idea what to do with it? No idea what it was you ever enjoyed doing? Sit at home, perhaps, and […]
- [The Mating Game](https://annsheybani.com/the-mating-game/): Hakim’s niece was about to marry a Persian boy she’d met at school. She’d done things right, however, unlike some of her cousins. She hadn’t fallen in love beforehand. She’d accepted the offer of marriage, after considering a number of formal suitors, based on the young man’s impressive credentials, not his charm, or knowledge of date palms. She had no doubt that her chosen groom was lucky to be getting her. “I’m highly educated, I have a computer engineering degree, I’m beautiful, and my father’s a doctor.  What more could any man want?” she explained. I found the girl’s confidence fascinating. […]
- [Relentless Pursuit of a Dream](https://annsheybani.com/relentless-pursuit-of-a-dream/): This is a guest post by Walt Hampton. A beautiful example of how one book can alter the course of a life.   It had been a warm summer day in August of 1972. My father had purchased the book for me that morning in a Nantucket bookshop, the book that would change and shape my life: Art Davidson’s Minus 148. What a captivating, gripping tale. The story of the first winter ascent of Mt. McKinley. Think about it: climbing in the Arctic in the dead of winter. Only a few hours of dim light each day. Unpredictable, ferocious storms. Sustained […]
- [Spring Cleaning My Head](https://annsheybani.com/spring-cleaning-my-head/): Spring is upon us. The lilac tree is budding, the daffodils are up, and it’s been raining non-stop for nearly a week. I figure it’s time to shake things up a little. Do a little spring cleaning. I ran into a lovely lady by the name of Kit Furey while Walt and I were out in Idaho last week. At a bar, over some seriously delicious guacamole, we discussed her passion, her business of Neuro Lingustic Programming. She grabbed my interest when she said, “How’d you like me to teach you to get out of your own way?” Hello! I get […]
- [Cinderella Was a Codependent](https://annsheybani.com/cinderella-was-a-codependent/): When I was in first grade, I wanted more than anything to be Cinderella. I found the picture book character, one I’d come across in the school library, the embodiment of glamour. From her sparkling full-length yellow dress, to her pair of smashing, see-through pumps; I coveted her clothes and her accessories, not to mention the stardust through which she walked. Even as a child, I understood that becoming Cinderella wasn’t a realistic career choice. Unless you moved to California or Orlando, Florida.  I figured I’d run a candy store instead, or take up acting, just like Marilyn Monroe. And yet, […]
- [When You're Married to One of Us](https://annsheybani.com/youre-married/): You talk about “people like us” who hide their true selves to be loved and accepted. What about the “what you see is what you get” types who assume others play by those same rules only to be stunned when the resentful manipulator shows his true colors. Same problem from a different angle, no? Still hard to know who/when to trust. I always value your take on subjects like this.—J. First of all, when I use the expression “people like us,” I’m referring to those of us raised in dysfunctional households with a rigid set of rules that do not allow […]
- [When You've Been Hit By A Bus](https://annsheybani.com/when-youve-been-hit-by-a-bus/): Last week I ran a post in which I listed the wonderful things my husband does for me, and what I had needed to change in my life to be ready for such a loving relationship. I got this thought-provoking comment: What about the kind of addict/narcissist that treats you like an absolute queen and then, a couple (of) years down the line, all the facades break down and their addictions and resentments and manipulation and emotional abuse rear their head in a split second and everything you ever thought about them was an absolute lie? I thought I had found […]
- [A Man Who Will Bring You Coffee In Bed](https://annsheybani.com/man-bring-coffee-bed/): From an e-mail I received: I just went through a breakup again on Saturday. My 34th birthday. There were many things wrong. Mostly, yet again, I was giving it 100 percent and not getting enough back. He proceeded to ruin my birthday and tell me how I felt & that I was giving him a guilt trip and playing head games. Which I was not. I was actually pretty peaceful, a little disappointed, but I was making the best of it. He asked me 4 times what was wrong. In so many words I told him, “You did not make me […]
- [57 Things I Love About My Irish Hood](https://annsheybani.com/50-love-irish-hood/): The crazy Border Collies laying in wait to chase our car just beyond the barn. The farmer on the hill who tells us jokes we can barely understand, what with his brogue being so thick. I’m pretty sure they all involve traveling salesmen and farmers’ daughters, though. The fox who dines from our compost heap, who then trots across the field with banana peels in his mouth. The fact that you can sit in a room with really famous people and not know that they’re famous. The ability to listen to incredible singers who never made it to America. Who tell […]
- [Remind Me](https://annsheybani.com/remind-me/): This is a guest post by the author Beth Jannery, a woman I’m grateful to call my friend. I’ve posted it today because, being an accomplishment whore who wants nothing more than to control ALL of the chess pieces, I needed these reminders. Life is not to be endured. It is an opportunity to be of service, to enjoy, to grow and change and challenge ourselves. In life we have a choice: fill it with grace or stay in the negative. Recently, I went through a big change, divorce. It felt comfortable to stew in the negative. This wasn’t how I […]
- [Are You A Beggar?](https://annsheybani.com/comfortable-skin/): I‘ve been talking to some women lately–women freshly divorced, or unhappy in a job– who feel like they’re all washed up.  Done. Because they’re too old. See, they’ve got settle for crumbs, slum a little, because who in their right mind would want them?! I’m talking 50-year-olds!!  So I thought it was high time I bring my friend, Flo, back out to kick some ass.   Some people are late bloomers. Take Flo Stahl, for instance. She didn’t begin to value herself until the ripe old age of 65. Now a vibrant, sexy 80-year-old, Flo is grateful for the opportunity to […]
- [From a Young Slam Poet on Voice](https://annsheybani.com/young-slam-poet-voice/): This is my reminder that I have a voice. That sounds silly, huh? Considering I am a poet and I have a daily habit of peeling back layers of skin, exposing the rawest parts of myself on the internet. A place notorious for how it responds to vulnerability and honesty, It seems weird that I need to remind myself of my own voice. Because I use it all the time. He even tells me I am the loudest girl he’s ever been with, and I am embarrassed at first, but he smiles, tells me it’s a good thing. My voice is […]
- [Why There's Cheese On Your Pillow](https://annsheybani.com/partner-leaving-brie-pillow/): Walt and I have been conducting our 6-week Master Class, Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet. It’s all about getting clear on and committed to your goals, setting defined limits, establishing proven practices, taking consistent action, and continually reviewing what works, so you don’t give up when you hit the first speed bump along your path to glory.  We got a great question last week:  What do you do when your partner isn’t supportive of your goals? We often talk about how difficult it would be if we weren’t on the same page, if we weren’t driving forward on some very […]
- [Remember That Kid's Game Red Light, Green Light?](https://annsheybani.com/remember-kids-game-green-light/): This is a guest post by Krista MacGregor, a health coach with a wonderful message. If you suspect you’re stuck in a relationship or situation that no longer serves, listen up. If you’re wondering what you want to be when you grow up, well, this is for you too.   I’d like to share a Universal Concept that I live by and it NEVER steers me wrong. Have you heard of Red Lights and Green Lights from the Universe? Neither one is better than the other. That’s the key concept. A green light experience is when you follow a path, trail, […]
- [Parenting Advice From a Shitty Mother](https://annsheybani.com/parenting-advice-shitty-mother/): As a generation, we’ve done our children a grave disservice by continually rescuing them from discomfort, self-created or otherwise. We’ve meant well, but rather than ensuring their success by smoothing the way for them, we’ve created a herd of frustrated, young “victims” who blame us (and society) for their inability to painlessly launch into the adult world. (You’ll forgive me for generalizing because there are plenty of examples to the contrary. I know lots of them.) We have not allowed our children to experience the pain of failure, or face the consequences of their poor decisions even though we know from […]
- [How You Ended Up Trapped](https://annsheybani.com/how-you-ended-up-trapped/): This fall, my friend Bridget Cooper invited me to write the forward for her book Feed The Need, which got me really excited. I mean, I love this saucy minx’s message. If you’re a people-pleaser, this book will have you at hello. Do you know how to get wild mustangs to accept being penned in? You build one side of the fence and let them get used to it. Then another. And another. And, before they realize it, they’re surrounded on all four sides with no way out. People with boundary issues are a lot like mustangs. They spend their lives […]
- [Lose Friends And Alienate People](https://annsheybani.com/lose-friends-alienate-people-2/): You know what writers and people-pleasers have in common? They’re both terrified of telling the truth.  They worry that if they reveal what they truly think and feel, they’re going to be abandoned, roundly criticized, or worse.  One of my goals this year was to complete my book How to Eat the Elephant: Build Your Book in Bite-Sized Steps by December 31st. And I’m here to tell you: Mission A-freaking-ccomplished.  I want to share with you a little excerpt today because the message applies to you as well.  All you need to do is replace the word “write” with “express your […]
- [Oh The Shit Show We Create When We Settle](https://annsheybani.com/shit-show-create-settle/): Walt and I spent this weekend mountain climbing in Lake Placid, New York. Winter climbing involves dressing in thousands of layers and tromping up and down a mountain on snow shoes for a good eight hours.  I realize that most folks don’t consider such an activity their idea of a good time, but the two of us, well, we sort of dig it, even though we end the day feeling as though we were beaten by a crowbar. We were sitting in a wine bar on Saturday evening when we ran into a lovely couple.  We got to talking about how […]
- [Cruel To Be Kind](https://annsheybani.com/cruel-to-be-kind/): This is a guest post from Walt Hampton.  I think it’s a pretty important message for us people-pleasers, especially during the holidays.  Even on a good day, we’re reluctant to cut ourselves a break, to take care of ourselves, because we’re way too caught up with proving our worth to everybody else. We’re incredibly intolerant of our own weaknesses, our need for nurturing, time, and space.  It was a pretty hefty litany of challenges. “If one of your team came to you with this long, sad story,” I asked, “what would you say?” “I’d say to her… take the rest of […]
- [And Then What Happens?](https://annsheybani.com/and-then-what-happens-2/): The holiday season is upon us, and I’ve been thinking about my very best survival tools, the ones I need to break out when faced with disgruntled relatives. Not that you’d know what I mean, I’m sure. Here’s one from my arsenal, which I posted a while back.   Want to know the secret to personal power?  I’m talking Wonder Woman red-cape-wearing power. The ability to stay steady when other people—people that you love and/or need—become angry, sad, or disappointed.  Particularly when you’ve (supposedly) done or said something to set them off. I’ve always admired folks who can tell their truth; […]
- [In Which I Quote Rumi And The Cookie Monster](https://annsheybani.com/minutes/): I ran into a surgical nurse at a party last week in Ireland.  We were chatting about life, as one is prone to do at gatherings. And when I told this nurse about a talk I was giving when I got back to the States, about what I’d really noticed during our time in Ireland, about getting lost in the busyness, losing connection to myself, the need to slow down and breathe, to think, to have enough space to know how I feel and what I really need to attend to, she told me about a practice they’d put into place […]
- [One of Those Photos That Slaps You Awake](https://annsheybani.com/pictures-wakes/): A few weeks back, Walt and I attended a TedX talk in Clonakilty, Ireland. As with any Ted talk, I learned so much from the speakers. I learned what it looks like to be totally swept away by passion, to stand on a stage before hundreds of people with a zero self-consciousness, to be free and open and completely childlike. Alluring. I learned what it looks like to be frozen in the limelight, to try way too hard to get the words absolutely right, to stare at the ceiling as you rack your brain for something that you were supposed to […]
- [Just Screw It!](https://annsheybani.com/just-screw-it/): This is a little guest post from Walt Hampton. The days have gotten pretty short up here on the 52nd parallel. The sun rises in the southeast and scoots along the southern horizon; darkness comes way too soon. Today, the wind is blowing a cold rain across the pastures. But here’s what’s true: The seeds of spring blow on these cold winds of November. What are you planting? And not just in your garden. (I planted tulips in mine this past weekend, looking at the beautiful label on the bag, and imagining what they’ll look like in the brilliance of the […]
- [It's Time For Another Adventure](https://annsheybani.com/time-adventure/): I’ve been down for the count with a broken ankle these past three months. But I’m back on the road again.  Running. And I can feel my soul opening up. I can feel the land and the sky and the rain as if they were part of me. I’m alive. This season, I’ve learned a lot about myself.  And I’ve relearned some old lessons.  It’s that old spiral staircase: Coming back to the same thing again and again. I think I should know better, but clearly I do not. It’s that all or nothing stuff I know so well.  Without the […]
- [One Way to Free Yourself From Rage](https://annsheybani.com/free-rage/): Here’s a guest post I’m dying to share with you because, if you’re anything like me, you’ve got a big problem expressing negative emotions.  Unfortunately, rage, which is what builds up when you can’t connect with bad feelings, let alone offload them, is toxic to your soul. Kyrsten Barrett is a coach with a wonderfully spiritual perspective.  A psychic and a manifestation mentor, I’ve learned so much from her as we’ve worked together to develop her book. This is a snippet from that book.   The week was intense, but it was incredible. It was one of the most powerful experiences […]
- [It's Braver to be Clark Kent Than Superman](https://annsheybani.com/braver-clark-kent-superman/): As many of you may know, I teach writing workshops—locally and online—and coach those who want to write and publish a book. I also coach nice girls (and guys) who are sick of feeling trapped by their inability to tell the truth. Who want to learn how to draw healthy boundaries, and say no. A while back, I recognized an interesting similarity between my two sets of clients.  Writers, like nice girls and guys, often find themselves paralyzed by the fear of telling the truth, of revealing themselves for who they really are on paper.  This fear often translates into writers’ […]
- [The Cost of Postponing The Inevitable](https://annsheybani.com/cost-postponing-inevitable-2/): Once upon a time I was an aimless girl who twisted herself into a little pretzel to win over a man. He was a decent man, with his own complexes and flaws, who led me down the primrose path into the Islamic Republic of Iran. This did not go well. As with any episode in life one can write a whole book about, I learned a great many lessons. I learned that getting married is not the foolproof plan to getting what we want. I learned that if we don’t have dreams of our own, we end up living someone else’s. […]
- [My Husband, The Narcissist](https://annsheybani.com/my-husband-the-narcissist/): Dear Mimi, Thank you for your comment on this Youtube video. You claim that Walt is a 100% narcissist. The thing I’ve noticed about defensiveness, which is what your criticism stirred, is that it always kicks in when I detect an element of truth in what’s been said. You’re right, Mimi, sometimes Walt comes across as completely narcissistic.  (In fact, sometimes I worry that my self-absorption is a form of narcissism as well.) Here’s Wikipedia’s definition of narcissism: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type. Certainly, anyone willing […]
- [10 Random Things I Totally Recommend](https://annsheybani.com/10-random-totally-recommend/): I know this is out of the ordinary, me recommending anything other than books, but every once in a while I get all excited about new stuff I’ve discovered.  I can’t believe my good luck, and I want to shout the news from the rooftops, even if no one else on the planet really gives a shit. (BTW.  Just so you know, I’m not affiliated with any of these things.) Products 1.  Primal Pit Paste.  Despite my chemistry degree, I only recently connected to the fact that skin is porous.  It really doesn’t help to eat right and exercise when you […]
- [How You Learn To Trust](https://annsheybani.com/how-you-learn-to-trust/): Post by BuzzFeed Video.
- [Be. Here. Now.](https://annsheybani.com/be-here-now/): I watch my mother get ready for work while I’m visiting her in Medora, North Dakota.  At 76, she spends the summer months selling expensive trinkets in some tourist trap at Teddy Roosevelt National Park.  Always an early bird, she’s out of the sack by 6 a.m. She doesn’t have to be at work for another five hours, but you wouldn’t know that by watching her. Already dressed in her mis-buttoned work shirt and her size 5 sneakers, she scurries into the bathroom where she slaps on thick globs of mascara and a wave of blue shadow that ends up in […]
- [There Will Be Blood, And Obstacles](https://annsheybani.com/blood-obstacles-2/): I started working on a blog this morning while overlooking the pasture.  Halfway in, I realized I’d written the very same piece a year ago. Which reminded me of something I once read:  photographers have only one picture, writers have only one story. Have you put your “totally unrealistic” dream on the back burner because you can think of 10 problems right out of the box? I was watching a fox and her two kits bound across the field this morning as Walt and I drank our first cup of coffee.  In the upper pasture, a herd of dairy cows had […]
- [The Ski Patrol Is Not Coming](https://annsheybani.com/the-ski-patrol-is-not-coming/): It’s been one of those weeks. Who are we kidding, it’s been one of those months. What with this broken ankle and not being able to run, I’ve become seriously sulky.  I’ve found myself irritated that others can’t seem to give me what I need.  No one can make me feel better. Sure, I could take better care of myself– meditate, journal in the morning, eat better, stop filling every waking moment with one project or another–but that would take effort on my part.  I’d much prefer someone else, say, Walt, to give me that satisfied, connected feeling without me having […]
- [55 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Crazy Busy](https://annsheybani.com/55-ways-care-youre-crazy-busy/): I ran into this post a while back.  It’s written by another writer and life coach named Marthe.  You can read her stuff and learn all about her right here.  Frankly, being something of an anxious accomplishment whore, I pretty much suck at relaxation. It’s something I’ve really had to work on.  I’ve spent way too many years assuming I’ll be executed gangland style if I get caught doing something non productive. Which goes to show you that I need this article as much as you do. My favorites? 19, 21, 31, and 51. We all have times in our lives […]
- [The State I Got Myself Into On the Way to Medora](https://annsheybani.com/state-medora/): I just flew out to visit my Mom in Medora, North Dakota.  Every summer for the last, I don’t know, decade?, she’s worked at Teddy Roosevelt National Park. She’s got a crew of girlios to hang around with, a bunch of grannies who travel the country in Winnebago campers.  I suppose it’s pretty cool that at the age of 76, she’s selling souvenirs in one of the tourist traps, not playing shuffleboard at the senior center. She wasn’t taking my broken ankle as an excuse for cancelling my trip, not that I would have used it. She kept reminding me that […]
- [The Meek Might Inherit the Earth, But Not the Promotion](https://annsheybani.com/meek-inherit-earth-promotion/): I have a coaching client named Bill.  No surprises here, Bill’s a people-pleaser, a real nice guy.  You’d love him. (He’s single now, so if anybody out there is looking for a nice guy, let me know.) Once upon a time, Bill was working as an accountant at a mid-sized corporation.  He had his eyes set on his boss’s job, the CFO position.  He figured he’d be a shoe in because he loved balance sheets, and corporate buyouts, and valuations, and all that eye-glazing numbers stuff. If there was a problem in another state, he’d be the man flown in to […]
- [One Touch And He Stiffens](https://annsheybani.com/one-touch-and-he-stiffens/): I have a pug that turns to stone the minute I try to pick him up.  He absolutely despises being man handled and will squeal like a pig. The thing is, I can totally relate to Max.  There were years, and I mean DECADES, where I couldn’t stand to be touched, even though connection was the one thing I yearned for most of all. I wanted to be loved and seen and held like a little baby, but I refused to admit that to anybody, least of all myself. I can still remember my girlfriend’s wedding, stiffening when she, in her […]
- [50 Things, You, My Friend, Get to Do.](https://annsheybani.com/50-friend-2/): You get to change your mind You get to make mistakes You get to vacillate You get to take your own sweet time You get to be angry, or hurt, or sad You get to say no You get to take care of your needs You get to disagree You get to speak your mind You get to be direct and honest You get to fail You get to be wrong You get to receive, not just give You get to relax while others are working You get to let go You get to day dream and waste time You get […]
- [Which Dog Are You Going to Feed?](https://annsheybani.com/dog-feed/): On Sunday, Walt and I got the brilliant idea that we’d kayak over to Horse Island and have ourselves a little picnic to celebrate our anniversary. Horse Island is this little deserted hunk of cliff and bush with an old stone tower on one end that lies ten minutes off shore.  Farmers used to graze their horses out there, thus the name. Can you imagine convincing one horse, let alone a whole herd of them, to sit still in a boat? Leave it to the Irish. There’s a reason they survived the Potato Famine. Anyway, there we were on Horse Island […]
- [Fix What Needs to Be Fixed](https://annsheybani.com/fix-what-needs-to-be-fixed/): No surprises here, I’m a huge fan of accountability.  Want to get something done?  Get someone looking over your shoulder to make sure you’re doing what you said you would do! If you need to drop the lard, check out this opportunity.  I’m serious.  When Linda played my accountability partner at the beginning of the year, I dropped 12 pounds in 6 weeks. She’s created a great entry-level accountability club that is priced as a NO BRAINER. If you’ve been waiting for just the right moment to get started on fixing what needs to be fixed before you enter the dating […]
- [When Will I Ever Learn](https://annsheybani.com/when-will-i-ever-learn/): Walt and I went to Dublin the other day.  I don’t know what it’s going to take to FINALLY learn this lesson:  I just don’t like big cities. We rode up with some friends who had business to attend to, and while they were off doing their thang, they set us up with a tour of Parliament.  Good Lord Almighty, watching twelve people in suits discuss minute details of a proposed bill made me want to pull out a pistol and shoot myself in the head. Mind you, I don’t own a handgun, and possessing one here will earn you an […]
- [I Can Not Belive I Have to Define This!](https://annsheybani.com/belive-define/): Somebody asked me the other day what I mean when I say, “I teach women how to cut the nice girl crap.”   It dawns on me, now, that I need to be more specific because ignorant certain people don’t understand the expression “nice girl,” or recognize their associated crap, the stuff they should cut the hell out. What? Were these people raised by the Waltons? Is that why they’re confused? Seriously, I thought we were all on the same page around here. Here’s what I mean by “nice girls”:  people-pleasers of the female persuasion. Fake happy people with vaginas. Here’s […]
- [Some Dead Guy's Formula For Self-Esteem](https://annsheybani.com/dead-guys-formula-esteem/): Chemists like equations. Chemist that I am, I’m going to give you an equation I learned very late in life. Listen up, because this one affects every aspect of your life. Self-esteem= Success/pretensions William James, the father of psychology, came up with this formula in1890. Sure, the language is a little outdated, but whatever, I’m going to give you my interpretation. Self-esteem can be raised in two ways: by increasing success—accomplishing things that make you say WOW—and/or by decreasing pretensions—dropping the act we put on for everyone, including ourselves. (Self-esteem, BTW, is what most of us people-pleasers are short on.) I […]
- [66 Rules You Adopt When You're Raised By Wolves](https://annsheybani.com/66-rules-adopt-grow-alcoholic/): As I’ve mentioned about a thousand times before, I grew up in an alcoholic household.  My dad was a former farm boy from rural North Dakota who hated his job as an engineer at Pratt & Whitney, or, as we used to call it at home, Pratt & Whiskey. Now, I’ve got folks in my coaching practice and in my writing workshops who describe some pretty messed up childhoods.  Some of them make me want to dig up my old man and thank him for being the next best thing since Mr. Brady. But that’s beside the point. My dad was […]
- [Cut The Nice Girl Crap!](https://annsheybani.com/cut-the-nice-girl-crap/): Nice girls believe that if they’re super sweet, and agreeable, and helpful, and they never argue or complain, and they take one for the team, and they go the extra mile, and they volunteer to do the job no one else wants to do, and they keep quiet, and they don’t make any sort of demand… then people will like them. They want, no, they NEED, people to like them. They figure that if they’re nice, if people like them: They’ll get to hang around They’ll be rewarded for their loyalty and effort They’ll be picked for the team They’ll get […]
- [Paparazzi Can Be SOOOO Annoying](https://annsheybani.com/papparazi-soooo-annoying/): I had the huge privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a northern New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share it with you here. I think I sound horribly impressive.Unfortunately, the paparazzi just won’t leave me alone. Sigh. You can’t miss her. And you’ll struggle to keep up. The Gortex-clad marathoner charging ahead, the striking blonde in a strapless gown cutting through the crowd at the Barristers’ Ball, Ann Sheybani leads something of a charmed life, and she knows it.  And while she’s grateful for all she has, she’s run […]
- [Why We Put Up With Outrageous Shit](https://annsheybani.com/put-outrageous-shit/): Walt and I are giving a talk one evening when I meet a woman who is interested in exploring a coaching relationship.  She’s impressed by the way Walt and I interact as a couple, our obvious love and respect for one another, and she wants “a look under the hood” so she can create a similar dynamic in her own romantic relationship. “I’ve got this boyfriend who’s really crazy about me,” she says. “He’s a Jamaican gentleman, and Jamaicans, they like their women big.”  She spreads her arms wide, as if to invite my attention to her gargantuan rump. “This is […]
- [The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem](https://annsheybani.com/the-6-pillars-of-self-esteem/): When I was younger, I used to look to others, mostly men, to rescue me. I was convinced that, if left to my own devices, I would make some horrible mistake and screw up my life permanently.  I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or needed, or how I felt about much of anything.  I figured that the only way to get through life was to please others, so they would love me and take care of me like a baby. That way I would never have to figure these things out for myself. It wasn’t until I […]
- [The Words I Wish I'd Heard Upon Graduating From College](https://annsheybani.com/words-id-heard-graduating-college/): I love this time of year.  All those motivating commencement speeches cropping up on the Internet.  I can’t remember a single word that was said when I graduated with my B.S. in 1985.  I do, however, remember the commencement speech at Harvard when I received my Master’s Degree eight years ago.  Primarily because the young man who gave it described not his own accomplishments–which were many–but those of his classmates.  He couldn’t understand how he had earned the honor to address his graduating class when there were far more deserving superstars out there in the audience. His humility and grace were […]
- [You Came To The Wrong Neighborhood, Homedog!](https://annsheybani.com/wrong-neighborhood-homedog/): My girlfriend is planning her first trip to Ireland.  She’s bringing her teenaged kids along with her. She’s purchased the plane tickets, reserved the rental car, now it’s dawning on her that she’s going to have to shell out a lot more money than she’d planned on. Recently divorced, she’s understandably nervous about her finances. I can see her getting all worked up in a way I’ve never seen before.  Where shall we go, she asks me, what should we see? Tell me what to do. Give me an itinerary. Clearly she’s forgotten who I am: a fool who thinks climbing […]
- [Are You Hiding in Your Closet?](https://annsheybani.com/are-you-hiding-in-your-closet/): So, imagine my surprise when I came across this TedX Talk by Ash Beckman, a lovely woman I met at the Breadloaf Writers’ Conference a few years back.  At the time, she was working on composing this very story. At the time, I didn’t understand her militancy, why she’d abandoned her birth name, Ashley, and why she dressed like a man. I thought she was just trying to be provocative. In this talk, Ash talks about hiding from others who you truly are. Everyone, at some point in their life, has experienced hardship. The only way out, says Beckham, is to […]
- [Shock and Awe](https://annsheybani.com/shock-and-awe/): This week I was asked an interview question that really got me thinking: “Much of your writing is deeply personal and provocative; some of it seems almost intended to shock. Is there a cost for being so forthright?” A lot of us who choose to write memoir or personal essays come from dysfunctional families.  We’re taught from childhood not to reveal our family secrets.  We’re told, “Don’t air dirty laundry.”  We’re discouraged from telling the truth even amongst family members. Even to ourselves! Clearly, I am a rebel. It has never been my goal, however, to shock, only to be brutally […]
- [Own It, Baby](https://annsheybani.com/own-it-baby-2/): I was listening to a Ted Talk last month with  Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  She’s a pretty big deal. “Women,” she claimed, “are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world.”   And one of the reasons, she postulated, is that women need to change their mindset when it comes to success.  Women do not acknowledge their achievements, not the way men […]
- [What Will It Take to Let Go?](https://annsheybani.com/what-will-it-take-to-let-go/): I received a note the other day from a woman who has flirted with the idea of coaching for nearly two years.  She’s sent me several letters during this time and in each and every one she recounts the same sad story about living with her deadbeat boyfriend, how she wishes she could work up the guts to kick him out of HER house because he contributes nothing, not even sex. Walt and I are fascinated with change, more specifically, why some people are able or willing to do so, while others just can’t or won’t. He, too, has folks circling […]
- [Someone I'm So Impressed With](https://annsheybani.com/tricky-part-step/): Here’s what I do. I help clients see their world differently.  Because when you help someone see their world differently, their world changes. When someone sees the world differently they show up differently, and they create results that looked impossible a moment before. I want to tell you about a young woman named Kristina Folcik-Welts.  A few years back, she approached me for coaching because, unhappy and overwhelmed, she suspected that she was having some issues common to our wolf pack. A top performer at so many levels, Kristina was working at a job she despised.  She felt trapped by an […]
- [Act Out](https://annsheybani.com/act-out/): This is a guest post by none other than Walt Hampton.   One of my fondest memories from my early years as a young single dad is of watching my boy, clad in his yellow slicker and red rubber boots, stomping in the puddles, standing in the rain. He always liked being out in the ‘mess’ of it all. Still does, I dare say. Being out in the mess, of course, is where the action is; where it’s all happening; where our lives unfold. Not in the house; not where it’s warm; not where it’s dry and safe. Out there. Out […]
- [A Quick Tip On How To Nurture Resentment](https://annsheybani.com/quick-tip-nurture-resentment/): My mom was the queen of expectations. Despite being very helpful to me, particularly when my kids were young, her acts of service always came with an unspoken price tag. Our relationship suffered because she expected me to do whatever she ‘expected’ of me without question—because I owed her—-and was incensed when I refused to do so. Me, I totally rebel against the notion that I should be obliged to do anything I haven’t agreed on.  I like to know what the deal is right up front so I can decide if the exchange is worth it.  Frankly, if I even […]
- [These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things](https://annsheybani.com/favorite/): I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy what “normal” people did. I could never get into Broadway shows, or cruises, or bus tours, or weekends in a big city, or marathon shopping trips, or the ballet, or watching sporting events, or tailgate parties, or cocktail parties, or participating in team sports, or line dancing, or the bar scene. (Can anybody say introvert?) Like so many of the folks I work with, I forgot who I was and what I wanted after a few too many years of putting myself on the back burner while […]
- [What I'm Reading Now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now/): Here in Ireland I read incessantly.  No sooner than I finish one book, I scan the bookshelves and grab another.  For the last ten days I’ve been in total bliss, until I ran into this little number, which really pulled me up short. Walt must have bought Money, A Love Story by Kate Northrup because I don’t think it’s something I would normally have picked up. Even though I’m the one who keeps the books, money is a topic I would rather ignore.  Which is why I REALLY needed to study these pages. (Avoidance is a wonderful clue.) I often write […]
- [The Year I Let Myself Go (Again)](https://annsheybani.com/year-2/): I ran this post a year or two back.  What with the cheese, Guinness, and chocolate cake I’ve been facing day after day here in Ireland–serious temptations, particularly when presented by hospitable friends and neighbors–I thought I could use a little reminder.  Perhaps you could too.   Sometimes we get tired and don’t want to have to try anymore. We want to be loved and appreciated, just for being the decent human being we are.   Which is exactly how I felt the year of the salmon-colored capris. It had been one hell of a season.  I’d spent two and a half […]
- [How To Land Yourself In Jail](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-land-yourself-in-jail/): A young Frenchman wants to switch places with me so he can sit next to one of the five cohorts who accompanied him on our transatlantic flight.  He’s asked me several times if I’ll move, and he won’t take no for an answer.  “This is my wife,” he says in broken English after the fifth or sixth request.  Of course he’s stoned enough, after an apparent weekend of debauchery in NYC, not to realize that he said the very same thing to a man seated beside his other friend four rows back.  Unless he’s Mormon, or a Muslim, he’s lying like […]
- [Let's Stop Lying, Shall We?](https://annsheybani.com/lets-stop-lying/): As many of you may know, I ran two businesses before I took up coaching writers. I taught/teach writing workshops—locally and online—and I also coached nice girls (and guys) who were sick of feeling trapped by their inability to tell the truth. Who wanted to learn how to draw boundaries, and say no. Awhile back, I recognized an interesting similarity between the two sets of clients.  Writers, like nice girls and guys, often find themselves paralyzed by the fear of telling the truth.  This fear translates into writers’ block and/or boring or confusing prose. I also discovered that memoir writers, in […]
- [Waiting For Motivation Is Like Waiting For Godot](https://annsheybani.com/waiting-motivation-waiting-godot/): Do you need to be motivated to take action? Hell No. In fact, there are lots of times you’ll absolutely NOT feel like taking action when you promised yourself you would.  These very moments, I’m here to tell you, are the moments you’ll need to take action anyway. Otherwise you’ll stand around twiddling your thumbs while the world passes you by. Walt and I recently finished our six-week Masterclass, Your Best Year Ever.  (I probably mentioned this before, but, hey, here I go again.) We had tons of fun helping folks get clear about what they really want to do, be, […]
- [10 Loopholes We Use to Stay Stuck](https://annsheybani.com/10-loopholes-stay-stuck/): Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what you’ve got to do if you want to have something you don’t have now–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up and motivated, when you see what you want ever so clearly.  It’s another thing entirely when the autopilot stuff kicks in mid-February.  When motivation leaves you in the lurch and heads south with your college kid for spring break. It’s so much harder to stay on track, particularly when you’re […]
- [Roommate vs. Lover](https://annsheybani.com/roommate-vs-lover/): This is a guest post by Dr. Bridget Cooper, author of Feed the Need (To Reduce Conflict and Multiply Joy)   Focus, the limited amount or lack of it entirely, is the number one complaint that clients approach me with as they enter coaching. Usually, though, they don’t use that specific word. Instead, they talk to me about being overwhelmed and stressed out. About not having enough time in the day to get the things done that need to get done. About being pulled in a hundred directions and juggling multiple balls all day long. Their sleep patterns are interrupted. Some […]
- [7 Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself](https://annsheybani.com/7-ways-kinder/): This is a guest post by Veronica Mollica. Veronica is a Wellness Coach who helps people remember how to be kind to their mind, body, and spirit.   If you find yourself wondering what happened to that kind, generous part of yourself, take a look at how you are treating yourself first. We tend to think of kindness as something we extend outward toward others. A genuine compliment, a handwritten note, contributing to a family or organization in need.  The truth is, if we have no frame of reference for being kind to ourselves, we don’t have the attention span or […]
- [What Might Happen If You Asked?](https://annsheybani.com/happen-asked/): We’re all afraid of stepping up and asking for what we want.  We’re afraid to ask our boss, or our parents, or our spouse, or our friend, or the gatekeeper to a wonderful new opportunity. We’re even afraid to ask our kids. Why? What do we stand to lose? What is the worst possible thing any of these people can tell us?  NO?  BFD! I found this video on Facebook this week and nearly wept.  Can you imagine asking such a thing, then being handed the dream of a lifetime? May it give you courage. Go after what you want by […]
- [Elect Yourself; No One Else Is Going To](https://annsheybani.com/hell-2/): I ran this post a year or two back.  I decided it was time to bring it back after seeing this “issue” come up in a number of coaching sessions.  Listen, people, you will never feel ready.  There will always be more work to do.  Preparation is great, it’s absolutely necessary, but then you have to throw yourself out there as the beginner you are.  Unless you’re reaching for a scalpel, chances are, no one, including you, is going to die.   Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly […]
- [Stop Screwing Yourself Over](https://annsheybani.com/stop-screwing-yourself-over/): Walt and I are busy preparing for our weekly webinar:  How to Make 2014 Your Best Year Ever.  This week’s topic? Taking Action.  It promises to be a rather short class because the whole secret to getting what you want can be summed up in two words:  Do it.  I know you’ve heard Nike say it before, so it’s not like we’ve come up with a novel concept. But do it. Just freaking do it.  Regardless of your mood. I go over this concept a lot with my writing students.  The ones who wonder what they’re supposed to do when they […]
- [It's Not The Critic Who Counts](https://annsheybani.com/face-arena/): It takes guts to have an opinion.  It takes guts to share them with others. To open yourself up to criticism.  I don’t care what you say, how innocuous it may seem to you; someone will decide that your opinion makes you a member of Al Qaeda. That’s just how it goes. But, putting yourself out there, owning what you really think and feel, is the best exercise there is for standing in your power. Last week I posted my list of the 100 Reasons I Love Myself.  I considered it a fun, playful piece; a reminder of how good it […]
- [100 Reasons I Love Myself](https://annsheybani.com/100-reasons-i-love-myself-2/): This week, I found myself talking to some amazing women who had no clue that they’re amazing.  When I asked them what they liked about themselves, or what they’re good at, they had a helluva time coming up with an answer.  Pretty normal for folks who have come untethered from life as it was known. Normal, but not good, not good at all. That’s why I’m breaking out this post again.  I think it’s high time for a little reminder:  If you don’t love and honor yourself, no one else will either.     I’m a huge fan of  Gala Darling. […]
- [Your Awakening](https://annsheybani.com/your-awakening/): I have this message hanging over my desk.  I’m not sure who wrote it.  I keep it there because there are those days that I really need the reminder.  The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share again. Think of it as my little gift to you. Print it out. Leave it somewhere you can see it when you want to suck your thumb. The Awakening A time comes in your life when you finally get….when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the […]
- [LOL? WTF!](https://annsheybani.com/lol-wtf/): I received a comment from a lovely woman last week, which inspired this blog. …I am plodding on, getting out there, striving! LOL. Still with the same negative, self pitying man, who I live with like brother and sis now! Unfortunately I share a bed with him, but can never completely move on until I take the bull by the horns! LOL. 2014 is going to be about moving on and going for it! LOL? WTF! The last time I came back to the States for vacation while living in Iran, I got together with some old friends and regaled them […]
- [Is Your Life a Slot Machine?](https://annsheybani.com/is-your-life-a-slot-machine/): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo6QNU8kHxI How much of your life do you consider blind luck, and how much do you attribute to the choices you have made? Muslims are fatalists. They believe what’s ordained is ordained; and no one but God can alter anything. Each event, small or large, long before it ever happens, is written in The Book. My ex-husband, Hakim, true to his faith, had chalked up his terminal cancer entirely to mektoub. When he was diagnosed with stage-4 colon cancer, his doctor implored him to change his habits, but Hakim wouldn’t have any of it.  If God had determined that it was […]
- [Not Just About Getting Laid](https://annsheybani.com/not-just-about-getting-laid/): It was the 70’s. Playboy and Penthouse were ubiquitous on suburban coffee tables, at least in the households where I babysat. My parents, in keeping with the make-love-not-war attitude of the era, kept a stash of porn star tell-all’s, Penthouse Forum volumes, and slutty dime store novels squirreled away behind their headboard.  Having both chanced upon them in our meanderings, my brother and I read steamy excerpts to each other in between fits of laughter. Nosing around the house after school one day, we discovered my father’s collection of 8mm porn flicks and a movie projector in his basement workroom.  In […]
- [Why Would You Ever Date This Guy?](https://annsheybani.com/date-guy/): This is a guest post by Jaimy Blazynski, The Date Doctor. Most of my life I dated emotionally weak men and never realized it. They would feel sorry for themselves, blame me for their misfortunes, resent my happiness, dwell endlessly on the past and be rude, angry and disrespectful. I always made excuses for their behavior… he is such a good guy but had a difficult childhood, he works so hard and has a jerk boss or he had a rough break up in the past. There were many more excuses because I dated a lot of jerks, but you get […]
- [How To Crash And Burn By Year's End](https://annsheybani.com/crash-burn-years/): This is a guest post by the famous Walt Hampton. December can be a crazy month. It can feel like an energy vortex sucking us forward at warp speed only to dump us out breathless and exhausted sometime around the end of January. It’s pretty easy to wear yourself out so that there’s nothing left at all. If you want to crash and burn, I can teach you how!!! (Based on graduate-level experience!). Here’s what you should do: Go to every holiday party Wander aimlessly in a crowded, noisy mall Buy token gifts because you ‘should’ Decorate until you drop Surf […]
- [What I Learned In Ireland](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-learned-in-ireland/): Do you remember coming home for break while you were in college?  You’d have a pile of heavy textbooks in your backpack, along with the intention to catch up, or get a jump-start, on various assignments. And do you remember how, invariably, just as day follows night, you’d return to campus, disgusted, having achieved jack shit? Tomorrow I return to the United States after ten weeks in Ireland.  Part of me—the huge accomplishment whore—is nearly hysterical because I’ve got nothing tangible to show for my time. I didn’t finish revising the two books I thought I could polish off.  Or put […]
- [When You Hit The Bottom Hard, The Only Way Is Up](https://annsheybani.com/hit-bottom-hard/): As you may know, I love a good Starting Over story.  You know the kind: one minute you’re riding high, the next, you’re flat on your back wondering what hit you. What fears prevent you from letting go of your old life? What if they actually happened?  Sahar Irwin tells us about hers, and how she not only faced them, but grew from them. Thank you, Sahar, for this guest post. What if the worst night of your life was actually a blessing?  What if it was the beginning of a new chapter?  What if the challenges were actually gifts that […]
- [50 Things You, My Friend, Get To Do](https://annsheybani.com/50-friend/): You get to change your mind You get to make mistakes You get to vacillate You get to take your own sweet time You get to be angry, or hurt, or sad You get to say no You get to take care of your needs You get to disagree You get to speak your mind You get to be direct and honest You get to fail You get to be wrong You get to receive, not just give You get to relax while others are working You get to let go You get to day dream and waste time You get […]
- [When You're This Intense, You Need to Laugh](https://annsheybani.com/youre-intense-laugh/): Most of the time I look pretty grim. Like I’m about to be caught doing something really bad. It doesn’t matter that I feel perfectly fine, it’s just that, as an introvert, I live inside my head. The intensity thing sometimes gets in the way of having fun. I’m so busy being serious, that I forget to look around and have a good laugh. To do something mindless or silly in the name of fun. Loosening up tends to be a problem I share with a lot of my clients and friends.   To this end, I’ve gotten big into assigning them […]
- [Oh, The Sh*t Show We Create When We Settle](https://annsheybani.com/sht-show-create-settle/): Have I ever mentioned how much I love questions and comments?  I do. Thanks again to Jessie for the inspiration for this post. Here’s what Jessie says: My [dating] challenge will be to find the right balance between ‘must-haves’ and ‘realistic.’ For example, these two men [I’m dating] are active. But not athletic, which I NEED to be. Would love to have someone who shares and gets the craziness that goes with endurance sports. Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll fall ‘off the wagon’ and become a sloth again. Knowing what I know now,  I’m no longer inclined to settle for someone who […]
- [My Date With a Serial Killer](https://annsheybani.com/my-date-with-a-serial-killer/): I received a wonderful comment a few weeks back, and now I’d love to take the time to respond properly. You’ve shared that you met Walt on Match. So, please also share how you maintained the endurance to keep going and not lose hope from one stereotypical online dating site disappointment after another. Surely you’ve had them, too? (And the annoyances. Like most men want younger women—even if it’s only by one year!) I’m very good climbing hills on my bike: settle in, maintain a relatively high cadence and don’t look too far ahead. But this ‘hill’ of online dating (and […]
- [Steady Through the Storm](https://annsheybani.com/steady-through-the-storm/): The summer I came back to the States, the fall I chose never to go back to Iran, I told myself that if I could just get away from my husband’s family, just gain a little control, then all my troubles would magically disappear. I understood that if I refused to go back, I would likely end up divorced. I summed up my decision as a logistical one. I wanted to live in the States. He wanted to live in Iran. Four months later, my husband appeared on my mother’s front stoop. On the outside, I was surprised, because I figured […]
- [The Cost of Postponing the Inevitable](https://annsheybani.com/cost-postponing-inevitable/): Once upon a time I was an aimless girl who twisted herself into a little pretzel to win over a man. He was a decent man, with his own complexes and flaws, who led me down the primrose path into the Islamic Republic of Iran. This did not go well. As with any episode in life one can write a whole book about, I learned a great many lessons. I learned that getting married is not the foolproof plan to getting what we want. I learned that if we don’t have dreams of our own, we end up living someone else’s. […]
- [Driving Miss Daisy](https://annsheybani.com/driving-miss-daisy/): I’m learning to drive all over again in Ireland.  This doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but it feels death defying.  Most of the time, I pretty much want to scream and cry, or blame my misery on horrible Walt. Smug Walt. Gasp-y Walt. The Irish, for whatever reason, drive on the left hand side of the road.  It’s not so much the stick shift on the wrong freaking side that throws me, but the rural roads: two tire tracks that weave circuitously between 5-foot-tall hedgerows.  I have to drive with the windows open in order to hear, because […]
- [Pop, Pop, Pop, Bark, Bark, Bark](https://annsheybani.com/pop-pop-pop-bark-bark-bark/): The farmer two hills over is harvesting his potatoes. To keep the crows from puncturing his spuds, which, from what I’m told, renders them useless, he’s operating a mechanical popper.  Every–let me time this so I can be accurate–37 seconds, we hear the sound of his “gun” going off. Pop. Pop. Pop. It’s as if a holiday dinner has gone bad and Cousin Jimmy is killing off offending family members one by one because he’s having flashbacks of Nam. Pop. Pop. Pop. 24 freaking hours a day. It’s really quiet out here in the Irish countryside.  The only other ambient noise: […]
- [Run For Your Life!](https://annsheybani.com/run-for-your-life-2/): In grade school, I was one of those kids, the kind no one picked for their team.  Instead, I lurked on the sidelines with Arlene, a fragile girl with Bambi eyes, and Joanne, a chubby thing with an attitude problem. The trouble with me was that I refused to run. Instead, I galloped. Like a horse. In my teens, I sniffed at sports. I skied a little, skated some, rode a bike around town until I got my license. I swam during college to keep the weight off.  Took a few aerobics classes when Jane Fonda was all the rage.  I once went “running” with an inspiring girlfriend. But that lasted […]
- [Why I'm an Incredibly Poor Role Model](https://annsheybani.com/im-incredibly-poor-model/): Walt and I are getting ready to go to Ireland for three whole months, which has me feeling vaguely hysterical.  You want to see my all-or-nothing mindset kick in, my NOW, NOW, NOW or the world explodes mode switch on?  Come on over and sit on my couch.  You may even want to take some notes as you witness me flailing my arms and frothing at the mouth. What-not-to-do notes. I’ve got a few days left to button down the hatches, get all the stuff done that promises to go to shit if I’m not here to watch. You know, close […]
- [And Then What Happens?](https://annsheybani.com/and-then-what-happens/): Want to know the secret to personal power?  I’m talking Wonder Woman red-cape-wearing power. The ability to stay steady when other people—people that you love and/or need—become angry, sad, or disappointed.  Particularly when you’ve (supposedly) done or said something to set them off. I’ve always admired folks who can tell their truth; who have no trouble registering a compliant, who refuse to be brow beaten, who hold their ground, who fight back, all while facing into the emotional storm. Folks who aren’t worried about opening Pandora’s box.  Or being abandoned. Folks like my Arab sister-in-law, Sabiha.  Lord, could that woman surf […]
- [An Interview with Dr. Bridget Cooper:  Writing a Book](https://annsheybani.com/interview-dr-bridget-cooper-writing/): If you are an expert looking to create a book for back of the room sales and/or as a way to buttress your credibility, you may want to listen in to my interview with Dr. Bridget Cooper, Author of Feed the Need.  She’ll tell you all about the creation process, the time frame involved, and how she published with Create Space. So, grab a cup of coffee, sit back for the half hour, and take lots of notes! Hit the link below, wait a sec until it uploads.  Patience, people! Bridgetbuildabook
- [Fun With Passive Aggression](https://annsheybani.com/fun-with-passive-aggression/): Want an Hour or Two of Giggles? Head on over to YouTube and plug in the keyword “Passive Aggressive.” Why would I do this, you ask? Because people who are afraid to express anger, sadness, or disappointment in relationships usually end up expressing themselves through passive aggression. We’ve been taught that it’s somehow polite, or noble, to clear our throats a lot, smile weakly, and say, “I’m just fine.  Why do you ask?” as we’re strangling the cat. It’s hard to choose a favorite video.  They all bring such clarity to the table.  But let’s go with this one. This one […]
- [Do You Know Your 5 Deal Breakers?](https://annsheybani.com/5-deal-breakers/): Do you know who you are, and what you want from a life partner? Are you afraid that by voicing your needs you will drive him (or her) off? This from my friend Bridget’s new book, Feed the Need: Years ago, as I was getting back into the dating scene, I read a book that forever changed my life:  Fearless Loving by Rhonda Britton.  As a result of this book, I took ownership of my needs in a relationship.  One of the exercises in her book instructed me to come up with a list of what I was looking for (my […]
- [The Crow Knows](https://annsheybani.com/the-crow-knows/): When I was twenty-one I found myself in an awful predicament. With a semester and a half to go before graduating from college, I got pregnant. I decided that snowy January that the only logical way to handle the unexpected turn of events was to marry my boyfriend, a homesick Vietnamese refugee seven years my senior, who was poised to receive an electrical engineering degree that May. Like the fools we were, we hadn’t used birth control for the five years we’d been together—not really—because we’d assumed it wouldn’t happen to us. But, there we were, coasting mindlessly down that path, […]
- [How a Good Girl Learns to Get Untamed](https://annsheybani.com/good-girl-learns-untamed/): As many of you know, I’m a big fan of coaching, of forming a professional relationship with someone whom you respect, someone who has already walked the path you’re about to set off on.  Someone who can point out the shortcuts and the hidden pitfalls to save you a crap load of time and trouble.  I’m also a big fan of finding a mentor who totally resonates with you, who speaks and behaves in a way that motivates you.  Kimber Britner is the nurturing, intuitive Mama type.  And this is a guest post by the very same lady.   Its a […]
- [10 Books You Need to Read If You Were Raised by Alcoholics](https://annsheybani.com/books-adult-children-alcoholics/): If I were to teach a course about overcoming the emotional damage and the misconceptions picked up from alcoholic parents, this would be the semester’s  assigned reading. You’ll see me quote from these books from time to time, and I often send them to my coaching clients when I need to get them on the same page, FAST! 1. The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome by Wayne Kritsberg Alcoholic Rules I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted, or how to connect with or express my feelings, and, after reading this book, I finally understood how deeply I’d internalized […]
- [A Man Who Will Bring You Coffee In Bed](https://annsheybani.com/man-bring-coffee/): I received an e-mail this week that speaks to so many of us raised in alcoholic households. I just went through a breakup again on Saturday. My 34th birthday. There were many things wrong. Mostly, yet again, I was giving it 100 percent and not getting enough back. He proceeded to ruin my birthday and tell me how I felt & that I was giving him a guilt trip and playing head games. Which I was not. I was actually pretty peaceful, a little disappointed, but I was making the best of it. He asked me 4 times what was wrong. […]
- [Are You Ignoring the Ugly Truth?](https://annsheybani.com/problem-ignoring-ugly-truth/): I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and I was reminded of a painful lesson I had to learn, like, 2,347 times.  Her lover had informed her that, if he had to choose between her and another, he would not choose her. She, of course, had gotten her feelings hurt. But, she went on with her story as if it were no big deal. I think it’s fascinating what the human mind will do with information it can’t bear to hear. How it can transform a jerk into a nobleman with the integrity to tell the truth. I couldn’t […]
- [Danger, Will Robbinson, Danger](https://annsheybani.com/danger-will-robbinson-danger/): I came across the perfect statement this morning in an old journal: Stop trying to control everybody and everything. I have spent my life trying to control my surroundings and the people in it.  Like a lot of other unhealthy compulsions, I chalk this one up to my alcoholic upbringing.  When you are unsure of others; when you are subject to surprise attacks and monsoon-like changes in the environment, the kind that knock the legs out from underneath you; it is very important to be a student of sudden shifts in the wind.  Those who can read the signs and know […]
- [Why You Want Your Butt to Hurt](https://annsheybani.com/why-you-want-your-butt-to-hurt/): I attended an exercise boot camp at a local gym this past Friday.  Three days later, I can barely walk.  Walt keeps making fun of me because every time I bend over, I make these awful sounds. Compassion, as you can see, is not his strong suit. I’m coaching a group of women who are running their first half marathon for charity.  One of the perks New Horizons, the sponsoring organization, gives to each participant is a 12- week membership to Tyler English Fitness Systems’ boot camp.  Let me tell you, I consider myself a pretty fit chick, and these smiley-faced […]
- [Why You May Be Driving Men Off](https://annsheybani.com/interview-with-richard/):   Starting Over with Richard Schuh   Richard Schuh is the first male I have chosen to interview.  I think he’s pretty special, and I know you will too.  I sat next to this heart-centered man at a Tony Robbins conference and I was struck by his honesty, vulnerability, and sense of deep gratitude.  If you’ve ever wondered why you drive good people away, you’ll want to hear what Richard has to say. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, Richard got a second chance to do life over.  “I would not change that first hard year for anything.  If there were a million dollars […]
- [Time Management For Losers](https://annsheybani.com/time-management-for-losers/): A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I will never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything.  You can’t do it all at once, no matter what they say.” My husband at that time was working at the University of Connecticut as a temporary professor. One of the perks as his spouse was the ability to take free classes, which I thought I should avail myself of.   I was feeling a […]
- [So Much For Horse Sense](https://annsheybani.com/so-much-for-horse-sense/): Do you know how to get wild mustangs to accept being penned in? You build one side of the fence and let them get used to it. Then another. And another. And, before they realize it, they’re surrounded on all four sides with no way out. I think people pleasers are a lot like mustangs.  In an effort to keep the boat steady, we give up our spirit to others one small chunk at a time. Before we realize it, we’re someplace we don’t want to be with no idea how we got there, or how to get out. Walt lost […]
- [Why You Want Me To Be Your Coach](https://annsheybani.com/coach/): Because we learn best from people who understand our demons. An alcoholic is best helped by a former drunk. The mother of an autistic child needs someone who has run the gauntlet themselves. You kinda want your divorce lawyer to understand your impulse to burn your husband’s shit up in the garage, even though she’s going to council you to do otherwise. My darling.  I understand.  I understand: How hard it is to walk away How much you’ve invested That big payoff you’ve earned How scary it is when you have nowhere else to go Why you try even harder and get even less The shame The futility The need to apologize for how you feel The isolation The self-loathing That crazy busy thing […]
- [Why You Should Do Dan Brown](https://annsheybani.com/embrace-dan-brown/): What if uncertainty and tension and confrontation were good things?  How might your life improve if you used them as tools?  If you stopped running away from them and recognized them as a fantabulous forces for change? I was giving a creative writing lecture last month on the topic of plot when I started thinking on this subject.  Plot, for you non-readers or writers, is the scaffolding that holds a story together, that steady diet of conflict that keeps you turning pages. Plot is all about change. Change has to happen in every chapter, which means there must be some kind […]
- [What Happens When Your Work Is Read By Those You Don't Know](https://annsheybani.com/what-happens-when-your-work-is-read-by-those-you-dont-know/): I received an email from one of my writing clients the other day. She’s one of the people I most adore because her mind is so expansive, so fascinating, so different from mine, and yet so familiar at the same time. The whole book writing process has allowed me to know her at a satisfyingly deep level, reason # 4567 I love my job. It’s why we read books, after all, to know another that well, that intimately; to feel what it is to live in their world, to experience their defining moments as if they were our own. And I’ve […]
- [Something You Need To Be Aware Of When Picking Blackberries](https://annsheybani.com/something-you-need-to-be-aware-of-when-picking-blackberries/)
- [Spining Gold From Shit](https://annsheybani.com/weaving-gold-from-shit/): Here’s the thing.  The more you put yourself out there–on the stage or on the page–the more criticism you will draw.  It’s just the way the world works. As Dale Carnegie used to say, “No one kicks a dead dog.” I had to learn how to tolerate the stuff, otherwise I’d end up in jail. You might not know this to look at me, but I’m an extremely defended personality. Criticize me for anything I harbor insecurities about, and I’ll take you apart limb by limb in my twisted imagination. I’ve been known to play Rambo-like revenge scenes in my head […]
- [What I'm Reading Now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-3/): So, Walt and I were out and about last night when we passed by Brown Thomas, an upscale shop, Ireland’s answer to Bergdoff Goodman. In the window were some of the most ludicrous outfits I’ve ever seen. Straight out of the circus. Bright orange clown outfits that haven’t graced the pages of fashion magazines since the late 60’s, when designers had an excuse, what with the advent of psychedelic drugs. And these clown outfits, they’re not cheap. We’re talking $4,000 for the flouncy pants alone. Which got me thinking about the best book I’ve read in a very long time: Sapiens, […]
- [Why Vulnerability Is The Antidote To Shame](https://annsheybani.com/why-vulnerability-is-the-antidote-to-shame/): Sometime back, I listened to a Brene Brown interview in which she described herself as a child. An introverted 13-year-old, she saw Grease 25 times,  a movie I paid to see four weeks in a row at the very same age. See, like me, Brene wanted desperately to shed her skin and become Olivia Newton John. We–Brene and me, and probably 95% of our eighth grade contemporaries– wanted to look that good in a skin-tight leather catsuit, take up cigarette smoking, and win the love of rebellious John Travolta. We wanted to drop the Nice Girl routine and become the coolest […]
- [I See Beautiful People](https://annsheybani.com/i-see-beautiful-people-2/): I want to share with you a beauty secret I recently discovered.  The single element that will make heads turn, regardless of your weight, age, or ability to pull together a decent outfit.  The secret is Joy. Walt and I were at The Sunken Garden Poetry Festival  a few summers ago. Held in a little flower garden behind a small art museum, the event is a lovely excuse for folks to break out their picnic baskets, spread moth-eaten blankets, light Yankee candles, and sit out under the stars while listening to poetry and music. That’s when I saw her. She was […]
- [Help Me, Rhonda](https://annsheybani.com/help-me-rhonda/): It’s helpful to know that obstacles are part of the writing process, but how are you supposed to deal with them when they raise their ugly heads? What can you do if you’re confused, say, about setting, or plot, or the relevance of that stuff for your chosen genre? And where do you go for feedback when you really need to know if what you’ve got is any good? Mind you, enrolling in an MFA program is a terrific way to learn how to write, but there are some other ways to get guidance and develop your skills while working on […]
- [Sad, Italian Water Buffalo](https://annsheybani.com/sad-italian-water-buffalo/): Humans crave story, with faces they can attach to, and sensory details. According to scientific studies, our brains light up like the fourth of July when we read about smells, sounds, tastes, touch, and sights. It’s what our minds want. It’s these details that keep us grounded and wanting more. That being said. On Saturday mornings, Walt and I visit the farmer’s market in town. Located in the municipal lot behind a burnt out church now converted into a restaurant, it attracts not just locals, but also tourists from Dublin and abroad. There are Germans and Americans and French couples in […]
- [Run, Fat B!tch, Run](https://annsheybani.com/run-fat-btch-run/): I’m going to break out my Book Yourself Solid coaching hat and introduce you to some associated philosophy: There are people we are meant to serve, and others not so much. And our job is to do everything in our power to reach those we are meant to serve. This philosophy is not only relevant to entrepreneurs and service-based professionals, but to writers as well. Let me explain. Life opens wide when you dispel with the notion that you should write to please a generic audience.  The truth is, you get to write to those who will naturally resonate with your […]
- [Why You Need To Grab Your Readers By The Short Hairs](https://annsheybani.com/why-you-need-to-grab-your-readers-by-the-short-hairs/): Are you a thought leader or an expert? Have you decided to write a book to showcase your unique process for fixing a specific problem? Do you want to inspire people, to offer them your perspective, your hard-won experience, so they can live a better life? Might the lessons that you’ve learned—never leave a pig unattended in your living room, for instance—save others pain and time? If you wish to position yourself as an expert in a given field, then your expert positioning story is critical to your book. The idea is to tell a consistent story about who you are, […]
- [Manufactured Fear](https://annsheybani.com/manufactured-fear/)
- [Now vs.Then](https://annsheybani.com/now-vs-then/): I’ve had the same conversation with a number of my coaching clients this week, so I think it’s high time I  share this lesson with you nice people. (If you’re not a writer, start paying attention to this stuff as a reader.  It will really open up your appreciation for the choices an author makes.) Here’s the thing. When we’re sharing a personal story, one that has a lot of power and emotion for us, there’s is overwhelming urge to write it in present tense, i.e.  I walk through the door. I smell danger. I know he’s there, waiting to pounce […]
- [Tiny, Beautiful Things](https://annsheybani.com/tiny-beautiful-things-2/): My friend Janet, who’s a librarian in Connecticut, told me I had to read this book. She said that it reminded her of me, of the kind of stuff I say to her when her life is a shit show.  

I seriously WISH I wrote like this. Or that I was as clear, and funny, and compassionate, and ON TARGET with advice as this woman is. And frankly, I wish it had been around when I was being such a dumbass. Maybe it would have slapped me awake. You may recognize Cheryl Strayed.  She’s the “overnight success” who wrote Wild, the […]
- [The 411 On Writing Dialogue](https://annsheybani.com/the-411-on-writing-dialogue/): I was digging through my East Hill Writing Workshop materials the other day when I chanced up this little lesson on dialogue. I’m pretty sure that one of my partners wrote this up, but I can’t remember which.  I thought I’d break it out for you today because I think it’s super useful. First of all, remember that dialogue is the stuff that usually shows up in between the quotation marks.  It’s the stuff that people say out loud.  Dialogue, whether in fiction or nonfiction, accomplishes important dramatic goals: Reveals personality Creates tension Moves the story along from one point to […]
- [An Object Is Worth A Thousand Words](https://annsheybani.com/an-object-is-worth-a-thousand-words/): I was driving along the highway in Connecticut when I fell behind a mini Cooper with one of those vanity plates that made me want to hit the brakes. It had two words on it: Xin Loi. It’s a long story how I know this, and neither of us has time to get into it, but Xin Loi means “I’m sorry” in Vietnamese. Even before I passed the car, I knew exactly who I would see behind the wheel: a 60-70-year old man with close-cropped hair, a smoker, someone with a tattoo on his arm. But more than what he looked […]
- [Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think](https://annsheybani.com/taming-the-mammoth-why-you-should-stop-caring-what-other-people-think/): I just discovered THE BEST Post on why we’re hard-wired to be sniveling approval whores, thanks to my girlfriend, Janet.  It’s written by a fellow named Tim Urban and hosted on his site Wait But Why. Here’s just a snippet. Trust me, you’ll want to read the whole thing. Go grab a cup of coffee, or tea, or wine, whatever.  It’ll take a few minutes. Your Great2,000 Grandfather’s Social Survival Mammoth was central to his ability to endure and thrive. It was simple—keep the mammoth well fed with social approval and pay close attention to its overwhelming fears of nonacceptance, and […]
- [Your Brain On Change](https://annsheybani.com/your-brain-on-change/): I’ve been spending a lot of time with my nose in this book. It’s something that Walt bought and left on the shelf. ( I know!  Nothing better than having two readers in the family who think nothing of spending thousands of dollars on good books.) I picked it up because one of my book-writing clients is working on a project about how to manage a lot of vital data coming at you hard and fast, and endure discomfort. How to embrace the disciplines of the fighter pilot for peak performance. We’ve been talking a lot about the brain lately, which, […]
- [Big, Fat Book-Writing Obstacles](https://annsheybani.com/big-fat-book-writing-obstacles/): Go to any cocktail party and you’ll overhear someone yammering on about their desire to write a book. From all appearances, writing a book is on more bucket lists than running a marathon, or wearing size 2 jeans, or visiting Paris in the spring. In other words, it’s a really common dream. Maybe you’ve considered writing one yourself. No doubt, people have told you, “Wow, you’ve led such an interesting life.” Or “You know, you tell the most amazing stories, you should think about writing a book.” With that kind of feedback, it’s awfully hard not to get excited. You tell […]
- [To Be, Or Not To Be](https://annsheybani.com/to-be-or-not-to-be/): I bet you thought this post was going to be about Hamlet, or my existential malaise, but it‘s not. It‘s a tiny little writing lesson about the use of the verb to be and its many variations–is, are, am, was, were, be, being, been. So, I’ve just spent the last five hours rooting around in a client manuscript. Because we’ve agreed that the story is better told in past tense, I’ve focused on all of the verbs.  That’s when I spotted the common problem: overuse of the verb to be. I was walking along. She was sitting in the car. She […]
- [How To Avoid Soiling Your Family Name](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-avoid-soiling-your-family-name/): Self-publishing, also known as indie (short for independent) publishing, is currently the most common way for new authors to bring their books to market. Because this is the “easiest” method of publication, I’d like to offer you a word of warning: Without publishing house roadblocks to navigate, agents to win over, or partnership standards to be taken into account, the biggest mistakes an indie author can make is to rush the publication of his or her book, and to scrimp on expert costs. Remember, to complete your first draft, you must embrace the shitty. To publish said shit, however, only serves […]
- [A Few Of My All Time Favorite Essays](https://annsheybani.com/a-few-of-my-all-time-favorite-essays/): When I was in grad school, I took an essay writing course. We were assigned an anthology called The Best American Essays, which still sits, all marked up with black ink, on my bookshelf. (If I could find a link, I’d put it here, but I can’t.)  In it, I discovered the work of Lucy Grealy, author of Autobiography of A Face, and Susan Orlean, specifically her piece on taxidermy, Lifelike.  Just to name my favorites. I loved the essay form because I could explore a topic, turn it this way and that way in the light, and never have to […]
- [4 Cold, Hard Facts](https://annsheybani.com/4-cold-hard-facts/): I had the opportunity to interview Ryan Sprenger last week about his publishing company, Book Rally.  If you missed it, you can listen to it by clicking here. Book Rally–a one-stop shop for book design, printing, publishing, and promotion using a crowd sourcing model– isn’t for everyone.  In fact, I wouldn’t recommend it to any client without  a tribe, a platform, a following of 10,000+ (I’m using these expressions synonymously), because the crowd-funding part of the equation just wouldn’t work to their advantage. Until fairly recently, traditional publishing houses, the major ones anyway, were the only folks in town demanding big […]
- [The Choices That We Make](https://annsheybani.com/the-choices-that-we-make/): How much of your life do you consider blind luck, and how much do you attribute to the choices that you’ve made? Muslims are by their very nature fatalists. They believe that what is ordained is ordained; and no one but God can alter anything. Each event, small or large, long before it ever happens, is written in The Book. My former husband, true to his faith, chalked up his terminal cancer entirely to mektoub. When he was diagnosed with stage-4 colon cancer, his doctor implored him to change his habits, but Hakim wouldn’t have it.  If God had determined that […]
- [I'm Back In Ireland Just In The Nick Of Time](https://annsheybani.com/im-back-in-ireland-just-in-the-nick-of-time/): Pull myself out of the U.S, drop myself in a totally different environment, and I’ve created for myself a clean slate. A chance to slip into a different routine, and commit to some much better rituals. Question is, where can you go to interrupt your bad habits or rut?  
- [I Refuse To Eat Cat Food](https://annsheybani.com/i-refuse-to-eat-cat-food/): I just got back from Los Angeles, LA for those of you in the know.  I was attending AWP, a monster of a conference for writers, teachers, editors, and publishers. It’s sort of a big deal because there are over 12,000 people who attend, and you get to rub elbows with the literati, the superstars of the book world.  People like Amy Tan, and Cheryl Strayed, Tobias Wolff, and the latest and greatest wunderkind. (This year, I suppose that was Garth Greenwell who wrote the novel What Belongs To You to critical acclaim. It’s really quite good.) Not only did I […]
- [Where To Go When You're Blind](https://annsheybani.com/where-to-go-when-youre-blind/): After months and months of working on a book, it’s easy to go blind to what you’ve got in hand. Especially if you’ve been going it alone without the guidance of a book coach like me. (Blatant PLUG!) You’ve been looking at the same arrangement of words for so long, you don’t know if you’ve created a best seller, or a semi-polished mound of crap. Without the necessary distance, it’s hard to trust your own judgment. And it’s not like your cat can read over your manuscript and give you useful feedback, even if it would like to. When you’re convinced […]
- [A Puritan In Iran](https://annsheybani.com/a-puritan-in-iran/): I’m just back from a big writer’s conference in LA, where I spoke on a panel.  Let me tell you, there’s nothing more fun than hanging around 5,000 other people who love to talk about writing and words and books and tricks of the trade. That being said, I thought I’d share with you today a segment from the memoir I’ve been working on forever and a day. How was it that I had come to believe that Iranian women were virgins until they married and that their general demeanor, thereafter, could make even the Puritans seem cheap and tawdry by […]
- [A Devious, Cruel App For Writers](https://annsheybani.com/a-devious-cruel-app-for-writers/): A writing prompt is a sentence designed to open the creative floodgates. Sometimes an image, or a picture, can serve to get the juices flowing, too. Get something down on the page, anything, and more words are guaranteed to follow. That’s the purpose of the thing. The idea, when using a prompt, is to write non-stop for ten minutes in response to a statement or question without worrying about spelling, punctuation, or grammar. After you copy the prompt at the top of your page, then set the timer for ten minutes, you’ll give your pen (and your mind) free reign to […]
- [Track The Things That Matter](https://annsheybani.com/track-the-things-that-matter/): Have I mentioned how much I love my job? Seriously, there are days where I feel like I should be paying my clients, not the other way around. So, I’m working with an F-16 fighter pilot I just adore. He’s writing a book about goal achievement, about putting systems and disciplines into place in order to create massive success. Here’s the the thing about elite warriors like Jeff Orr: They know how to handle stress, manage lots of vital data coming at them fast, and pick out high-yield targets from the blur. One of the keys to their success is the […]
- [A Simple Story About My Dad](https://annsheybani.com/a-simple-story-about-my-dad/): I’m going to walk you through my story writing process, and model it for you. I’ll explain how I come up with an idea for a story, then how I construct the thing. I’ll be composing a scene for my memoir, but you’ll want to follow along even if you’re writing a case study or a blog. It’s Tuesday morning, my scheduled writing block time, and I’m staring at an ugly blank page. After I get my tea, Mint, and pick at my fingernail polish, Stardust Pink, I’m going to browse through my story notebook. I know what I’m looking for […]
- [When You're Upset And You Don't Know Why](https://annsheybani.com/when-youre-upset-and-you-dont-know-why/): The last time I came back to the States for vacation while living in Iran, I got together with some old friends and regaled them with my latest in-law stories. I recounted the one about my mother-in-law, who, when staying with us in our tiny dorm room for months on end, would encourage her son and me, as she lay at the foot of our bed, to “go make a boy.” Then there was the one about the cousin on the lam from the law, who nearly got us arrested because he got caught buggering the upstairs neighbor girl. And the […]
- [Stevie](https://annsheybani.com/stevie/): The first time his owner spotted him, a gang of young kids was tossing him back and forth like a football. She’d shouted at them to stop abusing the puppy, but they’d ignored the tiny, white-haired American lady. A week went by. She saw the puppy again. This time, one of the neighborhood boys was kicking the ever-living shit out of him just outside the boatyard. The animal didn’t even bother to whine. As a foreigner, she knew she’d be ignored, or worse, if she forcefully inserted herself into the equation. One day she came upon the very same puppy coated […]
- [What's Your Biggest Regret?](https://annsheybani.com/whats-your-biggest-regret/): Walt and I have been spent the last week lying around poolside. (BTW, I have to look up laying vs lying every goddamn time. Here’s a link that explains the difference, for your convenience.) On the surface, this sounds pretty dreamy, but after a few days of this, I’m about ready to lose my mind. I’ve mentioned this before: We have a helluva time sitting still.  Like sharks, we can’t breathe properly unless we’re swimming non-stop. Hopefully, we’ll be paddling on the Sea of Cortes by the time you read this, so I’d like you to envision us all bright-eyed and […]
- [The Trouble With Beavers](https://annsheybani.com/the-trouble-with-beavers/): Once upon a time, Walt and I were out for a morning run. It so happens that our running route takes us past a river. Because it was springtime, we began to spot signs of heightened animal activity. The beavers in particular had been very busy. We trotted past a very large oak. Apparently the beavers had been gnawing on it for weeks on end. They almost had the whole tree down. Another day or so of work, and the trunk would likely snap in half. But then, a little farther down the road, I noticed that the beavers had started […]
- [Today Is A Perfect Unfolding, And We're Not Talking Laundry](https://annsheybani.com/today-is-a-perfect-unfolding-and-were-not-talking-laundry/): I love my job. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this fact before. I love the opportunity to get to know people deeply, to know how they think, what they believe, the message they mean to impart. I love that moment when my clients discover their unique writing voice, when it sounds like they do in real life. And here is a wonderful example of what I’m talking about. This is a guest post by event planner Tonia Adleta. Tell me you wouldn’t want to call her up and chat for hours with her on the phone. A little peak behind the curtains. […]
- [Constructive Criticism, My Ass](https://annsheybani.com/constructive-criticism-my-ass/): Listen, I dole out constructive criticism all the live long day.  It’s part of my job as a content developer. I’m SUPPOSED to read what’s on the page and point out all the pesky problems: what’s missing, unclear, and totally irrelevant. Sometimes I forget to mention what’s really good; what makes me want to read more; what makes me think I should be taking writing lessons from him or her, not the other way around. I tend to charge right in there, guns a blazing, like what I’ve got to say t’ain’t no biggie. As if my client were not a […]
- [Perfectionism:  The Kiss Of Death](https://annsheybani.com/perfectionism-the-kiss-of-death/): Here’s a fear-based obstacle I want to take a whip and a chair to. It’s a nasty critter. In fact, this might be the biggest challenge you’ll face when writing your book, regardless of genre. It’s at the very core of why I encourage you to write the shittiest first draft possible, to make that your goal. This obstacle is perfectionism. Perfectionism is what stops you from putting the first words you think of down on paper for fear of making a mistake. It’s what stops you from choosing the next bit to work on because it may take you down […]
- [The One Draft Mentality](https://annsheybani.com/the-one-draft-mentality/): I want to tell you a little story about my daughter, Iman, and her One Draft Mentality in order to anchor in a point. I’m going to paint a scene, because, as we’ll discuss at some point in time, scenes are what readers remember. A few years back, Iman came home for semester break with a 25-page paper due the day she was to return to class. True to her nature, Iman left her project until the very last minute. Stressed, she sat at the kitchen counter facing a blank piece of paper. She’d write one sentence, then think for ten […]
- [Be The Flawed Hero Of Your Own Tale](https://annsheybani.com/be-the-flawed-hero-of-your-own-tale/): When I first began writing and presenting my short stories about Iran, people in my workshop class looked nervous.  No doubt remembering the fatwa placed on Salmon Rushdie’s head for his Satanic Verses, they asked me, “Don’t you think Iranians might take offense at some of the things you’ve said here?  I mean, don’t you think you come off as a bit bigoted?” The question bothered me a lot.  What was I trying to accomplish with these stories:  Why did my stories usually involve horrible Iranian men and frustratingly stupid Western women? It took me a few years of writing (not […]
- [Welcome To Pain Island](https://annsheybani.com/welcome-to-pain-island/): Here’s the thing.  If you’re a coach or a speaker looking to write a book, your readers (a.k.a. potential clients) want to know that you’ve overcome the same challenges that they’re currently facing. They want to know that you’ve had your own on-your-knees moment—that horrible moment when you recognized that something had to change; that you couldn’t go on the way you had been; that the status quo was no longer a viable option. This horrible moment often represents total failure. It represents pain, Pain Island, as Vrinda Normand likes to call it. In Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, we […]
- [My New Best Friend, Marie Kondo](https://annsheybani.com/a-fun-little-book-writing-exercise/): Just for fun, we’re going to pretend you’d like to write a client-attracting book. I’m going to lead you through an exercise to get you started thinking about that one big result you give your clients, and the associated benefits. Here are some questions I’d like you to write down and answer when you have a few minutes. They’re really important to your overall vision. What is the Big Result you give your clients? Now give me: An emotional benefit they get from this big result. A physical benefit they get from this big result A financial benefit they get from […]
- [Why Yes, That IS A Bus In My Back Yard](https://annsheybani.com/why-yes-that-is-a-bus-in-my-back-yard/): Walt and I are finally cleaning out the basements (yes, that’s a plural); and the over-stuffed three-car garage; and the attics (again, the plural); and all of the closets; and each of the seven, count them, seven bedrooms. I’m not following Marie Kondo’s famous process, I’m just bagging the shit up and dragging it to the dumpster. What with us living over half the year in Ireland these days, our kids long gone, it just doesn’t make sense for us to keep this enormous house.  We’re doing more than flirting with down-sizing, we’re taking massive action towards that end. But, the […]
- [Why Waiting For Motivation Is Futile](https://annsheybani.com/why-waiting-for-motivation-is-futile/): Do you need to be motivated to take action? Nope. In fact, there are lots of times you’ll absolutely NOT feel like taking action when you promised yourself you would sit down and write. These very moments, I’m here to tell you, are the moments you’ll need to take action anyway. Otherwise you’ll stand around filing your nails while the world passes you by. I love writing, I really do, but I’d rather clean toilets than sit down to face a blank page. Actually, I’d rather trot down to the kitchen and eat the pan of raw vegan brownies my writing […]
- [What A Music Video Can Teach You About Writing](https://annsheybani.com/what-a-music-video-can-teach-you-about-writing/): I broke my ankle a year or so ago, so I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home. I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video caught my eye. Now music videos are directed like movies, little 3-minute movies. It’s just like a short story or an essay. The producer (or is it the director?) has to capture meaning in a very few frames. Everything shown on the screen must count.  Everything has to serve one or more purposes. What caught […]
- [Danger, Will Robinson](https://annsheybani.com/danger-will-robinson/): I came across the perfect statement this morning in an old journal: Stop trying to control everybody and everything. I’ve spent my life trying to control my surroundings and the people in it.  Like a lot of other unhealthy compulsions, I chalk this one up to my alcoholic upbringing. When you are unsure of others; when you are subject to surprise attacks and monsoon-like changes in the environment, the kind that knock the legs out from underneath you; it is very important to be a student of sudden shifts in the wind.  Those who can read the signs and know their […]
- [This Is How I Grow My Business](https://annsheybani.com/this-is-how-i-grow-my-business/): I get a lot of business through referrals. My current clients are my biggest source of referrals because they know precisely what I do for them, and they recognize immediately the sort of person who could benefit from the work I do. They know who and what to look for.  Plus, most people really enjoy matching up people. Spot the need, offer the solution, become the hero, everybody wins. Sometimes I get referrals from business associates–other coaches, speakers, networking leaders and such. But for these people to send me referrals, I have to be really good at describing who my ideal […]
- [More On Blogging](https://annsheybani.com/more-on-blogging/): I got a few great questions after my  last post on blogging. Looks like it’s time to do another webinar on the process, but for now, I thought I’d share my answers here. How did you attract people to your blog when you were in the early stages? Each time I posted a blog, I shared the link on Facebook. This took guts because I had a lot of writing friends from Harvard out there, or so I imagined, and I was sure they’d read my posts and decide I was a total hack.  I felt like I was cheating because […]
- [Tea With God](https://annsheybani.com/tea-with-god/): I learn so much from my writing clients. Sometimes I think I should be paying them.  After reading this segment from Kyrsten Barrett’s soon to be published book, well, I realized she was speaking to me. That’s why I pulled my memoir out of the drawer after four years, why I’m spending time each week working on my own book project. I know it makes me a better coach. What part of you do YOU need to pull from a drawer? As soon as Nick and I were settled into our new home in Boston, I created a morning ritual I […]
- [A Very Bing Christmas To You All](https://annsheybani.com/a-very-bing-christmas-to-you-all/)
- [Worry Not](https://annsheybani.com/worry-not/): Walt and I went out the other night to listen to some music.  We sat on a couple of stools in a cozy nook among all kinds of people and let the music flow over us, through us. I’m talking total peace. Here in rural Ireland, among the dairy farms and great tracts of pasture land, we’ve heard some of the most amazing performances. Who knew? I got a note from a friend in Connecticut the other day.  The main roads were clogged with holiday shoppers.  She was freaking out because she had to attend yet another compulsory party. And I […]
- [You've Got To Be Bad To Be Good](https://annsheybani.com/youve-got-to-be-bad-to-be-good/): I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?) Here’s the thing. I usually catch an error or five long after I’ve posted a blog. They happen, particularly when I don’t bother having Walt proof my work. Sometimes well-intentioned folks will write to inform me about a mistake I’ve made—i.e. their instead of they’re, its instead of it’s—because they’re concerned that illiteracy reflects badly on a writing teacher. I just laugh, thank them for […]
- [Some Books You'll Want To Read If You're Flirting With Downsizing](https://annsheybani.com/some-books-youll-want-to-read-if-youre-flirting-with-downsizing/): The idea of downsizing totally appeals to me. The seven-bedroom house in Connecticut made sense (not really, but hey) when we had kids at home, but now that they’re grown, not so much.  Now that the dogs are dead, too (the kids are still alive, thank God, so no need for condolences), the place feels like a freaking mausoleum. On top of that, we spend more time in Ireland these days than stateside. Try as we might, we can’t think of a logical reason to keep that big house. God, the junk we have.  The three car-garage, the two basements, and […]
- [I'm Going To Save You $30,000](https://annsheybani.com/im-going-to-save-you-30000/): All writers learn and do at the same time. Don’t think for a minute that you need to put your book-writing dreams on hold until you’ve earned an MFA. To save you the $30,000, I’d like to share with you what I learned at Harvard; the very thing each writing teacher pronounced at the start of the semester: “There is a school of thought that writing cannot be taught. Writing is learned by doing. When you write a lot, you get good.” I’d like to modify that expensive statement a bit: We learn something best when we actually need to use […]
- [Honesty](https://annsheybani.com/honesty/)
- [Eat Like You Give A Fuck](https://annsheybani.com/eat-like-you-give-a-fuck/): The more bold and authentic your voice, the more easily you’ll attract those you’re meant to work with. Because readers need to know what you fucking stand for. Thug Kitchen: Eat Like You Give A Fuck is just a perfect example of how to accomplish this in writing. Seriously, I wish I were an affiliate, because (**Spoiler Alert!) I’m giving this book to everyone I love this Christmas.
- [The Courage To Downsize](https://annsheybani.com/the-courage-to-downsize/): This is a guest post by Veronica Sommer Mollica.  It’s an example of honest and powerful writing.  See if you don’t appreciate the message as well. What do your things represent to you? Who are you without them?   I guess it was inevitable that I’d buy the biggest, new construction 4000-square-foot house on the block. I had an agreement to fulfill after all. A pact I made with myself at a very young age having grown up with very little money in one of the wealthiest towns in the country and being the only person I knew who lived in […]
- [The Life-Altering Magic Of Making One's Bed](https://annsheybani.com/the-life-altering-magic-of-making-ones-bed/): I’d like to share an excerpt from a manuscript I’m currently working on. It’s written by a soulful young man whose journey through addiction has had me thinking about my own life, my own habits and vices.  For an all or nothing girl like me, the notion of one small, seemingly inconsequential change altering the course of one’s life, well, it’s got me looking around for that lynch pin that, when pulled, will set my own act straight. See what you think. This room in many ways mirrored the chaos that was my life. A life filled with excess, long evening […]
- [One of Those Photos That Slaps You Awake](https://annsheybani.com/photos-slaps-awake/): Life is cyclical. Seems I need to keep relearning the same damn lesson. That’s why I’ve decided to bring this post back.   A few weeks back, Walt and I attended a TedX talk in Clonakilty, Ireland. As with any Ted talk, I learned so much from the speakers. I learned what it looks like to be totally swept away by passion, to stand on a stage before hundreds of people with zero self-consciousness, to be free and open and completely childlike. Alluring. I learned what it looks like to be frozen in the limelight, to try way too hard to […]
- [Railing Against The Man](https://annsheybani.com/railing-against-the-man/): I was browsing LinkedIn this morning when I came across a Steve Chandler quote. (If you don’t know Steve, you really should.) It went something like this: Discipline has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with practice. In other words self-discipline is something you use, not something you have. I love to beat myself up when I fall out of my routine, when I ignore my disciplines. I love to call myself lazy, inconsistent, and (my mother’s favorite) slovenly. I see it as a sign that I’m bad to the bone. Walt’s away in Ireland, so I’ve stopped […]
- [Stripping Off The Bulletproof Vest](https://annsheybani.com/stripping-bulletproof-vest/): Here’s what I learned TOTALLY by accident.  Personal story sells. When I came out of Harvard, I began to compile some of the personal essays I’d produced in grad workshops. These essays eventually turned into a memoir about my years living in Iran with a staunch Muslim husband, and all the fun I had with that.  Not. Years went by. I eventually pitched my project to some big literary agents at a prestigious writing conference and here’s what happened: I got zero interest. You know the sound you used to hear when the TV stations stopped broadcasting at 1 a.m. ? […]
- [My Very First Blog Post](https://annsheybani.com/my-very-first-blog-post/): This is my very first blog post from November of 2009.  Lord Almighty, time flies. Six years, nearly to the day I started this blog with the sole intent of building an audience for my memoir about Iran, creating a platform. I wrote about books that influenced me, about my hangups and fears, my thoughts and opinions, the men in my life (starting with my alcoholic father). Then I wrote about lessons I’d learned the hard way, and how one could avoid some of my more gruesome mistakes. Pretty soon I forgot about the platform thing, what with my memoir sitting […]
- [Misunderstanding Sex](https://annsheybani.com/misunderstanding-sex/): It was the 70’s. Playboy and Penthouse were ubiquitous on suburban coffee tables, at least in the households where I babysat. My parents, in keeping with the make-love-not-war attitude of the era, kept a stash of porn star tell-all’s, Penthouse Forum volumes, and slutty dime store novels squirreled away behind their headboard.  Having both chanced upon them in our meanderings, my brother and I read steamy excerpts to each other in between fits of laughter. Nosing around the house after school one day, we discovered my father’s collection of 8mm porn flicks and a movie projector in his basement workroom.  In […]
- [Cat Shit In The Litter Box](https://annsheybani.com/cat-shit-in-the-litter-box-2/): Everybody fears that they are not enough.  Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt.  This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my guts. I worried that if they dug an inch too deep beneath my cheery surface, they would discover the ugly truth: that, somehow, I didn’t measure up. When you worry about people accepting you, you spend an awful lot of time and energy covering up your character flaws like cat shit in a litter […]
- [10 Things The Adult Child Of An Addict Wants You To Know](https://annsheybani.com/10-adult-child-addict/): My friend Whitney send me a link to this post. This piece is by Joni Edelman and first appeared in ravishly.com.  Needless to say, I think it’s beautifully written, and pretty freaking relevant. I hope you get as much out of it as I did. There are many adults among us — many of whom you might not recognize — with intimate knowledge of what it’s like to grow up with an addicted parent. Sadly, there are also many people who love those adults and don’t know what it is like to have become an adult who was once a child […]
- [Can't Win Me Love](https://annsheybani.com/cant-win-me-love-2/): For a very long time,  I believed that in order for someone to love me, I had to prove my worth. The trick was figuring out what a man wanted in me, and then playing that role. Love didn’t happen naturally, it had to be squeezed into place. I started dating unavailable men because the dynamic was comfortably familiar. I wasn’t just replaying my marriage, I was reliving my childhood as well. The daughter of an alcoholic, I’d grown up believing that if I were just a little better, if I were the kind of girl Daddy really wanted, if I […]
- [My New Best Friend](https://annsheybani.com/my-new-best-friend/): Being a people-pleaser is exhausting, and demoralizing. For us, and everyone around us. Believe me, I know.  That’s why I fell hard for Erika Napoletano and her TedX video.  She doesn’t know it yet, but we’re BFF’s. Have you ever been afraid of what people might think about a decision you have to make?  A decision that could potentially be very unpopular? That opening scene where she’s standing with her dad in her wedding dress? Knowing that she must choose between making the biggest mistake of her life, or disappointing a LOT of important people? Well, unlike me, she chose right.  […]
- [Time Management For Losers](https://annsheybani.com/time-management-for-losers-2/): A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I will never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything.  You can’t do it all at once, no matter what they say.” My husband at that time was working at the University of Connecticut as a temporary professor. One of the perks as his spouse was the ability to take free classes, which I thought I should avail myself of.  I was feeling a […]
- [What An Orange Can Teach You](https://annsheybani.com/what-an-orange-can-teach-you/): Dyer was known for teaching his ideas through metaphors. The last lesson he posted on Facebook on the eve of his death used an orange as an example: I was preparing to speak at an I Can Do It conference and I decided to bring an orange on stage with me as a prop for my lecture. I opened a conversation with a bright young fellow of about twelve who was sitting in the front row. “If I were to squeeze this orange as hard as I could, what would come out?” I asked him. He looked at me like I […]
- [Elect Yourself: No One Else Will](https://annsheybani.com/elect/): Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the grants, or the prizes, or the big gigs, or the publications are far more gifted, or privileged, or connected than you? Do you think you need to have all your ducks in a row, or work for years to develop a reputation, or follow all the rules before someone out there will toss you a […]
- [A Life Lesson, Brought To You By My Cats](https://annsheybani.com/life-lesson-brought-cats/): We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats.  Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter is a cat-hater’s cat. He’s got all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart.  Tail up, shoulders back, when he saunters into the kitchen, he owns the joint. What I love about Peanut Butter is the way he manages the dog. From the get go, he refused to take his guff. All that lunging, gnawing, growling, humping, sniffing ridiculousness was met with a stifled yawn. Peanut Butter is […]
- [Finding My Wood](https://annsheybani.com/finding-my-wood-2/): When I turned thirty, I was angry and unhappy, but didn’t really know it.  I figured that niggling feeling, the one I couldn’t really identify, the one that wouldn’t go away, was the natural result of having two little kids, too much time with nothing to think about on my hands, and, thanks to living in Iran, a really foreign country, a serious case of culture shock. I believed that the unexamined life was absolutely worth living. Probing too deeply into my psyche, to my way of thinking, wasn’t going to lead me anywhere good. I prided myself on being a survivor. Someone who didn’t waste her […]
- [The Cure For Resting Bitch Face](https://annsheybani.com/cure-resting-bitch-face/): Most of the time I look pretty grim. Like I’m about to be caught doing something really bad. From what I understand, I suffer from Resting Bitch Face. It doesn’t matter that I feel perfectly fine, it’s just that, as an introvert, I live inside my head. The intensity thing sometimes gets in the way of having fun. I’m so busy being serious, that I forget to look around and have a good laugh. To do something mindless or silly in the name of fun. Loosening up tends to be a problem I share with a lot of my coaching clients.  […]
- [The Cure For Dissociation](https://annsheybani.com/the-cure-for-dissociation/): I talk about this stuff all the time.  Two things changed my life: running and writing. From these two activities, man, did I learn to get in touch with myself. And that’s the key: connecting with who you really are and what you think and feel. Not easy for dissociative people like me.  Set aside twenty minutes to listen in to Part 2 of my interview with Remya Warrior. Let me know if you score any powerful takeaways.
- [The Kind of Girl You'd Warn Your Sons Off](https://annsheybani.com/kind-girl-youd-warn-sons/): One of the benefits of writing a book is the visibility it buys you.  Know that saying, build it and they will come?  Well, that’s bullshit. After all that hard work, you’ve actually got to get out there and promote the thing if you want readers, and/or any kind return on your investment.  And once you’re out there, opportunities do come a knockin’. I’ve had the good fortune to be interviewed by lots of cool people.  And let me tell you, it’s really fun to have the chance to share my story. Even though I sound like the kind of girl […]
- [Ten Years In The Making](https://annsheybani.com/ten-years-in-the-making/): Ten years ago (yesterday), I met Walt in a coffee shop, a Starbucks, to be specific.  We’d found each other on Match.com and, thanks to our VERY accurate, buyer-beware profiles, had immediately recognized the synergies.  He hadn’t bothered to put a picture up, which can often be the indicator of some rather unfortunate deformities, so when he waltzed through the door, I was pretty happy to see that the dude was/is hot. Anyhoo, I spent the weekend in Mallorca with kids, and he’s off in Annapolis, Maryland working on a speaker’s video.  We’re rarely away from each other, so I thought […]
- [Which Dog Will You Feed?](https://annsheybani.com/which-dog-will-you-feed/): I just got back from Mallorca, an island off the coast of Spain where my daughter and her husband celebrated their marriage for the second time.  Needless to say, surrounded by a LOT of highly dramatic members of the Sheybani clan I haven’t seen in a very long time, and a crew of lovely people who challenged the assertion that I speak Spanish, well, I thought it best I break out this post I wrote exactly one year ago.  I’ve just pulled the book I mentioned here off the shelf and earmarked it for a second read.  Some things are worth […]
- [Truth Heals](https://annsheybani.com/truth-heals/): I received this beautiful note last week in response to my newsletter, and I’d like to share it and my response with you.  It’s relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously. Each time I read what you share, I think, How come I so admire a raw vulnerability in another and still feel fear and shame about some of my stories?Is that a part of the process? This pendulum swinging between feeling brave and totally scared? Certain and questioning? First of all, thank you.  Those words mean a […]
- [Before You Buy That FitBit](https://annsheybani.com/before-you-buy-that-fitbit/):   I’ve been searching and searching for this video, which I saw a year or two back.  Lo and behold, there it was in my Youtube feed this morning. There’s a couple of reasons I was taken by Zoe Chance’s TedX talk, why I wanted to share it with you: 1.  As a weight-conscious athlete (read: totally neurotic), I wanted to know what one of those little devices you wear around your wrist to measure physical activity, like the FitBit, could inspire one to do. What kind of motivation it could provide for the $150 investment. 2.  This speaker is an […]
- [The Crow Knows](https://annsheybani.com/the-crow-knows-2/): When I was twenty-one I found myself in an awful predicament. With a semester and a half to go before graduating from college, I got pregnant. I decided that snowy January that the only logical way to handle the unexpected turn of events was to marry my boyfriend, a homesick Vietnamese refugee seven years my senior, who was poised to receive an electrical engineering degree that May. Like the fools we were, we hadn’t used birth control for the five years we’d been together—not really—because we’d assumed it wouldn’t happen to us. But, there we were, coasting mindlessly down that path, […]
- [Shots of Awe](https://annsheybani.com/shots-of-awe/): My friend Katerina introduced me to a Youtube series called Shots of Awe. Get me started watching them, and I can pretty much forget about getting anything productive done. Each day I talk to people who can’t remember what they enjoy.  They feel like they have no passion, no sense of purpose, and they’re afraid to choose one in case they make a mistake, somehow get it all wrong. Figuring out the elements of the next exciting chapter tends to be a big part of what I work on with my coaching clients. If you recognize yourself in that statement, then […]
- [Chucking It All And Moving To A Foreign Country](https://annsheybani.com/chucking-moving-foreign-country/): I received this question last week, one that both Walt and I get more frequently, so I thought I’d answer it here. I’m so intrigued with how you and Walt move back and forth between the U.S. and Ireland.  I’m just totally curious.  How do you two decide when to be here and when to be there?  Your answer may open my mind up to rethinking how I live.  I’m so locked in on “I have to live and work here in Farmington,” but maybe there are some other options I should shake my head at (to wake it up) and […]
- [Be. Here. Now, Now, Now.](https://annsheybani.com/be-here-now-now-now/): I’m down to the final countdown. The last day or two before I disappear to Ireland for a good long while.  Lots of stuff to get done.  Lots of people I need to see so I’m not labeled the shittiest friend in the world. And I feel all of that familiar anxiety welling up in me.  Which makes me think it’s time to take this post out of mothballs and share it with you folks. (Not that I need the reminder, or anything.) I watch my mother get ready for work while I’m visiting her in Medora, North Dakota.  At 76, […]
- [What I'm Reading Now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-2/): I’ve been gobbling up Annita P. Sawyer‘s new book: Smoking Cigarettes, Eating Glass. This was the memoir she was working on when we studied together at Bread Loaf, a prestigious writing conference in Middlebury, Vermont.  Like me, Annita was sitting in class struggling with all of those horrible decisions one has to make during revision. What tense should I tell my story in? Which scenes should I cut because they’re too pedestrian?  You know, all of those annoying, vital things. One obstacle after the next, and, man, she stuck with it. And here she is, a million drafts later, with this […]
- [Quirky Sells](https://annsheybani.com/quirky-sells/): I was lazing around on the couch this morning flipping through The New York Times Magazine when I ran into an article about the latest Youtube sensation. Tyler Oakley is a young, gay man who posts videos about the stuff he thinks about on a day-to-day basis.  And he gets MILLIONS of views because he puts himself out there in this endearing, quirky way.  He’s actually refreshingly sweet. I think what makes him particularly worthy of study is his bravery.  He lets it all hang out, even though there are lots of folks out there who would like nothing better than […]
- [It's Not The Critic Who Counts](https://annsheybani.com/critic-counts/): It takes guts to have an opinion.  It takes guts to share them with others. To open yourself up to criticism.  I don’t care what you say, how innocuous it may seem to you; someone will decide that your opinion makes you a member of Al Qaeda. That’s just how it goes. But, putting yourself out there, owning what you really think and feel, is the best exercise there is for standing in your power. Some time back I posted my list of the 100 Reasons I Love Myself.  I considered it a fun, playful piece; a reminder of how good […]
- [What Will It Take To Let Go?](https://annsheybani.com/what-will-it-take-to-let-go-2/): I received a note the other day from a woman who has flirted with the idea of coaching for nearly two years.  She’s sent me several letters during this time and in each and every one she recounts the same sad story about living with her deadbeat boyfriend, how she wishes she could work up the guts to kick him out of HER house because he contributes nothing, not even sex. Walt and I are fascinated with change, more specifically, why some people are able or willing to do so, while others just can’t or won’t. He, too, has folks circling […]
- [You + Imagination = Possible](https://annsheybani.com/you-imagination-possible/): I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me.  Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot, the dude that turned to salt:  I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on today. A loving husband A beautiful home Two adult children (non-incarcerated) who support themselves World travel and outrageous adventure A circle of friends comprised of thought leaders, writers, and artists Time and resources to read and write, my two most favoritist pastimes A job that I ADORE I think […]
- [Be The Buffalo](https://annsheybani.com/be-the-buffalo-2/): I was thinking about my relationship with discomfort this morning on my long run.  Walt and I set out to do 12 miles, and sure enough, at about mile 6, this twingy thing I’ve got going on with my left hamstring reared its ugly head. Of course Walt is of the opinion that I should keep running,  even if my leg were broken.  Times like these, he spouts this mind over matter shit that makes me want to punch him in the neck. He claims he developed a totally different relationship with pain when he crossed the finish line of the […]
- [What Happened When I Stopped Drinking](https://annsheybani.com/happened-stopped-drinking/): All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.–Blaise Pascal I was sitting in a mindfulness breakout session in Dublin last week when the leader wrote this quotation on his whiteboard.  It was one of those sentences that grabbed my attention because I immediately recognized the truth of it in my own life. Just before the start of the New Year, I decided that I would take a twelve-month vacation from alcohol. It’s not that I considered myself an alcoholic, or a problem drinker; it’s just that I didn’t like some of the habits that […]
- [Let People Say What They Want To Say (On Mother's Day Or Any Other)](https://annsheybani.com/people-mothers-day/): This is a guest post by Karen C.L. Anderson. I met her at a networking event and what grabbed my attention was what other people had to say about her and her programs. Raving fans, I tell you. She’s all about drawing healthy boundaries, particularly with one’s mother.  HELLO! I saw one of those “things you should never say to…” type articles the other day. It was entitled 13 Things No Estranged Child Needs To Hear On Mother’s Day. Of course I read it. And no, I am not going to link to it because it felt rather victim-y to me: “Don’t say […]
- [Some Light Reading About Death And Sex](https://annsheybani.com/light-reading-death-sex/): Years and years ago, I decided that the best way to keep myself writing was to hang out with other writers. So I set out to find other writers in the area and eventually joined a tight-knit writers’ group who met once a week in the author Anne Batterson’s living room. All these years later, I will have the honor of reading from my (still not done) memoir with one of those ladies, Sherry Horton, who has just had her manuscript picked up by a house in Maine. Not only that, Sally Terrell, another one of our literary bunch, will be […]
- [Haters Are Gonna Hate](https://annsheybani.com/haters-are-gonna-hate/): I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them, then with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me up; unfortunately it didn’t. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything.  First, I wanted my husband to love me above all else.  Second, I wanted to be liked by his people. I equated being liked with being safe. I figured that, if Hakim’s family liked and accepted me as one of their own, it would make it all the easier […]
- [Climbing Mt. Everest With a Pen](https://annsheybani.com/climbing-mt-everest-pen/): When I was young, I had no idea what I thought, felt, or wanted.  Pressed for my opinion, I’d make an evasive or sarcastic comment instead of deciding what it was that I thought. I didn’t want to say anything that could be construed the wrong way, or held against me in a court of law because, in my household, unpopular opinions (and un-perky attitudes) were the catalyst of shit storms. So, for the most part, I shut my mouth and forgot I had a voice. I took up whistling a happy show tune. At 21, I met the Iranian I […]
- [What I Learned In France](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-learned-in-france/): About ten years ago, I took my first vacation alone, a week-long bike tour in southern France. Despite my years as a traveling salesperson, I’d never liked going to the movies by myself, or eating dinner alone at a restaurant, because I didn’t want to look like a loser who couldn’t dredge up a single soul to join her for an outing. So, sauntering off to Europe without my kids or a lover in tow felt daring, scary. Sick of caving to the expectations and demands of others, vaguely dissatisfied,  I just knew that I was ready to do the things […]
- [Coaching Is A Total Waste of Money](https://annsheybani.com/coaching-total-waste-money/): Coaching is designed to get you where you want to go a whole bunch faster than doing it on your own. The idea being that by working with someone who has figured out how to do what it is that you want to do, you save a crap load of time, money, grief, and energy. Want to create an online business?  Hire a coach for six months and skip the six-year learning curve rife with rabbit holes and costly mistakes. Want to drop the nice girl crap and still be loved?  Hire a coach for six months and learn how to […]
- [30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself](https://annsheybani.com/30-start-2/): I found this list a while back and tucked it away in a folder. Lo and behold I rediscovered it and decided it needed to be shared.  It’s a bit long, but don’t let that stop you. An excellent reminder that your happiness and success are in your own hands.  No one else is going to give these things to you.  You can read the full article by Marc and Angel Chernoff here. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and […]
- [Make Your Mess Your Message](https://annsheybani.com/make-your-mess-your-message/): I’m a big proponent of turning your mess into your message.  And I think Monica Lewinsky’s recent Ted Talk is a wonderful example of turning one’s most shameful moment into a powerful call to action. Think about it.  What are you hiding?  What story could you tell that would totally alter the way people view their world? What do you understand that they don’t? The minute you start owning your experiences–both good and bad–the minute you can own the goddamned room.  
- [Do Nice Guys Finish Last?](https://annsheybani.com/do-nice-guys-finish-last/): So, I’m browsing around Youtube, as I’m prone to do when I’m putting together my weekly newsletter, and out pops Jeanna Maples, a young blogger with a major potty mouth who is getting a hell of a lot of play. Her topic?  Nice guys, and their assertion that they always finish last. As one of her commenters says: YOU CAN’T FORCE ATTRACTION!  If someone is not attracted to your personality/looks/whatever, get the fuck over it!  Moping around and calling her a bitch is pathetic.  There is also a blatant difference between being nice and respectful versus being so passive you let […]
- [I've Got Some Nerve Publishing This Book](https://annsheybani.com/ive-nerve-publishing-book/): The thing about being a writer is that I tend to associate with a lot of other writers. Writers who publish books as often as they change their underwear. Besides my writing buddies, and my students, and my coaching clients, people who talk about books and writing and words all the live long day (much to my joy), I’ve also got, like, a gazillion writer “Friends” on my Facebook page. Heavy hitters who occupy all those coveted spots on the New York Times Best Sellers list. Who stand around having their pictures taken with Reese Witherspoon and shit, because their stories […]
- [The Leader Within](https://annsheybani.com/the-leader-within/): I’ve never met my guest poster, Nnenna Kalu Makanjuola, but that won’t stop me from sharing her words.  Her message is really powerful, particularly if you’ve spent a big chunk of your life waiting for someone out there to rescue you, to build your boat. And don’t get me started on the running aspect. A certain type of woman inspires me. Women like Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Agnes Binagwaho. Each time I see them, I can’t help but wonder where they get their gumption. And then, silly me, I remember: They were born that way! You know, self-assured, never doubting […]
- [3 Climbing Lessons](https://annsheybani.com/3-climbing-lessons/): I climb high mountains. I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned in the mountains; climbing lessons if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Lesson 1: There are many paths that lead to the top As you set off up any of these mountain of life, you’ll discover that there are thousands of possible footpaths: That twisty little trail over scree; up along the boulders just past the ravine; the well-marked fire road littered with empties. There’s no one “right” way. Don’t let the fear of […]
- [You Will Die A Horrible And Painful Death](https://annsheybani.com/you-will-die-a-horrible-and-painful-death/): On Saturday, Walt and I hiked the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles total distance, with a 5000-foot elevation gain. Not for the faint of heart. But we figured, what with being distance runners, what with being high altitude mountaineers, what with knowing for sure that we can do such a thing having done it several times before, that we were well within our capabilities. Now, before […]
- [24 Questions You'll Need To Answer Before Writing That Book](https://annsheybani.com/24-questions-youll-need-to-answer-before-writing-that-book/): Before I take on a new project with someone who wants to write a client-attracting book, I ask him or her a series of clarifying questions. Often, I’ll ask the same question in different ways, not unlike a psychological test, allowing me to get to the heart of the matter. I do this for a couple of reasons. First, writing a book takes time, money, and commitment, so I want to know what this person expects from having a book in the world, the ROI he or she is looking for. I’m a huge fan of meeting expectations. Second, I use […]
- [The benefits of owning a rabid Rottweiler](https://annsheybani.com/the-benefits-of-owning-a-rabid-rottweiler/): There are benefits to owning a rabid Rottweiler. There’s a reason a recovering people pleaser like me chooses a mate who couldn’t give two fucks about displeasing others, who fears confrontation not one whit. Walt and I went to Mallorca over the weekend to visit our daughter and her family. This meant catching a pre-dawn flight with Ryan Air—best known for their lack of amenities, like free oxygen and tap water—surrounded by a raucous herd of drunks. For whatever reason, Walt booked a rental through OK cars. Clearly, he had no idea just how far off the beaten path we’d have […]
- [What if I get this wrong?](https://annsheybani.com/what-if-i-get-this-all-wrong/): My girlfriend is planning her first trip to Ireland.  She’s bringing her teenaged kids along with her. She’s purchased the plane tickets, reserved the rental car, now it’s dawning on her that she’s going to have to shell out a lot more money than she’d planned on. Recently divorced, she’s understandably nervous about her finances. I can see her getting all worked up in a way I’ve never seen before.  Where shall we go, she asks me, what should we see? Tell me what to do. Give me an itinerary. Clearly, she’s forgotten who I am: a fool who thinks climbing […]
- [What The New York Times Book Review Can Teach You](https://annsheybani.com/what-the-new-york-times-book-review-can-teach-you/): I’ve got two points I’d like to make. Think of this as the CliffsNotes version of this post. 1. Read The New York Times Book Review to educate yourself on the craft of writing. 2. Don’t try to be everything to everyone because you’ll lose every time. Here’s the longer version. You’ve probably heard me say this before: Read The New York Times Book Review. The Book Review is essentially a series of free tutorials in which professional writers critique the work of each other. I like to think of these reviews as free writing lessons from blunt people. Reviewers describe—in […]
- [How to turn random bits of content into a book](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-turn-random-bits-of-content-into-a-book/): Turtle Bunbury was fixated on 1847. In fact, he wrote over 40 stories about people and events that made the news in that fascinating year. But when it came time to turn his collection of stories into a book, he had a conundrum: How on earth was he going to organize all of that material so it would flow well? If you have tons of written content and are wondering the same thing, you’re going to want to listen in today.
- [The Arrogance of Belonging](https://annsheybani.com/the-arrogance-of-belonging/): I caught sight of myself on video last week during a group coaching session. There were about 10 other entrepreneurs on the call as well, their faces appearing whenever they spoke or made noise. Of course, I didn’t really pay attention to them, so fixated was I on my own image being the complete narcissist that I am. And, man-o-live, was I mortified by what I saw—a stricken gargoyle at full attention who never ONCE opened her mouth over the course of two hours. Now, I’m used to conducting mastermind calls, or writing classes, or webinars. I’m used to being the […]
- [This is what happens when you show up at Toastmasters](https://annsheybani.com/this-is-what-happens-when-you-show-up-at-toastmasters/): Walt was invited to speak at a Toastmasters meeting last week. I was up to my eyeballs in manuscripts, so I wasn’t interested in going along, particularly when it was advertised to start at 8 p.m., which in Ireland means decidedly not 8 p.m. But Walt’s a major crybaby, and I’m a not so successful recovering people pleaser, so I ended up at the meeting. While Walt was going through the whole sound check process–this should take 5 minutes, so it was kind of ridiculous that we were there at 6 p.m.–I got to chatting with a young woman, one of […]
- [The Trouble With Beavers](https://annsheybani.com/the-trouble-with-beavers-2/): Bear with me for a moment. I’m going to begin with a sidebar simply because I must. As I was browsing for pictures of beavers on Google, something you probably shouldn’t do if you don’t want to get whacked for copyright infringement, I ran into this adorable photo, linked to this article, which claims that beaver bum extract smells like vanilla. I beg to differ. No worse smell on the planet, as far as I’m concerned. How do I know this? I once took my kids to the Children’s Museum in Boston, where they had this beaver exhibit. Push the button, […]
- [How To Write A Parable](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-write-a-parable-2/): If you’d like to outline your message and be seen as an expert in your field, you’d be silly to write a novel. If you’re not keen to write a non-fiction business book, then perhaps you’d like to pen a parable. The parable is a particularly appealing genre for business writers who recognize that readers learn best, not from an endless stream of concepts, but from a simple story, one that doesn’t take seven years to write. A parable is a short(ish) tale that illustrates a universal truth. (It’s often clumped together with similar narrative types, such as the allegory and fable.  […]
- [Forced To Eat Cat Food When You're Old](https://annsheybani.com/how-you-fool-yourself-when-it-comes-to-money/): David Treece, who wrote the following piece, is a financial advisor down in Miami, the kind that has a fiduciary responsibility to clients, who doesn’t get paid on commission, which allows him to give sound advice. This is from a draft of his upcoming book, which is all about the ability to retire, to shore up the damage you may have done so you don’t run out of money before you run out of life. When I read it, I knew I wanted to share it with y’all. People are irrational. People make bad decisions and non-decisions based on emotion – […]
- [Don't Make These Book Writing Mistakes](https://annsheybani.com/dont-make-these-book-writing-mistakes/): There’s nothing that excites me more than seeing a client project come to fruition. It takes a major investment of time and focus to write a good book, the sort that’s not only going to attract clients, but also read beautifully. Next week, February 6th to be exact, the book will be out for sale. And, just between you, me, and the fly on the hotel wall here, Josh will be making an incredible offer. He’s going to make it super easy for you to get a FREE copy (well, free if you don’t count a small shipping and handling fee. […]
- [Haters Are Going To Hate](https://annsheybani.com/haters-are-going-to-hate/): I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them, then with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me up; unfortunately it didn’t. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything.  First, I wanted my husband to love me above all else.  Second, I wanted to be liked by his people. I equated being liked with being safe. I figured that, if Hakim’s family liked and accepted me as one of their own, it would make it all the easier […]
- [You've Got To Be Bad To Be Good](https://annsheybani.com/youve-got-to-be-bad-to-be-good-2/): I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?) Here’s the thing. I usually catch an error or five long after I’ve posted a blog. They happen, particularly when I don’t bother having Walt proof my work. Sometimes well-intentioned folks will write to inform me about a mistake I’ve made—i.e. their instead of they’re, its instead of it’s—because they’re concerned that illiteracy reflects badly on a writing teacher. I just laugh, thank them for […]
- [5 Ways To Sharpen That Dialogue](https://annsheybani.com/lets-clean-up-that-dialogue-shall-we/): As much as we’d like them to, our readers don’t tend to remember strings of concepts, statistics, or cold, hard facts. Especially page after page of them. The best way to make information sticky is to tell them a story, to deliver the necessary points, at least the major ones, within a scene. One of the most important elements of scene is dialogue. Dialogue, in case you’re not familiar with the term, is what two or more people (characters) tell each other as they banter back and forth. It’s the stuff that goes inside quotes. All this being said, I’m going […]
- [What's Your Problem?!](https://annsheybani.com/whats-your-problem/): I’m going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. If you’re an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be super useful even if you aren’t looking to write a client-attracting book, because they’ll help you market better and write more powerful copy. Here’s the thing: before you start banging away on the keyboard producing your bestselling book, you’ve got to be crystal clear on who you help. You’ve also got to be able to identify the biggest problem they’re experiencing, the one you mean to […]
- [Go Wear The World Like A Loose Garment](https://annsheybani.com/go-wear-the-world-like-a-loose-garment/): Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated our house, my mother became a shark, a creature that required constant activity in order to breath. She moved frantically between bagging Avon orders to playing tennis to attending ceramic classes to sewing curtains. Slow down for an instant, she instinctively knew, and she’d be forced to face her fears. With […]
- [What I'm Reading Now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-6/): I need to write about this book, and I need to write about it now. For a couple of reasons. First, if I don’t get to it PDQ, Walt is going to beat me to the punch. The last time the two of us were smitten with an idea or a book, he went and wrote this. Even though I’d been the one to make the connection between stupid French grapevines and our spoiled children. I’m telling you, he’s the reason writers keep their best ideas to themselves. Thievery. Second, this beautiful thing captured my soul during a stressful week. (P.S. […]
- [What Happened When I Stopped Drinking](https://annsheybani.com/what-happened-when-i-stopped-drinking/): All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.–Blaise Pascal I was sitting in a mindfulness breakout session in Dublin last week when the leader wrote this quotation on his whiteboard.  It was one of those sentences that grabbed my attention because I immediately recognized the truth of it in my own life. Just before the start of the New Year, I decided that I would take a twelve-month vacation from alcohol. It’s not that I considered myself an alcoholic, or a problem drinker; it’s just that I didn’t like some of the habits that […]
- [What Book Lovers With Issues Really Want](https://annsheybani.com/what-book-lovers-with-issues-really-want/): It’s December, which means the holidays are upon us. It’s time to head to the mall to buy a million perfect gifts. I’ve got to confess that this whole gift giving thing confuses me. Walt would affirm me here because ONCE I gave him compression socks for Valentine’s Day. (He acts like I’ve done this every single year for the last decade. That’s just not true.) See, I don’t understand why anybody would want to receive anything other than a really useful piece of gear or the perfect book. (Unless this person travels all the time, then I’m telling you, buy […]
- [Clean Up On Aisle Nine: Revision For Simple Genres](https://annsheybani.com/clean-up-on-aisle-nine-revision-for-simple-genres-2/): Have you written a complete draft of a book, one with tons of bugs still in it? Are you wondering what comes next; what you’re supposed to do, specifically, during revision? If you’ve written a book that doesn’t require a narrative arc—motivational, self-help, or how-to, to name just a few—revision will be relatively straightforward. The structure of your book is much less involved than a novel, say, or a memoir. You don’t have to keep the same characters moving in and out of your story, or create enough plot points to drive the momentum forward. You don’t have to worry about […]
- [An Object Is Worth A Thousand Words](https://annsheybani.com/an-object-is-worth-a-thousand-words-2/): I was driving along the highway in Connecticut when I fell behind a mini Cooper with one of those vanity plates that made me want to hit the brakes. It had two words on it: Xin Loi. It’s a long story how I know this, and neither of us has time to get into it, but Xin Loi means “I’m sorry” in Vietnamese. Even before I passed the car, I knew exactly who I would see behind the wheel: a 60-70-year old man with close-cropped hair, a smoker, someone with a tattoo on his arm. But more than what he looked […]
- [Another Reason to Nix the Egocentric Bullshit](https://annsheybani.com/another-reason-to-nix-the-egocentric-bullshit/): A few weeks back I sat at a conference in Dallas and listened to a young man speak on stage. He was raising money for a charity. I was blown away, as was everyone in that room, not just by his mission–bringing clean water to third world villages to prevent disease–but by his expert positioning story, his willingness to reveal his inglorious moments so we could see him for what he was, a flawed human being, just like us. People want to know that you’ve overcome challenges, maybe even the same ones they’re facing. They want to know that you’ve had […]
- [Do NOT Write A Book Until You Hear This!](https://annsheybani.com/do-not-write-a-book-until-you-hear-this/): Look, writing a book requires a big investment from you, not just in money, but also in time and focus. If you’re flirting with the idea of writing a book for your business, you’ll want to be able to answer the following questions, otherwise you’ll wind up chasing your tail. Who do you serve? In other words, who is your target market in very un-broad terms? What big result(s) do you help your clients get?  What are the financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits that accompany that big result? The more easily you can answer these questions, the smoother the whole […]
- [Do You Need New Friends?](https://annsheybani.com/do-you-need-new-friends/): I’m sitting in Dallas as I type this. I’m at a conference for online marketers. I’ve got to say, I love conferences like this, even though I’m an introvert, even though I always wind up back in my room at the end of the day in a fetal position, what with all the stimulation. I love them because I meet the most interesting people, people who’re growing their businesses, people who love learning new circus tricks to help them accomplish their goals. I learned a long time ago that when you hang out with people who are doing what you want […]
- [Me Too?](https://annsheybani.com/me-too/): I was twelve when I recognized my power to attract grown men. That’s when Mr. M, a science teacher in my junior high school, smelled the vulnerability on me, and groomed me for his sexual conquest. He trusted, for some reason I didn’t understand at the time, that I would never tell, that I’d never even hint at our dalliances with my girlfriends. I’d been taught to keep private business to myself, being the product of an alcoholic household, though he couldn’t have known that back then. Tucked away in a utility closet among the textbooks and a replica of a […]
- [Run, Fat Bitch, Run](https://annsheybani.com/run-fat-bitch-run/): I’m going to break out my Book Yourself Solid coaching hat and introduce you to some associated philosophy: There are people we are meant to serve, and others not so much. And our job is to do everything in our power to reach those we are meant to serve. This philosophy is not only relevant to entrepreneurs and service-based professionals, but to writers as well. Let me explain. Life opens wide when you dispel with the notion that you should write to please a generic audience.  The truth is, you get to write to those who will naturally resonate with your […]
- [Why I Need More Therapy](https://annsheybani.com/why-i-need-more-therapy/): Thought I’d dust this post off and bring it back. I needed the reminder, perhaps you do, too. One 15-minute conversation with my mother, and I know how I got this crazy. She’s why I wake up in a cold sweat convinced that I have to organize my garage—right this second, at 2AM—even though it’s been an absolute shit show for the last six years. Why I need to clean my kitchen cabinets, and the upstairs office, and catch up on filing, and edit 2,000 pages of client manuscripts, and finish, not one, but three books, and get new tires for […]
- [Elect Yourself: No One Else Will](https://annsheybani.com/elect-yourself-no-one-else-will/): Do you think people are chosen for awards and recognition because they shine so brightly the world can’t possibly ignore them? That they get plucked, in all of their magnificence, from total obscurity and dropped center stage? Do you think the golden few that get the grants, or the prizes, or the big gigs, or the publications are far more gifted, or privileged, or connected than you? Do you think you need to have all your ducks in a row, or work for years to develop a reputation, or follow all the rules before someone out there will toss you a […]
- [Own It, Baby](https://annsheybani.com/own-it-baby-3/): I was listening to a Ted Talk some time back with  Sheryl Sandberg. (see below) In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  She’s a pretty big deal. “Women,” she claimed, “are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world.”   And one of the reasons, she postulated, is that women need to change their mindset when it comes to success.  Women do not acknowledge their achievements, not the way […]
- [What I Learned In The Alps](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-learned-in-the-alps/): Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, last week, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to mountain climbing. Yes, I appreciate the confidence it buys me. (You accomplish that kind of task, and you get to walk the planet like you’ve got it going on.) But I also resent the fact that it’s a LOT of hard work, fraught with scary moments when I’m convinced I’m going to […]
- [Ryan Holiday's Ego](https://annsheybani.com/ryan-holidays-ego/): Ever since I read Ego is the Enemy, I’ve been a huge fan of Ryan Holiday. He’s this it boy who made it big early on, only to land on his ass once his mentors turned on him, and/or imploded their own careers. He writes: With success comes the temptation to tell oneself a story, to round off the edges, to cut out your lucky breaks and add a certain mythology to it all.  You know, that arcing narrative of Herculean struggle for greatness against all odds: sleeping on the floor, being disowned by my parents, suffering for my ambition.  It’s […]
- [The Mt. Everest of Personal Development & Self Acceptance](https://annsheybani.com/the-mt-everest-of-personal-development-self-acceptance/): When I was young, I had no idea what I thought, felt, or wanted.  Pressed for my opinion, I’d make an evasive or sarcastic comment instead of deciding what it was that I thought. I didn’t want to say anything that could be construed the wrong way, or held against me in a court of law because, in my household, unpopular opinions (and un-perky attitudes) were the catalyst of shit storms. So, for the most part, I shut my mouth and forgot I had a voice. I took up whistling a happy show tune. At twenty-one, I met the Iranian I […]
- [Where To Go When You're Blind](https://annsheybani.com/where-to-go-when-youre-blind-2/): At last, your book manuscript is done. Or so you think. And hope. Please, God, let it be so, you whisper to no one in particular. Unfortunately, you’ve been looking at the same arrangement of words for so long, you don’t know if you’ve created a best seller, or a semi-polished mound of crap. Without the necessary distance, it’s hard to trust your own judgment. And it’s not like your cat can read over your manuscript and give you useful feedback, even if it would like to. When you’re convinced that you’ve done all that you can do, when you’re chomping […]
- [Essential, The Book](https://annsheybani.com/essential-the-book/): I’m often aghast at some of the thumbnail images that come up in Youtube. I know you can change these things, but I like to think it takes real strength of character to put these things up the way they come. All that being said, you want to pull books off of your self and look to see how they’re constructed. There’s no better tutorial out there. Essential is an interesting study. For a book composed of blog posts, they’ve gone and eliminated the introduction that ties all the bits together. Normally, I’d say that’s a no-no, but because of the […]
- [My Friends Are Going To Ditch Me](https://annsheybani.com/my-friends-are-going-to-ditch-me/): On Friday, we sold our home in Connecticut. At least I’m hoping that’s how things pan out. As I write, I’m on a Norwegian Air flight somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean imagining all of the nasty surprises that could prevent us from closing—the sudden death of the buyer, an argument over the patio furniture Walt insists on leaving on the deck, nuclear Armageddon thanks to Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump, and so on. It ain’t over ‘til the Fat Lady sings; everybody knows that. This whole house-selling thing has been a two-year process. We had a three-car garage full of shit […]
- [That Ever-Present Tension](https://annsheybani.com/that-ever-present-tension/): What if uncertainty and tension and confrontation were good things?  How might your life improve if you used them as tools?  If you stopped running away from them and recognized them as fantabulous forces for change? I was giving a creative writing lecture last month on the topic of plot when I started thinking on this subject.  Plot, for you non-readers (you should be ashamed!) or writers, is the scaffolding that holds a story together, that steady diet of conflict that keeps you turning pages. Plot is all about change. Change has to happen in every chapter, which means there must […]
- [Marie Forleo And Her Trojan Horse Title](https://annsheybani.com/marie-forleo-and-her-trojan-horse-title/): If you’re writing a client-attracting book, you’re going to want to consider the big promise you’re making to your reader, the first indication of which is your title. According to Eben Pagan and other online marketing gurus, people will only give you their hard earned money and limited attention if you can help them, and I’ll be crude here: Get laid Get paid Look fab The problem is, we service professionals usually want to give our clients what they need, not what they want. We think we know better because we understand what’s behind their problem. But there is a way […]
- [Make Your Bed](https://annsheybani.com/make-your-bed/): In 2014, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave the University of Texas Austin commencement address. It was a twenty-minute speech that outlined ten principles he’d learned during Naval SEAL training. These principles helped him overcome challenges, not only in his training and long naval career, but also throughout his life. Someone in the audience that day thought to film the speech and throw it up on Youtube. Within short order, the video went viral with over five million views. (I totally loved it.)  Hatchette Book Group, one of the Big Six publishing houses, signed the Admiral to a book deal the […]
- [I'm Highly Suspect Of Myself](https://annsheybani.com/im-highly-suspect-of-myself/): I had lunch sometime back with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. Both oddballs in high school, we’d dreamed of baking bread together when we graduated, raising sheep, and starting a commune in rural Vermont. She’d do the wool spinning and the tapestry weaving. I’d make the soup and run the takeout restaurant.  Comparing myself to her now, I find myself a little embarrassed. She’s become the type of person we’d promised to be.  While I’ve become someone unrecognizable. I know that as people we’re designed to evolve and change. But, I’ve tried on personas like other people try on jeans. Here’s just […]
- [The Masses Are Not Your Audience](https://annsheybani.com/the-masses-are-not-your-audience/): Walt and I were tooling around in New Hampshire this weekend when we came upon a group of millennials expounding upon this three-year-old Cadillac commercial. Basically, they were disgusted by the mindset, by the whole way of life it seemed to promote, and they thought the country should have boycotted the company at the time the thing had come out. Mind you, these impassioned young men were getting ready to hike up a mountain. They were passing around a beat up loaf of bread, a plastic knife, and a jar of peanut butter so they’d have something to eat along the […]
- [Resting On Your Laurels Is Lame](https://annsheybani.com/resting-on-your-laurels-is-lame/): Walt and I are up in New Hampshire getting certified in Wilderness First Responder Medicine, WFR, for short. That way if one of us breaks a leg or develops a pneumothorax (note: this is me showing off) when we’re off the grid, we’ll have a reasonable chance of surviving. Basically, we wanted to up our game. Which got me thinking I should share this post, one I wrote eons ago. The other day, a fellow at the gym showed me a photo. Circa 1967, a young man in fatigues posed before a large, stone Buddha. “That’s me in Japan,” he said, […]
- [The Best Recommended Reading List EVER](https://annsheybani.com/the-best-recommended-reading-list-ever/): Here’s a note I sent to several of my book writing clients, past and present. I’m putting together a unique reading list: book recommendations from folks who know what a good book looks like, what beautiful/effective writing is, what inspires and impacts.   1. What are you reading now? 2. What book had an enormous impact on you, made you see the world in a whole new way, and why (in a sentence or three.) 3. What book do/did you continually look at when working on your own book? Why( in a sentence or three)?   Feel free to answer 1,2,3, […]
- [Mystery Vs. Clarity](https://annsheybani.com/mystery-vs-clarity/): My new BFF. Love the thought process behind this man’s book designs. How he sees the world.
- [One Brick At A Time](https://annsheybani.com/one-brick-at-a-time/): Writing a book involves the creation of one small chunk of material at a time, because to contemplate the project in its entirety is a set up for insanity and failure. Thus the elephant-eating metaphor I like to use—How do you eat an elephant? Yes, one bite at a time. Just because I can, I’m going to switch over to a different metaphor to better illustrate my next few points. Even if you aren’t a mason, I’d like you to consider your book as though it were a brick house. Brick houses have different shapes and structures, just like books, but […]
- [You CAN Tell A Book By Its Cover](https://annsheybani.com/you-can-tell-a-book-by-its-cover/): I don’t care what my mother said. You CAN tell a book by its cover, particularly if it’s been designed well. I tripped over this video this morning. Not only is it entertaining, it gives such terrific insight into what actually goes into the whole book cover thought process. Sorry, you don’t just slap any old thing up and call it a day. Particularly if you mean to draw readers in.
- [That Tendency To Ignore Blatantly Unpleasant Facts](https://annsheybani.com/that-tendency-to-ignore-blatantly-unpleasant-facts/): Like a junkie with a 14-gauge needle, my mother used books to blot out reality. Curled up in her chair, immersed in a novel, she ceased to be aware of anyone or anything around her. When she put her book down, exposed herself to the rage and tension that contaminated our house, my mother became a shark, a creature that required constant activity in order to breath. She moved frantically between bagging Avon orders to playing tennis to attending ceramic classes to sewing curtains. Slow down for an instant, she instinctively knew, and she’d be forced to face her fears. With […]
- [Gorillas, But Not In The Mist](https://annsheybani.com/face-it-youre-blind/): As my clients finish up their manuscripts, we often have a conversation about what comes next. “Do I self-publish?” they ask. “Do I enter into a contract with a partnership press?” “Do I pursue an agent so I can get a contract with a traditional house?” “Regardless of your chosen method of publishing,” I tell them, “you don’t want to skip the editing process.” If, having worked with a content developer (like me), you don’t want to engage a holistic editor to read through the entire manuscript– to see if the chapters are in the best order; to question whether a […]
- [For The Birds](https://annsheybani.com/for-the-birds-2/): A blast from the past. Being an introvert, I need a lot of time to myself.  I spend most mornings happily surrounded by a pack of dogs and the quiet. I read, think, and write. Even with Walt present, I can be alone.  He has similar rhythms. We can lose entire days to our books and projects without interrupting each other. I don’t need for him to disappear in order to be fed. A good thing because we tend to be attached at the hip. All that being said, before I went off to Georgia for my writing retreat I became […]
- [The Problem With Trying To Kill Two Birds With One Stone](https://annsheybani.com/stop-trying-to-kill-two-birds-with-one-stone/): I think about my arch nemesis–efficiency–a lot when I’m on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an unpleasantly steep slope, only to discover that we’re on the wrong route and we need go back down and  find another. The whole exercise seems wasteful.  A very poor use of time. A prime example of inadequate planning. But the problem with trying to be  efficient all the time, which is what I would […]
- [Driving Miss Daisy](https://annsheybani.com/driving-miss-daisy-2/): I’m learning to drive all over again in Ireland.  This doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but it feels death defying.  Most of the time, I pretty much want to scream and cry, or blame my misery on horrible Walt. Smug Walt. Gasp-y Walt. The Irish, for whatever reason, drive on the left hand side of the road.  It’s not so much the stick shift on the wrong freaking side that throws me, but the rural roads: two tire tracks that weave circuitously between 5-foot-tall hedgerows.  I have to drive with the windows open in order to hear, because […]
- [What I Learned In France](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-learned-in-france-2/): I’m in France right now as I write. Nearly 12 years to the day I took the bike trip described herein. I thought I’d share this with you again, mostly because it feels so relevant to me at the moment. About ten years ago, I took my first vacation alone, a week-long bike tour in southern France. Despite my years as a traveling salesperson, I’d never liked going to the movies by myself, or eating dinner alone at a restaurant, because I didn’t want to look like a loser who couldn’t dredge up a single soul to join her for an […]
- [The Multitasking Monster](https://annsheybani.com/the-multitasking-monster/): I’ve said this before–so often in fact that I cringe when I hear these words come out of my yap yet again– but I love my job. I learn so much from my clients. I suppose it can’t be helped, what with me being up to my eyebrows in multiple versions of their manuscripts. This week, I found myself reading this segment by fighter pilot extraordinaire, Jeff Orr, as he addresses our proclivity to try to get more shit done by multi-tasking. Tell me you don’t see yourself! The ever-increasing capabilities of communication devices give us an inflated sense of our […]
- [Top Ten Reasons You Should Rewrite That Scene](https://annsheybani.com/top-ten-reasons-you-should-rewrite-that-scene/): When I was conducting writing workshops at East Hill, each year I would share this craft lesson with the students working on not just novels, but memoirs and short stories. I found this post on line years ago, written by a young woman known then as The Intern, and I think it’s incredibly useful. If you’ve got a manuscript in your hand and can’t figure out what’s working, and what’s not, and why, this is a great way to approach the thing. When you’re revising a novel, it’s easy to lose objectivity become so delusional you can’t tell if you’ve just […]
- [Awkward!](https://annsheybani.com/awkward/): On occasion, I’ll take on a complete manuscript and work with the author to identify what ails it, suggest a better structure (or even genre), pinpoint what’s missing, what generic tidbits need to be cut. Often, I have to sit with it a bit before the center of the story occurs to me, before I understand how the pieces should be woven together for a more satisfying read. All that being said, I found myself drawn to this chapter yesterday. Basically because, as someone raised among some seriously socially awkward, anxious people, I saw myself in these lines. I found myself […]
- [The Mystery Of The Six-Minute Hard-Boiled Eggs](https://annsheybani.com/the-mystery-of-the-six-minute-hard-boiled-eggs/): “I’d like two six-minute hard-boiled eggs,” I said, enunciating each word carefully. The young man who had assisted me with the very same order the day before nodded, then darted off to the hotel kitchen. Weaving in and out of the crowded breakfast area, I took my seat across from Walt. I buttered my toast, refilled my ridiculously small coffee cup at the Krupp dispenser, then looked up to find a waitress with a plate of scrambled eggs. “He says these are yours,” she said with a thick, Spanish-y accent, placing them before me. I considered the eggs. I like scrambled […]
- [Railing Against The Man](https://annsheybani.com/railing-against-the-man-2/): I was browsing LinkedIn this morning when I came across a Steve Chandler quote. (If you don’t know Steve, you really should.) It went something like this: Discipline has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with practice. In other words self-discipline is something you use, not something you have. I love to beat myself up when I fall out of my routine, when I ignore my disciplines. I love to call myself lazy, inconsistent, and (my mother’s favorite) slovenly. I see it as a sign that I’m bad to the bone. Walt’s away in Ireland, so I’ve stopped […]
- [Beautiful Language That Says Jack Shit](https://annsheybani.com/beautiful-language-that-says-jack-shit/): Lately, I’ve had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that’s so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is characterized by the extensive use of adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors. (Sparkling, violently, like a three-toed weasel!!!) (Notice I threw in some exclamation points, which are, in my mind, another form of purple prose.) Purple prose is a favorite of newbie writers. I see it as a sign of good taste, really, because they’ve read their fair share of […]
- [Advice To Writers](https://annsheybani.com/advice-to-writers/): ADVICE TO WRITERS by Billy Collins from Sailing Alone Around the Room  (Random House) Even if it keeps you up all night, wash down the walls and scrub the floor of your study before composing a syllable. Clean the place as if the Pope were on his way. Spotlessness is the niece of inspiration. The more you clean, the more brilliant your writing will be, so do not hesitate to take to the open fields to scour the undersides of rocks or swab in the dark forest upper branches, nests full of eggs. When you find your way back home and stow […]
- [On The Lighter Side](https://annsheybani.com/on-the-lighter-side-2/): A post I wrote 7 years ago. When I was eleven, my mother signed me up for a weight loss class.  Having battled the bulge for years on end, she was alarmed when, at that awkward age, I, too, started piling on the pounds. So, every week we drove out to the local University, where a pair of graduate students conducted behavior modification experiments on a dozen prepubescents. Thus began my war with food. My best friend at the time was something of a jock.  Taking my challenge upon herself, Wendy ran me through her fat camp.  Some days I’d jog along while she nipped […]
- [Relentless Pursuit Of A Dream](https://annsheybani.com/relentless-pursuit-of-a-dream-2/): This is a guest post by Walt Hampton. A beautiful example of how one book can alter the course of a life. It had been a warm summer day in August of 1972. My father had purchased the book for me that morning in a Nantucket bookshop, the book that would change and shape my life: Art Davidson’s Minus 148. What a captivating, gripping tale. The story of the first winter ascent of Mt. McKinley. Think about it: climbing in the Arctic in the dead of winter. Only a few hours of dim light each day. Unpredictable, ferocious storms. Sustained hurricane […]
- [A Vicious, Ridiculous Habit](https://annsheybani.com/a-vicious-ridiculous-habit/): An older post I thought to bring out of mothballs. Too many clients obsessively worrying about the path ahead. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley (Denali) in Alaska. Twenty days hauling an 80-lbs pack up steep traverses interspersed with hours on end languishing in a tent. Hard work mixed with sheer laziness. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept for fourteen hours straight.  Or stared off into space for an entire day while my mind roams the pampas. Not since Iran, when my only company was the baby. No one out of diapers to talk to until my […]
- [What I'm Reading Now: Tools Of Titans](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-tools-of-titans/): I’m a huge fan of re-purposing. The question I always ask, lazy git that I am? How can I turn something I’ve spent eons creating into ten other things with next to no additional work? If you’re a podcaster or someone who otherwise interviews folks on a regular basis, you’ll want to pay attention to Tim Ferriss’ latest book, Tools of Titans. Because Ferriss has done an excellent job of re-purposing content. Ferriss is best know for his 2007 bestseller The Four-Hour Work Week, a title misconstrued to mean that by working for yourself, by creating your own business, you’ll enjoy […]
- [Oh, The Lure Of Research](https://annsheybani.com/oh-the-lure-of-research/): It was Dennis Lehane, author of  Mystic River who admonished us fledgling writers to knock off all the research when working on our books. He’d just gotten a huge movie deal, Clint Eastwood was directing, so there he was at Harvard telling us all how he got to that level of success. Sure, he said, research has a place, particularly when writing a crime novel and you don’t know the first thing about police procedures or perspective. Or if you’re writing historical fiction and you need to know if Catherine the Great really had a thing for horses. (I’m pretty sure […]
- [Not The Mailroom, I Beg You](https://annsheybani.com/not-the-mailroom-i-beg-you/): As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I’d like to introduce you to Janice Dean, ‎who teaches folks how to bypass fear and create a powerful  speaking presence in six seconds. (Seriously, I would have taken this project on just for the big result Janice gives her clients! No more wishing for an atomic bomb to go off just before I step to the front of a room. ) This is an excerpt from her upcoming book, a parable that speaks to the lessons speakers must learn to get out of […]
- [John Aardvark Has A Problem](https://annsheybani.com/john-aardvark-has-a-problem/): As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I’d like to introduce you to Josh Patrick, ‎who helps successful businesses become sustainable. This is an excerpt from his upcoming book, a parable that speaks to the lessons owners must learn to become operationally irrelevant. John Aardvark has lots of problems. Aardvark Manufacturing, the company he founded and owns, is stuck and about to go into a major crisis. For the third time in less than two months, Aardvark Manufacturing has been late on a delivery to their largest client, XY Medical. John […]
- [Heads Or Tails](https://annsheybani.com/heads-or-tails/): As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I’d like to introduce you to Christine Khetarpal, ‎who helps women contemplating divorce make clear choices with confidence. This is an excerpt from her upcoming book, a parable that speaks to the lessons that these women must learn along the decision-making path. “I don’t understand. Poseidon, why have you abandoned me?” I cried, tears strolling down my face. I felt a pain so deep that I thought my heart was going to explode.  I looked over at the two humans, continuing to talk to each […]
- [Who You Are, Not What You Do](https://annsheybani.com/who-you-are-not-what-you-do/): As part of a series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of my clients, I’d like to introduce you to A.J. Wasserstein. This is an excerpt from his upcoming book, one that he’s chosen to write for his son, a gift of life advice on the eve of  the young man’s departure for college.   Who you are, what your character is at the core, is much more important than what you achieve and accomplish. Mom and I have been told by teachers, coaches and your own peers that you are incredibly nice, thoughtful and kind.   I […]
- [Africa Bound](https://annsheybani.com/africa-bound/): I’m really proud of the work my clients do. It takes grit to muscle through the shitty first draft, the revisions, and the doubt. These people, they don’t quit. As part of an upcoming series of posts showcasing the different subjects, styles, and voices of these authors, I’d like to introduce you to Mozella Perry Ademiluyi and an excerpt from her upcoming book, The Peak: How To Move From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be   My late father’s name was Moses Lewis Perry; and his story is where my inspiration began: He was born in Miami, Florida […]
- [Readers Want Faces](https://annsheybani.com/readers-want-faces/): I often get questions from folks participating in my  Build A Book Bootcamp, a take-it-at-your-own-pace online course I developed quite some time ago. I thought I’d share this question, couched in the very reason for writing a book in the first place, and my response to it because, for those of you writing books for your business, well, this is really quite relevant. “I want to write this book because I have a lot to say and share. I want to allow my thoughts, ideas and insights to flow out of me and come into physical expression. I want something tangible. […]
- [Be. Here. Now, Now, Now.](https://annsheybani.com/be-here-now-now-now-2/): I don’t know. I’m bringing this back out of mothballs simply because I need the reminder. BTW, for those who have expressed disgust because I choose to write about my mother from time to time, we’ve discussed this very post, Ma and I. It makes her laugh because it’s BEYOND accurate. So, easy trigger. No need to defend the old lady, here. I watch my mother get ready for work while I’m visiting her in Medora, North Dakota.  At 76, she spends the summer months selling expensive trinkets in some tourist trap at Teddy Roosevelt National Park.  Always an early bird, […]
- [As If I Were Some 350-lb. Linebacker](https://annsheybani.com/as-if-i-were-some-350-lb-linebacker/): This is a post from way back when. I read it a couple of times to see if I still felt the same way. I hesitated to re-post this in light of the fact that Trump (don’t get me started) has put many a woman in defense mode by virtue of his being a complete alleged misogynist and I certainly wouldn’t want to add fuel to that fire. And yet, I read this post written by my friend, Clementina, and it got me thinking, because in many ways, we’re talking about the very same thing. See if you don’t agree.   […]
- [How To Sell A Crapload Of Books](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-sell-a-crapload-of-books/): While I was in the States this last go round, I had dinner with my friend Tim Vandehey, a ghostwriter who lives in Kansas City. I refer to Tim those folks who’d like to have a book, but aren’t the least bit interested in doing the associated work. Tim knows the publishing industry inside and out. He writes for celebrities and industry leaders, and has had a number of his projects hit the New York Times Best Sellers list. He’s not just a good guy; he’s the real deal. Just as an aside, sometime during the revision process, most writers toy […]
- [When You Sell Yourself For Cheap](https://annsheybani.com/when-you-sell-yourself-for-cheap/): A long time ago, before I had children, my husband took a second wife. We were living in Washington, D.C., not the Islamic Republic of Iran, and I had nothing of real value to lose if I packed up and left. The other woman— an old girlfriend who, last I’d heard, had been languishing in some Connecticut mental hospital— had blamed him for her troubles when she’d called him for help. “Listen to me,” he’d told me, calmly, firmly. “You know that as a Shiite, I have certain options available to me.  That as a Muslim man, I’m afforded certain rights.” […]
- [You + Imagination = Possible](https://annsheybani.com/you-imagination-possible-2/): I’m going to say something that scares the crap out of me.  Something that could draw the evil eye and smote me like Lot’s wife, the chick who turned to salt: I can’t believe that this is my life. Ten years ago, I could never have imagined the deal I’ve got going on today. A ridiculously loving husband A beautiful home or two Two adult children (non-incarcerated) who support themselves, not to mention four step-kids World travel and outrageous adventure A circle of friends comprised of thought leaders, writers, and artists Time and resources to read and write, my two most […]
- [Promise Me You Won't Be Lazy](https://annsheybani.com/promise-me-you-wont-be-lazy/): With the popularity of podcasts and YouTube channels, many tech-savvy entrepreneurs have created a series of interviews to promote their business. Now, if you want a book to further establish yourself as the go to expert, a collection of your transcribed interviews may be just the way to go. I’ll caution you here, though. If you think you can transcribe interviews and publish them without additional work, you’re dead wrong because the spoken word, no matter how interesting to listen to, reads like the musings of a schizophrenic on paper. How we communicate verbally is not how we communicate on the […]
- [Speaking of Grit](https://annsheybani.com/speaking-of-grit/): Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future day in, day out, not just for the week, or the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality.
- [It's Time To Develop Bearish Tenacity](https://annsheybani.com/its-time-to-develop-bearish-tenacity/): Do you give up at the first sign of trouble?  Are you thrown by even the tiniest bump in the road? So, I was ice climbing in New Hampshire a while back.  If you’ve never ice climbed before, picture a group of 10 or so men and women in puffy jackets, plastic helmets, and funny looking harnesses standing around in the cold making fun of one another. It’s a terrific time, if you don’t mind being heckled. Climbing ice is an interesting way to get to know yourself and other people.  You can spot tenacity, patience, problem-solving capabilities, physical strength, deliberateness, […]
- [This Just Had Me In Stitches](https://annsheybani.com/this-just-had-me-in-stitches/): Wrong, on so very many levels.  
- [Secret Agent Man](https://annsheybani.com/secret-agent-man/): If, after writing your no-doubt best-selling book, you want to go the traditional publishing route, you’ll need to hire an agent to represent you. Manuscripts sent directly to a publisher are called unsolicited submissions. They’re usually thrown away; unceremoniously returned in a self-addressed stamped envelope; or, if you’re lucky, tossed into a slush pile and read, eventually, by a bleary-eyed intern. Unsolicited submissions have a very low rate of acceptance, meaning you have a much better chance of winning your state’s Powerball. How do you find an agent, you ask? Before the advent of the Internet, you could find one by […]
- [What I'm Reading Now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-5/): I’m loving this book right now. (Just between you and me, if I were editing the thing, I’d start off with a much more powerful story–the guy, Chris Voss, has so damn many of them–than the one chosen to launch the reader into the world of high-stakes negotiation. But, hey, I’m sure Tahl Raz, the ghost writer, had good reasons for doing what he did.) Now, here’s how the book is described on Amazon: After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with […]
- [The Chicken Back Syndrome](https://annsheybani.com/the-chicken-back-syndrome/): When did we decide that everyone else should come first? Who proclaimed it our job to guarantee the pleasure of others and settle for whatever crumbs fell off their plates? I like to call this the Chicken Back Syndrome. Preparing a chicken dinner, encouraging our spouses and children to take the best pieces—the breast, thighs and legs—and insisting that we actually like the chicken back best. And somehow, without question, everyone believes we’re just loopy enough to crave bone and gristle. After a while, we even convince ourselves that those tiny scraps of meat buried between the ribs are worth the […]
- [How To Avoid Embarrassment And Shame](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-avoid-embarrassment-and-shame/): If you’d like to avoid the embarrassment and shame associated with publishing ca-ca, I can’t recommend the editing process highly enough. Editing professionals get paid to study your manuscript, point out problems, and, sometimes, offer corrective suggestions. Unlike your mother or girlfriends, these are people who’ll have no trouble telling you the cold, hard truth. There are primarily two types of editing services in the publishing world. The first is holistic editing. The second is copy editing. Just as holistic medicine considers the whole person—body, mind, spirit, and emotions—in the quest for optimal health, holistic editing considers the whole manuscript—structure, flow, […]
- [Chucking It All And Moving To A Foreign Country](https://annsheybani.com/chucking-it-all-and-moving-to-a-foreign-country/): I received this question, one that both Walt and I get more and more frequently, so I thought I’d put my answer to it out here again. I’m so intrigued with how you and Walt move back and forth between the U.S. and Ireland.  I’m just totally curious.  How do you two decide when to be here and when to be there?  Your answer may open my mind up to rethinking how I live.  I’m so locked in on “I have to live and work here in Farmington,” but maybe there are some other options I should shake my head at […]
- [Get Others To Paint Your Fence](https://annsheybani.com/get-others-to-paint-your-fence/): For lots of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times more business by getting your current clients to write the book for you. Or imagine getting together with members of your network, your affiliates, and writing a book together. Well, if that idea appeals to you, it may be time for you to write an anthology. Here’s the definition of an anthology: A book or other collection […]
- [The Window To Our Soul](https://annsheybani.com/the-window-to-our-soul/): I have problems with eye contact. I don’t want to show people my soul, what I’m really thinking, how I really feel. I suppose this is a habit from childhood. I learned to keep this stuff hidden, under tight wrap, to avoid instigating trouble. It’s so easy for me to do that all on the page, reveal my true self, but up close and in person, I’m a bit of a coward. I’m working on it. Because I see how much power there is in deep connection, how much beauty. More than anything, I want that level of intimacy, that kind […]
- [How To Write A Parable](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-write-a-parable/): If you’d like to outline your message and be seen as an expert in your field, you’d be silly to write a novel. If you’re not keen to write a non-fiction business book, then perhaps you’d like to pen a parable. The parable is a particularly appealing genre for business writers who recognize that readers learn best, not from an endless stream of concepts, but from a simple story, one that doesn’t take seven years to write. A parable is a short(ish) tale that illustrates a universal truth. (It’s often clumped together with similar narrative types, such as the allegory and fable.  […]
- [You Have Finally Made Peace With Food. Now What?](https://annsheybani.com/i-you-have-finally-made-peace-with-food-now-what/): This is  guest post by Tara Whitney. I’m really honored to have her as a writing client. I think this piece is beautiful, and vulnerable, and allows you, her reader, to instantly see why you might want her help to free yourself from emotional eating. She has many posts like this, so you’ll want to go to her site and read them. If you’d like to learn more about her after you read this, you can click here. When I was struggling with food, I would binge most Sunday afternoons. Maybe it was on a couple of extra bowls of ice […]
- [A Little Writing Lesson](https://annsheybani.com/a-little-writing-lesson/): If you’ve ever read a book on the craft of writing, or taken a writing class or workshop, you’ve likely heard the expression, “Show, don’t tell.” Well, what, precisely, does this show, don’t tell stuff actually mean? In the interest of slipping in a little craft lesson, sneaky minx that I am, I’m going to give you a brief overview. A very simplistic answer. For the most part, that means that writers should paint a scene, or an image, with lots of sensory details, not just summarize with a generic sentence of observation. We, your readers, don’t want you to tell […]
- [While In Vermont](https://annsheybani.com/while-in-vermont/): So, Walt and I caught a flight to Boston on Friday from Cork, Ireland. We were on a quick mission: to witness one of our sons get married. The wedding was the perfect anti-wedding, sans fancy attire, rented ballroom, DJ, team of photographers, and towering cake.  Instead, we enjoyed a simple ceremony out in the wooded amphitheater behind the school where Zak teaches, a potluck dinner, field flowers, and a fine assortment of in-laws and outlaws and step-parents. (I’m pretty sure the traditional nuclear family is dead, BTW.) This is Zak and his lovely bride Sarah. Of course no picture would […]
- [The Next Time You Complain About The Dating Market](https://annsheybani.com/the-next-time-you-complain-about-the-dating-market/): Picking up the pieces after financial and emotional bankruptcy, Ann Peck, host of Straight Talk for a Curvy World, revisits the secrets that shaped her self-concept and self-doubt.  Sex, failed relationships, codependency, parenting mistakes, they’re all there in her unblinking search for empowerment and self-love. This is an excerpt from her soon to be released book. After months of prodding by Drew, I finally agreed to try the lifestyle again. He promised it would be different this time, yet getting ready for “dates” didn’t feel different at all. I never knew what to wear, and would try on multiple outfits before […]
- [Clean Up On Aisle Nine: Revision For Simple Genres](https://annsheybani.com/clean-up-on-aisle-nine-revision-for-simple-genres/): Have you written a complete draft of a book, one with tons of bugs still in it? Are you wondering what comes next; what you’re supposed to do, specifically, during revision? If you’ve written a book that doesn’t require a narrative arc—motivational, self-help, or how-to, to name just a few—revision will be relatively straightforward. The structure of your book is much less involved than a novel, say, or a memoir. You don’t have to keep the same characters moving in and out of your story, or create enough plot points to drive the momentum forward. You don’t have to worry about […]
- [Just Another Book About Cancer, NOT](https://annsheybani.com/just-another-book-about-cancer-not/): For years I was part of a writers’ group that met each Tuesday evening in the author Anne Batterson‘s living room. Two or three of the members (we were never more than four at any given time) would read what they’d been working on, and the rest of us would listen deeply, then offer our critique. This was the group I’d been lucky to find after graduating from Harvard, after recognizing that, without a deadline and some accountability, I’d never get a goddamned thing done. This was the group that had the greatest impact on my life as a writer. The […]
- [117 Life Hacks For That College-Bound Son](https://annsheybani.com/117-life-hacks-for-that-college-bound-son/):  Say what you will about social media, it’s a wonderful way to crowd source ideas.  I’ve gotten some of the best book recommendations, tips, and advice after someone has posed a question on Facebook and elicited responses. I posted the following statement/question on Facebook and got the most amazing ideas, ideas that I can pass on to my client. If you’ve got a son (or daughter) heading out the door to college, I’m sure you’ll appreciate this as well. (And notice the common themes.) So, I’m working with a writer who is writing a book for his son, who is about […]
- [A Few Things You Should Know About Jane Austen](https://annsheybani.com/a-few-things-you-should-know-about-jane-austen/): For some strange reason, whenever I conduct a beginners’ writing workshop, one of my students invariably raises her hand and gushes on about her desire to write novels just like Jane Austen’s. Jane Austen, I insist on mentioning, did not roll out of bed one morning at the tender age of twenty-five and write Pride and Prejudice in one go. Prodigy or not, here are a few things you too should probably know about Jane Austen, and what she did in order to produce some decent books: 1.    She wrote stories from the time she was a young child. 2.    She […]
- [The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem](https://annsheybani.com/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem/): When I was younger, I used to look to others, mostly men, to rescue me. I was convinced that, if left to my own devices, I would make some horrible mistake and screw up my life permanently.  I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or needed, or how I felt about much of anything.  I figured that the only way to get through life was to please others, so they would love me and take care of me like a baby. That way I would never have to figure these things out for myself. It wasn’t until I […]
- [Look Who's Contributing To The HuffPost](https://annsheybani.com/look-whos-contributing-to-the-huffpost/): Sniff.  I’m so proud.  One of my gorgeous writing clients, who is working on the final edits of her SOON-TO-BE-PUBLISHED book, is now a contributor to the Huffington Post.  Look, that’s a pretty big deal.  You have to know how to string more than a few words together in a compelling manner for that to happen. Here’s what Ann Peck had to say about the situation: Ann Sheybani has helped me with more than just my book. Besides becoming a dear friend, she has shown me how to take pieces of my keynote and my life and weave them into meaningful […]
- [Adult Pacifiers](https://annsheybani.com/adult-pacifiers/): I can’t tell you how proud I am of Alexandra Desbrow, the author of this piece.  This is a chapter from her book in progress.  It’s so terrific, I just have to share it with you, with her permission of course. This is how you stay in a very unpleasant moment, make it visceral for your reader. Notice the mix of scene, backstory, and exposition. “What do you want to drink?” “A seltzer with lime please.” “A what?” she says as she turns her head from trying to get the bartender’s attention and looks at me, longer than necessary, to make […]
- [What I'm Reading Now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-4/): OMG, OMG, OMG, I so love this book. I mean, I love it so much, I tried to make the image really, really big so you wouldn’t forget what it looks like. Listen.  Here’s the other reason we read.  We want to feel stuff.  We want to experience joy and sadness and loss and triumph, without every having to leave our brown, leather couch.  We want to know what it is to be someone else, someone living life on the edge, because that’s how we understand ourselves. I’ve been reading The Fault In Our Stars for the last couple of days […]
- [Us vs.Them](https://annsheybani.com/us-vs-them/): When I was young, I fancied myself a global citizen. A Margaret Mead type, who gravitated towards exotic cultures. Impressed with my “intimate” knowledge of obscure peoples, of my ability to hang out in their communities like the team mascot, I turned my nose up at my suburban upbringing. The very people I spent the bulk of my time with— my family, my schoolmates, my neighbors— were, to my grandiose way of thinking, boring and provincial. After moving to Iran with my husband, however, I discovered that I wasn’t nearly as enamored of foreign cultures as I’d thought I was. All […]
- [Five things your expert-positioning book should include](https://annsheybani.com/five-things-your-expert-positioning-book-should-include/): You may be really excited about the prospect of writing a book for your business, but let’s take some time to strategize before you go sinking all that time and effort into such a project. First, you’ll need to pause long enough to consider the outcome you’re after. For coaches, speakers, and other service professionals, the outcome I’m talking about is usually one, or a combination of several things. By writing a book we’re looking to: Attract ideal clients Impact others lives and effect radical change Inspire people by offering them our perspective, our hard-won experience so we can save them […]
- [How to work when you seriously don't feel like it](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-work-when-you-seriously-dont-feel-like-it/): As a content developer; I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear here: writers need structure. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I hate structure. But for a writer, freedom can be our worst enemy. It can lead to paralysis, procrastination, aimlessness, and indecision. Now, the problem with creating structure for us whimsical types is that it doesn’t just happen on its […]
- [When you were raised by wolves](https://annsheybani.com/when-you-were-raised-by-wolves-2/): Some time back, Walt and I conducted a mastermind call around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead.  She wasn’t sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her confusion, I immediately spotted the fear beneath it, which essentially boiled down to her inability to trust herself. Why set a goal if you’ll only wind up disappointing yourself again, if you’ll never be able to affect outcome?” Because of my background, I always equate that sense of helplessness with being the […]
- [Those of us who tell the stories rule society](https://annsheybani.com/those-of-us-who-tell-the-stories-rule-society/): There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt and I waited for a helicopter ride to base camp with our team members. Each of us had arrived to climb Carstensz Pyramid, the tallest mountain on the Austro-New Zealand continent, part of the seven summits project, a common enough pursuit for serious alpinists. Because our day consisted of one long series of meals interrupted by naps and reading marathons; because we couldn’t leave the hotel compound lest the tour company be held liable for our murder at the hands of hostile natives; because the only […]
- [How do you know if your writing is any good?](https://annsheybani.com/how-do-you-know-if-your-writing-is-any-good/): It’s helpful to know that obstacles are part of the writing process, but how are you supposed to deal with them when they raise their ugly heads? What can you do if you’re confused, say, about setting, or plot, or the relevance of that stuff for your chosen genre? And where do you go for feedback when you really need to know if what you’ve got is any good? Mind you, enrolling in an MFA program is a terrific way to learn how to write, but there are some other ways to get guidance and develop your skills while working on […]
- [Another one of Walt's death marches](https://annsheybani.com/another-one-of-walts-death-marches/): One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles total distance, with a 5000-foot elevation gain. Not for the faint of heart. But we figured, what with being distance runners, what with being high altitude mountaineers, what with knowing for sure that we can do such a thing having done it several times before, that we were well […]
- [The benefits of owning a rabid Rottweiler](https://annsheybani.com/the-benefits-of-owning-a-rabid-rottweiler-2/): There are benefits to owning a rabid Rottweiler. There’s a reason a recovering people pleaser like me chooses a mate who couldn’t give a tinker’s damn about displeasing others, who fears confrontation not one whit. Walt and I went to Mallorca one weekend to visit our daughter and her family. This meant catching a pre-dawn flight with Ryan Air—best known for their lack of amenities, like free oxygen and tap water—surrounded by a raucous herd of drunks. For whatever reason, Walt booked a rental through OK cars. Clearly, he had no idea just how far off the beaten path we’d have […]
- [How to land yourself in jail](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-land-yourself-in-jail-2/): A young Frenchman wants to switch places with me so he can sit next to one of the five cohorts who accompanied him on our transatlantic flight.  He’s asked me several times if I’ll move, and he won’t take no for an answer. “This is my wife,” he says in broken English after the fifth or sixth request.  Of course he’s stoned enough, after an apparent weekend of debauchery in NYC, not to realize that he said the very same thing to a man seated beside his other friend four rows back. Unless he’s Mormon, or a Muslim, he’s lying like a dog. […]
- [The mystery of the six-minute hard-boiled eggs](https://annsheybani.com/the-mystery-of-the-six-minute-hard-boiled-eggs-2/): “I’d like two six-minute hard-boiled eggs,” I said, enunciating each word carefully. The young man who had assisted me with the very same order the day before nodded, then darted off to the hotel kitchen. Weaving in and out of the crowded breakfast area, I took my seat across from Walt. I buttered my toast, refilled my ridiculously small coffee cup at the Krupp dispenser, then looked up to find a waitress with a plate of scrambled eggs. “He says these are yours,” she said with a thick, Spanish-y accent, placing them before me. I considered the eggs. I like scrambled […]
- [Giving away the farm](https://annsheybani.com/giving-away-the-farm/): Right now, a lot of my clients and colleagues are confused about the current business environment. Times are hard, what with the quarantine situation, what with lots of people losing their jobs, so should they be trying to sell things right now? Shouldn’t they just offer their programs for free? Focus all their time and energy on supporting their communities instead of promoting, say, a launch? Now, I’m a huge proponent of having free offerings. Provide someone a super useful PDF that solves an urgent problem, and you’ve gone a long way towards helping those who can’t afford your services AND […]
- [Just be bothered](https://annsheybani.com/just-be-bothered/): I got to thinking about this bike rack I refused to buy because it looked like way too much bother. Anything that requires me to read a user’s manual, well, I I just don’t need it badly enough.  Yet, if I hadn’t been nagged to death to buy the damn thing; if I hadn’t succumbed to peer pressure, my life would look nothing like it does now.  Who knew that love and success and abundance could be tied back to the most inconsequential thing, the most inconsequential action. 
- [Beautiful language that says jack shit](https://annsheybani.com/beautiful-language-that-says-jack-shit-3/): Lately, I’ve had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that’s so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is characterized by the extensive use of adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors. (Sparkling, violently, like a three-toed weasel!!!) (Notice I threw in some exclamation points, which are, in my mind, another form of purple prose.) Purple prose is a favorite of newbie writers. I see it as a sign of good taste, really, because they’ve read their fair share of […]
- [Talent will get you only so far](https://annsheybani.com/talent-will-get-you-only-so-far/): While I was in the States a few years back, I had dinner with my buddy Tim Vandehey, another ghostwriter who lives in Kansas City. Tim knows the publishing industry inside and out. He writes for celebrities and industry leaders and has had a number of his projects hit the New York Times Best Sellers list. He’s not just a good guy; he’s the real deal. I met Tim years ago at a writing conference in Idaho. Let me tell you, I learned a lot from him. First, it was during the workshop he was conducting that I faced an ugly […]
- [Oh, I could SO do that](https://annsheybani.com/oh-i-could-so-do-that-2/): Not long ago, I overheard a group of young women discussing Gal Gadot of Wonder Woman fame. One of the women read aloud from an article on her I-phone, a basic summary of how the actress had turned herself into a jaw-dropping, sword-wielding Amazon over the course of 6 months. Apparently, she drank a gallon of water each day, ate approximately 1200 calories, and worked out 6 hours a day, 7 days a week. The women passed the phone back and forth, examined the pictures of Gal’s typical daily meals, and agreed that the regimen didn’t look so bad, in fact, […]
- [Brick by Brick](https://annsheybani.com/brick-by-brick/): Writing a book involves the creation of one small chunk of material at a time, because to contemplate the project in its entirety is a set up for insanity and failure. Thus the elephant-eating metaphor I like to use: How do you eat an elephant? Yes, one bite at a time. Just because I can, I’m going to switch over to a different metaphor to better illustrate my next few points. Even if you aren’t a mason, I’d like you to consider your book as though it were a brick house. Brick houses have different shapes and structures, just like books, […]
- [Like I've got time for this shizel](https://annsheybani.com/like-ive-got-time-for-this-shizel/): This is a guest post from time-management expert, Walt Hampton. Who also happens to be my husband, which is a problem because he’s highly judgmental of how I spend my time. I suppose he has a right to play all morally superior because he does, essentially, everything you’re supposed to do in this department. Plus, he flosses his teeth twice a day. But I thought I’d bring him out nonetheless because I keep hearing how afraid people are that they’ll have no time if they start in on a book project. I get the fear, except… Time. Everyone wants it. No […]
- [10 random things you may not know about me](https://annsheybani.com/10-random-things-you-may-not-know-about-me/): 1. I love Jack Russell Terriers. I mean; I love them so bad that it’s almost creepy. Walt points them out to me whenever he spots one in a car or in the market or trotting along the road because he knows how happy they make me. He’ll say, “Just try to appear normal.” My favorite feed on Instagram is, you got it, #JackRussellsofInstagram. I could spend hours looking at the posted pictures and videos. 2. I was born in a suburb of LA during the early 60s, not far from the stomping grounds of the Charles Manson gang. My father […]
- [The arrogance of belonging](https://annsheybani.com/the-arrogance-of-belonging-2/): I caught sight of myself on video last week during a group coaching session. There were about 10 other entrepreneurs on the call as well, their faces appearing whenever they spoke or made noise. Of course, I didn’t really pay attention to them, so fixated was I on my own image being self-obsessed. And, man-o-live, was I mortified by what I saw—a stricken gargoyle at full attention who never ONCE opened her mouth over the course of two hours. Now, I’m used to conducting mastermind calls, or writing classes, or webinars. I’m used to being the leader, the one answering all […]
- [What's the problemo?](https://annsheybani.com/whats-the-problemo/): I’m going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. If you’re an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be super useful even if you aren’t looking to write a client-attracting book, because they’ll help you market better and write more powerful copy. Here’s the thing: before you start banging away on the keyboard producing your bestselling book, you’ve got to be crystal clear on who you help. You’ve also got to be able to identify the biggest problem they’re experiencing, the one you mean to […]
- [Books: the only gift worth giving or receiving](https://annsheybani.com/books-the-only-gift-worth-giving-or-receiving/): Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they’d mail a reading list–a compilation of each teacher’s favorite books–to the house. Now, I’m sure the design was to encourage students to read quality books during vacation, but the only one (and I could be wrong here) who took that idea and ran with it was me. Though I’m a fool for reading lists in general, I loved that particular one. I’d take it with me each time I visited the library to load up on books. Summer after summer, I […]
- [A covert glimpse into my medicine cabinet](https://annsheybani.com/a-covert-glimpse-into-my-medicine-cabinet/): Years ago, having read Jack Canfield’s Success Principles, Walt and I sat in Ireland and composed our list of goals. We were on our honeymoon and, well, this is just the sort of thing one does on a honeymoon. Anyway, the assignment, as Jack put it, was to create a list of the 101 things you want to do, be, or have before you die. Believe me, this task isn’t as easy as it sounds. At the time, I could only think up 87 items. I sat in the grass under the September sun and racked my brain. The problem, particularly back then, was a […]
- [God forbid you envy me this...](https://annsheybani.com/god-forbid-you-envy-me-this/): When I lived in Iran, the Evil Eye was a force to be reckoned with. To deflect the covetous attention of others, Esfand seeds were burned on a special metal grate after guests left a home. Turquoise jewelry was worn to protect oneself. Salt was placed in children’s pockets to serve as a talisman. If a mother had many healthy sons, she dressed the youngest as girls. As proof of concept, my former mother-in-law, an old woman of Bedouin stock, liked to recount the story of a jealous neighbor who came for a visit and commented on the large flock of hens pecking away in […]
- [Now, now, now](https://annsheybani.com/now-now-now/): When I was a kid, we’d sit as a family at the dining room table for Thanksgiving and my heart would sink at the sight of the kitchen I’d be expected to clean. Potatoes dripping from the mixer blades onto the floor; the cast iron skillet on the stove top, both of them slick with grease; every bowl and spoon we owned strewn across the counters, laying in pools of cream of mushroom soup or canned cranberry sauce or melted margarine; the Saran Wrap roll torn to shreds by what would appear to be a rabid raccoon because, once again, it’s […]
- [Please don't ask me this ridiculous question](https://annsheybani.com/please-dont-ask-me-this-ridiculous-question/): Imagonna throw out a list of questions beginning writers ask all the time, particularly if they’re writing a book that involves stories about their own life. See if you have any of these yourself: • Who the hell cares about my story? I’m no Snookie. • How can I write about family or friends without hurting them? Without making myself the persona non gratis at the holiday dinner table? • How do I keep from sounding whiney or, worse, like the basket case I suspect I truly am? • How can I faithfully reconstruct a conversation or an event that took […]
- [Never trust a Christian who isn't trying to convert you](https://annsheybani.com/never-trust-a-christian-who-isnt-trying-to-convert-you/): The problem with us co-dependent types–and I’m speaking from experience–is that we need to hook into someone or something else because we’re not sure who we are. We lack an identity and the ability to trust ourselves, which, as you can imagine, creates a lot of problems. This is a guest post from Sarai Johnson. She’s writing a book about unhooking from the church and finding herself. I’m fascinated by her take on a world I’ve never known, and drawn in because I can totally relate to this form of co-dependence. This process of salvation is summed up in evangelical circles, […]
- [See if you recognize your sorry excuse](https://annsheybani.com/see-if-you-recognize-your-sorry-excuse/): Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what you’ve got to do if you want to have something you don’t have now–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up and motivated, when you see what you want ever so clearly. It’s another thing entirely when the autopilot stuff kicks in six weeks down the road. When motivation leaves you in the lurch and heads south with your college kid for spring break. It’s so much harder to stay on […]
- [To see and to be seen](https://annsheybani.com/to-see-and-to-be-seen/): Walt and I were talking about the performance artist, Marina Abramovic, this morning. I don’t know if you’ve ever caught sight of this video clip of her sitting across the table from strangers at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. People stood in line for hours for the opportunity to spend one uninterrupted minute with Abramovic, one on one, and have her look deep into their eyes. The most beautiful moment was captured when her former lover, Ulay, unexpectedly takes the seat across from her. Be. Still. My. Heart. The nervous glances of those awaiting their turn revealed […]
- [This little thing called process](https://annsheybani.com/this-little-thing-called-process/): Have you ever watched a professional runner run? Looks so easy, doesn’t it? They’ve all got that half smile playing across their face, that healthy sheen, those long, fluid strides that make the act seem so fun. From the couch, you can practically feel the endorphins pumping through your own body. Inspired, you go out for a jog and discover that, instead of gliding like Flo Jo across the savannah, the wind whipping through your hair, you’re ready to throw up by the end of the block. You shake your head, confused, because you know nothing about the inglorious stages a […]
- [The Awakening](https://annsheybani.com/the-awakening/): I’ve got this message hanging over my desk.  I’m not sure who wrote it.  I keep it there because there are days that I really need the reminder.  The more I look at it, the more I think it’s something I should share again. Think of it as my little gift to you. Print it out. Leave it somewhere you can see it when you want to suck your thumb or rail against the man. The Awakening A time comes in your life when you finally get….when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your […]
- [I'm the last person who should be talking about this...](https://annsheybani.com/im-the-last-person-who-should-be-talking-about-this/): Years ago, I ran into a surgical nurse at a party in Ireland. We were chatting about life, as one is prone to do at gatherings. And when I told this nurse about a talk I was giving when I got back to the States, about what I’d really noticed during our time in Ireland, about getting lost in the busyness, losing connection to myself, the need to slow down and breathe, to think, to have enough space to know how I feel and what I really need to attend to, she told me about a practice they’d put into place […]
- [The best piece of advice I ever got](https://annsheybani.com/the-best-piece-of-advice-i-ever-got/): A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I’ll never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything. You can’t do it all at once, no matter what they say.” My husband at that time was working at the University of Connecticut as a temporary professor. One of the perks as his spouse was the ability to take free classes, which I thought I should avail myself of. I was feeling a thousand […]
- [What you're buying isn't the cheese](https://annsheybani.com/what-youre-buying-isnt-the-cheese/): Humans crave story, with faces they can attach to, and sensory details. According to scientific studies, our brains light up like the fourth of July when we read about smells, sounds, tastes, touch, and sights. It’s what our minds want. It’s these details that keep us grounded and wanting more. That being said. On Saturday mornings, Walt and I visit the farmer’s market in town. Located in the municipal lot behind a burnt out church now converted into a restaurant, it attracts not just locals, but also tourists from Dublin and abroad. There are Germans and Americans and French couples in […]
- [That time Walt got totally chest-puffy](https://annsheybani.com/that-time-walt-got-totally-chest-puffy/): Walt and I were chatting over dinner at a fancy restaurant in VT. This was shortly after he’d published his first book, Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters, so much of our conversation revolved around getting the book placed in local stores. (We’re sexy that way.) Once we’d finished dessert, a young woman tip-toed over to our table all apologetic. She’d overheard Walt mention something about being an author, which prompted a gush of admiration to spew forth from her mouth. She wanted to know all about Walt and his book and what it was like to be […]
- [Show me](https://annsheybani.com/show-me/): If you’ve ever read a book on the craft of writing, or taken a writing class or workshop, you’ve likely heard the expression, “Show, don’t tell.” Well, what, precisely, does this show, don’t tell stuff actually mean? In the interest of slipping in a little craft lesson, sneaky minx that I am, I’m going to give you a brief overview. A very simplistic answer. For the most part, that means that writers should paint a scene, or an image, with lots of sensory details, not just summarize with a generic sentence of observation. We, your readers, don’t want you to tell […]
- [How do you know when your book is done?](https://annsheybani.com/how-do-you-know-when-your-book-is-done/): That’s the question all of us writers ask, not just my clients. And there’s a short and sweet answer–when you’ve done everything you can do, everything you can think of to improve the piece. And there’s a longer answer, which is what this video is all about. If you know yourself to be a get er’ done sort of person, listen up. If you’re a perfectionist who can drag the process out for eons in the interest of hiding in the shadows, this is for you too.
- [My husband, the narcissist](https://annsheybani.com/my-husband-the-narcissist-2/): After one too many conversations about the fear of being labeled a narcissist if one dares to write and publish a book, I thought I’d wheel this post back out. (It’s also especially relevant if you’re worried about pissing off those closest to you with your stories.) Dear Mimi, Thank you for your comment on this Youtube video. You claim that Walt is a 100% narcissist. The thing I’ve noticed about defensiveness, which is what your criticism stirred, is that it always kicks in when I detect an element of truth in what’s been said. You’re right, Mimi, sometimes Walt comes […]
- [I hesitate to tell you this story…](https://annsheybani.com/i-hesitate-to-tell-you-this-story/): Ask me, there’s a reason God invented currency: place a dollar amount on the table and both parties in a transaction can understand and agree upon the value of the products or services in question. And it doesn’t matter if one person wants book writing services while the other has no interest in growing fucking tomatoes.  Two random puzzle pieces do not need to click into place.
- [Greeting your husband in Saran Wrap](https://annsheybani.com/a-ten-year-learning-curve/): How did your view on marriage get so skewed, a friend I’d known since college asked me one day. Over the course of her marriage, she’d gained twenty pounds. She’d chucked the date nights, the lingerie, and the cute little skirts. Her husband changed diapers while she ate chips. Saran Wrap, in her house, was strictly to protect leftovers. Content to be herself, she wasn’t even the tinsiest, weensiest bit worried.
- [Why we need your story so desperately](https://annsheybani.com/why-we-need-your-story-so-desperately/): Often, it’s your story that someone really hears, that someone actually connects with for the very first time. Sometimes the scales fall from your reader's eyes immediately, sometimes a tidbit gets tucked away only to be retrieved when the need for it arises.  It’s your story that switches up the game for your reader, even if she’s heard the lesson drawn from it a thousand times before. Often it’s the hidden lesson you tossed on the page in passing that resonates the most, something that never occurred to you to be important. It’s a mysterious thing, this transference of courage and wisdom.
- [My love of vegetable-peel cookbooks](https://annsheybani.com/my-love-of-vegetable-peel-cookbooks/): On Saturday, I caught sight of a book about cooking with food scraps at my friends’ vegan café in town. Surrounded by The China Study, How Not To Die, and Rich Roll’s Finding Ultra, all fascinating reads, that’s the one I latched onto as I tucked into my stew. Before I’d moved to Iran, I had a recipe book just like that. I’d tripped over it at an Indian grocery store just out of Washington, D.C.  If I remember right, it was called 101 Dishes to Make With Vegetable Peelings. Lordy, how I loved that book. (I couldn’t find it on […]
- [On running, writing, and getting over my bad self](https://annsheybani.com/on-running-writing-and-impressing-oneself/): Several years back, I had the huge privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a northern New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background, just in case you’re curious. To an outsider, you look like a woman “on top of the world” in more ways than one. But the route you took held plenty of obstacles.  Tell us about where you were in your life when you decided to start running, and what benefits you […]
- [Genocide, romance, and other irrelevant topics](https://annsheybani.com/genocide-romance-and-other-irrelevant-topics/): Over the weekend, I attended a copywriting workshop in Florence, Italy. If you don’t know Laura Belgray, the woman who conducted the workshop, you really should. Her emails and sales content are the bomb.  Her subject lines are so sexy I click on them each and every time. Trust me, that’s no easy feat, getting people to open your emails fifteen seconds after they hit the ole’ inbox. Whenever I go to a conference where there are a lot of people–meaning, more than four– my tendency is to hang back and observe. To nip in and nip out because I feel, […]
- [False summits and flipping your shit](https://annsheybani.com/false-summits-and-flipping-your-shit/): Walt and I were climbing in the Rockies when we decided to stop and shoot this video. We’d just spent a few hours battling despair because we’d come across yet another one of those false summits that makes you want to kill yourself. There’s just nothing worse than thinking you’re done when you’re not, not by a long shot. Mountain climbing provides lots of great metaphors for book writing, business, and life. See if you don’t agree.
- [The Daddy Hole](https://annsheybani.com/the-daddy-hole-2/): My friend, L, is the most “normal” woman I’ve ever met.  She doesn’t cart around emotional baggage, not even a change purse-full. Her decisions have always seemed so… sensible. I’m pretty sure L’s superpowers—stability and confidence—are a gift from her father. He’s this working class, Italian dude from New Jersey who’s been married to L’s mom for nearly half a century. Everything he does, and I mean everything, screams bankable. After a dozen years, I can still picture him at the finish line of our first marathon. Cheering, face alight with pride, fists pumping in the air as his daughter rounded […]
- [Make Your Bed](https://annsheybani.com/make-your-bed-2/): Once upon a time (actually, in 2014), Naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave the University of Texas Austin commencement address. It was a twenty-minute speech that outlined ten principles he’d learned during Naval SEAL training. These principles helped him overcome challenges, not only in his training and long naval career, but also throughout his life. Someone in the audience that day thought to film the speech and throw it up on Youtube. Within short order, the video went viral with over five million views. (I totally loved it.)  Hatchette Book Group, one of theBig Five publishing houses, signed the Admiral to […]
- [What memoir is and what it is NOT](https://annsheybani.com/what-memoir-is-and-what-it-is-not/): Years ago, I had the privilege of working with the author Anne Batterson at East Hill Writers’ Workshop. She and I were part of a trio of writers (no one’s forgetting Sherry Horton) who taught craft, and boy, did we have fun. And boy, did I learn a lot from my partners and my students. During one such class, Anne pulled out this lesson to explain what constituted a memoir and what did not because it’s easy to get confused. Hope you find this just as helpful as our students did. A memoir is not an autobiography, which is a non-fiction […]
- [Life Lessons From A Cat](https://annsheybani.com/life-lessons-from-a-cat-2/): A blast from the past. Someone I was talking to this past week reminded me of this story, so I thought I’d bring it back. We have a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre is to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also have two cats: Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter is a cat-hater’s cat. He’s got all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart.  Tail up, shoulders back, when he saunters into the kitchen, he owns the joint. What I love about Peanut Butter is the way he manages the dog. From the get […]
- [Even Mother Teresa cared about this](https://annsheybani.com/even-mother-teresa-cared-about-this/): I’m guilty of binary thinking: you can either have this or that, but you can’t have both. Except when it comes to writing a book for your business. Do the job right, and you can have both income and impact. The two can go hand in hand. Contrary to popular belief, most entrepreneurs and service professionals want both. They have a message (and a mission) they want to share with the world, and the drive to do well for themselves. This dual purpose does not in fact make them schizophrenic. Walt happens to have just as much to say on the […]
- [Get others to paint your fence](https://annsheybani.com/get-others-to-paint-your-fence-2/): For a lot of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times more business by getting your current clients to write the book for you. Or imagine getting together with members of your network, your affiliates, and writing a book together. Well, if that idea appeals to you, it may be time for you to write an anthology. Here’s the definition of an anthology: A book or […]
- [Favorite Fives](https://annsheybani.com/favorite-fives/): Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they’d mail a reading list–a compilation of each teacher’s favorite books–to the house. Now, I’m sure the design was to encourage students to read quality books during vacation, but the only one (and I could be wrong here) who took that idea and ran with it was me. Though I’m a fool for reading lists in general, I loved that particular one. I’d take it with me each time I visited the library to load up on books. Summer after summer, I […]
- [Cat shit in the litter box](https://annsheybani.com/cat-shit-in-the-litter-box-3/): Everybody fears that they’re not enough.  Everybody. My father used to say that intimacy breeds contempt.  This was his favorite motto, something he repeated every day So, I grew up believing that if someone got the chance to know the real me, they would hate my guts. I worried that if they dug an inch too deep beneath my cheery surface, they would discover the ugly truth: that, somehow, I didn’t measure up. When you worry about people accepting you, you spend an awful lot of time and energy covering up your character flaws like cat shit in a litter box.  […]
- [You are worth the risk](https://annsheybani.com/you-are-worth-the-risk/): While I sat on a patio overlooking Phoenix surrounded by a swarm of buzzing people, I spotted a fellow introvert. In case you didn’t know, we’re the folks lining the perimeters with a cocktail glass in hand, doing our damndest to blend in with the wood work. Sure enough, we got to clinging to each other talking and I discovered a kindred spirit, one that also happens to have a mad skillset. Anyway, I was writing a similar post this week when Sunni’s message landed in my in-box. Man, it was just so relevant because my people spend years dancing around […]
- [Killing birds with one stone](https://annsheybani.com/killing-birds-with-one-stone/): I think about my arch nemesis–efficiency–a lot when I’m on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an unpleasantly steep slope, only to discover that we’re on the wrong route and we need go back down and  find another. The whole exercise seems wasteful.  A very poor use of time. A prime example of inadequate planning. But the problem with trying to be  efficient all the time, which is what I would […]
- [The silliest thing that changed my life](https://annsheybani.com/the-silliest-thing-that-changed-my-life/): I got to thinking about this bike rack I refused to buy because it looked like way too much bother. Anything that requires me to read a user’s manual, well, I I just don’t need it badly enough.  Yet, if I hadn’t been nagged to death to buy the damn thing; if I hadn’t succumbed to peer pressure, my life would look nothing like it does now.  Who knew that love and success and abundance could be tied back to the most inconsequential thing, the most inconsequential action. 
- [The Anxiety Series: Part III](https://annsheybani.com/the-anxiety-series-part-iii/): Last we met, I was telling you about the client manuscripts I was reading, all of which deal with anxiety. I thought these three different authors and their three different approaches will demonstrate that you can take a common topic and come at it with a (valuable) unique skew. This next segment of The Anxiety Series is written by a doctor who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, who views the subject from the perspective of a trained psychologist. From Dr. Sharyn Kennedy’s upcoming book with the working title, Nine Things You Never Thought Were Anxiety. Andy calls and wants to […]
- [The Anxiety Series: Part II](https://annsheybani.com/the-anxiety-series-part-ii/): If you remember, I had my nose in a number of client manuscripts, all of which deal with anxiety. I thought these three different authors and their three different approaches will demonstrate that you can take a common topic and come at it with a (valuable) unique skew. This is the next segment of The Anxiety Series, written by a doctor who not only treats anxiety (as well as chronic pain and depression) using “alternative” methods, but also suffers from the condition herself, has since she was nine or ten. Now for Dr. Serena Sterling and her upcoming (yet to be […]
- [The Anxiety Series: Part 1](https://annsheybani.com/the-anxiety-series-part-1/): I’ve had my nose in a number of client manuscripts lately, all of which deal with anxiety. One is the work of a doctor who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, who views the subject from the perspective of a trained psychologist. Another is that of a doctor who not only treats anxiety (as well as chronic pain and depression) using “alternative” methods, but also suffers from the condition herself, has since she was nine or ten. The next is the work of a man who has spent his life trying to understand his own anxiety, to heal himself, so he […]
- [What I think of book templates](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-think-of-book-templates/): Here’s a question I got in response to a short survey I issued in preparation for my free masterclass.  (You want to know what your audience wants? Ask them.) Now, there’s only so much you can pack into a masterclass and not drive everyone to drink, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to address one (two, actually, from the same person) of them here. Is it best to use a template when writing an e-book?  What is the best and most economical way to print some copies of the book as a give away when speaking at an event? I’m going […]
- [The trolls WILL come](https://annsheybani.com/the-trolls-will-come/): I’m smack dab in the middle of a big Masterclass promotion. ( I probably don’t have to tell you this because, at this writing, you’ve no doubt received 250 emails from me and would very much like for me to cut the shit.) And I’m amazed at all of the emotions that are coming up for me. Getting me to do a big, very public project like this on my own (meaning, without Walt leading the charge) has been like pulling teeth. I’ve resisted it for SO long. This week, all the reasons for that resistance are coming up; they’re smacking […]
- [You can always spot the newbies](https://annsheybani.com/you-can-always-spot-the-newbies/): Walt and I flew to the highlands of Scotland for a long weekend.  (Not a big deal if you live in Ireland, by the way, so don’t be too impressed.) Our goal was to climb Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in the British Isles. Being experienced mountain climbers, we know how to pack for the occasion, even when we’re not familiar with the venue. We brought the crampons in case we ran into ice, and the ice axes, in case we needed to self-arrest.  We brought the rain pants and the raincoat because there’s just nothing worse than wet down. We […]
- [Dad was right about this](https://annsheybani.com/dad-was-right-about-this/): My mother loved to paint. I’m not talking art, I’m talking rooms. She’d head on over to the local Benjamin Moore store and buy three gallons of whatever shade of yellow was on special, and cart them home in our station wagon. Next, she’d set up the step stool, even before she got her coat off, spread a few sheets of newspaper around, pour some paint into that flat little tray, and get to work. A real draft horse, she’d have the entire living room covered in no time flat. And when I say covered, I mean covered. The ceiling would […]
- [Oh, I could SO do that](https://annsheybani.com/oh-i-could-so-do-that/): Not long ago, I overheard a group of young women discussing Gal Gadot of Wonder Woman fame. One of the women read aloud from an article on her I-phone, a basic summary of how the actress had turned herself into a jaw-dropping, sword-wielding Amazon over the course of 6 months. Apparently, she drank a gallon of water each day, ate approximately 1200 calories, and worked out 6 hours a day, 7 days a week. The women passed the phone back and forth, examined the pictures of Gal’s typical daily meals, and agreed that the regimen didn’t look so bad, in fact, […]
- [More addictive than sugar](https://annsheybani.com/more-addictive-than-sugar/): I bring this post back every few years, usually after a worry-filled conversation I’ve had with a friend or client. Sometimes one of these nice people need the reminder that worry is an utter waste of time, sometimes it’s me. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley (Denali) in Alaska. Twenty days hauling an 80-pound pack up steep traverses interspersed with hours on end languishing in a tent. Hard work mixed with sheer laziness. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept for fourteen hours straight.  Or stared off into space for an entire day while my mind roams the pampas. Not since Iran, when my only company was the baby. […]
- [With Truth Comes Peace](https://annsheybani.com/with-truth-comes-peace/): I received this beautiful note a while back in response to one of my newsletters. I’d like to share it and my response with you.  It’s relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously. Each time I read what you share, I think, How come I so admire a raw vulnerability in another and still feel fear and shame about some of my stories?Is that a part of the process? This pendulum swinging between feeling brave and totally scared? Certain and questioning? First of all, thank you.  Those words […]
- [Track the things that matter](https://annsheybani.com/track-the-things-that-matter-2/): Here’s the the thing about elite warriors like Jeff Orr, one of my most favoritest clients: They know how to handle stress, manage lots of vital data coming at them fast, and pick out high-yield targets from the blur. One of the keys to their success is the ability and willingness to obsessively track certain things. It’s this very segment from his manuscript that got me talking about getting a Fitbit one day.  And, lo and behold, there it was under the Christmas tree this year. I love it. For all the reasons Jeff describes in this segment from his manuscript. Cause there’s just no arguing with hard data. I’ve always played sports and worked out a lot, although, with the exception of my […]
- [Why court trouble if you don't have to?](https://annsheybani.com/why-court-trouble-if-you-dont-have-to/): A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for “manufacturing fear”. The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in many ways, she was also talking about the writing life, exposing myself unnecessarily to criticism and discomfort. This is a theme I’ve been exploring lately, which got me thinking about this video response I created for her. My dad used to say, “If it weren’t hard, everybody would be doing it.” And I’ve come to appreciate the […]
- [How to lose friends and alienate people](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-lose-friends-and-alienate-people/): I had a number of conversations this past week about fear. Write about people you know and love, and, no matter how stalwart you are, fear is bound to come up. Should I send my manuscript to the people I’ve written about to get their approval? Can I be sued? Should I turn this into a novel so no one gets their feelings hurt? These are just a few of the questions that come up when a book project starts looking real. Memoirists spend a lot of time talking about this subject because, well, you can’t write much of a memoir […]
- [Slogging up Mt. Everest with yaks](https://annsheybani.com/slogging-up-mt-everest-with-yaks/): Walt and I have been looking into climbing Mt. Everest. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a thing. Studying the itinerary of the guiding company Walt favors, I found myself relaxing into the idea of climbing one of the most dangerous mountains in the world. Really, it sounded lovely, nothing to be scared of at all. A bunch of walking with furry yaks, loads of resting and acclimatizing, some route exploration… You can see for yourself right here. Walking is lovely. I’m all for walking.  Count me in. Except, for some strange reason, the longer I sat, the more that delightful […]
- [Why the Irish romanticize snow](https://annsheybani.com/why-the-irish-romanticize-snow/): Because it’s like this…
- [How To Work When You Don’t Want To](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-work-when-you-dont-want-to/): As a content developer; I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear here: writers need structure. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I hate structure. But for a writer, freedom can be our worst enemy. It can lead to paralysis, procrastination, aimlessness, and indecision. Now, the problem with creating structure for us whimsical types is that it doesn’t just happen on its […]
- [When You Were Raised By Wolves](https://annsheybani.com/when-you-were-raised-by-wolves/): Walt and I were conducting a mastermind call this past week around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead.  She wasn’t sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her confusion, I immediately spotted the fear beneath it, which essentially boiled down to her inability to trust herself. Why set a goal if you’ll only wind up disappointing yourself again, if you’ll never be able to affect outcome?” Because of my background, I always equate that sense of helplessness with being […]
- [Newsflash: The Ski Patrol Is Not Coming](https://annsheybani.com/newsflash-the-ski-patrol-is-not-coming/): The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated.  Down on his hands and knees for the fifteenth time, he’d attack the problem with his portable screwdriver. “How about you calm down,” I told Walt, who was frothing at the mouth, “You go on.  I’ll wait here for the ski patrol to show up.” See, I’ve always been a firm believer that when I’m in trouble, nice people in red jackets will show up […]
- [R.I.P.](https://annsheybani.com/r-i-p/): This is a guest post from my friend, Patrick Combs. Patrick Combs. He was one of those chance encounters that changed the course of our lives. Walt had crossed paths with him on Facebook, bought an extra conference ticket from him, and off the relationship went, down the strangest road.  From Patrick we learned what it meant to be a courageous, creative entrepreneur. To say yes long before you’re ever ready. To have fun and trust in the process, even when your knees are knocking, which they do a lot of the times.  When I think of Patrick, I think of […]
- [Be. Here. Now.](https://annsheybani.com/be-here-now-2/): When I was a kid, we’d sit as a family at the dining room table for Thanksgiving and my heart would sink at the sight of the kitchen I’d be expected to clean. Potatoes dripping from the mixer blades onto the floor; the cast iron skillet on the stove top, both of them slick with grease; every bowl and spoon we owned strewn across the counters, laying in pools of cream of mushroom soup or canned cranberry sauce or melted margarine; the Saran Wrap roll torn to shreds by what would appear to be a rabid raccoon because, once again, it’s […]
- [Writing talent will only get you so far](https://annsheybani.com/writing-talent-will-only-get-you-so-far/): While I was in the States last fall, I had dinner with my buddy Tim Vandehey, a ghostwriter who lives in Kansas City. I often refer to Tim those folks who’d like to have a book, but aren’t the least bit interested in doing the associated work. Tim knows the publishing industry inside and out. He writes for celebrities and industry leaders and has had a number of his projects hit the New York Times Best Sellers list. He’s not just a good guy; he’s the real deal. I met Tim years ago at a writing conference in Idaho. Let me […]
- [I'm a disaster at cocktail parties](https://annsheybani.com/im-a-disaster-at-cocktail-parties/): Here’s the question I get all the time, the minute I identify myself as a book coach. (Not that there aren’t, like, 1,634 definitions of that job title alone. Me, I’m what you’d call a developmental editor.) Can a person write a book in a weekend? The person asking tends to be a very busy entrepreneur with a glass of wine in hand who recognizes the need to have a book out in the world, who sees it as a credibility builder. And it is. I usually buy some time by downing a handful of nuts or crudites. I know what […]
- [A Title That Promises The One Big Thing Your Readers Want](https://annsheybani.com/a-title-that-promises-the-one-big-thing-your-readers-want/): Writing a client-attracting book? Well, you’re going to want to consider the big promise you’re making to your reader, the first indication of which is your title. Eben Pagan and other online marketing gurus claim that people will only give you their hard earned money and limited attention if you can help them, and I’ll be crude here: Get laid Get paid Look fab The problem is we service professionals usually want to give our clients what they need, not what they want. We think we know better because we understand what’s behind their problem. But there is a way to […]
- [Present Tense vs. Past Tense](https://annsheybani.com/present-tense-vs-past-tense/): Lately, I’ve been having the same conversation with my coaching clients, which makes me think I should share this lesson with you nice people, too. (If you’re not a writer, start paying attention to this stuff I’m going to share as a reader.  It will really open up your appreciation for the choices an author makes.) When we share a personal story, one that has a lot of power and emotion for us, there’s this overwhelming urge to get it down on the page in the present tense, i.e.  I walk through the door. I smell danger. I know he’s there, […]
- [So, you'd like to move to a foreign country](https://annsheybani.com/so-youd-like-to-move-to-a-foreign-country/): I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about our choice to move to Ireland. Here’s an example: I am researching where to live and what we can afford for the past month. It will be two or three years before we are ready to retire. I can’t convince my hubby to move out of the Country. How do you plan family visits, etc? Also, do you have dual citizenship? Thx for any advice! I thought I’d ramble about our decision process in response. Walt and I have lived here in West Cork—it’s right at the bottom of Ireland, over to […]
- [Oh, the lure of research](https://annsheybani.com/oh-the-lure-of-research-2/): It was Dennis Lehane, author of  Mystic River who admonished us fledgling writers to knock off all the research when working on our books. He’d just gotten a huge movie deal, Clint Eastwood was directing, so there he was at Harvard telling us all how he got to that level of success. Sure, he said, research has a place, particularly when writing a crime novel and you don’t know the first thing about police procedures or perspective. Or if you’re writing historical fiction and you need to know if Catherine the Great really had a thing for horses. (I’m pretty sure […]
- [What happens when your work is read by total strangers](https://annsheybani.com/what-happens-when-your-work-is-read-by-total-strangers/): This is precisely what will happen to you once you have a polished book out in the world. I’m telling you, it’ll blow your mind. I received an email from one of my writing clients the other day. I adore Alex because her mind is so expansive, so fascinating, so different from mine, and yet so familiar at the same time. The whole book writing process has allowed me to know her at a satisfyingly deep level, reason # 4567 I love my job. It’s why we read books, after all, to know another that well, that intimately; to feel what […]
- [Beautiful Language That Says Jack Shit](https://annsheybani.com/beautiful-language-that-says-jack-shit-2/): Lately, I’ve had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that’s so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is characterized by the extensive use of adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors. (Sparkling, violently, like a three-toed weasel!!!) (Notice I threw in some exclamation points, which are, in my mind, another form of purple prose.) Purple prose is a favorite of newbie writers. I see it as a sign of good taste, really, because they’ve read their fair share of […]
- [It's been one of those weeks](https://annsheybani.com/its-been-one-of-those-weeks/): It’s been one of those weeks. And by one of those weeks, I mean, the kind of week that makes you want to dance like a fool, throw back a few green smoothies, crow from the rooftop, whatever one does to celebrate. Because a number of wonderful projects have seemingly come to fruition all at once. Take Vicki Suiter‘s upcoming publication (October 17th), The Profit Bleed: How Managing Margin Can Save Your Contracting Business. We spent about six months writing this fabulous business parable and another six months editing, designing, and publishing the book through Summit Press Publishers. We encountered every […]
- [The One Person You Can't Play That Game With](https://annsheybani.com/the-one-person-you-cant-play-that-game-with/): I get to work with some pretty amazing people, not just on their books, but also on their speeches and blogs. What I find is that no matter what pond my clients swim in, the feelings and thoughts they express are infinitely human and universal. Emily Scott, my guest this week, is one of the loveliest people I know. She helps her clients get clear on who they are, what they value, so they can make really important financial decisions without heeding all that external noise. Anyway, I could go on, but I’ll let Emily’s words speak for themselves. Tell me […]
- [What I Read While Waiting For A Helicopter In Papua New Guinea](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-read-while-waiting-for-a-helicopter-in-papua-new-guinea/): Let’s just say I had an awful lot of time on my hands while on vacation. That’s what happens when you deliberately leave your computer at home; AND you’ve got nowhere to go, save the local airstrip or the hotel compound; AND your helicopter can’t ever seem to find a weather window to fly you to basecamp. Sigh. Mind you, it’s no punishment, the ability to read book after book for days on end; in fact, it’s a major luxury. Even when you’ve paid an ungodly amount to climb some elusive mountain, which is what I was supposed to be doing […]
- [Those Who Tell The Stories Rule Society](https://annsheybani.com/those-who-tell-the-stories-rule-society/): There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt and I waited for a helicopter ride to base camp with our team members. Each of us had arrived to climb Carstensz Pyramid, the tallest mountain on the Austro-New Zealand continent, part of the seven summits project, a common enough pursuit for serious alpinists. Because our day consisted of one long series of meals interrupted by naps and reading marathons; because we couldn’t leave the hotel compound lest the tour company be held liable for our murder at the hands of hostile natives; because the only […]
- [The best revenge, EVER!](https://annsheybani.com/the-best-revenge-ever/): Several months ago, I was presented with the opportunity to doctor a book manuscript. Michelle Cully, the author, is this high-powered chick who owns a courier company in the metro-Boston area. If you saw her, you’d laugh, because she looks more like a pint-sized model than a trucking magnet, which is what she is. Michelle had this amazing story about breaking free of a youthful, all-consuming, abusive relationship; about starting her own business out of her parents’ laundry room because she didn’t know what else to do with herself. How about that for a big “Fuck you, Roy! I’ll show you.” […]
- [When you've been hit by a bus](https://annsheybani.com/when-youve-been-hit-by-a-bus-2/): Not long ago I ran a post in which I listed the wonderful things my husband does for me, and what I had needed to change in my life to be ready for such a loving relationship. I got this thought-provoking comment: What about the kind of addict/narcissist that treats you like an absolute queen and then, a couple (of) years down the line, all the facades break down and their addictions and resentments and manipulation and emotional abuse rear their head in a split second and everything you ever thought about them was an absolute lie? I thought I had […]
- [5 Things Your Client-Attracting Book Should Include For Maximum Impact](https://annsheybani.com/5-things-your-client-attracting-book-should-include-for-maximum-impact/): You may be really excited about the prospect of writing a book for your business, but let’s take some time to strategize before you go sinking all that time and effort into such a project. First, you’ll need to pause long enough to consider the outcome you’re after. For coaches, speakers, and other service professionals, the outcome I’m talking about is usually one, or a combination of several things. By writing a book we’re looking to: Attract ideal clients Impact others lives and effect radical change Inspire people by offering them our perspective, our hard-won experience so we can save them […]
- [Resistance And The Universal Law of Sacrifice](https://annsheybani.com/resistance-and-the-universal-law-of-sacrifice/): Resistance. Getting yourself to do the shit you claim you want to do. We all struggle with it. Which is why I asked Kyrsten Barrett if I could share this piece as a guest post. It’s not only beautiful and clear but also relevant to anyone who wants to write a book but worries that he’s too busy to incorporate a project like that into his “crazy” schedule. (Insert any other lame excuse you notice coming out of your own mouth.) First, take a deep breath. Today we’re talking about the Universal Law of Sacrifice, but I promise it’s not as […]
- [Finding The Perfect Love Later In Life](https://annsheybani.com/finding-the-perfect-love-later-in-life/): I found this question amongst the various birthday greetings on my Facebook page. ( I adore how you get to feel like a superstar on your birthday.) Totally throwing it out there into the universe but…. any chance you and Walt would run a piece/class/talk about finding the perfect love later in life. First time I met you guys in Long Beach I have been so so so wondering how you did it, how you keep it going and how can you teach other people just like you to get their miracle ending….. Hey, you have to ask… Not so much […]
- [Should You Insert Personal Story Into The Mix?](https://annsheybani.com/should-you-insert-your-personal-story-into-the-mix/): I got this note from one of my clients this week: I was reading some reviews on Amazon associated with books on my topic and I would have to look at my browsing history to see which ones they were but some reviews were awful. People complained that just because some techniques worked for the author, they didn’t work for them and they didn’t care to read about her life events. I don’t want to have readers think the same of me and my book. So, I’d like to unpack this concern for every writer who worries about this very thing. […]
- [5 Expectations Every Reader Has](https://annsheybani.com/5-expectations-every-reader-has/): Note: Much of this has been taken from a Writer Unboxed post written by Lisa Cron. Though the article is addressed to novelists, the information she shares is relevant to writers of all genres, particularly the client-attracting kind. Here is a reader’s manifesto – several hardwired expectations that every reader has for every story they hear, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. Meet these expectations, and readers won’t be able to put your book down. 1. The reader expects that the story will start making a point, beginning on page one. The brain is wired to begin making […]
- [Write a book in 30 minutes or less](https://annsheybani.com/write-a-book-in-30-minutes-or-less/): Bet that got your attention. And why wouldn’t it? We all want what we want now, now, now, sans effort. We’re a culture of instant gratification. The media plays off that fact, as do the snake-oil salesmen out there on the internet. There’s nothing that gets my goat more than an “expert” claiming he can get you a best-selling book over the course of a weekend. Can you get something published in a weekend? Absolutely. Would anybody actually want to read said book? Hell no, unless you’ve got someone out there looking for hard proof of your ineptitude. Look, I could […]
- [This Is Why We Need Your Story So Desperately](https://annsheybani.com/this-is-why-we-need-your-story-so-desperately/): I’ve been thinking about what I might add to this piece that I share with you below. I think it speaks so powerfully for itself that I hesitate to insert anything that will reduce its impact. I will say this, though. One of the biggest fears my clients have is that by telling their personal stories they will appear grandiose, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. “Who am I to tell this story,” they ask. “Really, who cares?” Or, “It’s all been written about before, so why bother?” “There is nothing new under the sun,” I tell them, “You’re right. But there’s nothing any […]
- [What A Music Video Can Teach You About Writing](https://annsheybani.com/what-a-music-video-can-teach-you-about-writing-2/): I broke my ankle a number of years ago. I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home, which is precisely what happens when I don’t run.  I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video caught my eye. Now music videos are directed like movies, little 3-minute movies. It’s just like a short story or an essay. The producer (or is it the director?) has to capture meaning in a very few frames. Everything shown on the screen must count.  Everything has […]
- [57 Things I Love About My Irish Hood](https://annsheybani.com/57-things-i-love-about-my-irish-hood/): The crazy Border Collies laying in wait to chase our car just beyond the barn. The farmer on the hill who tells us jokes we can barely understand, what with his brogue being so thick. I’m pretty sure they all involve traveling salesmen and farmers’ daughters, though. The fox who dines from our compost heap, who then trots across the field with banana peels in his mouth. The fact that you can sit in a room with really famous people and not know that they’re famous. The ability to listen to incredible singers who never made it to America. Who tell […]
- [Your Story, A Chocolate Mess](https://annsheybani.com/your-story-a-chocolate-mess/): So, here’s the thing. Most of us become coaches, speakers, or service professionals if you will, because we’ve had to solve a particular problem for ourselves. Through trial and error, we figured out the process required to get the desired outcome. Somewhere along the road, we realized our story—rife with hard-won lessons—could be useful to people, inspirational, even. This story could save others time and grief, which is great because that means we haven’t suffered for naught. Most of my writing clients show up on my doorstep wondering how best to use their story to attract clients, to demonstrate that they […]
- [Why I loved wearing a headscarf](https://annsheybani.com/why-i-loved-wearing-a-headscarf/): Whenever I tell someone I used to live in Iran, he or she asks me a few standard questions, the most common one being, “Did you have to wear a burqa?” In short, no, but I did have to wear hijab, in my case, a trench coat and a headscarf, which I loved. And here’s why.
- [20 things I believe](https://annsheybani.com/20-things-i-believe-2/): I’m going to keep things short and sweet today. So I give you twenty things that I believe, particularly about business and writing:   Burning bridges and boats is for fools Good things take time The shiny object syndrome will keep you small Don’t quit your day job until you’ve got money rolling in You don’t get to skip Go and collect $200: with rare exceptions, you have to work through the process Don’t be afraid of being polarizing If you stick your head above the parapet, you will be criticized, and that’s OK Tell the truth about who you are; […]
- [Discrimination?](https://annsheybani.com/discrimination/): I got an email the other day in response to my post on author platforms. Anything out there on how to build a platform?  email lists, followings? I have no idea of how to get them or how to measure them. We have to be doing something for these to happen. So what if we aren’t. Sounds like we are being discriminated against. Thoughts? So….where do I start? First, let’s talk about the notion of discrimination. (And we’re not talking about white privilege here, or the lack of authors of color, which is a real thing.) Then, let’s hit the platform-building […]
- [It's not about the advance](https://annsheybani.com/its-not-about-the-advance/): I speak at seminars about getting non-fiction books published. I’m often asked about the average advances authors get from major publishing houses and the average time it takes to write a polished book….the kind that interests said houses. And invariably, folks don’t like what I have to say much. If you were to do the math, you too would quickly figure out that the effort involved yields you about $1.50 per hour when all is said and done. If you thought a big advance was what makes the effort worthwhile, I’m here to burst that bubble. (Call me Mrs. Killjoy.) And […]
- [Mean literary agents](https://annsheybani.com/mean-literary-agents/): I’ve been having the same conversation a lot lately. It goes something like this: A nice professional has gone to the trouble of crafting a book proposal, honing a query letter, even landing a call with an agent or two, only to be told one thing. “Your book will never sell because you lack a platform.” Copious tears are involved. Tissues are broken out. Mascara must be re-applied. (And that’s just me.) Now, this situation sucks for a couple of reasons. First: who likes rejection? Second, you invest all that time, energy, and, no doubt, money into writing a decent proposal […]
- [This is the kind of argument you want](https://annsheybani.com/this-is-the-kind-of-argument-you-want/): A lot of manuscripts slide across my desk each week, which shouldn’t surprise anyone seeing as I run a publishing house. After all these years in the business, I can identify why a particular book draws me in and where another immediately goes off the rails. I mean, I can point to the exact place, nearly in my sleep. Usually, the deadly issue appears in the first few pages of the introduction, and nine times out of ten, it involves the lack of a central idea. Your book needs to have a central idea that gets supported by stories, lessons, observations, […]
- [The girl in the puffy red coat](https://annsheybani.com/the-girl-in-the-puffy-red-coat/): You know how, at the start of a big endeavor, you worry that you’ll never drive it to completion? That you’re about to bite off more than you can chew and delude yourself in general? How embarrassing the very thought of failing to finish what you started feels? Particularly if there’s a public aspect to it? Well…..during the New Year holiday, Walt and I hiked to Mt. Everest base camp, which sits 17,500 feet above sea level. On the first day of this two-week epic excursion, we ran into The Girl in the Puffy Red Coat. She was trudging up hill […]
- [This fly-by-night actor who knows bupkiss](https://annsheybani.com/this-fly-by-night-actor-who-knows-bupkiss/): I once had a conversation with an actor who wanted to write a book about public speaking. I’ll call her Gloria, even though that’s not her name. Gloria had figured out, thanks to years of professional training and experience, how to be comfortable on stage while remaining deeply connected with an audience. She used this skill set to teach regular people how to overcome the fear of looking stupid, or forgetting their lines, or whatever it is that gets in the way of speaking in front of a crowd. (As if I don’t suffer from this as well.) In fact, she’d […]
- [Who knew this would be such an epic?](https://annsheybani.com/7956-2/): Walt got it into his head that he wanted to paint our deck. He figured, with a little scraping and a gallon of outdoor, weather-resistant paint, he could have the task done over a weekend. To this end, we ran to the local home and garden center with a paint chip to allow for proper color-matching. You see, Walt is no amateur; he knows you need to match the paint properly or the whole thing looks like hell. Enter stage right: Anne. She ran the paint desk. And believe me when I tell you that this Anne knew her paint. She […]
- [The evil eye](https://annsheybani.com/the-evil-eye-2/): You stand out when you have a published book. This is something authors want….and don’t want at the same time. This conflict plays out in a whole bunch of ways, which I won’t take the time to get into here. Why would we resist standing out? Oh, the reasons goes so, so deep, often into the realm of superstition. When I lived in Iran, the Evil Eye was a force to be reckoned with. To deflect the covetous attention of others, Esfand seeds were burned on a special metal grate after guests left a home. Turquoise jewelry was worn to protect oneself. Salt was placed […]
- [Dropping the armor](https://annsheybani.com/dropping-the-armor/): Walt and I were talking about the performance artist, Marina Abramovic, this morning. I don’t know if you’ve ever caught sight of this video clip of her sitting across the table from strangers at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. People stood in line for hours for the opportunity to spend one uninterrupted minute with Abramovic, one on one, and have her look deep into their eyes. The most beautiful moment was captured when her former lover, Ulay, unexpectedly takes the seat across from her. Be. Still. My. Heart. The nervous glances of those awaiting their turn revealed […]
- [What a music video can teach you about writing](https://annsheybani.com/what-a-music-video-can-teach-you-about-writing-3/): I broke my ankle a number of years ago. I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home, which is precisely what happens when I don’t run.  I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video caught my eye. Now music videos are directed like movies, little 3-minute movies. It’s just like a short story or an essay. The producer (or is it the director?) has to capture meaning in a very few frames. Everything shown on the screen must count.  Everything has […]
- [Advice from a literary agent](https://annsheybani.com/advice-from-a-literary-agent/): This is a guest post by my friend Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda is a literary agent. That means she gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Trust me, she’s no slouch. She’s gotten some pretty amazing deals for some of my book proposal clients. Even if you don’t harbor the fantasy of publishing your book with a big New York house, you’ll want to pay attention to her advice. Because it holds across the board, whether you intend to self-publish, partner with a hybrid press like Summit Press Publishers (I turn books down for the very same […]
- [Blowing hot and cold...again](https://annsheybani.com/blowing-hot-and-cold-again/): Each time I work on a book project, I not only learn about the topic, but also about myself. Catherine Rolt’s, The Pain Paradox, which is about to be released by Summit Press Publishers, is a perfect example. I knew next to nothing about Integrated Chinese Medicine–and now I’m a convert–and even less about my body’s warning signals when something is off. This morning, for instance, I felt a misplaced rage that made little sense. I could track it back, thanks to this book, to a water energy imbalance. I’ve got some work to do there. But where I’m given to […]
- [A smack upside the head](https://annsheybani.com/a-smack-upside-the-head/): Here’s the thing. Your readers (a.k.a. potential clients) want to know that you’ve overcome the same challenges that they’re currently facing. They want to know that you’ve had your own on-your-knees moment—that horrible moment when you recognized that something had to change; that you couldn’t go on the way you had been; that the status quo was no longer a viable option. (Or that you’ve helped enough people in this position that it could just as well be you.) And let me tell you, it’s not always easy to get my book-writing clients to embrace this concept. Because who wants to […]
- [How to turn your speech into a book](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-turn-your-speech-into-a-book/): Once upon a time (actually, in 2014), Naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave the University of Texas Austin commencement address. It was a twenty-minute speech that outlined ten principles he’d learned during Naval SEAL training. These principles helped him overcome challenges, not only in his training and long naval career, but also throughout his life. Someone in the audience that day thought to film the speech and throw it up on Youtube. Within short order, the video went viral with over five million views. (I totally loved it.)  Hatchette Book Group, one of theBig Five publishing houses, signed the Admiral to a book deal […]
- [Get others to paint your fence](https://annsheybani.com/get-others-to-paint-that-fence/): For a lot of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times more business by getting your current clients to write the book for you. Or imagine getting together with members of your network, your affiliates, and writing a book together. Well, if that idea appeals to you, it may be time for you to write an anthology. Here’s the definition of an anthology: A book or […]
- [I'm going to help you with your dialogue](https://annsheybani.com/im-going-to-help-you-with-your-dialogue/): As much as we’d like them to, our readers don’t tend to remember strings of concepts, statistics, or cold, hard facts. Especially page after page of them. The best way to make information sticky is to tell them a story, to deliver the necessary points, at least the major ones, within a scene. One of the most important elements of scene is dialogue. Dialogue, in case you’re not familiar with the term, is what two or more people (characters) tell each other as they banter back and forth. It’s the stuff that goes inside quotes. All this being said, I’m going […]
- [Help? Who, me?](https://annsheybani.com/help-who-me/): Being a pretty decent writer, you may think you should go it alone when tackling a book project. Or that a big publishing house should supply you with all sorts of writing help as part of the deal….I mean, if they insist. But I’d like to tell you about Maxwell Perkins, who is often considered the greatest book editor in recent history. He was responsible for turning the manuscripts of F. Scott Fitzgerald, Earnest Hemmingway, Thomas Wolfe, and others into masterpieces. In this video, I’d like to share with you how far Maxwell went in the interest of his writers and […]
- [This is not about luck](https://annsheybani.com/this-is-not-about-luck/): I was listening to a Ted Talk  with  Sheryl Sandberg some time back (see below). In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  (Or at least she was. I’d have to check.) She’s a pretty big deal. “Women,” she claimed, “are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world.” And one of the reasons, she postulated, is that women need to change their mindset when it comes to success. Women […]
- [Effort vs. Results](https://annsheybani.com/effort-vs-results/): It’s math. Simple math. Everybody knows that the more effort you put into something, the better the results you should see. Up to a point, this assumption holds true. Yet, for the kind of results you’d die for, a ton more effort than you’d think will be required. That inflection point is where things get REALZ pretty damn fast. This  holds true in the book world. You can get some pretty good results by tossing together a business card book. But the real results are to be had by doing the work. The results you want are likely on the other […]
- [Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab](https://annsheybani.com/getting-laid-getting-paid-looking-fab-2/): Years ago, and I mean yearssssss ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. That’s where we recognized that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our backends. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most outlandish things—painting angel portraits for spiritual guidance, selling dog training pamphlets on the net, you name it. Our homework assignment one day was to come up with a list of things we were good at, our special areas of expertise, and then list some potential business ideas that capitalized on these skills. I […]
- [So you think you can help everybody](https://annsheybani.com/so-you-think-you-can-help-everybody/): I’m going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. In fact, just the other day, I had this conversation nearly word for word. If you’re an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be super useful even if you aren’t looking to write a client-attracting book because they’ll help you market better and write more powerful copy. Here’s the thing: before you start banging away on the keyboard producing your bestselling book, you’ve got to be crystal clear on who you help. You’ve also got to […]
- [I'm a coward](https://annsheybani.com/im-a-coward/): I have a problem. This problem has gotten big enough that I’ve decided I need a solution. Oh, sure, I’ve been aware of this issue for a good long while, but recently I recognized that it’s costing me big time, so it’s taken on some urgency. You see, I avoid conflict. I turn tail and run from anything that smells like a difficult conversation. I’ve limped along with this impediment; ducked in behind a husband who, as a former criminal defense attorney, eats conflict for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (If you want to know how conflict-friendly Walt is, go HERE) But […]
- [When the bloom comes off the rose](https://annsheybani.com/when-the-bloom-comes-off-the-rose/): Each week, I have conversations with people who claim to want to write a book. I listen carefully, not just to establish if I like an individual, which is necessary if I’m to take them on as a client; if I think the project would be interesting and teach me a thing or three; but also, if this nice enthusiast is likely to drive the work to completion. Or not. Sure, I could accept money thrown at me, do my best by someone for as long as I’m allowed, but I just hate it when someone quits because, true co-dependent that […]
- [The Ski Patrol isn’t coming](https://annsheybani.com/the-ski-patrol-isnt-coming-2/): I break this post out every once in a while, not just when I’m in adventure mode, which I am, what with me being off in the Himalayas eating de-hi. (That’s short for dehydrated meals, which, I’ve got to say, have improved vastly since I began climbing.) I do this because I need the reminder all the freaking time. ALL THE TIME.  Nonetheless, let’s call this adventure segment IV. Just so you’re tracking.   The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, […]
- [Another one of Walt’s death marches](https://annsheybani.com/another-one-of-walts-death-marches-2/): The adventure series continues. Let’s call this Part III. One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles total distance, with a 5000-foot elevation gain. Not for the faint of heart. But we figured, what with being distance runners, what with being high altitude mountaineers, what with knowing for sure that we can do such a thing having […]
- [I'd like to talk to you about my feet](https://annsheybani.com/id-like-to-talk-to-you-about-my-feet/): Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, one week not so many years ago, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to mountain climbing. Yes, I appreciate the confidence it buys me. (You accomplish that kind of task, and you get to walk the planet like you’ve got it going on.) But I also resent the fact that it’s a LOT of hard work, fraught with scary moments when […]
- [Those of us who tell the stories rule society](https://annsheybani.com/those-of-us-who-tell-the-stories-rule-society-2/): Over the upcoming holiday season, Walt and I will be trekking in Nepal. Oh, sure, some people choose the Bahamas when they want to unwind, us, not so much. We’re all about yaks and tents and pooping in a bucket because, well, that’s just how we roll. Nothing says relaxation like spreading frozen sunscreen on your face at 2 a.m. before you set out for an 18-hour day.  Which got me thinking about doing a little adventure series while we’re gone. To keep you entertained.    There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt […]
- [Picture The Kite Runner without the Taliban](https://annsheybani.com/picture-the-kite-runner-without-the-taliban/): Not long ago, I had a conversation with a lovely woman about her book, the one that sold all of three copies in as many years. Now, this woman is no slouch in the writing department. In fact, she makes a good living as a copyeditor. BUT, there’s one thing she really didn’t understand about books: we need an identifiable problem that will be resolved by the very last page. This law doesn’t just hold true for novels–I mean, picture The Kite Runner without the Taliban insurgence– but for non-fiction genres as well. A memoir, which is what this woman had […]
- [The pluses and minuses of being hazy AF](https://annsheybani.com/the-pluses-and-minuses-of-being-hazy-af/): I’ve got lots of unpopular opinions, many of them formed the hard way. As a writer, then a writing workshop leader, then a book coach, then a book doctor, then a publisher……oh the journey….I can tell you EXACTLY where the trains tend to come off the track during book development. Particularly for those authors looking to write a book to grow their business, extend their reach, and to attract clients with their stories and unique framework. One of the things that I love about entrepreneurs is their general willingness to throw themselves off a cliff and figure stuff out during  free […]
- [With truth comes peace](https://annsheybani.com/with-truth-comes-peace-2/): I received this beautiful note a while back in response to one of my newsletters. I’d like to share it and my response with you.  It’s relevant to you writers out there, AND to people-pleasers. Thank you for your raw honesty. Your courage inspires me, seriously. Each time I read what you share, I think, How come I so admire a raw vulnerability in another and still feel fear and shame about some of my stories?Is that a part of the process? This pendulum swinging between feeling brave and totally scared? Certain and questioning? First of all, thank you.  Those words […]
- [Why risk it if you don't have to?](https://annsheybani.com/why-risk-it-if-you-dont-have-to/): A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for “manufacturing fear”. The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in many ways, she was also talking about the writing life, exposing myself unnecessarily to criticism and discomfort. (I’m telling you, you want to spice up your life, put a book out into the world.) This is a theme I’ve been exploring lately, which got me thinking about this video response I created for her. My dad used […]
- [Sexy formatting tricks to stir envy](https://annsheybani.com/sexy-formatting-tricks-to-stir-envy/): There’s something wonderful about writing a non-fiction book—how-to, self-help, or motivational, just to name a few of the business-building genres. You get to use all sorts of formatting tricks a memoirist or novelist would kill for. What do I mean by formatting tricks? Well, let’s say you’re writing a book about goal-achievement. (I like that topic, don’t you?) Maybe you start off Chapter Two by explaining SMART goals. Of course, anybody who’s anyone knows that SMART stands for—specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time sensitive. You, the author, would probably explain why creating SMART goals is the way to go if you […]
- [How to write a book when you're nutty](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-write-a-book-when-youre-nutty/): I wanted to share with you a 10-minute Masterclass I ran a month or two back for those who registered for one of my book-writing webinars. I got tons of comments about just how helpful it was, thus me finally getting around to presenting it to you here. I would have done it sooner, but like you, stuff falls off the plate when I go through busy spells. And that’s really what this whole video is about. If you’re constantly playing whack-a-mole, putting out fires in your life and business, how the hell are you supposed to find the time to […]
- [A pernicious myth that needs to be killt](https://annsheybani.com/a-pernicious-myth-that-needs-to-be-killt/): OK. It’s time to dispel with a myth, one that’s going to cause you a number of problems if you persist in buying into it. Book promotion, as much as we’d all like to believe otherwise, is the job of the author. You heard me right. Now let me explain.
- [Can I charge more if I have a book?](https://annsheybani.com/can-i-charge-more-if-i-have-a-book/): The other day, I was talking to a student enrolled in the Influential Author Formula. She asked, “Can I charge more money if I have a book?” God, I love this question, which is why I’m going to share my answer right here. Let’s come at this from two angles. If you’re a service provider of some sort, a coach or a consultant, a health practitioner or professional, you are by your very nature a helper. I mean, unless you’re a devious sociopath, you likely wouldn’t have gone into a helping industry otherwise. The thing about helpers is that they (we, […]
- [When you just don't feel like it...](https://annsheybani.com/when-you-just-dont-feel-like-it/): I thought I’d bring this post back because it’s even more relevant than ever, thanks to pandemic fatigue. You know what I’m talking about, that sense that doing ANYTHING seems so…utterly pointless. And yet, we need to keep forging ahead because the alternative is pretty stupid, if you think about it, I mean.   As a content developer; I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear […]
- [My favorite fives](https://annsheybani.com/my-favorite-fives/): Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful tradition. At the beginning of summer, they’d mail a reading list–a compilation of each teacher’s favorite books–to the house. Now, I’m sure the design was to encourage students to read quality books during vacation, but the only one (and I could be wrong here) who took that idea and ran with it was me. Though I’m a fool for reading lists in general, I loved that particular one. I’d take it with me each time I visited the library to load up on books. Summer after summer, I discovered […]
- [Some Books I'm Horribly Excited About](https://annsheybani.com/some-books-im-horribly-excited-about/): I love it when my clients, after months of writing and revising and doubting themselves and the whole value of their projects, break through to the other side and begin the process of publishing their books. So, I just wanted to pause long enough to celebrate some more. Because it’s easy to reach that goal, then move on to the very next thing. I know, I do it all the time. First is Catherine O’Brien’s Happy With Baby: Essential Relationship Advice When Partners Become Parents Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Catherine O’Brien and her husband lay out all the communication and […]
- [Finding my wood](https://annsheybani.com/finding-my-wood-3/): I’ve been doctoring a terrific book on Integrated Chinese Medicine, which addresses health issues caused by an overabundance or deficit of certain “elements”, including wood, fire, water, and air. It got me thinking about my wood, how much more of it I have at this stage of life. And about this post I wrote years ago on The Joy Luck Club. One of those books that changed my life.   When I turned thirty, I was angry and unhappy, but didn’t really know it.   I figured that niggling feeling, the one I couldn’t really identify, the one that wouldn’t go […]
- [The brilliance of Jeff Walker and his book, Launch](https://annsheybani.com/the-brilliance-of-jeff-walker-and-his-book-launch/): I’m a huge fan of internet marketing expert, Jeff Walker. So much so, that I’m part of his inner-circle community. Guy opens his mouth, and I learn something new. Every time. If you’ve ever enrolled in my super digestible course, Turn Your Book Into a Money Machine, then you’ve heard me break apart his strategy for identifying readers, turning them into raving fans, then buyers of additional products and programs, all with the use of free bonuses offered in the pages of his book. Well, just the other day, I had the opportunity to interview him about his newly released book, […]
- [That time Oprah called about your book](https://annsheybani.com/that-time-oprah-called-about-your-book/): I want to write a book so good, so meaningful, that it lands me on Oprah. I want to sit beneath her shade tree in that lovely wicker chair and talk about, not just my book, but our shared philosophy of life. Tell me, do you think I have a shot? That’s a question I field weekly. Once in a while I say yes, most of the time I find a nice way to say, not on your life. Most of these inquisitors recognize that landing on Super Soul Sunday is, how should I phrase it, a stretch goal. They get […]
- [That ugly thing they're going to find out](https://annsheybani.com/the-ugly-thing-theyre-going-to-learn-about-you/): I’m always fascinated by people who have a love/hate relationship with attention. Maybe because I do, too. Turn a video camera on me when I haven’t spent hours primping and preparing, and I choke. Like I’ve got a 6-oz ribeye lodged in my throat. Take my friend, who shall remain nameless because, really, who wants to be observed this closely, then written about in a public forum? We were seated together at a conference, and I could practically feel the sparks coming off her, so consumed was she by the desire to be plucked from the crowd and brought onstage for an […]
- [Nothing good comes easy](https://annsheybani.com/nothing-good-comes-easy/): I grew up with ZERO understanding of process. I chalk this up to the alcoholic dynamic that played out in our household. One minute–OK, this would go on for hours, but who’s counting– my father would be drinking and raging, tearing into my mother, sending the family scrambling for cover; the next day, we’d all sit around the breakfast table, a smile plastered on our faces, eating burnt pancakes as if nothing untoward had happened. Not a mention of the turmoil the night before. Not a frown, not a pout, not a put-upon sniffle. Nada. Peace returned to the forest, as […]
- [What are the steps in publishing a book?](https://annsheybani.com/what-are-the-steps-in-publishing-a-book/): You’ve finished your manuscript, now what? You’ve done all that hard work, all that revision, and now it’s time to publish your book. What comes next? Where do you go? Who do you call? I mean, beyond Ghostbusters? The fewer questions you have, the easier it will be to transform your document into a real, live book. (Oh, sure, a book is an inanimate object, but why split hairs?) I’m going to walk you through, step-by-step, the typical book production journey we guide our authors through at Summit Press Publishing. That way you can plan accordingly: you can take action.  Without action, […]
- [Give your narrative some structure](https://annsheybani.com/give-your-narrative-some-structure/): Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Here’s another way to turn your readers into clients and/or fans: Have a solid structure with a clear transformation path As opposed to  taking your reader on a wild goose chase over hill and dale, having no container for your stories, no outline, just a mish-mash of random musings. My client Ann – another gorgeous, talented Ann- is, among many things, a keynote speaker and host of the podcast Straight Talk for a Curvy World. She wanted to share her personal story with other women so they would know that they […]
- [Narrow your scope](https://annsheybani.com/narrow-your-scope/): Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Want to know what to include in a book? Want to turn your readers into clients and/or fans? Well then, spell out a CLEAR SOLUTION to AN urgent problem. Don’t try to solve every problem known to man all in one go. CREATE AN MBA IN A BOX. Throw in everything you know about business (or your topic), including the kitchen sink. Dazzle mankind with the breadth and depth of your knowledge. Look, you know better. You really do. Only problem is, you also see how the urgent problem is multi […]
- [Give your readers stories, not more facts and figures](https://annsheybani.com/1-book-writing-fix/): Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Here’s the the best way to turn your readers into clients and/or fans: Give them stories, lots of stories As opposed to saddling them with a dry textbook chuck full of concepts, facts, figures, and statistics. Think Intro to Physics 101, a book that made me question my will to live back in the day.  Or Everything You Need to Know About Your IT Department But Were Afraid to Ask. Talk about taking your reader straight to hell! If you’ve been in my world for a while, you’ve heard me talk […]
- [Small minded and petty](https://annsheybani.com/so-small-minded-and-petty/): When I came out of Harvard, I had visions of becoming the next literary superstar. That’s what we all talked about in grad school. I wanted to sit along the Grand Canal like Hemmingway and work on my writing all day. (You know, wine, seagulls, and interesting friends who respected my need for shoulder massages and quiet.) Fast forward a couple of years. I pitched the book I’d been working on to some big New York agents at a prestigious writing conference but I got zero interest because I was a complete unknown without a following or a list. I was […]
- [How to lose friends](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-lose-friends/): Writers worry a lot. Worry is what feeds our procrastination; why we’d rather clean that disgusting barbecue grill than sit in front of our nice, clean computers. We worry that we’re hacks; that we have nothing new to say on a subject, that we’re frittering away our time on yet another project that we’re never going to see to completion. However, there’s one fear that looms above them all, the granddaddy of the pack: the fear of writing about other people and the trouble that may cause. Here’s the scoop: As writers we want to stick to the truth as closely […]
- [It all starts with your clever title...](https://annsheybani.com/it-all-starts-with-your-clever-title/): Writing a book to attract ideal clients and expand your reach? Well, you’re going to want to consider the big promise you make to your reader, the first indication of which is your title. That’s how we ALL decide if a book is worth our time. Will the eight+ hours we invest yield some desired result? Solve an urgent problem? Teach us how to do something we want to do? The right title will tell us that. Eben Pagan and other online marketing gurus claim that people will only give you their hard earned money and limited attention if you can […]
- [The male version of getting bangs](https://annsheybani.com/the-male-version-of-getting-bangs/): Twin Lakes, Colorado, that’s where we were. A small frontier town surrounded by mountains and lakes. An old West feel with a tight-knit community serving tourists in order to keep food on the table. Trail runners, hikers, fishermen, outdoors people mostly, that’s who seemed to be moving through town. Walt and I were there to run along the Leadville racecourse, a 100-mile ultramarathon famous for its difficulty. Not the whole thing, mind you, just a segment of it so we’d get the feel. (OMG, I have nothing but respect!!!!) Early one morning, we grabbed our coffees and took a walk up […]
- [I'll admit it...](https://annsheybani.com/ill-admit-it/): Walt and I have a bunch of decorative pots sitting on either side of our front door. After over 8 years here in Ireland, we’ve decided it’s high time we pull the weeds out of them and plant something attractive. You know, just to make it look as though we care. Neither of us is much of a gardener. In fact, if you have any common decency, you’ll never gift me with a fern or a Christmas poinsettia because the thing’ll only wind up dead. I take no pleasure in this fact. Now, most mornings we run by Claudia’s house (that’s […]
- [I hesitate to tell you this...](https://annsheybani.com/i-hesitate-to-tell-you-this/): Basically because everyone who wants a good content developer for free—OK, a barter arrangement isn’t free, but close enough for government work— will come pouring out of the woodwork into my already clogged inbox. Edit my writing, help me develop my book’s concept, and I’ll give you a year’s worth of free tennis lessons, or take your headshots until your old and gray, or groom your dogs, or teach you how to grow tomatoes…. That’s what the emails will say. How do I know? Shit happens All. The. Time. Here’s the short answer:  No. Now, I generally despise the barter system.  […]
- [Don't call me lima bean!](https://annsheybani.com/dont-call-me-lima-bean/): I get the occasional irate email from those who don’t appreciate the way I greet them in my newsletters. I mean, some folks get incensed. Case in point: Ann, I am not a Lima Bean. Please don’t insult your readers. Just say, Hi, or Greeting…But don’t call me something silly. Thank you. Lorena Then we get downright mean. Clearly, no one wants to be associated with a bean or bean product, especially Banning here: Bean Dip? Go fuck yourself. Why do I insist in the face of such outrage?
- [Death and other motivators](https://annsheybani.com/death-and-other-big-motivators/): Over the weekend, while I calculated author royalties for Summit Press, the publishing house I run, I came across an anomaly. A.J. Wasserstein’s book, written and published 4 years ago, had sold over 100 copies. This is eyebrow raising for one big reason: A.J. does NOTHING to promote his book. He doesn’t do podcast interviews, nor does he lead capture within the pages of his book. He’s not on social media or on any author-type platforms. He doesn’t have a publicist or ads manager. Nothing. I Googled him, again, and couldn’t find more than a handful of images. Sure, there were […]
- [Good morning, slacker](https://annsheybani.com/good-morning-slacker-2/): Like a lot of overachievers, I hold myself to impossible standards.  It’s bought me a lot in life: it’s also created gratuitous stress. If you’ve landed in my world, chances are good that you can totally relate. This morning, even before my eyes snapped open, I began rehashing all the things I’d done wrong the day before, what I should have done differently, and how, thanks to my complete lack of discipline, I’ll never, ever, ever get any traction.  I’ll weigh 400 pounds.  And spend my days farting around on the couch.  And I’ll start 56 more projects and leave them all undone. You know. Really positive, […]
- [I so loved wearing a headscarf](https://annsheybani.com/i-so-loved-wearing-a-headscarf/): I have to admit it. I questioned whether or not I should bring this post back. I got some “rather unfriendly” comments the last time I presented it here. So let me say this before I get going. I’m talking about MY experience with hijab as a western woman. Period, full stop. I’m a huge proponent of personal choice, especially when it comes to dress. You want to wear a mini skirt or a niqab, have at it. Now, the reason I’m dragging this out from the short-hair cellar? Because I’m seeing this very thing play out again, in technicolor. So […]
- [5 things every expert-positioning book should include](https://annsheybani.com/5-things-every-expert-positioning-book-should-include/): This week, I’ve had my nose in a couple of manuscripts that have landed on my desk for doctoring. There are gems within each of these manuscripts, but the overall thing doesn’t work because in each, there’s a lack of a few key elements. My job is to slip these in, preferably in an artful manner. What kinds of things do I need to include? Well, that’s where this post from the past comes in.   You may be really excited about the prospect of writing a book for your business, but let’s take some time to strategize before you go […]
- [How do you know when your book is done?](https://annsheybani.com/how-do-you-know-when-your-book-is-done-2/): That’s the question all of us writers ask, not just my clients. In fact, I brought this post back because I’ve fielded this question twice this week, and it’s only Monday. And there’s a short and sweet answer–when you’ve done everything you can do, everything you can think of to improve the piece. And there’s a longer answer, which is what this video is all about. If you know yourself to be a get er’ done sort of person, listen up. If you’re a perfectionist who can drag the process out for eons in the interest of hiding in the shadows, […]
- [Your readers want to feel](https://annsheybani.com/your-readers-want-to-feel/): Many of my clients want to include personal stories in their book, often because they’ve had to overcome certain challenges shared by their clients.  Their story, their journey is relevant to their target audience. All successful stories have one thing in common: emotion. Emotion lies at the core of every character’s decision, action, and word, all of which drive the story. Without emotion, a character’s personal journey is pointless. Stakes cease to exist. Never forget that readers want to have an emotional experience, even if they’re reading self-help. Because of this, imbuing your stories with emotion is essential. And none of […]
- [The ski patrol isn't coming](https://annsheybani.com/the-ski-patrol-isnt-coming/): The trail was 45-minutes long. One of those long, windy black diamond numbers over steep moguls, through unconsolidated snow.  My bindings were acting up.  One turn, two, and my ski would fall off. Walt was getting frustrated.  Down on his hands and knees for the fifteenth time, he’d attack the problem with his portable screwdriver. “How about you calm down,” I told Walt, who was frothing at the mouth, “You go on.  I’ll wait here for the ski patrol to show up.” See, I’ve always been a firm believer that when I’m in trouble, nice people in red jackets will show up […]
- [The very definition of a mission-driven book](https://annsheybani.com/the-very-definition-of-a-mission-driven-book/): I talk to a lot of folks looking to write and publish expert positioning books. Sometimes they’re driven by the desire to tell their personal story; sometimes, to share their unique process for fixing a particular problem, or to carve out a place in an overcrowded market. Sometimes a person is on a mission to change society, to alter the status quo in some very specific way. While any one person can have multiple motivators, I can pretty much tell which has primacy after a ten-minute conversation. (By the way, one motivator is no better than another; it just is what […]
- [3 things I learned climbing mountains](https://annsheybani.com/3-things-i-learned-climbing-mountains/): I climb high mountains. I’d like to offer you three lessons I’ve learned in the mountains; climbing lessons if you will. I’ve discovered over the years that there are many “mountains” in life. These lessons can be applied liberally. Each is entirely relevant to writing books. Lesson 1: There are many paths that lead to the top As you set off up any of these mountain of life, you’ll discover that there are thousands of possible footpaths: That twisty little trail over scree; up along the boulders just past the ravine; the well-marked fire road littered with empties. There’s no one […]
- [Year of Yes](https://annsheybani.com/year-of-yes/): Each Friday, Simon and Schuster sends out a promo email advertising temporarily discounted books. You can snag great Kindle reads for a couple of dollars. If you’re not on their mailing list, you can right that travesty by going here. Trust me, you want to be on this list. That list is how I found Shonda Rhimes’s 2015 book Year of Yes. I’d heard about it, of course, but I’d never gotten around to reading it. If you don’t know who Shonda Rimes is, she’s the creator of the hit TV shows Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, […]
- [We've tried everything!](https://annsheybani.com/weve-tried-everything/): Our gardener, Barry, warned us. We hadn’t paid much attention. After all, he was the one who’d encouraged us to kill the ivy that blanketed the house, spray weedkiller on it, along the walkway to eliminate the daisies while we were at it. We figured our ivy-covered walls looked classy, sophisticated, and established. Until the shit ate through the mortar and broke apart the molding, crept in through any semi-available opening. We pulled it down by hand because weedkiller would only wind up in our well water. We haven’t been poisoned, but we can’t find the walkway anymore either. Move the […]
- [Built like a brick sh*t house](https://annsheybani.com/built-like-a-brick-sht-house/): Writing a book involves the creation of one small chunk of material at a time, because to contemplate the project in its entirety is a set up for insanity and failure. Thus the elephant-eating metaphor I like to use: How do you eat an elephant? Yes, one bite at a time. Just because I can, I’m going to switch over to a different metaphor to better illustrate my next few points. Even if you aren’t a mason, I’d like you to consider your book as though it were a brick house. Brick houses have different shapes and structures, just like books, […]
- [Resting on your laurels](https://annsheybani.com/resting-on-your-laurels/): Every day, I talk to people who are looking to up their game by writing a book. They’ve done amazing things in their life and in their business and they want to share the wisdom they’ve gained. For many, writing a book is a brand new circus trick. It requires them to evolve, to become someone new. And we humans, we don’t like doing that kind of stuff: changing. Which got me thinking about this post that I wrote eons ago. The other day, a fellow at the gym showed me a photo. Circa 1967, a young man in fatigues posed […]
- [An open letter to J, after divorcing](https://annsheybani.com/an-open-letter-to-j-after-divorcing/): I wrote this piece nearly 8 years ago. I thought about it the other day while I was talking to a potential client about writing a book. This client was sitting on the fence, not sure if the investment of time and money was worth it, or if being content with the current state of affairs was the way to go. To risk and grow vs. remain safe and small. We face this choice all the time in myriad ways.   Dear J, Happy 50th Birthday!!! I must say, turning fifty is distressing enough without being divorced by your husband of […]
- [Pain: A Love Story](https://annsheybani.com/pain-a-love-story/): Dr. Serena Sterling wasn’t sure she’d ever finish her book project. There were times, as her content developer, I wasn’t sure she would either. Because Serena wasn’t just writing about her business–helping people overcome chronic physical and/or emotional pain–she was writing about her own fraught experience with the subject. If you want a reason to procrastinate, that’s a good one right there. Here’s what she says about the process: Writing a book was a grueling and cathartic experience. Now that it’s got a beginning, middle and an end wrapped up with a gorgeous cover, it feels surreal. I can’t believe I’m […]
- [Why I need a seeing eye dog](https://annsheybani.com/why-i-need-a-seeing-eye-dog/): I wouldn’t last a minute in battle if I had to depend on my powers of observation, mostly because I walk the planet with my head up my ass. I mean, it’s a wonder I’ve not been hit by a bus while crossing the street. Get into an interesting conversation and forget about me noticing that nuclear explosion that’s got everybody else alarmed. OODA looping would help. I came across the concept of OODA loops while working with a client on a book about peak performance and goal achievement done the U.S. Air Force way. (Such interesting stuff!) Don’t know what […]
- [An assortment of testimonials](https://annsheybani.com/an-assortment-of-testimonials/):        Michelle Cully– I’ve always felt the need to tell my story, but fear, insecurity and the daunting process held me back for years. Then I met Ann. Her ability to find and project my voice, help me organize my stories and handle sensitive content with care and compassion is a rare gift and I can’t imagine completing my book with anyone else.   
- [On running, writing, and getting over my bad self](https://annsheybani.com/on-running-writing-and-getting-over-my-bad-self/): Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background, just in case you’re curious. To an outsider, you look like a woman “on top of the world” in more ways than one. But the route you took held plenty of obstacles.  Tell us about where you were in your life when you decided to start running, and what benefits you discovered right off. Once […]
- [20 things I believe](https://annsheybani.com/20-things-i-believe/): Here are twenty things that I believe, particularly about business and writing:   Burning bridges and boats is for fools Good things take time The shiny object syndrome will keep you small Don’t quit your day job until you’ve got money rolling in You don’t get to skip Go and collect $200: with rare exceptions, you have to work through the process Don’t be afraid of being polarizing If you stick your head above the parapet, you will be criticized, and that’s OK Tell the truth about who you are; it’ll save everybody time and energy Be kind and clear, not […]
- [You're here for a reason](https://annsheybani.com/youre-here-for-a-reason/): I have this really wise friend who also happens to be a clinical psychologist specializing in the science of change.  Sometime last year, she started sending out these short videos to her mailing list. I find myself watching them while I eat lunch because they calm me down. Julie is just one of those people I like to be around. She’s warm, kind, and has a way of ratcheting the frenetic energy of a room (or head) way the hell down. She’s sort of a horse whisperer for nutty people like me. So, a nut whisperer? Anyway, this particular video caught […]
- [Why, you CAN tell a book by its cover](https://annsheybani.com/why-you-can-tell-a-book-by-its-cover/): I don’t care what my mother said. You CAN tell a book by its cover, particularly if it’s been designed well. Years ago, I tripped over this video (below) about cover design. I don’t know what got me thinking about it again, maybe an unveiling snapshot of Summit Press Publisher’s latest release (or soon to be, anyway), sent to me by the excited author. Talk about a cover that’s just so spot on. Anyway, not only is this Ted talk entertaining, it gives true insight into what actually goes into the whole book cover thought process. Sorry, you just don’t slap […]
- [Own it, for the love of all that is holy](https://annsheybani.com/own-it-for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy/): I was listening to a Ted Talk  with  Sheryl Sandberg some time back (see below). In it she discussed three things she believes hold women back in the work world.  For anyone who doesn’t know who Sheryl is, she’s the COO of Facebook in charge of monetizing the site.  She’s a pretty big deal. “Women,” she claimed, “are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world.” And one of the reasons, she postulated, is that women need to change their mindset when it comes to success. Women don’t acknowledge their achievements, not the way men do. […]
- [The first sign of trouble...](https://annsheybani.com/the-first-sign-of-trouble/): Over the weekend, I watched as Walt attempted to cut down an overhanging branch along the driveway. It wasn’t going well for a number of reasons. First, it was hard to get any sort of leverage while balancing on an extended ladder 15 feet or so above the ground. Then, the hack saw was a disaster because it probably hadn’t been sharpened in forever. And it’s not like you want to cart up a chain saw and go at a tree willy nilly, not if you want to keep your limbs. Mostly I was worried because this past week, Walt lost […]
- [A pep talk for creatives](https://annsheybani.com/a-pep-talk-for-creatives/): This video–complete with uplifting message, particularly if you’re the sort who generally likes to get shit done–was created by Cathy Hay, who teaches people how to make corsets and other period costumery (Is that a word? Well, if it isn’t, it is now). She’s got a huge fan base, not just because there are a lot more people than you might guess who are into making retro clothing, but because she understands creatives in general. Seriously, you should subscribe to her Youtube channel. It’ll bust open your world. Now, if you’ve been coasting until the Pandemic is over, listen up.
- [How to know if you've written a memoir or something else...](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-know-if-youve-written-a-memoir-or-something-else/): A good memoir: Has a razor-sharp focus on one element of life. Does not have filler. Every detail has to connect to the focus/theme. Is not a record, a report, or a list. It is a combination of active scenes. Has a vivid concrete setting. A Where. Every scene must have a setting. We must know where we are. Has a container, a time frame. Without a container there is no is focus. Has a protagonist with an external conflict (plot). I need to do something in the external world. Has a protagonist with an internal conflict. They’ve got something they […]
- [The devil is in the details](https://annsheybani.com/its-all-in-the-details/): Years ago, I used to run multi-day memoir-writing workshops. I’m telling you, I totally miss those experiences. I often find myself sharing bits of those lessons with my private clients as they build out their manuscripts. Particularly when they’ve got a narrative-driven work and they can’t figure out why their stories are falling flat. I thought I’d share one of these segments with you today, with one caveat: different genres require varying degrees of detail. You can over-burden a how-to pretty quickly with this stuff. Hope you find it equally as helpful.   According to Aristotle, humans have 5 senses: sight, […]
- [Which comes first: the blog content or the book?](https://annsheybani.com/which-comes-first-the-blog-content-or-the-book/): I talk to a lot of strategic entrepreneurs. They already produce written content–mainly blog posts or newsletters–and they’re wondering if they should be focused on writing posts with the sole intention of  creating book content. I love people who are into repurposing written content. It’s just so smart. I thought I’d answer that very question right here, in case you’ve been wondering the same thing. When Walt and I began writing blogs way back in the day, we weren’t writing for business. Walt was just sharing his thoughts, and I was looking to create an author’s platform for a book I […]
- [I was 45-years-old the first time I voted](https://annsheybani.com/heres-why-i-was-45-years-old-the-first-time-i-voted/): The first time I voted for an American president, I was 45-years old. It was 2008– McCain vs. Obama– and I can’t remember whom I chose. I’d registered and cast my vote only because my writing group had marveled at my willingness to dismiss a right others had given their lives for, a right I could have availed myself of at the age of 18. Peer pressure is a wonderful thing. As much as I’d railed against my father growing up, I absorbed a good deal of his attitude and mindset, far more than I’d care to admit. According to Dad, […]
- [How to deal with trolls](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-deal-with-trolls/): I finished off a big Masterclass promotion at the beginning of the month. ( I probably don’t have to tell you this because you no doubt received 250 emails from me and wanted very much for me to cut the shit.) I’m amazed at all of the emotions that come up for me whenever I do a big marketing push. Getting me to do a big, very public project like this (without Walt leading the charge) can be like pulling teeth. I resist it for SO long until, sick of myself, I just knuckle down and get it done. During a […]
- [30+ books to make you laugh](https://annsheybani.com/30-books-when-you-could-use-a-laugh/): The other day I decided that I was totally sick of myself. I was tired of constantly working and holing myself off from the world and reading nothing but business related stuff. It dawned on me that what I needed was a good laugh, more precisely, a book that would make me laugh. So I did what every self-respecting person would.  I reached out to my friends on Facebook and asked for a recommendation. And man did they come pouring in. I thought I’d share these recommendations with you here, in case you’re feeling the same way. Let me know which […]
- [Why we need your story more than ever](https://annsheybani.com/why-we-need-your-story-more-than-ever/): One of the biggest fears my clients have is that by telling their personal stories they will appear grandiose, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. “Who am I to tell this story,” they ask. “Really, who cares?” Or, “It’s all been written about before, so why bother?” “There is nothing new under the sun,” I tell them, “You’re right. But there’s nothing any of us can do about that fact except add to the conversation at large.” And yet. Often, it’s your story that someone really hears, that someone actually connects with for the very first time. Sometimes the scales fall from your reader’s eyes immediately, […]
- [Think Random House might be interested in your story?](https://annsheybani.com/think-random-house-might-be-interested-in-your-story/): In my line of work, I talk to a lot of fascinating people who consider their stories worthy of Big House publishing. They’ve done the whole rags-to-riches thing, or overcome outrageous abuse, or performed the most amazing feats of courage. I mean, I’m awed by the human capacity for both suffering and accomplishment. The question I hear at least once a week? Will my story sell? Will it attract an agent or get me a book deal? Having a fascinating story is just the start. There are SO many considerations to take into account. And that’s what I want to talk […]
- [You've got to be bad to be good](https://annsheybani.com/youve-got-to-be-bad-to-be-good-3/): I received a great question the other day that I’d like to address here: Should someone blog without professional edits to begin engagement about a potential book? (They’re concerned about credibility if they post poorly. Thoughts?)   Here’s the thing. I usually catch an error or five long after I’ve posted a blog. They happen, particularly when I don’t bother having Walt proof my work. Sometimes well-intentioned folks will write to inform me about a mistake I’ve made—i.e. their instead of they’re, its instead of it’s—because they’re concerned that illiteracy reflects badly on a writing teacher. I just laugh, thank them […]
- [How to go about writing a business parable](https://annsheybani.com/7155-2/): In the last few years, I’ve had a number of clients who chose to write a  parable instead of the usual business-in-a-box tome. (For instance, check out Josh Patrick’s Sustainable–his second parable is due out soon–and Vicki Suiter’s The Profit Bleed.) The parable is a particularly appealing genre for business writers who recognize that readers learn best, not from an endless stream of concepts, but from a simple story, one that doesn’t take seven years to write. A parable is a short(ish) tale that illustrates a universal truth. (It’s often clumped together with similar narrative types, such as the allegory and fable.  […]
- [Squirrel attacks, elk mauling, and sunstroke](https://annsheybani.com/squirrel-attacks-elk-mauling-and-sunstroke/): One Saturday a few years back, Walt and I hiked the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles total distance, with a 5000-foot elevation gain. Not for the faint of heart. But we figured, what with being distance runners, what with being high altitude mountaineers, what with knowing for sure that we can do such a thing having done it several times before, that we were well within […]
- [A literary agent's advice for book-writing entrepreneurs](https://annsheybani.com/a-literary-agents-advice-for-book-writing-entrepreneurs/): This is a guest post by my friend Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda is a literary agent. That means she gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Trust me, she’s no slouch. She’s gotten some pretty amazing deals for some friends of mine. Right now, Lucinda’s team is working with one of my clients to place her book. Even if you don’t harbor the fantasy of publishing your book with a big New York house, you’ll want to pay attention to her advice. Because it holds across the board, whether you intend to self-publish, partner with an indie […]
- [This should be considered a cardinal sin !!!](https://annsheybani.com/this-should-be-considered-a-cardinal-sin/): If you write sales copy, you’re particularly susceptible to this crime. If you’re a sixteen-year-old female or highly emotive male, you’re probably guilty as well. If you were raised in the valley during the late 80’s,  you’re probably making this mistake way more often than you should. So, let’s clear this issue up once and for all so we can look like book writing pros. You’re welcome.
- [Mean people on Amazon](https://annsheybani.com/mean-people-on-amazon/): I got this note from one of my clients recently: I was reading some reviews on Amazon associated with books on my topic and I would have to look at my browsing history to see which ones they were but some reviews were awful. People complained that just because some techniques worked for the author, they didn’t work for them and they didn’t care to read about her life events. I don’t want to have readers think the same of me and my book. So, I’d like to unpack this concern for every writer who worries about this very thing. Really, […]
- [I found this email to be totally bizarre](https://annsheybani.com/i-found-this-email-to-be-totally-bizarre/): I received this email in response to last week’s newsletter. I thought I’d share it with you because, if you put stuff out there on a regular basis, you’re going to receive interesting responses. Sometimes people will thank you for your message, other times, you’ll be lambasted for some infraction you weren’t even aware of. And sometimes you’ll receive emails like this from nice people who just aren’t sure where you’re coming from.   Dear Ann, When I opened your email, I wasn’t sure who or what I was going to read. You addressed me as Almond Milk – I wondered […]
- [10 books you need to read if you were raised by alcoholics](https://annsheybani.com/10-books-you-need-to-read-if-you-were-raised-by-alcoholics/): If I were to teach a course about overcoming the emotional damage and the misconceptions picked up from alcoholic parents, this would be the semester’s  assigned reading. You’ll see me quote from these books from time to time because some of these issues refuse to die for me. And I often spot this stuff in some of my clients. It pays to discuss these issues when you’re writing a book or when you’re 15 minutes away from pressing the publishing button. Dear God, do these crop up! 1. The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome by Wayne Kritsberg Alcoholic Rules I didn’t […]
- [How To Use Personal Story To Sell Your Mission, Ideas, Products, or Services](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-use-personal-story-to-sell-your-mission-ideas-products-or-services/): Whenever we create content—be it a book, or a sales page, a blog post, or a speech—we need to consider the outcome we’re after.  For coaches, speakers, and other service professionals, that outcome is usually one, or a combination of several things. We’re looking to attract ideal clients; Impact others lives and affect radical change; Inspire people by offering them our perspective, our hard-won experience so we can save them time and pain; We want to spell out our unique process for fixing a specific problem once and for all, Become known as an expert in our field; Outline our message […]
- [How to turn bits of content into a book](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-turn-bits-of-content-into-a-book/): Turtle Bunbury was fixated on 1847. In fact, he wrote over 40 stories about people and events that made the news in that fascinating year. But when it came time to turn his collection of stories into a book, he had a conundrum: How on earth was he going to organize all of that material so it would flow well? If you have tons of written content and are wondering the same thing, you’re going to want to listen in today.
- [The problem, as I saw it](https://annsheybani.com/the-problem-as-i-saw-it/): I’m going to share with you some important concepts I walk my clients through before they start in on a project. In fact, just the other day, I had this conversation nearly word for word. If you’re an entrepreneur or a service professional, these ideas are going to be super useful even if you aren’t looking to write a client-attracting book because they’ll help you market better and write more powerful copy. Here’s the thing: before you start banging away on the keyboard producing your bestselling book, you’ve got to be crystal clear on who you help. You’ve also got to […]
- [Our man, Barry](https://annsheybani.com/our-man-barry/): Barry, our caretaker, stopped by one day last summer. He’s a really lovely dude who cuts our grass and looks after the place whenever we’re gone. Anyway, Barry was giving out about some Americans who were due to arrive at another property he looks after. They’d paid for the week but, instead of showing up, they’d spent the night at a hotel in town. “Why would anyone pay for a hotel when they’ve got a perfectly lovely place that they’ve already paid for?” Barry was baffled. Of course, I knew what had happened. They’d come in late and couldn’t find the […]
- [Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab](https://annsheybani.com/getting-laid-getting-paid-looking-fab/): Years ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. It didn’t take us long to recognize that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our asses. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most outlandish things—painting angel portraits for spiritual guidance, selling dog training pamphlets on the net, you name it. Our homework assignment one day was to come up with a list of things we were good at, our special areas of expertise, and then list some potential business ideas that capitalized on these skills. I figured I […]
- [Turn Your Course Into a Book](https://annsheybani.com/turn-your-course-into-a-book/): It sounds so easy, right? Take the transcripts from your course–you know, the ones that accompany your video tutorials– organize them into chapters, throw in a few extra case studies, and call it a day. Done and dusted, as the Irish like to say. A book in a weekend, max. No sweat, no tears, just repurposing at its best… Except, creating a book from a course is not exactly as easy as that. Mostly because a book has to follow a bunch of rules so the reader feels like they’re in the right place and trusts that the author has control […]
- [Nobody wants to read your sh*t](https://annsheybani.com/nobody-wants-to-read-your-sht/): In 2016, Steven Pressfield published his book Nobody one Wants to Read Your Sh*t. It scared a lot of would-be authors who want to contribute to the world, not burden it with garbage. What must you do to create a book worth reading? Let me answer that from the perspective of a writer and a publisher. This video runs a little over 10 minutes. I’m coming at you uncut and unpolished. Note any reluctance to hit play. If you’re hesitating because you’re too busy for potential nonsense, that there is what I mean to talk about.
- [Writing books I recommend](https://annsheybani.com/writing-books-i-recommend/): Given my profession, I’m often asked about my favorite books on writing. Before I answer, I tend to want to know WHY someone wants this information, mostly because I’ve noticed the tendency to read extensively on the topic, as opposed to doing the uncomfortable work, namely writing. It’s much easier to read about something, after all, than it is to dive into all that uncertainty. I figure, why send someone off on a study binge when what they really need to do is sit down long enough to meet their first problem. That’s when books on writing become far more valuable. […]
- [Pleasure Island](https://annsheybani.com/pleasure-island/): Our job as writers, particularly prescriptive nonfiction writers, is to take our readers on a journey. A very specific, personal journey that takes us from Pain Island to Pleasure Island, as Vrinda Norman puts it. Pain island represents failure, pain, and frustration. These are the negative circumstances, emotions, and thoughts that plague a person at the beginning of the problem-solution journey. By the way, every good story begins with pain. Readers want to know what the problem is right away.They don’t want to wade through thirty-nine pages, or chapters, to figure that out. Without a problematic situation, or ten, there’s no […]
- [Strong Titles Are Keyword-Rich](https://annsheybani.com/strong-titles-are-keyword-rich/): Remember when I said that your book title has two jobs and two jobs only: 1. To sell your book 2. To help your book get discovered through search engines Well, it’s time to talk about those search engines for a hot minute. You have hundreds and thousands of books to compete against. You know it, and so do I. So, how do you expect users to find and purchase yours, given that it’s a veritable needle in a haystack? By using keywords in your title and subtitle whenever possible, that’s how. Amazon, the world’s largest bookstore, operates like a search […]
- [Strong Titles Are Memorable and Pack a Punch](https://annsheybani.com/strong-titles-are-memorable-and-pack-a-punch/): Our titling saga continues… The title is what readers remember well enough to repeat to friends and search for on Amazon; the subtitle, less so. The most memorable titles are short, three words or less being ideal. Now, there are exceptions to this rule, of course. As soon as I say short, I’m sure you’re going to think of three or four that aren’t. Regardless, most best-selling books in the nonfiction categories, and even fiction, tend to be three words or less. Just check out the top 20 bestselling business books on the market: books like Influence, Atomic Habits, Good to […]
- [Still Stripping After 25 Years](https://annsheybani.com/still-stripping-after-25-years/): Yah, I bet that subject line grabbed your attention, made you want to learn more. And yet…you want to be careful of attention ploys when it comes to book titles. I know how easy it is to fall in love with a clever title that would be the perfect match for an entirely different book than the one you’re publishing. I love the title I’m Glad my Mom Died, which is a memoir by Jennette McCurdy, because it stops me in my tracks. It’s super hook-y. Unfortunately, genre issue aside, this would probably be the wrong vibe for a prescriptive nonfiction […]
- [Strong titles match the category](https://annsheybani.com/strong-titles-match-the-category/): You’ve probably read plenty of prescriptive nonfiction books, particularly if you’re writing one or just finishing it up. Look at your bookshelves, or head to Amazon and browse around. Pay attention to the language of the titles and subtitles in that category. Notice any popular trends for your book. These trends don’t happen by accident. Publishing folks think these approaches sell books, particularly in a given category, so you, too, may want to get on board. I’m not suggesting you rip off another book’s title or subtitle—but make sure the language you plan to use immediately signals to your reader that […]
- [Trying to craft the right title for your book?](https://annsheybani.com/trying-to-craft-the-right-title-for-your-book/): If the title is powerful enough, it doesn’t matter what’s in the book. Maybe you’ve heard this said. Everything Men Know About Women proves this theory because that book has sold more than 750,000 copies and its 120 pages are … blank. Coming up with a strong title for your prescriptive nonfiction book may look easy from the outside… until you try it. If you’re like most authors, you can wind up staring at a brainstormed list for a good long time, then throw your hands up in frustration. After investing all that blood, sweat, and tears, you really don’t want […]
- [Getting laid, getting paid, looking fab](https://annsheybani.com/getting-laid-getting-paid-looking-fab-3/): Years ago, and I mean yearssssss ago, Walt and I attended a Brendan Bruchard conference. That’s where we recognized that we could create a business out of just about anything we pulled out of our backends. I mean, we met people who were making money doing the most outlandish things—painting angel portraits for spiritual guidance, selling dog training pamphlets on the net, you name it. Our homework assignment one day was to come up with a list of things we were good at, our special areas of expertise, and then list some potential business ideas that capitalized on these skills. I […]
- [We need to fix that dialogue](https://annsheybani.com/we-need-to-fix-that-dialogue/): As much as we’d like them to, our readers don’t tend to remember strings of concepts, statistics, or cold, hard facts. Especially page after page of them. The best way to make information sticky is to tell them a story, to deliver the necessary points, at least the major ones, within a scene. One of the most important elements of scene is dialogue. Dialogue, in case you’re not familiar with the term, is what two or more people (characters) tell each other as they banter back and forth. It’s the stuff that goes inside quotes. All this being said, I’m going […]
- [Pity publishing doesn't exist](https://annsheybani.com/pity-publishing-doesnt-exist/): I run into writers who do not understand the publishing world AT ALL. Take the nice person who commented on this video. If it’s taking you two years to get published–and I’m not talking about the traditional production process, which feels like frozen molasses on a good day–you’re doing something wrong. By the way, if you want to better understand the traditional publishing process, you can download a free report on the subject here. Here are a few common points of confusion, the biggest being that you will not be rewarded for wanting it real bad or for trying real hard.
- [Revision steps for a prescriptive non-fiction book](https://annsheybani.com/revision-steps-for-a-prescriptive-non-fiction-book/): Have you written a complete draft of a book, one with tons of bugs still in it? Are you wondering what comes next; what you’re supposed to do, specifically, during revision? If you’ve written a book that doesn’t require a narrative arc—motivational, self-help, or how-to, to name just a few—revision will be relatively straightforward. The structure of your book is much less involved than a novel, say, or a memoir. You don’t have to keep the same characters moving in and out of your story, or create enough plot points to drive the momentum forward. You don’t have to worry about […]
- [How delaying gratification can multiply satisfaction and success](https://annsheybani.com/how-delaying-gratification-can-multiply-satisfaction-and-success/): In this Instagram video, the authors Ryan Holiday and Robert Greene discuss the true sense of fulfillment that comes from sinking your focus into a long-term book project instead of seeking a splashy insta win. Robert Greene is best known for The 48 Laws of Power a book first published in 1998 that could easily be considered a mega cult classic. And Ryan Holiday is the author of The Obstacle is the Way and Perennial Seller, among many other bestsellers. The two authors go way back. Greene was in fact Holiday’s mentor, so he had a lot to say about the […]
- [Success is a double-edged sword](https://annsheybani.com/success-is-a-double-edged-sword/): I’m always interested in hearing about that moment a business owner decides that it’s time to write a book. One minute they’re juggling myriad responsibilities, the next, they’re looking around trying to decide how one goes about getting a book writing job done despite the mile-long to-do list. Bryn Lottig, author of No Child Left Inside, spoke with me about that moment she decided a book was the next logical step in her business growth. She and her parter run Kikori, an experiential Social Emotional Learning (eSEL) approach that makes it easy and joyful for educators to cultivate the ideal classroom […]
- [So you want to create an audio book](https://annsheybani.com/so-you-want-to-create-an-audio-book/): Lately I’ve been listening to the book Braiding Sweetgrass on afternoon walks or whenever I putter in the kitchen. It’s narrated by the author, Robin Wall Kimmerer, which makes the experience all the more enjoyable. She sinks her essence into the material AND she sounds like a pro. Now, I’m not typically an audio book consumer. I tend to read prescriptive non-fiction, which makes sense since I’ve built my business around the genre. I know how much useful information these books provide, information I want to track. I like to mark up my paperbacks and take copious notes in the margins. […]
- [Sweet, easy, and obstacle free](https://annsheybani.com/sweet-easy-and-obstacle-free/): I love the excitement surrounding the release of a book. After months, if not years, all the associated work miraculously comes to life. Well, not miraculously, given the blood, sweat, and tears, but we can forget all that now. All is forgiven. This is a segment from Bryn Lottig’s No Child Left Inside:Transforming the Next Generation Through Experiential Learning. I had the hardest time picking this one because the entire book is loaded with thought-provoking gems. I once visited a famous winery with rows of grape vines growing in the rockiest soil you can imagine. I was surprised that anything could […]
- [Non-fiction formatting techniques](https://annsheybani.com/non-fiction-formatting-techniques/): There’s something wonderful about writing a non-fiction book—how-to, self-help, or motivational, just to name a few of the business-building genres. You get to use all sorts of formatting tricks a memoirist or novelist would kill for. What do I mean by formatting tricks? Well, let’s say you’re writing a book about goal-achievement. (I like that topic, don’t you?) Maybe you start off Chapter Two by explaining SMART goals. Of course, anybody who’s anyone knows that SMART stands for—specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time sensitive. You, the author, would probably explain why creating SMART goals is the way to go if you […]
- [30 minutes to literary success](https://annsheybani.com/30-minutes-to-literary-success/): I talk to writers about their desire to get a traditional publishing house deal at least once a week. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this numerous times before. It’ll take me an hour to explain the lay of the land, when and if it makes sense, and I can’t help thinking I sound like a broken record. Maybe that’s just me. But I gotta tell you, nothing explains the process of getting a deal like my friend Lucinda’s new book, Get Signed. Here is how the book is described, in part: A step-by-step guide from a New York literary agent that will […]
- [Disregard that travel advisory!](https://annsheybani.com/disregard-that-travel-advisory/): It is said–by whom, I haven’t bothered to track down–that we humans learn from shared stories of success, and from stories of failure. Me? I’m pretty obsessed with stories of failure because I’ve learned more from MY mistakes than from my successes. Most of my successes I gloss right on over. Which is probably why my emails tend to start with some version of, “Don’t make this mistake or you will die.” Super motivating, I know. Which brings us to our story. It took a while to recognize that moving to Iran had been a tactical error. I’d disregarded the posted […]
- [Competing with Henry Kissinger](https://annsheybani.com/competing-with-henry-kissenger/): How do you stand out in a crowded market? Good question. Especially when you are writing an expert-positioning book on a popular subject. If you plug in the keyword “leadership” on Amazon, up will pop 60,000+ titles on the subject. That’s right, 60,000 PLUS. On the first page, you’ll spot the big hitters. Patrick Lencioni, Simon Sineck, John Maxwell, and David Marquet. Brene Brown has now gotten into the action, and Jocko Willink, and Henry Kissinger. (I’m sorry, but how can anyone compete with Henry Kissinger?) Big, big names, for sure. So, why pray tell, would you enter that fray? I’ll […]
- [What if your book is an epic failure?!](https://annsheybani.com/what-if-your-book-is-an-epic-failure/): You’ve been talking about writing a book for years, a book that will attract right-fit clients, grow your business, impact lives, establish authority in your field. But you’re afraid to get started because….what if you fail. OK, maybe this isn’t you, but let’s just pretend you’re like 80% of the people that I work with. What if you pour all that time, energy, and maybe even money into writing a book that yields you zero rewards?! Like, what if your book is poorly received, namely, it won’t sell more than 3 copies? Or worse, what if having that book out in […]
- [Why would you write a book about that?!](https://annsheybani.com/so-many-book-ideas-so-little-time/): Once upon a time–OK, about a month ago–an expert wanted to write a book to buttress her credibility, attract right-fit clients, and help those who couldn’t afford her consulting fee. This is a more than reasonable desired outcome for an author working on prescriptive non-fiction, would you not agree? This was how she described her target readers—those right-fit clients. And what she wanted them to walk away with once they read her book: “I help passionate nonprofit and community leaders clarify their big idea and create change in their corner of the world. This is why people will want to read […]
- [So you want to tell your personal story](https://annsheybani.com/so-you-want-to-tell-your-personal-story/): Hey, successful entrepreneur writing a non-fiction book for your business. Here’s another way to turn your readers into clients and/or fans: Have a solid structure with a clear transformation path As opposed to  taking your reader on a wild goose chase over hill and dale, having no container for your stories, no outline, just a mish-mash of random musings. My former client Ann – another gorgeous, talented Ann- was, among many things, a keynote speaker and host of a podcast. She wanted to share her personal story with other women so they would know that they were not alone, that it […]
- [Here's why I think people end up writing Business Card books](https://annsheybani.com/heres-why-i-think-people-end-up-writing-business-card-books/): Here’s why I think people end up writing Business Card books, you know, the 100-page (or less) skim across a topic that you can hand to potential clients, usually accompanied by an apology because you know it’s not very good. As an entrepreneur or business owner, you’re inclined to think better done than perfect because that’s how you’ve gotten where you are today. Your motto is “Ship it.” You can get it written in a matter of days or weeks, and who doesn’t like the sound of that?! Instant gratification is awfully tempting. You don’t have to dive deep, just bounce like a […]
- [The Lizard of Resistance](https://annsheybani.com/the-lizard-of-resistance/): You’ve probably talked for years about writing your book, the one that will inspire people to take massive action AND build your business. The one that will save readers time and pain AND establish you as a true authority. The one that will spell out your framework and clarify your mission and…yadda yadda.  And yet….you’ve done very little if anything about it. You probably forgo bringing up the topic anymore because your inertia is sort of embarrassing. At least, that’s how many of my clients described their early journey to published author. Maybe you’re convinced you’ve got good old-fashioned writer’s block, […]
- [Slinking back to my Crazy Creek chair...](https://annsheybani.com/slinking-back-to-my-crazy-creek-chair/): Every  new year, I find myself crazy excited about the possibilities. This is the year that I’ll climb some big mountain, or create an even bigger and better offer to help folks write their books. I’m going to lose 20 pounds (again). And finish my memoir… Once I get going, though, I run into obstacles. And, man, they can throw me. And I’m talking about the tiniest bump in the road. Which is where this story comes in. I was ice climbing in New Hampshire one weekend long ago.  If you’ve never ice climbed before, picture a group of 10 or […]
- [If you don't know me, this will sum it up](https://annsheybani.com/if-you-dont-know-me-this-will-sum-it-up/): Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background, just in case you’re curious. To an outsider, you look like a woman “on top of the world” in more ways than one. But the route you took held plenty of obstacles.  Tell us about where you were in your life when you decided to start running, and what benefits you discovered right off. Once […]
- [Business card books](https://annsheybani.com/business-card-books/): A Business card book is often written by a business owner who wishes to demonstrate their expertise in 100 pages or less. The design is to establish authority and demonstrate that the author has a framework to solve a particular problem. Now, I’m not a huge proponent of this kind of book because I’m all about substance, but there’s a right time to write these books, and a wrong time to depend on this quick hit offering. I thought I’d take a few minutes to expound on the matter.  
- [Excuse #3: It's not the right time in my business to write a book](https://annsheybani.com/excuse-3-its-not-the-right-time-in-my-business-to-write-a-book/): Oh, this is an excellent excuse for not writing a book for your business in that, sometimes, it’s true. Quite possibly, it’s not the right time for you given the much bigger fish you need to fry first. (Think: “I don’t have a website or a client yet” all the way to, “I’ve got 500 people asking me for a course, so I think I should create that first.”) With the exception of those writing a legacy book–and I get into what I mean by that here– I’ll often discourage folks from investing the time, energy, and resources into writing a […]
- [Excuse #2: I don't have time to write a book](https://annsheybani.com/excuse-2-i-dont-have-time-to-write-a-book/): I wanted to share with you a 10-minute Masterclass I ran sometime back for those who registered for one of my book-writing webinars. I got tons of comments about just how helpful it was, thus me finally getting around to presenting it to you here. I would have done it sooner, but like you, stuff falls off the plate when I go through busy spells. And that’s really what this whole video is about. If you’re constantly playing whack-a-mole, putting out fires in your life and business, how the hell are you supposed to find the time to write a book? […]
- [10 best books of 2023](https://annsheybani.com/10-best-books-of-2023/): I read a lot, probably more than most. As a ghostwriter, I need to read deeply on a given topic so I can ask better questions of my clients and support their arguments. As a content developer, I study book structure, the management of a narrow topic, and the uniqueness of a point of view. I also read as a businessperson, one who needs to learn, grow, and scale; to better serve clients and manage team members. I always read as a human who savors words and craft, who wants to feel, to experience life through a different lens. Which is […]
- [Excuse #1: There's too much work required to write a book](https://annsheybani.com/excuse-1-theres-too-much-work-required-to-write-a-book/): Oh, I’d say I hear this excuse for not writing a book once a day.  Mostly from people who actually WANT to have a book to their name at this point in their career. If I’m out in public and talking about what I do for a living, I’ll hear it at least twice. Which is why I thought I should clear up some misconceptions. This coming from someone who despises the whole write-a-book-in-a-weekend trope. Ick!
- [How to turn your course into a book](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-turn-your-course-into-a-book/): It sounds so easy, right? Take the transcripts from your course–you know, the ones that accompany your video tutorials– organize them into chapters, throw in a few extra case studies, and call it a day. Done and dusted, as the Irish like to say. A book in a weekend, max. No sweat, no tears, just repurposing at its best… Except, creating a book from a course is not exactly as easy as that. Mostly because a book has to follow a bunch of rules so the reader feels like they’re in the right place and trusts that the author has control […]
- [When you can't keep your sh*t together at work](https://annsheybani.com/when-you-cant-keep-your-sht-together-at-work/): 🌟You know what happens. You’ve got that one knucklehead you have to interact with on a regular basis. Every single time they open their mouth, your hackles spring to attention. It takes everything you’ve got to suppress a growl, or refrain from saying something that doesn’t make you look mean and petty. It would be great if you could avoid this person, but you can’t. You’ve got to play nice, because your livelihood depends on it. Which is why you’d so love to be unflappable, so this nonsense didn’t take up so many precious brain bytes… Enter Unflappable: How Smart People […]
- [Raised by wolves](https://annsheybani.com/raised-by-wolves/): Some time back, Walt and I conducted a mastermind call around yearly planning. One of our members raised her hand and talked about her resistance to setting any kind of goals for the year ahead.  She wasn’t sure what was getting in the way. As I listened to her confusion, I immediately spotted the fear beneath it, which essentially boiled down to her inability to trust herself. Why set a goal, like writing a book, if you’ll only wind up disappointing yourself again, if you’ll never be able to affect outcome?” Because of my background, I always equate that sense of […]
- [How to choose the best book topic](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-choose-the-best-book-topic/): Like a lot of my clients, my friend has way too many books he’d like to write. In fact, for the last ten years, the sheer volume of choices have kept him stuck. What if he chooses wrong? What if he invests all that time and effort into something he’ll lose interest in after a few years? What if he writes a book for his business then changes his mind about the business? He could go this way. Or that way. And, man, let’s not even get him started on his vast interests. Each of those could fill ten volumes. So, […]
- [Jack of all trades, master of none](https://annsheybani.com/jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none/): If you have a bunch of interests, but don’t consider yourself a master at any one… If you’re afraid to choose one of these interests as a topic for an expert-positioning book because, you know, you’re hardly the master…. If you’re waiting for clarity, depth of knowledge, and insight BEFORE you start in on the writing process… Then I made this video just for you. Because, we’ve got an intractable chicken and egg situation here. Not just one that affects your ability to write a book.
- [Your book hook](https://annsheybani.com/your-book-hook/): A lot of manuscripts slide across my desk each week, which shouldn’t surprise anyone seeing as I run a publishing house. After all these years in the business, I can identify why a particular book draws me in and where another immediately goes off the rails. I mean, I can point to the exact place, nearly in my sleep. Usually, the deadly issue appears in the first few pages of the introduction, and nine times out of ten, it involves the lack of a central idea. Your book needs to have a central idea that gets supported by stories, lessons, observations, […]
- [Driving Miss Daisy](https://annsheybani.com/driving-miss-daisy-3/): I hate this quote only because I know it’s true: The things you want most in life are located just outside of your comfort zone. (I’m paraphrasing, so please don’t think you need to correct me.) At a certain stage of life and/or business, the last thing any of us wants to do–like write a book when you’re crazy busy– is submit to discomfort. I had to learn to drive all over again when I lived in Ireland.  This might not sound like a big deal, I know, but it felt positively death defying. Most of the time, I pretty much […]
- [How to write a non-fiction conclusion for your book](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-write-a-non-fiction-conclusion-for-your-book/): I took an essay writing course in grad school back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and discovered that it’s much harder to wrap up a piece than it is to start one. When it comes time to draw a conclusion, just watch yourself blank out. The same sort of WTF-now? comes up for those writing prescriptive non-fiction books. The intro is locked down, you’ve got 200 or so pages spelling it all out, and now you’ve got to end the show gracefully, without looking like you’ve simply run out of paper. The beautiful thing is there’s a formula for conclusions, which […]
- [How to write a (prescriptive) non-fiction book introduction](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-write-a-non-fiction-book-introduction/): The introduction to your non-fiction book is your chance to make a good impression on potential readers and convince them to keep reading. We’re all busy people, so we need to know, straight out of the gate, that our precious time will not be wasted. These first few pages are where you’ll introduce your topic, explain why it’s important, and give readers a preview of what they’ll learn in the rest of the book. Here are some key things to include in your introduction: Grab the reader’s attention. The first few sentences of your introduction should be strong and engaging, so […]
- [Three narrative-driven nonfiction genres](https://annsheybani.com/three-narrative-driven-nonfiction-genres/): Many of us become coaches, speakers, or service professionals, if you will, because we’ve had to solve a particular problem for ourselves. Through trial and error, we figured out the process required to get the desired outcome. Somewhere along the road, we realized our story—rife with hard-won lessons—could be useful to people, inspirational, even. This story could save others time and grief, which is great because that means we haven’t suffered for naught. Many of my writing clients show up on my doorstep wondering how best to use their story to attract clients, to demonstrate that they have the solution to […]
- [An agent's advice for book writing entrepreneurs](https://annsheybani.com/an-agents-advice-for-book-writing-entrepreneurs/): This is a guest post by my friend Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda is a literary agent. That means she gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Trust me, she’s no slouch. She’s gotten some pretty amazing deals. Even if you don’t harbor the fantasy of publishing your book with a big New York house, you’ll want to pay attention to her advice. Because it holds across the board, whether you intend to self-publish, partner with an indie press, or go the traditional route. If you’re reading this article, chances are that you have a story worth telling. […]
- [There's more to writing a memoir than meets the eye](https://annsheybani.com/theres-more-to-writing-a-memoir-than-meets-the-eye/): I realize, after talking to a number of folks who want to write what they describe as a business memoir–what they really want to do is include a lot of personal narrative in a self-help book–that the average person has no idea what a memoir entails.  Years ago, I had the privilege of working with the author Anne Batterson at the East Hill Writers’ Workshop. She and I were part of a trio of writers (no one’s forgetting Sherry Horton) who taught craft. During one such class, Anne pulled out the following lesson to explain what constituted a memoir and what […]
- [12 Horrific Things About the Publishing Industry You Need to Know](https://annsheybani.com/12-horrific-things-about-the-publishing-industry-you-need-to-know/): When I came out of grad school, writers had to bank on traditional publishing houses to choose them for a sense of worth and/or credibility. You could self-publish—it was called vanity publishing then—but that had all the panache of finding a spouse in the classified section of a newspaper. So not cool! Maybe, even a little pathetic. But then the publishing industry basically imploded in 2008 thanks to the market crash. Amazon entered the fray a year later, and all bets were off. Publishing became the wild wild west. Despite the numerous (and might I add respectable) publishing options available to […]
- [I've been avoiding this conversation](https://annsheybani.com/ive-been-avoiding-this-conversation/): I have a problem. This problem has gotten big enough that I’ve decided I need a solution. Oh, sure, I’ve been aware of this issue for a good long while, but recently I recognized that it’s costing me big time, so it’s taken on some urgency. You see, I avoid conflict. I turn tail and run from anything that smells like a difficult conversation. I’ve limped along with this impediment; ducked in behind a husband who, as a former criminal defense attorney, eats conflict for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (If you want to know how conflict-friendly Walt is, go HERE) But […]
- [This book is about to blow up the marketplace](https://annsheybani.com/this-book-is-about-to-blow-up-the-marketplace/): August 15, 2023. That’s the official publication date of Calm the Chaos by parenting expert Dayna Abraham. Now, that might not mean much, particularly if you’re not the target audience for this book. (Why buy a book on parenting if you’ve never had kids or the birds have left the nest?) But you might want to pay attention to the promotion campaign Dayna’s currently running, particularly if you plan to write your own expert-positioning book. Because this woman can teach you a thing or three about how to drive book sales, even before publication. In the interview below, Dayna and I discussed the […]
- [A Year of Yes](https://annsheybani.com/a-year-of-yes/): Each Friday, Simon and Schuster sends out a promo email advertising temporarily discounted books. You can snag great Kindle reads for a couple of dollars. If you’re not on their mailing list, you can right that travesty by going here. Trust me, you want to be on this list. That list is how I found Shonda Rhimes’s 2015 book Year of Yes. I’d heard about it, of course, but I’d never gotten around to reading it. If you don’t know who Shonda Rimes is, she’s the creator of the hit TV shows Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, […]
- [More addictive than sugar](https://annsheybani.com/more-addictive-than-sugar-2/): I bring this post back every few years, usually after a worry-filled conversation I’ve had with a friend or client. Sometimes one of these nice people need the reminder that worry is an utter waste of time, sometimes it’s me. I just got back from climbing Mt. McKinley (Denali) in Alaska. Twenty days hauling an 80-pound pack up steep traverses interspersed with hours on end languishing in a tent. Hard work mixed with sheer laziness. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept for fourteen hours straight.  Or stared off into space for an entire day while my mind roams the pampas. Not since Iran, when my only company was the baby. […]
- [Your story of triumph](https://annsheybani.com/your-story-of-triumph/): I view stories, particularly the personal kind, with three sets of eyes. First, the eyes of a human who is deeply moved by the capacity of the human soul to rise above astoundingly traumatic shit. Then, the eyes of a writer (and editor) whose job is to make the thing sit right on the page for the reader. Finally, the eyes of a publisher, who must determine if a series of these stories in the form of a book is right for the house, or not. Just for a moment, I want to share with you what’s involved with writing a […]
- [There's more to this game than being good at what you do](https://annsheybani.com/theres-more-to-this-game-than-being-good-at-what-you-do/): I once had a conversation with an actor who wanted to write a book about public speaking. I’ll call her Gloria, even though that’s not her name. Gloria had figured out, thanks to years of professional training and experience, how to be comfortable on stage while remaining deeply connected with an audience. She used this skill set to teach regular people how to overcome the fear of looking stupid, or forgetting their lines, or whatever it is that gets in the way of speaking in front of a crowd. (As if I don’t suffer from this as well.) In fact, she’d […]
- [Make friends with your motivation](https://annsheybani.com/make-friends-with-your-motivation/): Can I ask you a question? Why do you want to write a book? Seriously, do you even know? What’s your purpose for doing so? •     To create a beautiful work of art? •     To tell your life story? •     To outline your message? •     To serve as an expert calling card? •     To give you recognition as an expert? •     To instruct in a straightforward, how-to manner? •     To impact other people’s lives and affect radical change? •     To improve your business status, marketability, and profitability? Because your Why for writing a book—and you have to be very honest with […]
- [Do I look like I need help?!](https://annsheybani.com/do-i-look-like-i-need-help/): I hate asking for help. I really do. And many of my clients have felt that way too. Until they recognized that writing a book on their own was harder than they thought or that they just didn’t have the time, given their myriad responsibilities. As a culture, Americans are prone to rugged individualism, the belief that, with enough elbow grease, we should be able to do it–whatever–it is–on our own. Our success (and failure) hinges entirely on our ability to grind and suffer in silence. Except, that notion keeps us trapped. And tired. And turns us into procrastinators because, well, […]
- [Why risk it if you don't have to?](https://annsheybani.com/why-risk-it-if-you-dont-have-to-2/): A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for “manufacturing fear”. The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in many ways, she was also talking about the writing life, exposing myself unnecessarily to criticism and discomfort. (I’m telling you, you want to spice up your life, put a book out into the world.) This is a theme I’ve been exploring lately, which got me thinking about this video response I created for her. My dad used […]
- [Lifting the skirts on the writing process](https://annsheybani.com/lifting-the-skirts-on-the-writing-process/): Have you ever watched a professional runner run? Looks so easy, doesn’t it? They’ve all got that half smile playing across their face, that healthy sheen, those long, fluid strides that make the act seem so fun. From the couch, you can practically feel the endorphins pumping through your own body. Inspired, you go out for a jog and discover that, instead of gliding like Flo Jo across the savannah, the wind whipping through your hair, you’re ready to throw up by the end of the block. You shake your head, confused, because you know nothing about the inglorious stages a […]
- [Just write an essay](https://annsheybani.com/just-write-an-essay/): When I was in grad school, I took an essay writing course. We were assigned an anthology called The Best American Essays, which still sits, all marked up with black ink, on my bookshelf. (If I could find a link, I’d put it here, but I can’t.)  In it, I discovered the work of Lucy Grealy, author of Autobiography of A Face, and Susan Orlean, specifically her piece on taxidermy, Lifelike.  Just to name my favorites. I loved the essay form because I could explore a topic, turn it this way and that way in the light, and never have to […]
- [You get to be the hero](https://annsheybani.com/you-get-to-be-the-hero/): This week, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of awesome entrepreneurs about powerful stories, stories that sell. The nice folks in the audience are required to market their products and services to keep the lights on and the mortgage paid, etc. so they were pretty receptive to what I had to say. As you’re no doubt aware, there are some pretty awful ways to market yourself–cringe-inducing, in fact–and there are some super compelling ways. Like, suddenly, you have no idea why you need that Tesla and a can of Diet Coke. Especially since you don’t even drive or […]
- [I wish emotions weren't necessary...but they are](https://annsheybani.com/i-wish-emotions-werent-necessary-but-they-are/): Many of my clients want to include personal stories in their book, often because they’ve had to overcome certain challenges shared by their clients.  Their story, their journey, is relevant to their target audience. All successful stories have one thing in common: emotion. Emotion lies at the core of every character’s decision, action, and word, all of which drive the story. Without emotion, a character’s personal journey is pointless. Stakes cease to exist. Never forget that readers want to have an emotional experience, even if they’re reading self-help. Because of this, imbuing your stories with emotion is essential. And none of […]
- [Healthy as F*ck](https://annsheybani.com/healthy-as-fck/): Oonagh Duncan, author of Healthy as F*ck, has a potty mouth. It’s one of the reasons we hit it off straight away. It’s one of the reasons her people are drawn to her like Spandex to a thigh. They’ve tried to get fit and loose weight before. They’re not into cheery affirmations.  They want a well-placed kick in the butt and for someone to tell it like it is, so they can drop a few pants sizes. The choice to use expletives, like f*ck, in a book will give most authors pause. Sure, Barnes and Nobel will devote entire walls to  […]
- [The gift of trauma?](https://annsheybani.com/where-do-i-even-begin/): Three years ago, I had a conversation with Dr. Edith Shiro. She wanted to write a book about post traumatic growth and she needed the book out, like, yesterday. The pandemic had just begun and she could see what was about to happen to the world. Trauma was going to hit us hard, individually and collectively, so she could no longer put the task off. Thing is, she’d written her dissertation on the subject twenty-five years before. For decades, she’d helped patients not only heal from trauma of all kind, but become something so much more because of it. Her mission […]
- [When you have to go back and try again...](https://annsheybani.com/when-you-have-to-go-back-and-try-again/): Mozella Ademiluyi understands failure, resilience, and hard-won success. Her inspirational book, Rise!: Lean Within Your Inner Power & Wisdom, documents her thwarted attempt to summit Kilimanjaro at the age of 50, which led to her standing atop Africa’s highest peak a decade later. Mozella wanted to share her battle with self-doubt, limiting beliefs, and straight-up fear with other high achievers– those of us who never really feel quite up to snuff. And to impart some leadership lessons, which all begin with conquering oneself. In our (26-minute) interview, we discuss the challenge of using extended metaphors, like climbing a big mountain, when […]
- [Six pictures](https://annsheybani.com/six-pictures/): Over the weekend, as I was perusing the New York Times, I came across an article about some actress I’ve never heard of who was willing to share six random pictures stored in her camera, pictures which would more or less sum up her past year. Like I said, I didn’t know this actress, but I liked the idea of getting to know someone through a series of pictures. I decided I would do the same. Now, I’m no photographer. Why bother when you have Walt?  Like paparazzi, he follows me around snapping photos with zero regard to my dignity. I’ve […]
- [Six feet under](https://annsheybani.com/six-feet-under/): I’ve been thinking a lot about the word legacy lately. The idea of leaving something of ourselves behind to future generations. Sure, you may have kids, but that’s not what I’m talking about. The other day I was talking to a woman about legacy as it related to a book she was contemplating writing. She’s got 30 years of valuable material stuffed into cardboard boxes kept in her living room with no idea how to organize any of it. She took the word to mean that once that book was written and published, she was done….like permanently done. Six-feet-under done. Who […]
- [Seated at the soda fountain](https://annsheybani.com/seated-at-the-soda-fountain/): In 2018, Vicki Suiter published  The Profit Bleed: How Managing Margin Can Save Your Contracting Business. Since then, she’s consistently earned hundreds of dollars each quarter with her book, not counting the impressive income she brings in from her related products and services. No more time-for-money conundrum. We spent some time talking about how she does this. While you may find our book writing process interesting, or her promotion strategy, it’s Vicki’s willingness to put herself out there and invest in herself along the business-building journey that’s even more eye-opening. If you harbor the delusion that some powerful person will discover […]
- [A symptom of the hustle culture?](https://annsheybani.com/a-symptom-of-the-hustle-culture/): Catherine Rolt, author of The Pain Paradox, has a huge mission, which was the driving force behind writing her book. She believes that pain is our friend and is trying to teach us something that we’ve likely been avoiding. Ignoring unpleasant events, relationships, or unresolved issues isn’t so hard to do when you’ve become detached from who you are. When you’re singularly focused on what is wrong with you, rather than what is right. Then there’s the problem of our hustle culture, which ignores our natural rhythms, the ones that coincide with the seasons. Rush, rush, rush, stuff, stuff, stuff. Until […]
- [The minute you see just how random you are](https://annsheybani.com/the-minute-you-see-just-how-random-you-are/): I don’t know about you but I think I’m pretty strategic. Like, I’ve got a clear-ish vision of where I want to go, a fairly good idea of what I have to accomplish now and in the next….oh, three or four minutes… Then I have a conversation with Jon Corteen. Jon Corteen, author of The Profit Culture Formula and The Catfish Interview, is all about strategy. He understood, from the very beginning, how the right book could yield a healthy return on his investment, set him apart in his industry, and scale him in his own company. He saw ALL the […]
- [When do you call it quits?](https://annsheybani.com/when-do-you-call-it-quits/): 🌟What happens when the agent with whom you have a relationship turns down your first proposal AND tells you your credibility is in question? If you’re Dayna Abraham, you keep going. You write a new proposal that gets you a 6-figure book deal AND you write the book in less than 6 months. Because your mission and vision are bigger than self doubt. Most folks who dream of writing a book never get around to doing so because they see all the obstacles that can get in the way. They’re running a business with lots of moving parts; they get distracted […]
- [What I'm reading now: Barnflower](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-barnflower/): In Ireland, I would sit on the couch and watch my neighbor’s grazing cows through the living room window. Each morning John’s border collie would hit the pasture and drive the herd down the hill to the milking parlor. The dog would appear again in the evening when we were motivating for dinner, accompanied by the sound of John’s ATV and his shouted instructions. From that window, I’d witnessed the changing of the dog guard. First it was Ben, then, when Ben got old and died, some dog John had to get rid of him because he was too friendly with […]
- [Author Mary Barbera and her quest to turn autism around](https://annsheybani.com/8139-2/): [vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_link_target=”_self” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_link_target=”_self” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column_text]Mary Barbera, author of Turn Autism Around, joined me to talk about writing a synopsis for her book. For those who don’t know, a nonfiction synopsis outlines how the book solves a problem for the reader in roughly 1-3 pages. Publisher(s) and agents will be making judgements about your book based on your synopsis, as well as any […]
- [Your Achille's heel is boring](https://annsheybani.com/your-achilles-heel-is-boring/): My friend and I were seated together at a conference. I could practically feel the sparks coming off her, so consumed was she by the desire to be plucked from the crowd and brought onstage for an exercise. Leaning forward, she gripped the chair-back in front of her, laughed uproariously one minute, cried out loud the next, then, bouncing up and down, all but yelled, “Choose me, see me, make me a star.” I’m pathologically detached so this display of raw desire mesmerized me. Much the way the chance to be seen did her. When she was chosen, she nearly killed […]
- [Sometimes it's not about the money](https://annsheybani.com/sometimes-its-not-about-the-money/): I sell book-writing and publishing services. That means I have to market said services: highlight the potential benefits of sinking time, energy, and money into a book project as well as point out the typical stuff that gets in the way. Basically identify the gap between where someone is and where they want to be. I devote a lot of real estate to the whole ROI of having a book out in the world, what it can do for your credibility, marketability, and profitability. And I go there a lot because this is how I’m hard wired. This is how I […]
- [Know thy audience](https://annsheybani.com/know-thy-audience/): I think author Jon Corteen and his two books, The Profit Culture Formula and The Catfish Interview, offer a terrific lesson to those looking to write a book, particularly if they serve multiple avatars.  You can package your content in myriad ways, but you’ve got to make sure you’re speaking to a specific audience in a way they understand, or you’ll lose them fast. (You’ll want to click on the picture below.)
- [Another habit I need to kill](https://annsheybani.com/another-habit-i-need-to-kill/): I’m at a stage in life and in business that requires me to kill some old habits. Oh, being frugal and learning to do it all on my own has gotten me here, but it won’t get me where I want to go. I know that. Maybe you do too. Which is where this story comes in.
- [Here's who I'm jealous of](https://annsheybani.com/heres-who-im-jealous-of/): “Jealousy,” according to writer Anne Lamott, “ is such a direct attack on whatever measure of confidence you’ve been able to muster.  But if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen for some of the most awful, angry, undeserving writers you know—people who are, in other words, not you.” Which leads me to this story, set at  Harvard, the illustrious institution where I began my writing career. Where I got my first bitter taste of writing jealousy. Not that you can relate, or anything. I […]
- [Speaking of soiling your family name...](https://annsheybani.com/speaking-of-soiling-your-family-name/): Prince’s Harry’s memoir sold 1.43M copies on release day. That M stands for million, in case you’re unfamiliar. Which is next to unheard of. Even before the shiny-covered tell-all hit the shelves, scuttlebutt abounded. And that ungrateful-over-sharing-Harry sculttlebutt….boy, did that sell even more books. If you want to catch some of that scuttlebutt and you’ve got a NYT subscription, go here. Seemingly unrelated, yet not, we did a webinar this past week on how to use AI to write your non-fiction book. You can listen to the replay by going here if you’re curious. The question I mean to raise right now is: can […]
- [How to make book writing so much easier](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-make-book-writing-so-much-easier/): For lots of entrepreneurs, sitting down to write an entire book on their own seems ridiculously daunting. They have no idea how they’d ever come up with that much content. But imagine getting others to do the writing for you. Even better, imagine attracting ten times more business by getting your current clients to write the book for you. Or imagine getting together with members of your network, your affiliates, and writing a book together. Well, if that idea appeals to you, it may be time for you to write an anthology. Here’s the definition of an anthology: A book or other collection […]
- [No one wants to read your sh*t](https://annsheybani.com/no-one-wants-to-read-your-sht/): In 2016, Steven Pressfield published his book No one Wants to Read Your Sh*t . It scared a lot of would-be authors who want to contribute to the world, not burden it with garbage. What must you do to create a book worth reading? Let me answer that from the perspective of a writer and a publisher. This video runs a little over 10 minutes. I’m coming at you uncut and unpolished. Note any reluctance to hit play. If you hesitated because you’re too busy for that nonsense, that there is what I mean to talk about.
- [Burnt to a crisp](https://annsheybani.com/burnt-to-a-crisp/): I don’t know about you, but I feel like I skidded into the holiday season on empty. I blame it on managing a full book of business with a lot of moving parts, a major move across the pond on relatively short notice, and my exhausting tendency to people-please. I know I’m not the only one that entered the season in this state. I’ve got several entrepreneur friends who were barely keeping their shit together over the last few months. We exchanged voice messages that sounded as though we’d lost our ever-loving minds, or just finished watching Tears of Endearment followed […]
- [How do you know when your book is done?](https://annsheybani.com/how-do-you-know-when-youre-book-is-done/): That’s the question all of us writers ask, not just my clients. In fact, I brought this post back because I’ve fielded this question twice this week, and it’s only Monday. And there’s a short and sweet answer–when you’ve done everything you can do, everything you can think of to improve the piece. And there’s a longer answer, which is what this video is all about. If you know yourself to be a get er’ done sort of person, listen up. If you’re a perfectionist who can drag the process out for eons in the interest of hiding in the shadows, […]
- [Dad was right about this](https://annsheybani.com/dad-was-right-about-this-2/): My mother loved to paint. I’m not talking art, I’m talking rooms. She’d head on over to the local Benjamin Moore store and buy three gallons of whatever shade of yellow was on special, and cart them home in our station wagon. Next, she’d set up the step stool, even before she got her coat off, spread a few sheets of newspaper around, pour some paint into that flat little tray, and get to work. A real draft horse, she’d have the entire living room covered in no time flat. And when I say covered, I mean covered. The ceiling would […]
- [So much for common knowledge](https://annsheybani.com/so-much-for-common-knowledge/): Barry, our caretaker, stopped by one day last summer. He’s a really lovely dude who cuts our grass and looks after our place in Ireland whenever we’re gone. Anyway, Barry was giving out about some Americans who were due to arrive at another property he looks after. They’d paid for the week but, instead of showing up, they’d spent the night at a hotel in town. “Why would anyone shell out for a hotel when they’ve got a perfectly lovely place that they’ve already paid for?” Barry was baffled. Of course, I knew what had happened. They’d come in late and […]
- [Permission to get it wrong](https://annsheybani.com/permission-to-get-it-wrong/): I think about my arch nemesis–efficiency–a lot when I’m on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an unpleasantly steep slope, only to discover that we’re on the wrong route and we need go back down and  find another. The whole exercise seems wasteful.  A very poor use of time. A prime example of inadequate planning. But the problem with trying to be  efficient all the time, which is what I would […]
- [I'm going to make your holiday shopping easy](https://annsheybani.com/im-going-to-make-your-holiday-shopping-easy/): Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they’d mail a reading list–a compilation of each teacher’s favorite books–to the house. Now, I’m sure the design was to encourage students to read quality books during vacation, but the only one (and I could be wrong here) who took that idea and ran with it was me. Though I’m a fool for reading lists in general, I loved that particular one. I’d take it with me each time I visited the library to load up on books. Summer after summer, I […]
- [How to write a book proposal](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-write-a-book-proposal/): In my line of work, I talk to a lot of fascinating people who consider their stories worthy of Big House publishing. They’ve done the whole rags-to-riches thing, or overcome outrageous abuse, or performed the most amazing feats of courage. I mean, I’m awed by the human capacity for both suffering and accomplishment. I’m astounded by the personal journeys, and the processes  developed to help others overcome similar hardship. The work, the dedication, the heart… The question I hear at least once a week? Will my story sell? Will it attract an agent or get me a book deal? Having a […]
- [The book first, or the course?](https://annsheybani.com/the-book-first-or-the-course/): You know what stops people from doing what they say they want to do? A plethora of choice, that’s what. You get how it goes.  Should I do this first, or that? What’s the benefit for taking this course of action, followed by that course, or vice versa? These questions are relevant, don’t get me wrong–strategy is a thing. But if you don’t make a decision, you can paralyze yourself straight into inaction for the next decade to come. So…which should you work on first: the book, or the course? Everyone knows you can make far more money selling courses than […]
- [If it were easy...](https://annsheybani.com/if-it-were-easy/): I grew up with ZERO understanding of process. I chalk this up to the alcoholic dynamic that played out in our household. One minute–OK, this would go on for hours, but who’s counting– my father would be drinking and raging, tearing into my mother, sending the family scrambling for cover; the next day, we’d all sit around the breakfast table, a smile plastered on our faces, eating burnt pancakes as if nothing untoward had happened. Not a mention of the turmoil the night before. Not a frown, not a pout, not a put-upon sniffle. Nada. Peace returned to the forest, as if by […]
- [Start with What You’ve Got](https://annsheybani.com/start-with-what-youve-got/): Deb Feder is a business development coach and strategist who helps lawyers and professionals bring in consistent clients through curious, confident conversations and changing the way we view productivity for professionals. She’s also a righteous bad ass. I LOVE working with her. And learning from her. This is a segment from her working manuscript, something I chose because, if you’re a service professional, which many of you are, your job is to not just serve clients, but keep more coming in your door. Not just anybody, but ideal clients. And you have to understand a little something about ideal clients before […]
- [Why does it matter, really?](https://annsheybani.com/why-does-it-matter-really/): I have this really wise friend who also happens to be a clinical psychologist specializing in the science of change.  Sometime last year, she started sending out these short videos to her mailing list. I find myself watching them while I eat lunch because they calm me down. Julie is just one of those people I like to be around. She’s warm, kind, and has a way of ratcheting the frenetic energy of a room (or head) way the hell down. She’s sort of a horse whisperer for nutty people like me. So, a nut whisperer? Anyway, this particular video caught […]
- [So you think you can avoid risk...](https://annsheybani.com/so-you-think-you-can-avoid-risk/): I spent my whole life afraid to make a mistake, to take a wrong turn.  I latched on to a man early on because I was convinced he had the map, that he’d get us both on the one right road. So sure I’d end up in the wrong place on my own, I followed him to Iran. Not good. I recognize this same fear in many of my clients.  First-time book writers, they’re figuring out their message, clarifying their process, choosing the right stories to support their lessons. They’ve headed into uncharted territory, one rife with millions of tiny decisions they’ve never had […]
- [One more way to spot a newbie](https://annsheybani.com/one-more-way-to-spot-a-newbie/): Lately, I’ve had my head in manuscripts just rife with purple prose. Purple prose, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is writing that’s so extravagant, ornate, or flowery, it breaks the flow and draws excessive attention to itself. Purple prose is characterized by the extensive use of adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors. (Sparkling, violently, like a three-toed weasel!!!) (Notice I threw in some exclamation points, which are, in my mind, another form of purple prose.) Purple prose is a favorite of newbie writers. I see it as a sign of good taste, really, because they’ve read their fair share of […]
- [Last kid to get picked for the team](https://annsheybani.com/last-kid-to-get-picked-for-the-team/): Do you remember when you were in grade school and you had to line up in the gym and wait to get picked for a team? There you’d stand for a dog’s age as every other kid but you got chosen. Man, that feeling of not being quite good enough! Maybe you don’t remember that scenario, but I sure do. Which is why I so appreciate when the quiet author who took the time to write a really good book without a lot of fan fare lands the #2 spot on The Wall Street Journal Best Seller list. Serena Sterling, I […]
- [The painful book-writing process](https://annsheybani.com/the-painful-book-writing-process/): Dr. Serena Sterling wasn’t sure she’d ever finish her book project. There were times, as her content developer, I wasn’t sure she would either. Because Serena wasn’t just writing about her business–helping people overcome chronic physical and/or emotional pain–she was writing about her own fraught experience with the subject. If you want a reason to procrastinate, that’s a good one right there. Here’s what she says about the process: Writing a book was a grueling and cathartic experience. Now that it’s got a beginning, middle and an end wrapped up with a gorgeous cover, it feels surreal. I can’t believe I’m […]
- [Your motivation matters](https://annsheybani.com/your-motivation-matters/): Can I ask you a question? Why do you want to write a book? Seriously, do you even know? What’s your purpose for doing so? •     To create a beautiful work of art? •     To tell your life story? •     To outline your message? •     To serve as an expert calling card? •     To give you recognition as an expert? •     To instruct in a straightforward, how-to manner? •     To impact other people’s lives and affect radical change? •     To improve your business status, marketability, and profitability? Because your Why for writing a book—and you have to be very honest with […]
- [Inventing Anna: the cure for Imposter Syndrome](https://annsheybani.com/inventing-anna-the-cure-for-imposter-syndrome/): I write about the Imposter Syndrome all the time because it’s the single biggest issue many of my clients have. It’s what keeps them from starting their book, finishing it, then publishing it when it’s time to let it go. In fact, I’ve written about this issue HERE and HERE. But I’ve discovered the cure, thanks to Shonda Rhimes and her hit Netflix series, Inventing Anna, based on the true story of Anna Sorokin (also known as Anna Delvey). See if you agree.
- [You'd be surprised by what I see](https://annsheybani.com/youd-be-surprised-by-what-i-see/): Years ago, I pitched my memoir to an agent at a famous writers’ retreat. Big time agents basically trawled the place looking for up and coming talent, which was one of the reasons I was there. There I sat, doing my level best to describe my work in progress, explaining that my story could benefit ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE, professing that I’d written it so “others wouldn’t feel so alone”… I had no idea at the time that I was a living, breathing cliche. Of course, the fact that the agent’s eyes glazed over six sentences in was probably my first clue. I […]
- [This thing called process](https://annsheybani.com/this-thing-called-process/): Have you ever watched a professional runner run? Looks so easy, doesn’t it? They’ve all got that half smile playing across their face, that healthy sheen, those long, fluid strides that make the act seem so fun. From the couch, you can practically feel the endorphins pumping through your own body. Inspired, you go out for a jog and discover that, instead of gliding like Flo Jo across the savannah, the wind whipping through your hair, you’re ready to throw up by the end of the block. You shake your head, confused, because you know nothing about the inglorious stages a […]
- [Should you include personal stories?](https://annsheybani.com/should-you-include-personal-stories/): I got this note from one of my clients recently: I was reading some reviews on Amazon associated with books on my topic and some of the reviews were awful. People complained that they didn’t care to read about her (the author’s) life events, they just wanted to focus on the techniques. I don’t want readers to think the same of me and my book. So, I’d like to unpack this concern for every writer who worries about this very thing. Really, there are two fears for the price of one, which makes it all the more paralyzing. (Like you need […]
- [See if you can spot your favorite excuse](https://annsheybani.com/see-if-you-can-spot-your-favorite-excuse/): Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what needs to happen before starting a book project–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up and motivated, when you see what you want ever so clearly. When you’ve got the vision of an incredible book dancing in your head. As well as the attendant glory. It’s another thing entirely when the autopilot stuff kicks in six weeks down the road. When motivation leaves you in the lurch and heads south for […]
- [A cruel sociopath out to destroy your soul](https://annsheybani.com/a-cruel-sociopath-out-to-destroy-your-soul/): If you’ve ever received editorial feedback before, then you know it can be “challenging”. I mean, it’s not easy to accept that what you’ve got down on the page isn’t letter perfect, especially when you’re pretty good at what you do. All that red ink on your document can only mean one thing: Either you’re a complete ignoramus, or you’re dealing with a cruel sociopath out to destroy your soul. OK. Maybe that’s just me. But here’s why working with an editor–a.k.a a thought partner with clear vision–is the best thing you can ever do. (Short of curing cancer or solving […]
- [I'm taking confidence lessons from a convicted con artist](https://annsheybani.com/im-taking-confidence-lessons-from-a-convicted-con-artist/): I write about the Imposter Syndrome all the time because it’s the single biggest issue many of my clients have. It’s what keeps them from starting their book, finishing it, then publishing it when it’s time to let it go. In fact, I’ve written about this issue HERE and HERE. But I’ve discovered the cure, thanks to Shonda Rhimes and her hit Netflix series, Inventing Anna, based on the true story of Anna Sorokin (also known as Anna Delvey). See if you agree.
- [Six weeks from now, you're going to quit. Here's how you'll justify it.](https://annsheybani.com/book-writing-excuses/): Any time you switch up your routine or form new habits–which is pretty much what needs to happen before starting a book project–you’ve got to overcome all sorts of obstacles that spring up in your path. It’s all well and good when you’re pumped up and motivated, when you see what you want ever so clearly. When you’ve got the vision of an incredible book dancing in your head. As well as the attendant glory. It’s another thing entirely when the autopilot stuff kicks in six weeks down the road. When motivation leaves you in the lurch and heads south for […]
- [BOOK_draft_v4_FINAL_new.docx](https://annsheybani.com/book_draft_v4_final_new-docx/): Let’s talk about the file you’re not opening. Mmmm-hmmmm. You know the one. It’s got a name like BOOK_draft_v4_FINAL_new.docx, and it lives in a folder you scroll past on purpose. You know roughly how many words are in it. You know exactly how long it’s been since you touched it, because you check the last-modified date every few weeks the way you’d poke a yellowing bruise. Three months. Six. One guy told me two years, then said “but I think about it constantly,” as if that counted for anything. And when I ask why, I get one of three answers. Every […]
- [The Gortex thing is a lie](https://annsheybani.com/the-gortex-thing-is-a-lie/): Walt has been telling the story of how we met for twenty-one years, and he has never once gotten it right. His version: he was on Match.com, scrolling, and he came across a woman whose profile claimed she enjoyed a little black dress as much as she enjoyed Gortex. That was it. That was the line that got him. He tells this at dinner parties. He tells it to clients. He tells it with fondness, the way you’d describe a dog who does one impressive trick. Like walk on its hind legs singing “Mandy”. I never once said that. What I […]
- [I've spent fifteen years making my husband sound useless](https://annsheybani.com/ive-spent-fifteen-years-making-my-husband-sound-useless/): Every so often I write about Walt. How he got it in his head that sub-arctic temperatures sounded like a nice week away, and I went along with it, and came home short a few toenails. How I hand him the rental car counter, because I know he’s going to chew those people to bits if they keep him waiting, and I know I’ll be out on the patio pretending I’ve never met the man. How he tells me, again, to quit being such a people pleaser, because it does nobody any good, least of all me. Then I turn the […]
- [My therapist said Candace was a gift. I asked for Prozac.](https://annsheybani.com/my-therapist-said-candace-was-a-gift-i-asked-for-prozac/): “Jealousy,” according to writer Anne Lamott, “ is such a direct attack on whatever measure of confidence you’ve been able to muster.  But if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen for some of the most awful, angry, undeserving writers you know—people who are, in other words, not you.” Which leads me to this story, set at  Harvard, the illustrious institution where I began my writing career. Where I got my first bitter taste of writing jealousy. Not that you can relate, or anything. I […]
- [How to save $27 and lose $200k](https://annsheybani.com/another-habit-i-need-to-kill-2/): I’m at a stage in life and in business that requires me to kill some old habits. Oh, being frugal and learning to do it all on my own has gotten me here, but it won’t get me where I want to go. I know that. Maybe you do too. Which is where this story comes in.
- [Your sad story is boring and it's not your fault](https://annsheybani.com/your-sad-story-is-boring-and-its-not-your-fault/): Somewhere around chapter four of a manuscript I read last month, I hit a personal story and slid right off it. I’m telling you, it was pure Teflon! Nothing was wrong with the story, per se. The sentences were clean, grammatically correct, which, trust me, is a plus. The story was, on paper, potentially enormous — the kind of thing that reorganizes a person from the inside. The author had gone through something hard. He’d come out the other side different. I knew this because he’d told me this was so, right there in black and white. That’s the part I […]
- [The word that makes me want to set a manuscript on fire](https://annsheybani.com/the-word-that-makes-me-want-to-set-a-manuscript-on-fire/): The other day I got on a call with a coach I’ve known for years. Smart woman. Built a real business, wrote a real book once, the hard way, the way that takes eighteen months and costs you a little piece of your soul. This time she’d written a new one in a week and a half. She told me this the way you’d confess to a speeding ticket—half proud, half bracing for the lecture. “I wrote it with AI,” she said. “But I gave it the outline. I gave it the points. I gave it what I wanted.” And then, […]
- [The book that nobody picked up (and it was free)](https://annsheybani.com/the-book-that-nobody-picked-up-and-it-was-free/): Last weekend I was at a conference for book promotion and marketing. Which means I spent two days in a room full of book people — authors, publishers, marketers, the kind of crowd that shows up to the airport with three paperbacks in their carry-on just in case. And at this conference, as at all good conferences, there was a table of free books. Take what you want. Fill your bag. (Be still my heart!) You’d think it was a feeding frenzy. It mostly was. One of the speakers was a big deal. Made the New York Times list. Huge online […]
- [My daughter's fancy school gave me one thing worth keeping](https://annsheybani.com/reading-list-for-writers/): Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they’d mail a reading list–a compilation of each teacher’s favorite books–to the house. Now, I’m sure the design was to encourage students to read quality books during vacation, but the only one (and I could be wrong here) who took that idea and ran with it was me. Though I’m a fool for reading lists in general, I loved that particular one. I’d take it with me each time I visited the library to load up on books. Summer after summer, I […]
- [You finished the book. Now cut the snow blocks.](https://annsheybani.com/finishing-your-manuscript/): I’m going to tell you about the worst nap I never took. Stick with me — this is about your manuscript, I promise. A few years back Walt and I were on Denali, in Alaska, five days into the climb. Eighty-pound pack on my back. Dragging a sled behind me with another hundred pounds of group gear lashed to it. And I was wearing these big expedition boots — assault boots, built for sub-arctic misery — that had spent five days chewing my feet into hamburger. I could feel it. Raw meat where my feet used to be. We’d hired a […]
- [Your reader doesn't care about your hippocampus](https://annsheybani.com/writing-for-your-audience/): When I first started calling myself a writing instructor, shared my thoughts on the topic in black and white, I was convinced every writer I’d ever met—in a workshop, at grad school, out there in social media land—would see me for the fraud I feared myself to be. Sure, I had the fancy graduate degree. Ran a writers’ workshop. I’d spent years writing personal essay and memoir. I’d made my share of mistakes and learned from them, which left me writing reasonably well.  But I fully expected to be called out. In public. Questioned about my thin publication history, my lack […]
- [My greatest strength is quietly ruining me](https://annsheybani.com/my-greatest-strength-is-quietly-ruining-me/): If you attended Deep Write Saturday, then you know all about writing prompts, which I offered up in case you didn’t know which direction to go. Writing prompts are a great way to unstick yourself, particularly when you’re trying to work linearly. I decided to take my own medicine. This is how I came at the prompt: My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness, and here’s why…. First, just for the sake of this exercise, let me list my greatest strengths: I can make decisions quickly and act on them. I’m smart and I’ve learned that I can usually figure […]
- [My mother has no idea what's wrong with her (and she's fine with that)](https://annsheybani.com/turn-your-story-into-a-book/): On Saturday I called my mother to check on her. She’s getting up there in age, and she’d been flat on her back for a couple of weeks. Zero appetite. Which, if you know my mother, is the part that should worry you. The woman has never met a casserole she couldn’t finish. Or a jar of mayonnaise. I’d been after her to see her doctor. She complied — sort of. Got an appointment ten days out. Ten days. I remember shaking my head at that.Turns out the appointment was moot. Mom was already in the hospital, though it hadn’t occurred […]
- [Excuse #1: I don't have time to write a book (let alone become a bikini model)](https://annsheybani.com/excuse-1-i-dont-have-time-to-write-a-book-let-alone-become-a-bikini-model/): Oh, I’d say I hear this excuse for not writing a book once a day.  Mostly from people who actually WANT to have a book to their name at this point in their career. If I’m out in public and talking about what I do for a living, I’ll hear it at least twice. Which is why I thought I should clear up some misconceptions. This coming from someone who despises the whole write-a-book-in-a-weekend trope.  This coming from someone who explored becoming a bikini model. I’ll tell you all about it…
- [720 pages and still no book](https://annsheybani.com/720-pages-and-still-no-book/): The Zoom rang at 7 AM my time. Evening in Bali. Kris sat in candlelight — she doesn’t like overhead bulbs after dark, never has. We hadn’t talked in a couple of years. She’s a former client, a fellow traveler in the long messy business of writing a memoir, and a friend I love. (I want you to know that upfront, because this is not a takedown post.) She started telling me about the book. The book she’s been writing for ten-plus years. Now, before you ask: yes, she’s been writing the whole time. No, she hasn’t been faking it. She […]
- [I once tried to hire a Navy Seal to babysit](https://annsheybani.com/i-once-tried-to-hire-a-navy-seal-to-babysit/): Decades ago, back when my kids were just edging into adolescence, my best friend was a fellow single mother. She played cello in an orchestra, which meant she worked nights — orchestras don’t tend to perform at lunchtime — and I often kept her son at my place when she had a gig. He was about two years older than mine. Old enough to start figuring things out. “I’m about to lose control,” she told me one afternoon, “and he knows it. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with it.” Great, I thought. I’m going to be sitting for […]
- [Why I just lost two hours to a vegan TikTok (and what it taught me about your book)](https://annsheybani.com/why-i-just-lost-two-hours-to-a-vegan-tiktok-and-what-it-taught-me-about-your-book/): The other night Walt sent me an Instagram reel of a Korean American woman making army stew while she told a story about her father, as a teenager, running for his life from police who’d just gunned down student protesters in 1960. Her dad’s takeaway from a near-death experience: “Don’t forget to vote.” Walt sent it without comment, which is Walt-speak for you need to see this. (BTW, we’ve been gathering the documents that justify my name changes so I can continue to vote. Won’t get into that here.) I watched it. Then I watched it again. Then I fell into […]
- [12 things about traditional publishing that'll ruin your day](https://annsheybani.com/12-things-about-traditional-publishing-thatll-ruin-your-day/): When I came out of grad school, writers had to bank on traditional publishing houses to choose them for a sense of worth and/or credibility. You could self-publish—it was called vanity publishing then—but that had all the panache of finding a spouse in the classified section of a newspaper. So not cool! Maybe, even a little pathetic. But then the publishing industry basically imploded in 2008 thanks to the market crash. Amazon entered the fray a year later, and all bets were off. Publishing became the wild wild west. Despite the numerous (and might I add respectable) publishing options available to […]
- [Jack of all trades, master of none](https://annsheybani.com/jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none-2/): If you have a bunch of interests, but don’t consider yourself a master at any one… If you’re afraid to choose one of these interests as a topic for an expert-positioning book because, you know, you’re hardly the master…. If you’re waiting for clarity, depth of knowledge, and insight BEFORE you start in on the writing process… Then I made this video just for you. Because, we’ve got an intractable chicken and egg situation here. Not just one that affects your ability to write a book.
- [The morning we got lost and found out who we were](https://annsheybani.com/the-morning-we-got-lost-and-found-out-who-we-were/): It was Good Friday, roughly 6:30 in the morning, the kind of cold spring day that makes you question your life choices. Three of us — all marathon running buddies, all colleagues at the same chemical company in the next town over — laced up our shoes in a parking lot and made a plan that was barely a plan at all. Eight miles, we figured. A loop around the lake. Back in time to shower and slide into our offices by nine. Except none of us actually knew the route. We figured we’d figure it out. We did not figure […]
- [The half-life of relevance (and why panicking won't save you)](https://annsheybani.com/the-half-life-of-relevance-and-why-panicking-wont-save-you/): Walt and I have this conversation probably once a month. Who was that woman — the one who wore purple and taught people to sell from the stage? Where’d she go? We genuinely cannot remember her name. And here’s the thing: a few years ago, she was everywhere. Speaking fees in the mid-five figures. Packed rooms. A waitlist. Then she stepped away for a beat — not even that long — and now she’s a pronoun. That woman. The one with the thing. You probably know a few “that woman”s and “ole-what’s-his-names” of your own. The C-suite exec who retired and […]
- [I bought a cottage in Ireland. You can write a damn book](https://annsheybani.com/i-bought-a-cottage-in-ireland-you-can-write-a-damn-book/): Have you put your book dream on the back burner because you can already think of ten reasons it won’t work? I was watching a fox and her two kits bound across the field one morning as Walt and I drank our first cup of coffee. In the upper pasture, a herd of dairy cows had formed a battle line, like a division of black and white soldiers, waiting for Ben — our neighbor’s border collie — to march them toward their morning milking. Just beyond, a five-minute walk down the gravel road, the North Atlantic crashed against the cliffs of […]
- [The Door of Confusion (and why I won't let you walk away from it)](https://annsheybani.com/the-door-of-confusion-and-why-i-wont-let-you-walk-away-from-it/): She walks into our first call with a story that could stop traffic. I’m not going to share the details here because they’re hers, but trust me when I say she’s lived something that most people only read about — and survived it, came out looking like Wonder Woman after a blowout. Heroic stuff. She’s built a business around that survival. Products people love. A following that’s growing. Clients who swear by her work. She’s also got a book she needs to write. The problem? She can’t tell me what it’s about. Not because she doesn’t know her work. She knows […]
- [The guy who couldn't write his book because he was too busy choosing how to write his book](https://annsheybani.com/the-guy-who-couldnt-write-his-book-because-he-was-too-busy-choosing-how-to-write-his-book/): I have a client — well, sort of a client — who I’ve been talking to since last September. And when I say talking, I don’t mean a quick 20-minute Zoom. I mean long, sprawling two-hour conversations that kicked off in the fall, meandered through the holidays, and finally wrapped up in late February. We’re going on six months of these things. Mind you, the guy is no slouch. He’s smart, genuinely smart. He’s passionate about his work and has the kind of hard-won expertise that makes you lean forward in your chair. He has a burning message, the kind that […]
- [That tell-all you're dying to write? Read this first.](https://annsheybani.com/the-page-turner-im-reading-now/): I’d heard about Careless People long before I finally cracked it open in the airport. It had been sitting in my Kindle alongside all the other fantastic books I swore I’d eventually get to. But once I started the memoir, I couldn’t put it down. Which was great, because I had ten hours ahead of me and no desire to work on a project. If you know nothing about the book, it’s a tell-all about Facebook. The evolution of the company, its policies, Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg. Sarah Wynn-Williams, the author, worked as Facebook’s director of global public policy from 2011 […]
- [The woodcutter who wouldn't take my money](https://annsheybani.com/the-woodcutter-who-wouldnt-take-my-money/): When we lived in Ireland, a neighbor advertised his wood-cutting services with a hand-painted sign along the road. He’d bring a cord of wood over, and instead of dumping it on the lawn and driving away like any self-respecting American contractor, he’d stack it in the shed. Neat as a pin. (If you’ve ever stacked wood, you know how exciting this is!) The fellow wasn’t particularly sophisticated. His father and mother ran a little farm and he made his living with wood. Hard, honest work. But here’s the thing that still haunts me… after he’d spent hours cutting the wood, delivering […]
- [Your origin story is too polished. Here's how to mess it up (on purpose)](https://annsheybani.com/your-origin-story-is-too-polished-heres-how-to-mess-it-up-on-purpose/): I was at a conference last year, listening to a guy talk about his ridiculously short journey from broke to billionaire. You know the type—slick slides, perfectly rehearsed pauses with tilted head, the whole “I was eating ramen and now I own a jet” narrative. The audience was eating it up. And I all I could this was: this is such bullshit. Utter bullshit. Not because he wasn’t successful. He clearly was given the nice suit and Rolex. But because the story was so polished, so weaponized, that I couldn’t identify the human in it anymore. It was all triumph, no […]
- [If it were easy, everybody would be doing it](https://annsheybani.com/if-it-werent-hard-everybody-would-be-doing-it/): Hey there, A while back, one of my friends questioned my penchant for voluntarily placing myself in situations where I could get hurt, for “manufacturing fear.” The world provides enough danger already, why go out looking for more? She was referring to mountain climbing, but in many ways, she was also talking about the writing life, exposing myself unnecessarily to criticism and discomfort. (I’m telling you, you want to spice up your life, put a book out into the world.) This is a theme I’ve been exploring lately, which got me thinking about this video response I created for her. My […]
- [The project from hell](https://annsheybani.com/the-project-from-hell/): Sometime back in May, Walt got it in his head that we should renovate our kitchen. Now, I should mention we’d bought this house sight unseen during the pandemic—intended as a home base for our trips back from Ireland, with Airbnb covering the mortgage the rest of the time. Instead, we moved in and stayed. And after three years of living with a kitchen straight out of the 1980s, Walt had had enough. Me? I’m too oblivious to notice these things. And after two previous kitchen renovations, I wasn’t about to sign up for more of that particular brand of torture. […]
- [What I'm legally allowed to tell you about the 7 people living rent-free in my brain](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-legally-allowed-to-tell-you-about-the-7-people-living-rent-free-in-my-brain/): People sometimes ask me what it’s like to run a hybrid publishing house. The short answer? It’s like being a professional eavesdropper who gets paid to learn everyone’s secrets—except the secrets are actually really fascinating expertise, and instead of whispering them at cocktail parties, I help turn them into books. Right now, I’ve got seven projects in various stages of development, and I have to tell you—the range of human knowledge crossing my desk is one of the great privileges of this work. Let me give you a little peek behind the curtain. The Ones I Can Tell You About First […]
- [Game recognize game](https://annsheybani.com/game-recognize-game-2/): We once had a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’etre was to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also had two cats: Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter was a cat-hater’s cat. He had all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart. Tail up, shoulders back, when he sauntered into the kitchen, he owned the joint. What I loved about Peanut Butter was the way he managed the dog. From the get go, he refused to take his guff. All that lunging, gnawing, growling, humping, sniffing ridiculousness he met with a stifled yawn. Peanut Butter was so unconcerned, so […]
- [How to lose a reader in 12 pages](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-lose-a-reader-in-12-pages-2/): Maybe you’ve heard it said that most readers never get beyond the first twelve pages of a book, particularly if it’s non-fiction. This supposed tendency is what drives the billion-dollar write-a-book-in-a-weekend industry. Become a published author. Have a book to your name to impress people. It won’t get read anyway, so why worry if you haven’t dotted all your I’s? It’s not like you need to be another Hemmingway to be a Bestseller, so relax, champ, and get your work out there. BWT, if you’re after the “author” title and/or some list-building bait, feel free to bounce. Because what I’m about […]
- [Better the devil you know](https://annsheybani.com/better-the-devil-you-know/): I’m sitting here this morning listening to Walt in the other room. He’s on a Zoom call with one of his clients, and apparently the guy is reluctant to try something new. He wants to cling to his old business habits because, as my mother used to say, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” Meaning: he’s reluctant to head into the unknown, to do something unfamiliar because he can’t gauge the results. He’d rather stick with mediocre certainty than risk looking like an idiot. I get it. I hate being a beginner. I hate entering the unknown. […]
- [What forty dead chickens taught me about playing small](https://annsheybani.com/what-forty-dead-chickens-taught-me-about-playing-small/): Envy killed the chickens. Or so my Bedouin mother-in-law believed. There once was a jealous neighbor who came for a visit. Commenting on the large flock of hens pecking away in the courtyard, forgetting to invoke God’s blessing on such wealth, she drew the Evil Eye’s focus—likely unintentionally. The very next day, all forty birds lay talons up, leaving my mother-in-law crying her eyes out. When I lived in Iran, the Evil Eye was a force to be reckoned with. Esfand seeds were burned on a special metal grate after guests left a home. Turquoise jewelry was worn for protection. Salt […]
- [What I read while waiting for a helicopter in Papua New Guinea](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-read-while-waiting-for-a-helicopter-in-papua-new-guinea-2/): Let’s just say I had an awful lot of time on my hands while on vacation several years ago. That’s what happens when you deliberately leave your computer at home; AND you’ve got nowhere to go, save the local airstrip or the hotel compound; AND your helicopter can’t ever seem to find a weather window to fly you to basecamp. (Gashbroom, the highest mountain in the Austro New Zealand continent, is about as inaccessible as you can get, thus the necessity for a helicopter.) Mind you, it’s no punishment, the ability to read book after book for days on end; in […]
- [Eight Books, Eight Lessons: Why I'm Not Slowing Down](https://annsheybani.com/eight-books-eight-lessons-why-im-not-slowing-down/): At my 60th birthday party a couple of years back, something interesting happened. A number of my friends started talking about retirement—counting down the days, making plans to “slow down,” fantasizing about endless yoga retreats in Mexico and Netflix binges. They looked at me like I had three heads when I said I have zero desire to join them. If anything? I want to speed up. Because here’s the thing: 2025 gave me eight reasons why I can’t imagine doing anything else. This year, Summit Press Publishers released eight books, and from each one I learned something that reminded me why […]
- [The Best Books of 2025: Holiday Reading Recommendations from Summit Press Authors](https://annsheybani.com/the-best-books-of-2025-holiday-reading-recommendations-from-summit-press-authors/): Every year around the holidays, I love pulling together book recommendations—and this year, I thought: who better to ask than published authors? After all, writers tend to be voracious readers who know their stuff. I asked some of our Summit Press authors to share their favorites across five categories, and what came back was good shizel. Some authors wrote passionate mini-essays about why these books matter. Others simply shared titles that spoke for themselves. Either way, you’re about to discover your next great read. So grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and let’s explore what the people who make books love […]
- [Wayne's lawn: What my father taught me about book marketing](https://annsheybani.com/waynes-lawn-what-my-father-taught-me-about-book-marketing/): Most evenings after work, my father would be outside running the lawn mower, spraying the grass with a garden hose, or spreading Scott’s seed, dandelion killer, or lime by the 50-lb bagful. Come fall, he’d attack the leaves with a rake for hours on end and insist the entire family get involved—which, to be clear, we did not love. Ask me, that man was obsessed with his lawn. I chalked it up to homesickness—missing the farm chores he’d grown up with in North Dakota. And his need for some alone time, which was smart, because none of us wanted to be […]
- [5 Writing Practices That Actually Get Books Done](https://annsheybani.com/5-writing-practices-that-actually-get-books-done/): I thought I’d bring this post back because it’s even more relevant than ever, thanks to cultural fatigue.You know what I’m talking about, that sense that doing ANYTHING seems so…utterly pointless. Add in the holidays, and who feels like doing much of anything that will push your agenda forward?   As a content developer, I’ve got my nose in a dozen projects at any given time, not just my own. I can’t afford to be precious. I’ve had to come up with a few tricks to get shit done or I don’t get paid. Let’s be clear here: writers need structure. […]
- [Gordo lied](https://annsheybani.com/gordo-lied/): “This is the hardest thing you will ever do.” That’s what Gordo, the instructor of our Intro to Scuba Diving class, told us while he scrawled his name on the blackboard. Gordo was a big guy, nearly 300 pounds of flesh that couldn’t have been easy to squeeze into a wet suit, so I wasn’t inclined to doubt his sincerity. Walt and I had recently summited Denali—a grueling 28-day high-altitude adventure in the arctic carrying 80-pound expedition packs. We looked at each other and rolled our eyes. I wasn’t about to brag about that, but everything in me wanted to point […]
- [Your Achilles heel is boring](https://annsheybani.com/your-achilles-heel-is-boring-2/): My friend and I were seated together at a conference. I could practically feel the sparks coming off her, so consumed was she by the desire to be plucked from the crowd and brought onstage for an exercise. Leaning forward, she gripped the chair-back in front of her, laughed uproariously one minute, cried out loud the next, then, bouncing up and down, all but yelled, “Choose me, see me, make me a star.” I’m pathologically detached so this display of raw desire mesmerized me. Much the way the chance to be seen did her. When she was chosen, she nearly killed […]
- [This is why people cry at art exhibits (and read your book)](https://annsheybani.com/this-is-why-people-cry-at-art-exhibits-and-read-your-book/): In 2010, Marina Abramović did something insane.For seventy-five days straight, she sat in the atrium of the Museum of Modern Art in New York City. Six days a week. Nearly eight hours a day. No breaks. No food. No water. She didn’t speak. Didn’t move. She just sat at a square wooden table across from an empty chair. The invitation was simple: sit down across from her. No talking. No touching. No time limit. Just a gaze. Eye to eye. And people fell apart. Some tried to smile, then quickly broke into tears. Others sobbed within seconds. One woman trembled. A […]
- [Why I finally created book templates (After years of hating them)](https://annsheybani.com/why-i-finally-created-book-templates-after-years-of-hating-them/): As a chemistry major who really shouldn’t have been a chemistry major for a whole host of reasons, I nearly lost my mind with physical chemistry. One exercise that I found particularly punishing was proving “proofs” for quantum theorems. I mean, how was I supposed to prove something that had already been proven by someone who took years to come up with this theorem, knew how to do so, and, more importantly, cared enough to do so? When my friend questioned the teary weekends I’d devoted to this futile exercise, she felt compelled to point out the step-by-step answers written in […]
- [I never finished my book](https://annsheybani.com/i-never-finished-my-book/): I was sitting in a workshop at Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, watching Scott Russell Sanders field questions about his career. If you don’t know Scott’s work, he’s written a bunch of books and made his living that way, with a side of teaching thrown in. He’s the kind of writer who teaches you about craft and what it means to be a decent human being in equal measure. This guy had a huge impact on me. (In fact, I wrote about him HERE and HERE.) I’d been won over by an essay of his years before, one where he described his […]
- [What I'm reading now](https://annsheybani.com/what-im-reading-now-7/): Every Iranian New Year, we’d drive through Abadan, and I’d watch the flames shooting from the tops of those massive stacks—the oil refinery burning off excess natural gas like some kind of industrial volcano. The infrastructure stretched for acres, a sprawling testament to British engineering and ambition, built back when Persia was just another piece on the colonial chessboard. I didn’t understand then what I was really looking at: the physical manifestation of why Iran doesn’t trust us. Any of us. Since living in Iran, I’ve been fascinated—maybe obsessed is more accurate—with the role foreign governments and companies have played in […]
- [These two turned 60 authors into bestsellers (And I'm still not over it)](https://annsheybani.com/these-two-turned-60-authors-into-bestsellers-and-im-still-not-over-it/): I’m not one to brag on clients (okay, that’s a lie—I totally am), but Cecilia and Jason Hilkey are the real deal, and I want you to know about them. Here’s what happened: These two came to me at the end of 2024 wanting to publish a parenting anthology. Not a solo book—an anthology with nearly 60 contributing authors. Most people would’ve looked at that project and said, “Are you out of your goddamned minds?” (Good Lord, the moving pieces!) But here’s the thing about the Hilkeys. They didn’t just want to write a book. They wanted to create something that […]
- [The blind date that made me realize I was a fraud (and why that was the best thing ever)](https://annsheybani.com/the-blind-date-that-made-me-realize-i-was-a-fraud-and-why-that-was-the-best-thing-ever/): I was on a blind date, sitting across from some guy I’d met on Match.com, when he asked what I did for a living. You would have thought I was a street walker, the way I started hemming and hawing. I was so mortified to tell him I was a chemical salesperson—selling industrial chemicals across a multi-state territory—that I kept trying to dodge the question. Obviously, he was confused. Why wouldn’t I want to tell him I sold chemicals? What was the big deal? “Because I feel like I’ve outgrown it,” I finally blurted out. “I’m embarrassed that I’m still in […]
- [You're not a writer, you're a hoarder (And that's actually good news)](https://annsheybani.com/youre-not-a-writer-youre-a-hoarder-and-thats-actually-good-news/): Let’s pretend you’re ready to start writing your book. That you’re a real eager beaver. Now, word of advice: Before you stare at a blank document for the next three months wondering why writing feels impossible, let’s talk about the content goldmine you’re probably sitting on and completely ignoring. I’m talking about the digital treasure trove gathering dust in your computer, your email archives, and yes, even your social media feeds. While you’re over here acting like you have nothing to say, successful authors are systematically mining their existing content and turning it into bestsellers. The Tim Ferriss Master Class Want […]
- [Which Disney princess are you? (And other useless quizzes)](https://annsheybani.com/which-disney-princess-are-you-and-other-useless-quizzes/): We’ve all taken those inane quizzes, haven’t we? “Which Disney character are you?” “What’s your spirit animal?” “Which Friends character matches your personality?” I always end up as Cinderella—probably because she had serious shoe problems, which feels relatable because I’m forever trashing my feet with egregious footwear. But here’s a quiz that actually matters for your writing career: What type of writer are you? And I’m not talking about whether you prefer laptops or longhand, coffee shops or kitchen tables. I’m talking about your core motivation for wanting to write a book in the first place. After working with hundreds of […]
- [I tell people my service is hard work. Here's why I'm not broke.](https://annsheybani.com/i-tell-people-my-service-is-hard-work-heres-why-im-not-broke/): Years ago, I joined a group program designed to teach me about marketing because I was tired of banking on sheer luck to bring in clients. You know, that magical thinking where people would somehow discover what I do—and how I could make their writing 1000 times easier—just by walking down the street and receiving a divine download from the universe. Ann Sheybani! Of course! I bought into this program because the marketing copy made the process sound so damn easy. Do this, then this, then this, and you’ll practically be printing money. Three or five or seven simple steps to […]
- [What I learned about acceptance from a dying man and two hospice nurses](https://annsheybani.com/what-i-learned-about-acceptance-from-a-dying-man-and-two-hospice-nurses/): Decades have passed, but the two and a half years of illness are still fresh in my mind. I can still hear his voice calling me from the hospital after exploratory surgery. From his tone, I know something is terribly wrong even before he tells me. He’s supposed to be in Canada or New York or somewhere, on a dangerous job site—although, let’s face it, just how dangerous could an air-monitoring job be? He tells me that a surgeon has opened up his gut to discover stage-4 colon cancer. It’s in his spleen and in his lymph nodes and he has […]
- [The gym guy who made me question everything](https://annsheybani.com/the-gym-guy-who-made-me-question-everything/): Every day, I talk to people who are looking to up their game by writing a book. They’ve done amazing things in their life and in their business and they want to share the wisdom they’ve gained. For many, writing a book is a brand new circus trick. It requires them to evolve, to become someone new. And we humans, we don’t like doing that kind of stuff: changing. Which got me thinking about this post that I wrote eons ago. The other day, a fellow at the gym showed me a photo. Circa 1967, a young man in fatigues posed […]
- [Book launch FOMO is making authors do dumb things](https://annsheybani.com/book-launch-fomo-is-making-authors-do-dumb-things/): Last week, I had three different authors ask me variations of the same question: “Should I do a Kickstarter like Sarah Jessica Parker did, or that $1.99 thing like Mike Pence, or maybe try that free shipping deal like Jennifer Lopez?” (OK, they didn’t use those specific examples, but close enough.) I realized we have a problem that needs to be addressed PDQ. Authors are watching other authors launch books and thinking they should copy whatever strategy looks most successful. It’s like watching someone run a marathon in racing flats and deciding you should wear the same shoes for your grocery […]
- [Skip the backstory: let your objects tell the story instead](https://annsheybani.com/skip-the-backstory-let-your-objects-tell-the-story-instead/): I was browsing through a little bookstore in D.C. when I ran into an interesting book. It was called China in Ten Words. The Table of Contents had me at hello. Here’s what it looked like in all of its glorious simplicity: People Leader Reading Writing LuXun (Must have no good translation in English) Revolution Disparity Grassroots Copycat Bamboozle  Some of the words, like Bamboozle, made me want to buy the book just to see what the author would write about. When I leafed through the introduction, here’s what the author told me: “My goal, then, is to compress the endless […]
- [The ugly truth about why everyone quits their book (except this one badass)](https://annsheybani.com/the-ugly-truth-about-why-everyone-quits-their-book-except-this-one-badass/): Each week, I have conversations with people who claim to want to write a book. I listen carefully, not just to establish if I like an individual, which is necessary if I’m to take them on as a client; if I think the project would be interesting and teach me a thing or three; but also, if this nice enthusiast is likely to drive the work to completion. Or not. Sure, I could accept money thrown at me, do my best by someone for as long as I’m allowed, but I just hate it when someone quits because, true co-dependent that […]
- [The publishing question that's keeping you from writing (And why you're asking it backwards)](https://annsheybani.com/the-publishing-question-thats-keeping-you-from-writing-and-why-youre-asking-it-backwards/): So here’s what happened. A woman named…oh, I’ll call her Taylor Swift because Walt is super into her…. reached out with some questions about Summit Press’s hybrid publishing model versus going the self-publishing route. These were smart questions, the kind that made me think, “Finally, someone who’s doing their homework instead of diving headfirst into the deep end.” But here’s the thing that got me: She was asking these questions before she’d even started writing. Which, frankly, is brilliant. Because I can’t tell you how many people get three chapters into their manuscript, realize they have no clue what comes next, […]
- [The 5 Types of Writers (And Why Most Pick the Wrong Strategy)](https://annsheybani.com/the-5-types-of-writers-and-why-most-pick-the-wrong-strategy/): Can I ask you a question? Why do you want to write a book? Seriously, do you even know? What’s your purpose for doing so? After working with hundreds of writers over the past decade, I’ve learned that there are fundamentally different types of people who want to write books, and they have completely different motivations. Understanding which type you are isn’t just helpful—it’s essential for choosing the right genre, developing the right strategy, and avoiding years of frustration. When I first started working with writers back in 2007, most of my clients fell into what I’ll call the Beautiful Writer […]
- [The 15-month Plan That Sold 10 Million Books (And Why Your 'Wing It' Strategy Isn't Working](https://annsheybani.com/the-15-month-plan-that-sold-10-million-books-and-why-your-wing-it-strategy-isnt-working/): Here’s what I love about James Clear’s Atomic Habits success story: it completely destroys the romantic myth that great books just “find their audience.” You know, that fairy tale where you write something brilliant in your mountainside cabin, send it to a publisher, and—poof—bestseller magic happens. Nope. Clear spent 15 months planning his launch strategy. Fifteen. Months. Before his book even hit shelves, he had already reverse-engineered what makes bestsellers work and built a systematic approach to create one himself. I mean, he makes MacGyver look like an amateur. (And before you start getting all precious about “authenticity” and “organic growth,” […]
- [We accidentally created a bestseller (and now everyone's having an identity crisis)](https://annsheybani.com/we-accidentally-created-a-bestseller-and-now-everyones-having-an-identity-crisis/): Last week, The Wisdom Collection went live on Amazon. Within 48 hours, it blew the top off the platform in ways that surprised even me—and I’m not easily surprised when it comes to book launches. In fact, I’m kind of jaded. First, we hit bestseller in a couple of categories. Then #1 bestseller in several. Then we went international bestseller. Then all the way to #1 International Bestseller, which is Amazon’s pinnacle level. The kind of success that makes you double-check the screen to make sure you’re not hallucinating. But here’s what fascinated me more than watching the sales numbers climb: […]
- [The Wisdom Collection launches today (and why you need to grab your Copy RIGHT NOW)](https://annsheybani.com/the-wisdom-collection-launches-today-and-why-you-need-to-grab-your-copy-right-now/): After months of anticipation, countless late-night editing sessions, and more coffee than any human should consume, The Wisdom Collection is officially LIVE! (Note the enthusiastic all caps and outlawed exclamation point.) And here’s the thing—for the next 24-48 hours only, you can snag this sparkling treasure chest of life-changing wisdom for just $1.99. Yes, you read that right. (Unless you read that $199. Then you read that wrong.) Even if you don’t blink an eye when a gallon of gas costs $7.65, if you’re anything like me, you still love yourself a good deal. $1.99 is a good deal. Think about […]
- [Why I'm revising a book I already wrote (and what it taught me about the writing game)](https://annsheybani.com/why-im-revising-a-book-i-already-wrote-and-what-it-taught-me-about-the-writing-game/): Eleven years ago, I published How to Eat the Elephant: Build Your Book in Bite-Sized Steps. It was solid advice that helped hundreds of writers complete their manuscripts. But here’s the thing about the writing and publishing world: it doesn’t stand still while you’re busy congratulating yourself on your previous work. Everything changed. And I mean everything. The landscape I navigated in 2014 now looks like a quaint little village compared to today’s publishing thunderdome. Back then, you competed primarily against other books. (Adorable, right?) Now, you’re competing against TikTok videos, YouTube tutorials, podcasts, newsletters, and an endless tsunami of free […]
- [From bulletin boards to Bloomberg](https://annsheybani.com/from-bulletin-boards-to-bloomberg/): Back in the day, I ran a local writers’ workshop with a couple of fabulous partners. We started this business on something of a lark. The three of us had spoken to a friend’s college classroom about the benefits of starting or joining a writing group after graduation because that’s how all of us continued to hone our craft and produce work. “Hey,” one of us said—and I’m sure this wasn’t me—”wouldn’t it be fun to do more of this? We should start a workshop so we can talk about writing and keep people motivated.” And, like enthusiastic fools, we did. […]
- [In defense of the mundane](https://annsheybani.com/in-defense-of-the-mundane/): I recently put together an anthology about single pieces of advice that changed people’s lives—real stories from real people about those small inflection points that shift everything. When it came time to promote the book, I asked the contributing authors to share the news, to crow a little so others could discover this collection of wisdom. One woman’s response stopped me cold. She wrote about feeling “weird” that morning, paralyzed by the weight of daily stories that “pierce the heart.” She sat with fingers poised over her keyboard, unable to move forward. “Who cares about a book in times like these?” […]
- [Process: a four-letter word](https://annsheybani.com/process-a-four-letter-word/): A few years back, I joined a money-mindset program because I recognized that my relationship with earning had been clouded by my past—my parents’ attitudes, early financial mistakes, my deep-seated fear of loss and making even bigger mistakes. The course was genuinely useful in helping me identify the lessons I’d internalized and consider whether they still served me, or if I had evolved beyond them. (I had.) It showed me that financial security didn’t require me to be as incessantly stupendous as the celebrities and influencers we see plastered everywhere. I could be a regular ole’ human being with strengths and […]
- [Why would you write a book about THAT?!](https://annsheybani.com/why-would-you-write-a-book-about-that/): Once upon a time–OK, about a month ago–an expert wanted to write a book to buttress her credibility, attract right-fit clients, and help those who couldn’t afford her consulting fee. This is a more than reasonable desired outcome for an author working on prescriptive non-fiction, would you not agree? This was how she described her target readers—those right-fit clients. And what she wanted them to walk away with once they read her book: “I help passionate nonprofit and community leaders clarify their big idea and create change in their corner of the world. This is why people will want to read […]
- [If you don't know me, this will sum me up](https://annsheybani.com/if-you-dont-know-me-this-will-sum-me-up/): Several years back, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Denise Brown for a column she writes in the North Star Monthly, a New Hampshire publication.  I thought I might share an excerpt of it with you here. It’ll give you some of my philosophy and background, just in case you’re curious. To an outsider, you look like a woman “on top of the world” in more ways than one. But the route you took held plenty of obstacles.  Tell us about where you were in your life when you decided to start running, and what benefits you discovered right off. Once […]
- [72 slides and a roomful of glazed eyes](https://annsheybani.com/72-slides-and-a-roomful-of-glazed-eyes/): I was 36 when I discovered that people fear public speaking more than death. Let that sink in for a minute. People would rather be in the casket than delivering the eulogy. This revelation came during my stint as a sales rep for MacDermid, a chemical manufacturing company that had the good sense to enroll all their salespeople in a Dale Carnegie course on public speaking. The logic was simple: if we could communicate effectively, particularly off script, we’d impress customers and project confidence while discussing acid copper plating solutions and other sexy chemical products. I was not in any way, […]
- [Let's discuss my feet](https://annsheybani.com/lets-discuss-my-feet/): I’m guessing you’re here because you’re interested in writing and/or publishing books. Bear with me for a moment while I seemingly deviate from the topic… Every once in a while, Walt gets it in his head that we need to climb another mountain. So, one week not so many years ago, that’s exactly what we did. Off to the Alps we went to climb Mount Blanc. Now I’ve mentioned before that I have mixed feelings when it comes to mountain climbing. Yes, I appreciate the confidence it buys me. (You accomplish that kind of task, and you get to walk the […]
- [Chum in the water](https://annsheybani.com/chum-in-the-water/): I’m guessing we’ve all heard the business adage: “People do business with people they know, like, and trust.” It’s practically tattooed on the foreheads of networking gurus and business coaches everywhere. But, after years of coaching writers and developing content for experts across industries, I’ve discovered there’s a critical fourth element that nobody really talks about: respect. Without respect, the whole damn house of cards collapses. I first encountered the “know, like, trust” trinity in Michael Port’s business-building course. The concept made sense, but as I watched talented professionals sabotage otherwise solid relationships, I noticed the missing piece. These folks might […]
- [Step Away From Your Dissertation](https://annsheybani.com/step-away-from-your-dissertation/): I was at a writers’ conference one weekend when a bright-eyed woman approached me during cocktail hour. “I’ve just finished my PhD in organizational psychology,” she told me, “and I think it would make a terrific book.” (Back in the day, she would have been clutching a thick manuscript, not  a thumb drive, but I digress.) I took a long sip of my seltzer and cran. This wasn’t the first time I’d been cornered by someone who believed their dissertation was destined for the bestseller list. It wouldn’t be the last. I’ve had this conversation so many times that I now […]
- [Where the f*ck did the time go? (And Other Rabbit Holes)](https://annsheybani.com/where-the-fck-did-the-time-go-and-other-rabbit-holes/): I jolted awake Saturday morning to a shocking realization: it’s late March. Late March. Last I checked, we were unwrapping Christmas presents. Then a parade of exciting book projects marched across my desk, and—poof—I vanished down the rabbit hole. Give my mind even an inch of space, and it wanders. So here are the fascinating things currently occupying my brain: Land Walt and I devoured this film on our Qatar Air flight to Kathmandu (Christmas surprise: first-class tickets—so luxurious I contemplated living on that plane). Robin Wright both directed and starred as Edee Holzer, a woman who, after devastating loss, abandons […]
- [Haters are going to hate](https://annsheybani.com/haters-are-going-to-hate-2/): I was 26 the first time I realized that what people thought about me had more to do with them than with who I was/am as a person. Such an epiphany should have freed me; unfortunately, it didn’t. When I’d first moved to Iran, I wanted two things more than anything.First, I wanted my husband to love me above all else.Second, I wanted to be liked by his people. I equated being liked with being safe. I figured that if my husband’s family liked and accepted me as one of their own, it would make it all the easier for him […]
- [The silliest thing that changed my life](https://annsheybani.com/the-silliest-thing-that-changed-my-life-2/): I got to thinking about this bike rack I refused to buy because it looked like way too much bother. Anything that requires me to read a user’s manual, well, I I just don’t need it badly enough. Yet, if I hadn’t been nagged to death to buy the damn thing; if I hadn’t succumbed to peer pressure, my life would look nothing like it does now. Who knew that love and success and abundance could be tied back to the most inconsequential thing, the most inconsequential action.    
- [A literary agent's advice for book-writing entrepreneurs](https://annsheybani.com/a-literary-agents-advice-for-book-writing-entrepreneurs-2/): This is a guest post by Lucinda Halpern, head of Lucinda Literary. Lucinda gets writers book deals with traditional publishing houses. Even if you don’t harbor the fantasy of publishing your book with a big New York house, you’ll want to pay attention to her advice. Because it holds across the board, whether you intend to self-publish, partner with a hybrid press like Summit Press Publishers, or go the traditional route. If you’re reading this article, chances are that you have a story worth telling. But as world events have publishers cutting budgets and turning away submissions more aggressively than ever […]
- [The best piece of advice I ever received](https://annsheybani.com/the-best-piece-of-advice-i-ever-received/): A long time ago, when I was selling photo copiers for a living, I met an older woman who gave me a piece of advice I’ll never forget. “Darling,” she said, smoothing back her hair with steady hands, “there’s a time and a place for everything. You can’t do it all at once, no matter what they say.” My husband at that time was working at the University of Connecticut as a temporary professor. One of the perks as his spouse was the ability to take free classes, which I thought I should avail myself of. I was feeling a thousand […]
- [The best writing advice I ever received](https://annsheybani.com/the-best-writing-advice-i-ever-received/): I once had a lovely, wise professor who said, “If you write about a person, tell the truth, and do it with love and compassion.” To show what he meant, he read a scene from one of his books in which he described, in gorgeous language, the boy he once was, his drunken father, and the abyss between them. After he was done, I cried because I recognized myself. I understood each of the characters, what they wanted yet couldn’t have. I felt their pain and love. This is a good time to mention that great writing is about telling the […]
- [Dead men give great advice](https://annsheybani.com/dead-men-give-great-advice/): Plato had it right when he said, “Those who tell the stories rule society.” In other words, if you want to get ahead–and ahead does not mean taking over Greenland–you need to open your mouth and share your experiences. A piece of advice I took to heart early on in my writing career. A piece of advice I’m reminded of at every turn. Case in point… There we were, trapped in deepest, darkest Papua New Guinea. For nearly two weeks, Walt and I waited for a helicopter ride to base camp with our team members. Each of us had arrived to […]
- [Why writing a chapter could be better than writing a whole damn book](https://annsheybani.com/why-writing-a-chapter-could-be-better-than-writing-a-whole-damn-book/): I was talking to a potential client yesterday about her dream of writing a book. She’s got this amazing story about rebuilding her life after losing everything—and I mean everything—in 2008. The kind of story that makes you realize your own problems aren’t quite as devastating as you thought. By the way, this is the third time in as many years that we’ve had the very same conversation. Not that I’m counting or anything. But here’s the thing: she’s running a successful business now, and finding time to write a whole book? That’s about as likely as me giving up coffee. […]
- [Or you could just write an essay](https://annsheybani.com/or-you-could-just-write-an-essay/): When I was in grad school, I took an essay writing course. We were assigned an anthology called The Best American Essays, which still sits, all marked up with black ink, on my bookshelf. (If I could find a link, I’d put it here, but I can’t.)  In it, I discovered the work of Lucy Grealy, author of Autobiography of A Face, and Susan Orlean, specifically her piece on taxidermy, Lifelike.  Just to name my favorites. I loved the essay form because I could explore a topic, turn it this way and that way in the light, and never have to […]
- [The life changing magic of cleaning our house](https://annsheybani.com/the-life-changing-magic-of-cleaning-our-house/): Walt and I were finally cleaning out the basements (yes, that’s a plural); and the over-stuffed three-car garage; and the attics (again, the plural); and all of the closets; and each of the seven, count them, seven bedrooms. This in preparation for our move to Ireland. Cold and heartless that I am, I was bagging the shit up and dragging it to the dumpster.  Walt was of no help because he’s, how shall I phrase this, way too sentimental. Our kids were long gone, so it just didn’t make sense for us to keep the enormous house, or the objects within […]
- [What an epic](https://annsheybani.com/what-an-epic/): Walt got it into his head a couple of summers ago that he wanted to paint our deck. He figured, with a little scraping and a gallon of outdoor, weather-resistant paint, he could have the task done over a weekend. To this end, we ran to the local home and garden center with a paint chip to allow for proper color-matching. You see, Walt is no amateur; he knows you need to match the paint properly or the whole thing looks like hell. Enter stage right: Anne. She ran the paint desk. And believe me when I tell you that this […]
- [What to read on vacation](https://annsheybani.com/what-to-read-on-vacation/): It’s the holiday week. Business has all but shut down. And I know precisely how I’m going to spend much of my time. I have a stack of books I’ve been dying to read, so, baby, here I come. Which got me thinking…which books might I recommend for your reading pleasure?  Long ago, the private high school my daughter attended had a wonderful yearly tradition. At the beginning of summer, they’d mail a reading list–a compilation of each teacher’s favorite books–to the house. Now, I’m sure the design was to encourage students to read quality books during vacation, but the only […]
- [The Hidden Cost of Going It Alone](https://annsheybani.com/the-hidden-cost-of-going-it-alone/): As a developmental editor working with experts and thought leaders, I’ve noticed a common belief that stops many potential authors from creating the powerful book they envision: “I’ve been creating content for years—I should be able to write this book on my own.” If you’re like many of my clients, you’re already successful in your field. You write compelling blog posts and viral LinkedIn articles…you deliver engaging presentations on big and little stages… and you craft persuasive proposals that yield you beaucoup business. That writing experience is valuable, don’t get me wrong—but it can also become a “subtle” barrier to creating […]
- [The Sane Food Solution](https://annsheybani.com/the-sane-food-solution/): Tuesday, December 10, 2024; that’s the day The Sane Food Solution:Transform Your Relationship with Food and Change Your Life hits the market. This book, Summit Press Publishers‘ latest release, captures Theresa Wright‘s nearly 40 years of experience treating food addiction, and her deep understanding of the issue. If you’d like an example of how well you should understand the problem that you solve so you can describe it to a T right out of the starting gate, then look no further. The following is an excerpt from the introduction. (Perhaps it even resonates with you.) If you have struggled with food, […]
- [Momento Mori](https://annsheybani.com/momento-mori/): I was doom scrolling on Instagram when I came across a Ryan Holiday post about his 2022 book, Discipline Is Destiny. In it he writes, “To procrastinate is to be entitled. It is arrogant. It assumes there will be a later. It assumes you’ll have the discipline to get to it later (despite not having the discipline now).” Oofh, that hit hard. Holiday often references the term Momento Mori in his books, which is Latin for “remember you will die.” He claims that keeping this concept on the front burner is what allows him to be as productive as he is. […]
- [A six-week checklist to prepare for your book project](https://annsheybani.com/a-six-week-checklist-to-prepare-for-your-book-project/): Here’s a strategic six-week pre-writing roadmap that aligns with your goals for business growth and impact: Week 1: Vision Clarity & Market Research – Define your unique “book fingerprint” (what makes your perspective unique) – Research top 5 competing books in your space – Identify specific gaps your book will fill – List 3-5 clear business outcomes you want from your book Week 2: Audience Deep Dive – Create detailed reader avatar(s) – List 10 burning questions your ideal readers are asking – Identify 3 key transformations readers will experience – Map reader’s journey from pain point to desired outcome Week […]
- [The typical death march](https://annsheybani.com/the-typical-death-march/): One Saturday several years ago, Walt and I decided to hike the Grand Canyon. We went down the South Kaibab trail to the bottom, meandered along the banks of the Colorado River, then headed back up to the top along the Bright Angel trail. It’s a pretty big day: roughly 17 miles total distance, with a 5000-foot elevation gain. Not for the faint of heart. But we figured, what with being distance runners, what with being high altitude mountaineers, what with knowing for sure that we can do such a thing having done it several times before, that we were well […]
- [One of my inspirations for writing](https://annsheybani.com/one-of-my-inspirations-for-writing/): When I first started writing, and we’re talking twenty plus years ago, I wasn’t the least bit interested in establishing myself as any kind of expert or to attract ideal clients. I simply wanted to better understand a complicated chapter in my life. To figure out what made me tick because I hadn’t a clue. And to capture the essence of a few key people who impacted me during that era. Which is why I focused on memoir. This past week, I read on Facebook that one of those key people had died. Sally, who was the same age as my […]
- [Why now is the best time to write your book](https://annsheybani.com/why-now-is-the-best-time-to-write-your-book/): Years ago, Walt and I hosted a three-day event in Ireland. We got a bunch of folks interested in building a solid coaching practice to cross the pond and listen to us expound upon the framework we use to do just that. We also introduced our audience members to some other valuable speakers and took them on some fun excursions, including kayaking in the bioluminescent waters of Lough Hyne. (Not to be missed!) An Irish friend I’d met at some entrepreneurial event approached me one evening in the hotel bar. She’d listened intently to what we’d shared and taken a bunch […]
- [The Secret Ingredient That Makes or Breaks a Nonfiction Book](https://annsheybani.com/the-secret-ingredient-that-makes-or-breaks-a-nonfiction-book/): A lot of manuscripts slide across my desk each week, which shouldn’t surprise anyone seeing as I run a publishing house. After all these years in the business, I can identify why a particular book draws me in and where another immediately goes off the rails. I mean, I can point to the exact place, nearly in my sleep. Usually, the deadly issue appears in the first few pages of the introduction, and nine times out of ten, it involves the lack of a core message. Your book needs to have a core message that gets supported by stories, lessons, observations, […]
- [How to lose a reader in 12 pages](https://annsheybani.com/how-to-lose-a-reader-in-12-pages/): Maybe you’ve heard it said that most readers never get beyond the first twelve pages of a book, particularly if it’s non-fiction. This supposed tendency is what drives the billion-dollar write-a-book-in-a-weekend industry. Become a published author. Have a book to your name to impress people. It won’t get read anyway, so why worry if you haven’t dotted all your I’s? It’s not like you need to be another Hemmingway to be a Bestseller, so relax, champ, and get your work out there. BWT, if you’re after the “author” title and/or some list-building bait, feel free to bounce. Because what I’m about […]
- [Effort vs results](https://annsheybani.com/effort-and-the-associated-results/): It’s math. Simple math. Everybody knows that the more effort you put into something, the better the results you should see. Up to a point, this assumption holds true. Yet, for the kind of results you’d die for, a ton more effort than you’d think will be required. That inflection point is where things get REALZ pretty damn fast. This  holds true in the book world. You can get some pretty good results by tossing together a business card book. But the real results are to be had by doing the work. The results you want are likely on the other […]
- [The kind of feedback that can screw you up](https://annsheybani.com/the-kind-of-feedback-that-can-screw-you-up/): Maybe I’ve told this story before, maybe not.   During grad school, I wrote a series of personal essays and short stories about my experience living in Iran and the demise of my marriage. After graduating, I built out this body of work and decided to pitch it as a memoir to an agent at some big prestigious writing retreat. The single takeaway I got from that experience, if you don’t count learning that I didn’t know how to pitch my way out of a paper bag, was that an unknown writer like me would need to develop an author’s platform […]
- [A book that ought to be banned](https://annsheybani.com/a-book-that-ought-to-be-banned/): Given my job, I pay attention to trends in the book industry. Currently, there’s a lot of talk about book banning and Trad wives, not to mention a bunch of new publications that address these two separate topics. A Trad wife, if you’ve been living under a rock, is a young woman who prefers a marriage in which the husband goes out to earn a living, while she stays home to raise the kids. This arrangement, not unlike that of my parents’ generation, requires the husband to make the major decisions that affect the family, and the wife to accept his […]
- [A music video with an embedded writing lesson](https://annsheybani.com/a-music-video-with-an-embedded-writing-lesson/): I broke my ankle a number of years ago. I ended up in the gym after six weeks of going crazy at home, which is precisely what happens when I don’t run. I don’t tend to watch TV or music videos, but I happened to be on the stair-master one morning when this video caught my eye. Now music videos are directed like movies, little 3-minute movies. It’s just like a short story or an essay. The producer (or is it the director?) has to capture meaning in a very few frames. Everything shown on the screen must count. Everything has […]
- [Game recognize game](https://annsheybani.com/game-recognize-game/): We once had a dog named Edgar whose whole raison d’ etre was to kick cat ass. Unfortunately, we also had two cats: Peanut Butter and Mozart. Peanut Butter was a cat-hater’s cat. He had all the swagger of John Wayne, and the cool detachment of Humphrey Bogart. Tail up, shoulders back, when he sauntered into the kitchen, he owned the joint. What I loved about Peanut Butter was the way he managed the dog. From the get go, he refused to take his guff. All that lunging, gnawing, growling, humping, sniffing ridiculousness he met with a stifled yawn. Peanut Butter was so unconcerned, so self-possessed, […]
- [The cure for Imposter Syndrome](https://annsheybani.com/the-cure-for-imposter-syndrome/): I write about the Imposter Syndrome all the time because it’s the single biggest issue many of my clients have. It’s what keeps them from starting their book, finishing it, then publishing it when it’s time to let it go. In fact, I’ve written about this issue HERE and HERE. But I’ve discovered the cure, thanks to Shonda Rhimes and her hit Netflix series, Inventing Anna, based on the true story of Anna Sorokin (also known as Anna Delvey). See if you agree.
- [The Curse of the Natural](https://annsheybani.com/the-curse-of-the-natural/): If you want to write a book but hesitate because you don’t consider yourself a gifted writer, you may be suffering under The Curse Of The Natural. You assume that if you’re not great at something straight out of the gate, you should set it aside because you’re just not meant to play in that arena. Why bother if it’s hard? Some things take practice. Writing well is one of them. Lose the fixed mindset and dare to be lousy for a good long time. That’s how most of us mortals get good. I have a lonnnnnngggg history of believing things […]

## Pages

- [Some of My Favorite Authors and Their Stories](https://annsheybani.com/some-of-my-favorite-authors-and-their-stories/)
- [Homepage](https://annsheybani.com/)
- [Life](https://annsheybani.com/life/)
- [Reading](https://annsheybani.com/reading/)
- [Writing](https://annsheybani.com/writing/)
- [All Articles](https://annsheybani.com/all-articles/): What I read while waiting for a helicopter in Papua New Guinea  Eight Books, Eight Lessons: Why I’m Not Slowing Down  The Best Books of 2025: Holiday Reading Recommendations from Summit Press Authors
- [Build A Book Bootcamp](https://annsheybani.com/build-a-book-bootcamp/): The good news:  You can follow my step-by-step proven system for writing and publishing a book and get this puppy done right–NOW–while running your business.
- [Blog](https://annsheybani.com/blog-page/): How to lose a reader in 12 pages  Better the devil you know  What I read while waiting for a helicopter in Papua New Guinea
- [Contact](https://annsheybani.com/contact/)
- [Work with me](https://annsheybani.com/work-with-me/)
- [About](https://annsheybani.com/about/): Think of our relationship as a thought partnership. You’re in for a series of choices that stop most would-be authors in their tracks: I help you navigate the choices that stop most would-be authors in their tracks until you’ve got a page-turner that changes lives and garners you respect.
- [Old Home](https://annsheybani.com/home/)

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